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JulyDiaz

EPISODE 103 — Zardoz

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Brett Gelman of Adult Swim’s Dinner with Family with Brett Gelman and Brett Gelman’s Family joins Paul & Jason to talk about John Boorman’s fever dream Zardoz. They’ll discuss everything including the multiple floating heads, Sean Connery oozing sexuality in a red diaper, and one of the laziest reveals in movie history. Plus, we hear a commentary track from John Boorman himself and Paul reads a 5 star Amazon review that explains how Zardoz was a sci-fi re-interpretation of Nietzsche’s philosophy.

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WHAT in the blue hell is Zardoz. No I'd like to really know. John Boorman directed my all time favorite fantasy film "Excalibur" and earlier in the 70's directed Deliverance and this is was his pet project? Oy!

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One little correction to something Paul said. Irish Travellers is the slightly more politically correct word for Irish gypsies rather than people on vacation. Stereotypically not good workers, which is why the director would have mentioned it!

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Regarding skeleton couples, there have been several interesting finds at Pompeii. Also, if the Futurama episode 'Jurassic Bark' makes you cry you might want to avoid looking for the 'Pompeii dog'.

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When I went to check out Zardoz on Amazon, I definitely saw the influence of the HDTGM audience on the "Customers Also Bought" section: Tango & Cash and Junior were the top two movies.

post-97063-0-16815300-1423827546_thumb.jpg

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One little correction to something Paul said. Irish Travellers is the slightly more politically correct word for Irish gypsies rather than people on vacation. Stereotypically not good workers, which is why the director would have mentioned it!

Yep! It's not "Irish travelers", it's "Irish Travellers". Think Brad Pitt & Jason Flemyng in the movie Snatch, or the creepy guy with the junk cart who confronts Charlie near the beginning of Willie Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. They're also known in Britain as "pikeys" or "tinkers" and are traditionally accused of being poor workers, scavengers and con artists.

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Man, I really missed June on this one....

 

And Jason, bro, if you're still in Atlanta and you see a devilishly handsome man pointing his finger at you from across the street, mouth agape, and maybe the slightest shimmer of drool hanging from his lips, don't be alarmed, that's just me :)

 

I promise I won't make it weird, but I may scream "This is for Zouks!," smash an egg on the sidewalk, and pump my fist in the air.

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Zardoz. What a terrible movie. I can't wait to listen to you rip into this while I'm at work today. :)

 

IMDB Trivia: "Radio spots (available on the DVD) were narrated by Rod Serling."

 

Rod: "Imagine if you will, a world where the penis is evil, but the gun is good. Oh, and also there's a giant floating stone head for some reason. Wow... this sounds worse than a bad 'Night Gallery' episode."

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I want a June "director's commentary" where she listens to the podcast and gives her opinions. How is it that June always misses the episodes where she is needed.

 

One thing I didn't get was the Senior Center prison. If you are immortal and they age you to an old man, why wouldn't you just press the reset button and kill yourself?

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Brett's theory that the stone mouth shot out more GUNS out instead of just bullets so it would fire up the Brutals more is hilarious, and surprisingly on point.

 

Only halfway through the ep because I split it for each way on my commute, but loving it so far. Bummed June didn't make it but Brett has been one of my favorite guests so far and the dynamic has been great!

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Like the others I really missed June today!

 

But Brett Gelman was an excellent guest so he must come back soon!

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I want a June "director's commentary" where she listens to the podcast and gives her opinions. How is it that June always misses the episodes where she is needed.

 

One thing I didn't get was the Senior Center prison. If you are immortal and they age you to an old man, why wouldn't you just press the reset button and kill yourself?

 

I think you're prevented from doing so? Can't remember if they mention that in passing in the movie, but I think that's the deal.

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What is best in life: To watch Zardoz, download How Did This Get Made?, and hear the lamentations of Brett Gelman.

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Regarding skeleton couples, there have been several interesting finds at Pompeii. Also, if the Futurama episode 'Jurassic Bark' makes you cry you might want to avoid looking for the 'Pompeii dog'.

 

This is probably the photo Paul was thinking about:

 

socialspace_65489_amanti.jpg

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Yep! It's not "Irish travelers", it's "Irish Travellers". Think Brad Pitt & Jason Flemyng in the movie Snatch, or the creepy guy with the junk cart who confronts Charlie near the beginning of Willie Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. They're also known in Britain as "pikeys" or "tinkers" and are traditionally accused of being poor workers, scavengers and con artists.

 

Oh god, don't get me started on Pikeys, as they say in Snatch, "I fucking hate Pikeys".

 

In fact, too late, I've opened my own floodgates. Here's what it's like dealing with Pikeys:

 

I was outside my house, changing the light, I had a step ladder (these are important to the story, so remember one thing, "Ladder"). This open top truck turns out, they're "scrap metal dealers" (read that as 'Thieving Pikey Fuck-Knuckles'). Now, this particular summer, we had them EVERY single day (sometimes twice, just to check to see if there's anything they can take, and are absolutely NOT casing the street), with a megaphone, shouting "SCRAP METAL", which seem to be the only words that they can say that even come close to proper english.

 

So, one of them gets out, and I hear what can only be transcribed as "Hoyoo! Eh yeh neen em lahz!" (Now, I shall translate, "Hello good sir, I see that you have a set of ladders, I attempt to make money by taking metallic things for free and selling them on, do you need those ladders?") At the time, I didn't speak the language, so I asked him to repeat himself, he said "Lahz, yeh neem?" ("Those ladders, are they of use to you?"), I still didn't understand and he said "Eh deff eh sum" ("Are you hard of hearing?"). He then pointed and said "LAH DUZ! YAH WANNUM?!"

 

At this point, having had these cretins showing up around 10 times a week, and the fact that I was fucking using them while he was asking to take them, I said "No mate, it's alright, I can levitate!"

 

It seems like sarcasm isn't understood by these people, and he actually thought I was letting him have them.

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I had this whole thing (below) all written out so I could collect my confused thoughts, but then Paul read that long Amazon review at the end of the episode that touched on a lot of the same points, the difference being that while the writer totally got the movie and observed in a reverential way, I was just fucking confused. The floating head of Zardoz in the beginning of the movie does warn you that the story is satire, but that kind of seems like an excuse for half-assing some of it.

 

Some of the futuristic stuff they did was pretty spot on (like the communication rings), but there was so much that seemed really anachronistic. The Vortex just looked like a nice pastoral scene with wagons and farm houses that they just threw some weird, futuristic elements into (like all the plastic). The guns the Brutals use are old fashioned rifles and revolvers. And the costumes of the enlightened people seemed well thought out, but the Renegades (the people sentenced to be aged as punishment) all looked like stereotypical old people in the 20th century. The old men wore tuxedos and there was even a lady wearing a floral nightgown and sleeping cap. (Side question: Why was Friend only aged on half of his face?!)

 

And why were the extras in the Outlands ALL WEARING BLAZERS?! Some dudes wear diapers with bullet suspenders and helmets shaped like a floating head, but the bad guys they're at war with just wear freakin' blazers?

 

And I just have to say that I have no idea who Brett Gelman is, but he is now my favorite guest of all time. Even though I missed June, this was an amazing episode, guys!

 

I'd also like to share a gif of my very favorite part of the movie:

 

zardoz16.gif

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I feel like I'd read before that Sean Connery worked so cheaply on Zardoz because it was a big passion project and he really wanted to work with Boorman, and that his box office troubles post-Bond were as much caused by this failure as Bond typecasting. I don't know if that's true or what Paul said is, but I'm so glad they did this movie. I've loved it for years, it's absolutely nonsense and ridiculous, but I still love it and I'm glad the gang had very similar thoughts on it.

 

Of course, it would've been nice to know how June felt about the movie. She seemed much more troubled by it than the rest of them from the snippets that got shared.

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Oh god, don't get me started on Pikeys, as they say in Snatch, "I fucking hate Pikeys".

 

In fact, too late, I've opened my own floodgates. Here's what it's like dealing with Pikeys:

 

I was outside my house, changing the light, I had a step ladder (these are important to the story, so remember one thing, "Ladder"). This open top truck turns out, they're "scrap metal dealers" (read that as 'Thieving Pikey Fuck-Knuckles'). Now, this particular summer, we had them EVERY single day (sometimes twice, just to check to see if there's anything they can take, and are absolutely NOT casing the street), with a megaphone, shouting "SCRAP METAL", which seem to be the only words that they can say that even come close to proper english.

 

So, one of them gets out, and I hear what can only be transcribed as "Hoyoo! Eh yeh neen em lahz!" (Now, I shall translate, "Hello good sir, I see that you have a set of ladders, I attempt to make money by taking metallic things for free and selling them on, do you need those ladders?") At the time, I didn't speak the language, so I asked him to repeat himself, he said "Lahz, yeh neem?" ("Those ladders, are they of use to you?"), I still didn't understand and he said "Eh deff eh sum" ("Are you hard of hearing?"). He then pointed and said "LAH DUZ! YAH WANNUM?!"

 

At this point, having had these cretins showing up around 10 times a week, and the fact that I was fucking using them while he was asking to take them, I said "No mate, it's alright, I can levitate!"

 

It seems like sarcasm isn't understood by these people, and he actually thought I was letting him have them.

 

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Something that annoyed me that wasn't covered on the show was that all of the Eternals seem to possess this smothering sense of ennui that is so powerful that they feel death would be a release, but honestly, would only three hundred years be enough to engender this feeling? There are centenarians living today--without the benefit of eternal youth--who lead happy, active, and fulfilling lives. If the movie took place a couple of millennia from now I might get it, but not after a couple hundred years. Hey Eternals, get a goddamn hobby!

 

Or, better yet, go ahead and have some sex. "But," I hear the Eternals whine, "the needlessness of procreation has rendered us impotent." To which I would provide them an excerpt of my Yelp review of sex, "Sometimes you can have sex and having a child isn't even the goal. Why? Because it's fun and feels pretty good too. Go nuts. P.S. If you're only doing it Missionary, you're doing it wrong."

 

I mean they basically have a power point presentation about how a penis is supposed to work! What the fuck?

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