Episode 75.5 — Minisode 75.5

[Moonguts 14]

Best acting:

1. Stop & Shop Clerk who answers the "eeny meeny miny moe" phone call (possibly the only black person in this movie)

2. Adam ( Scott Michael Campbell) the computer nerd guy.

"I was hoping to demo your unit." - Cindy

"Well I would have to boot up first." - Adam

 

Other notes:

"We got to get moving. These bastards are on the phone lines!"

"It's just a woman driving the car, shoot her!" - KGB Navigator

Loads of genital mutilation in this movie. Computers, gun shots, and knives to peoples junk.

 

How long was that sex scene in the train car? It was day light when it started but pitch black out when the sniper was watching them bang.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

2. Adam ( Scott Michael Campbell) the computer nerd guy.

"I was hoping to demo your unit." - Cindy

"Well I would have to boot up first." - Adam

That seems like the equivalent of if every character that was ever asked to do anything stopped to tell you they were now taking the first step towards doing it.

 

"Get my wife on the phone!"

"Well I would have to dial it first."

 

"See what's on the news."

"First, I need to change it to the proper channel."

 

So there's literally a line of dialog in the film where that guy pretty much says he has to turn the computer on?

[brandenhaize 51]

There's sooooo much braless running in this film... it makes "Baywatch" seem conservative.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

There's sooooo much braless running in this film... it makes "Baywatch" seem conservative.

Hoff really could have used one in the later years...

[PhillipMedoc 648]

This movie is sooo much better in Hindi and makes just as much sense.

 

They got Cindy Crawford and the best leading man they could get was one of the lesser Baldwins? Really? I really do wonder how much she got for this movie, because it seems like they weren't able to spend money on anything else like decent actors or a screenplay.

[Moonguts 14]

This movie is sooo much better in Hindi and makes just as much sense.

 

They got Cindy Crawford and the best leading man they could get was one of the lesser Baldwins? Really? I really do wonder how much she got for this movie, because it seems like they weren't able to spend money on anything else like decent actors or a screenplay.

 

They probably blew the budget on that exploding television scene in the beginning and training Billy Baldwin to jump into a lake sideways while still shooting a gun.

[imhatch 271]

controversial opinion i liked billy baldwin in backdrift a fine movie ok bye

[wakefresh 689]

This movie is sooo much better in Hindi and makes just as much sense.

 

They got Cindy Crawford and the best leading man they could get was one of the lesser Baldwins? Really? I really do wonder how much she got for this movie, because it seems like they weren't able to spend money on anything else like decent actors or a screenplay.

 

RyanSz says that she shows her breasts in this movie, so I'd imagine they paid her a lot of money. She was Sport Illustrated swimsuit covergirl back those days.

[EarBear 460]

Is anyone else old enough to remember this commercial?

 

 

I always loved that look Little Richard gives Cindy Crawford when she howls her horrible, flat "CINDY" at about :09.

[PhillipMedoc 648]

Is anyone else old enough to remember this commercial?

 

 

I always loved that look Little Richard gives Cindy Crawford when she howls her horrible, flat "CINDY" at about :09.

JESUS, EarBear. That is terrifying. Was that Revlon going "well, Ray Charles did a thing for McDonalds, so this should work out"?

[seanotron 2307]

Is anyone else old enough to remember this commercial?

 

 

I always loved that look Little Richard gives Cindy Crawford when she howls her horrible, flat "CINDY" at about :09.

 

YOINKS!

 

I never thought I'd say this but where's autotune when you need it?

[robinsbruce 4985]

 

I never thought I'd say this but where's autotune when you need it?

 

Someone please remix this commercial at once. The internets will remember you as a hero among men.

[SlidePocket 707]

The director of this movie, Andrew Sipes, never made another Hollywood feature after Fair Game crashed and burned at the box office. Prior to this film, Sipes wrote scripts for television shows such as Simon & Simon, The Equalizer, Spenser: For Hire and Street Justice. The experience of seeing this film getting crucified by critics and audiences probably led Sipes to retire from the Hollywood elite.

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

 

YOINKS!

 

I never thought I'd say this but where's autotune when you need it?

What in the fuck was the thought process behind this commercial anyway? "Oh, Cindy is a supermodel so she must be able to sing too, right? Right. Let's pair her with an elderly and cartoonishly effeminate rock star from the 1950s and call the perfume "Charlie" because that is the name of neither of them! It will appeal to women... because they love being confused."

[PhillipMedoc 648]

What in the fuck was the thought process behind this commercial anyway? "Oh, Cindy is a supermodel so she must be able to sing too, right? Right. Let's pair her with an elderly and cartoonishly effeminate rock star from the 1950s and call the perfume "Charlie" because that is the name of neither of them! It will appeal to women... because they love being confused."

I agree with everything you're saying -- I just want to point out that Charlie has been around for decades; it's basically like the Brut of women's fragrances. It smells like your grandmother kissing you.

 

Also, Little Richard totally stole his entire shtick from Esquerita. Well, maybe not totally, but history has unfortunately forgotten him.

[DanEngler 5249]

It smells like your grandmother kissing you.

Mothballs and Tea Rose? Eugh.

[PhillipMedoc 648]

Mothballs and Tea Rose? Eugh.

NAILED IT.

[JobianDay 5]

Holy Shit!!

 

I just got done with Fair Game -- FUCKING INCREDIBLE !!!!

 

- Eyeline problems with Cindy's ass ( Nick Tortelli especially )

 

- Billy sucking on his cigar

 

- The KGB team -- REPEATEDLY BEING LIKE "IS THIS GUY AN IDIOT"

 

CINDY CRAWFORD FUCKING SPREAD ON THE HOOD OF A CAR WHILE WE HAVE A BILLY BALDWIN PUMPING ASS-SHOT.. !!!

 

THIS MIGHT BE THE BEST HDTGM MOVIE SO FAR...

[slothborn 38]

Oh god, I think I liked this crappy movie...

[JobianDay 5]

"No one gets shot on Ocean Drive - too ritzy"

[Joven 373]

So, this guy is obviously an idiot, sure. His fuck ups have caused a few deaths, both ally and bystanders alike. Those are kind of expected, you can't protect everybody...but I'm sure we can all agree, he essentially straight up murdered the guy hauling pigs, and was laughing about it.

[ParrotTalkBack 110]

Did William Baldwin stab the henchwoman in the vajayjay?!?!?!?!

 

YES! After he kicked her in her lady junk!! This is his Road House throat-rip.

[ParrotTalkBack 110]

This was absolutely my favorite moment of this movie:

 

 

Because every evil lair needs a set of bongos.

[ParrotTalkBack 110]

So, this guy is obviously an idiot, sure. His fuck ups have caused a few deaths, both ally and bystanders alike. Those are kind of expected, you can't protect everybody...but I'm sure we can all agree, he essentially straight up murdered the guy hauling pigs, and was laughing about it.

 

And after causing possibly hundreds of innocent people to be killed, he and Cindy (SPOILER ALERT) just yuk it up on their boat ride home.

 

Anyone else feel like this movie was all one-liners? Like a movie trailer over and over and over again.

 

And the person who signed off on the heat sensor plot device should be shot.

[ParrotTalkBack 110]

 

They probably blew the budget on that exploding television scene in the beginning and training Billy Baldwin to jump into a lake sideways while still shooting a gun.

 

I know the assumption is that the TV was rigged to explode when she turned it on (done in a matter of a few hours, MAYBE) but when the TV blew up, my only thought was the Glimmer Man episode, where Jason discusses how in the 90s, TVs were made of gasoline. As is every vehicle in this movie.