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Episode 76 — Hal Rudnick, Our Close Friend

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***TEST POST***

***TEST POST***

 

[Please ignore the contents of this post. It's a test of the theory that you get "likes" just for posting. I, for one, think that we're more discerning that that, so I'm gathering evidence. When this post gets zero "likes," I can show the world that the HH forums aren't just a walk in the park, where "likes" are handed out like so many . . . flyers? So it's important that you consider this an empty post and proceed normally.]

 

***TEST POST***

***TEST POST***

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***TEST POST***

***TEST POST***

 

[Please ignore the contents of this post. It's a test of the theory that you get "likes" just for posting. I, for one, think that we're more discerning that that, so I'm gathering evidence. When this post gets zero "likes," I can show the world that the HH forums aren't just a walk in the park, where "likes" are handed out like so many . . . flyers? So it's important that you consider this an empty post and proceed normally.]

 

***TEST POST***

***TEST POST***

 

I like most posts that I read on here, unless they're about a state I have no real opinion on, or if the person that made the post has ever made or liked a post in the past that I disagreed with in any way. I'm sure most of us have the same policy around here.

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I'm in somewhat of a parabolic mood, so here's another parable for you. You're standing on the corner, just being you and doing your thing, when a beautiful stranger comes up to you and offers to [redacted] your [redacted].

"Why?," you ask.

"I saw that thing you were doing, where you were being you and I really thought it was great," the stranger replies. "The least I can do is to show my appreciation by [redacted]-ing your [redacted]."

As you are gratefully enjoying having your [redacted] tenderly worked over, you think to yourself that not only did this random, beautiful stranger notice you being you, they thought it was great! This could quite possibly be the best day of your life. Then the stranger stands up, wipes of their [redacted] and proceeds down the street. Through your post-[redacted] haze, you notice them stopping in front of the person on the next streetcorner and damned if they didn't also start to [redacted] THAT person's [redacted]! Okay, no big deal, you think, that person is probably also pretty great. But now you are curious enough to follow the stranger, and your heart falls as you see them do the same thing for literally every person they encounter. You realize that you aren't special at all, and that this beautiful stranger has no discernment, and may in fact be retarded. But wait! Blinking away your tears, you see the stranger approach someone and walk right past them! It's Mean Detective! This beautiful dumbass at least has the mental capacity to reject SOMEbody, there is at least one person who's [redacted] is so pathetic and/or disgusting that it isn't worth the minimal effort of giving it a quick [redacted]! All is right with the world once again and you return to your corner and resume being you, knowing that there is somebody out there who thinks that you are better than Mean Detective.

 

Edit: No offense intended, Mean Detective. You were just the first name that popped into my head when I was trying to come up with an example of somobody terrible that nobody likes. ;)

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Spunky, I think I cracked your code! The missing words are clearly be, friend, be, friend, expectations of no friendship, smirk, fun, be, friend, sense of humor, and loff.

 

Sorry to expose you Spunky, but there were spy madlibs in this months lootcrate, so I'm really on top of my game.

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Colt Barton, I think you just won the internet

 

points-600x348_zpsor87ifcz.png

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Just realized that it's Showshowbro's birthday today. Happy Birthday, SSB!

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I'm in somewhat of a parabolic mood

 

I am also some geometry AMA

 

 

(it's funny because reddit is a terrible cesspool)

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hello friends!

i'm drunk and have just started listening to the reality show show

soon i'll be a complete sean and hayes pro

can't wait to get into the big leagues

 

see you soon

 

 

p.s. dinner was another salad, forgot to take a picture. it is leaves and purple bits and yellow bits - if you need a mental image. just google image search 'salad' and the second one along fairly closely matches what i had

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Good news popcorn gang. My sometime assistant domnick dorkus finally did something right and said that he is bringing screen legend Goldie Hawn to the studio as a guest tomorrow. He was vague about how he knows her but I'm sure he will come through.

 

Please get your private Benjamin, wildcats, first wives club and just everything questions ready. Overboard!? Bird on a wire!? Guys this gallery better ask some good popcorns.

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Hi Goldie, was it cool having the Black Crowes guy as a son-in-law

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Goldie-

If Sean and Hayes were a celebrity couple, the media would probably call them Hawn. Coincidence?

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Kurt Russel. When are you gonna put a ring on that?

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ms hawn, what was up with that movie overboard? did you raise any issues about the premise when you read the script?

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Dear Goldie Hawn,

I loved you in HouseSitter. Your transformation from scheming bar maid to girl nextdoor was a delight to watch....and you looked great in those sweaters! How did you get such great chemistry with Steve Martin? And, being a funny lady, were you trained in comedy or just had natural instincts for it?

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miss hawn, do you feel bad that the forum post asking for questions for you was submitted a mere five minutes after my most recent post, effectively condemning my comment to receive barely any 'likes' and probably completely destroying my 5.5:1 like to post ratio?

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Dear Goldie,

 

You were born in Washington DC, do you agree with what the government is doing?

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Dear Goldie,

Speaking of questions and answers, I have some questions I'd like answered about this Daily Mail article from yesterday which raised more questions than it answers.

First of all, the article alleges that you are 69 years old. I get that its funny, but I don't know WHY its funny. Can you speak on that?

Second, the main thesis of the article is that you seem to have injured your boob. Now THAT's funny. Question: boobs are pretty great, huh?

Thirdly, the article described you as finding an "offbeat way to remove her grey garment - ankle first." I looked at the pictures and that just doesn't seem accurate. If anything, I'd say you are removing the grey garment ankle-LAST. Can you please walk us through how you removed the grey garment in question?

Fourthly, Furious 7? Seriously? Were there no writers in Hollywood available to take a pass at that title? Is the next one going to be called "Eight" or is that too much? Maybe they'll just call it "Egh."

 

Thank you, I eagerly await your answers.

 

PS is Goldie short for Goldfarb?

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Let's speculate on how Dom might know Goldie Hawn....

 

1. Kate Hudson was in a bad car accident and Dom was a witness. He bravely helped her from the car mere moments before it erupted in flames. She is forever grateful and now they are close friends.

 

2. As a boy, Dom was in one of Ms. Hawn's youth education programs through The Hawn Foundation. He probably would have dropped out after the 8th grade had it not been for this youth program and Dom is forever grateful. He wrote Ms. Hawn a letter a few years ago explaining how much she helped him. She wanted to meet him, so they had lunch and she instantly liked him. He's like one of the family now and has spent the last two Thanksgivings with Goldie and Kurt.

 

3. Hawn's 11 year old grandson is a huge fan of Mystery Team. He begged his mom to hire the Derrick Comedy guys for his last birthday party. They came and wowed the crowd. Ms. Hawn was there and asked Dom if he knew any good "podcasts" she could be on. She just heard about this crazy medium and wanted to get into it.

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Hey Goldie.

When ASAP Rocky made the song about you with Hit-boy did he get your blessing? I would love even the smallest peak into that conversation!

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Let's speculate on how Dom might know Goldie Hawn....

 

1. Kate Hudson was in a bad car accident and Dom was a witness. He bravely helped her from the car mere moments before it erupted in flames. She is forever grateful and now they are close friends.

 

2. As a boy, Dom was in one of Ms. Hawn's youth education programs through The Hawn Foundation. He probably would have dropped out after the 8th grade had it not been for this youth program and Dom is forever grateful. He wrote Ms. Hawn a letter a few years ago explaining how much she helped him. She wanted to meet him, so they had lunch and she instantly liked him. He's like one of the family now and has spent the last two Thanksgivings with Goldie and Kurt.

 

3. Hawn's 11 year old grandson is a huge fan of Mystery Team. He begged his mom to hire the Derrick Comedy guys for his last birthday party. They came and wowed the crowd. Ms. Hawn was there and asked Dom if he knew any good "podcasts" she could be on. She just heard about this crazy medium and wanted to get into it.

 

Dom is dying, and Sean cashed in an old favor to make him spend his Make-a-Wish wish to have Goldie appear on the pod.

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If Steve is right and it's really just Dom who shows up, I'd just like to ask him:

 

Dear Dominic,

 

Whats your problem?

 

Followup question:

 

Where do you get off?

 

PS-

 

How DARE you!?

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