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Episode 56 — Iliza Shlesinger, Our Close Friend

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I may or may not have just met Hayes and Sean at a formal business gathering.

 

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Damn. That's pretty good.

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unsure if sarcasm or not but i also really really like(d?) Pablo Francisco. I had a VHS tape with his comedy central stand up on it that I watched the shit out of. "YEAH.....IM HORNY." I loved it. Is it cool to hate on PF now?

 

i like his stuff, have even been fanatical about it at times, but i watched his recent special on netflix and was not into it. he had a little person come out onstage as a joke. he talked a shitload about sex and video games and used joystick as a euphemism for dick, which he thought was very funny. and he doesnt seem funny off-stage which is something that immediately makes me dislike a comedian.

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Another great episode. With each show I find it harder and harder to not just drop everything in my life to travel the land preaching the word of the good book and telling of the coming of our lord and savior, Hollywood. I am become an apostle of Hayes and Sean and the troofs they speak.

Amen

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i like his stuff, have even been fanatical about it at times, but i watched his recent special on netflix and was not into it. he had a little person come out onstage as a joke. he talked a shitload about sex and video games and used joystick as a euphemism for dick, which he thought was very funny. and he doesnt seem funny off-stage which is something that immediately makes me dislike a comedian.

ugh that sucks. seems very different from what his old comedy central special was, which was just kind of lovable, goofy shit and silly voices (although not annoying, adam sandleresque silly voices)

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Beta AF, bro

 

AF means "as fuck" which I learned from a 14 year old on instagram

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Great posting, all around, fellas.

 

 

 

I just want to say I'm not intimidated of posting on here for the first time. I guess that makes me pretty cool.

 

IT IS ON LIKE DON KING KONG

Baba Booey just joshin ya new friend, im a weeeeeee bit of a practical jokester, I'm sure you'll find that out

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B Ho, did you see that earwolf instagrammed your Cody poster? Kudos.

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B Ho, did you see that earwolf instagrammed your Cody poster? Kudos.

 

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That's me playing it cool for now, but I'm considering serious legal action. Do these Earworm goons really think I don't have access to a gavel and gown? C'mon. During All Hallow's Week? Bout to bring the real RAMHAND down on iamkulap's ex-boyfriend whom she married.

 

SEE YOU IN MORALITY COURT, SCOTT

 

 

No big deal.

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those likes should be yours by law

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Hey Sean and Hayes,

 

I don't mean to make you upset (especially Sean because I think it stresses Hayes out when Sean gets worked up and he has to calm him down), but CORPSEFUCKER SHITLORD declared in last weeks forum that I bought the pro version and there was no mention of me and I have nothing against BrGrHo but I think I deserved it since my first post earned like 8 likes and that's a lot and also I made a lump sum payment as opposed to 320 week payment plan and I wanted tips and Hayes' used glass chopsticks.

 

I demand that all new posters show pictures of their cats/dogs/dads/themselves in junior high.

 

 

Anyways, here's a picture of my dad:

 

feature_chobani06__01__605x403.jpg

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Hey Sean and Hayes,

 

I don't mean to buss your ballsacks but CORPSEFUCKER SHITLORD declared in last weeks forum that I bought the pro version and there was no mention of me and I have nothing against BrGrHo but I think I deserved it since my first post earned 8 likes and that's a lot.

although the fucklord should be the arbiter of proversion status i think hayes and sean still make the final decisions

i know it can be hard to understand but all these HH constitution and bylaw issues were hammered out at the last reality show show biannual convention in '013

 

in a way you should be happy to be amongst us non-proversioners as proversion members have pledged themselves as thralls to hayes and sean in this life and the next, and will be buried alongside them in their personal mausoleums at hollywood forever

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Another great episode. With each show I find it harder and harder to not just drop everything in my life to travel the land preaching the word of the good book and telling of the coming of our lord and savior, Hollywood. I am become an apostle of Hayes and Sean and the troofs they speak.

Amen

 

Every episode I find myself feeling more and more ashamed (in a good way?) that I listen to Hollywood Handjobs and am, with each passing week, less likely to ever tell another soul about the show for fear that my forum persona and enjoyment of this podcast will be used against me in some capacity, likely, but not exclusively, in a court of law or some kind of involuntary civil commitment.

 

 

I also think that the people I know just wouldn't give a fuck about the show and apathy is the worst kind of rejection.

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although the fucklord should be the arbiter of proversion status i think hayes and sean still make the final decisions

i know it can be hard to understand but all these HH constitution and bylaw issues were hammered out at the last reality show show biannual convention in '013

 

in a way you should be happy to be amongst us non-proversioners as proversion members have pledged themselves as thralls to hayes and sean in this life and the next, and will be buried alongside them in their personal mausoleums at hollywood forever

 

Our constitution is like that of the UK: it doesn't actually exist but there's a precedent we use except when we don't so what we're doing isn't entirely random because it's been done before but it's hard to really know why it was done that way in the first place but the fact that it was done that way means that we have to do it that way now except when we decide that we don't but just assume that we do unless we tell you that we don't because that means we don't have to but might decide to anyway just because that's the way it was done in the past except when it wasn't done that way but now we've actually decided that it should have been so really it's like it was done that way for all practical purposes and this time is no different except for when it is different which we'll tell you about so just go about your day as usual until such time as we inform you to do otherwise.

 

(Political) Science.

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[blah blah blah chatting shit]

 

The UK does have a constitution. We just don't have to write it down in one place like a bunch of dummies who can't remember their own laws and have to be all "uuuhhh, doyy, what was our laws again I forgot, let me go read it because i'm dumb".

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The UK does have a constitution. We just don't have to write it down in one place like a bunch of dummies who can't remember their own laws and have to be all "uuuhhh, doyy, what was our laws again I forgot, let me go read it because i'm dumb".

I want to say you're wrong, but I have to re-read the constitution about every 20 minutes because my brain is so dumb I can't remember any laws. Spot on.

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Anyways, here's a picture of my dad:

 

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I'd like to meet your Dad, slogurt. His mouth opens real wide

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His mouth opens real wide

 

I just noticed that that quote might look as if it has a sexual connotation but I assure you, I only want to see what other things he can fit in his mouth

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I assure you, I only want to see what other things he can fit in his mouth

 

I also notice that this quote might look sexual but it's not, I just want to watch your Dad eat food while I masturbate

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why did hayes think someone would do something sexual with the puppet voice

 

is that what gets him off

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why did hayes think someone would do something sexual with the puppet voice

 

is that what gets him off

 

Llisa was right, the boys were super horny this epi. the noises they made sounded like arousal and masturbation, throughout.

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So horny they forgot to tell all the other Earwoof Podcasts to suck on deez for not getting Iliza as a guest before they did. Or would horny horns going on help them tell others to suck on deez?

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I also notice that this quote might look sexual but it's not, I just want to watch your Dad eat food while I masturbate

 

Done and done.

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although the fucklord should be the arbiter of proversion status i think hayes and sean still make the final decisions

i know it can be hard to understand but all these HH constitution and bylaw issues were hammered out at the last reality show show biannual convention in '013

 

in a way you should be happy to be amongst us non-proversioners as proversion members have pledged themselves as thralls to hayes and sean in this life and the next, and will be buried alongside them in their personal mausoleums at hollywood forever

how are you a non proversionist greggy? couldve sworn you bought it one week? maybe im crazy.

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