EPISODE 110 — Handbook East with Tom Scharpling

[NoahTomaszewski 2768]

If there's one thing I know about women its that they love it when you have experience saying their name.

[Blink 1844]

Based just off that message, I'd probably message you until you didn't send a message with a follow-up question, thus allowing me to stop responding guilt-free

[Dairy Pillows 1109]

If you sent me that I'd definitely fuck you, jjar

 

100% agree.

[chanson 9697]

Anyone know if Joe ever beat that volcano? Feel like it was a big mismatch

 

 

 

 

Edit: while I have you here, I need to ask the ladies what they think of this line. I'm pretty proud of it

 

A lot of people are gonna judge you when Google gets hacked, bro... Just saying. Maybe get an iPhone.

 

PS - If this is anything like the "take a chance on something joke" she's probably already heard it. Just trying to be a real bro, bro.

[SteveH 11126]

i listened to dough boys before bonus ep of cbb.

 

i feel strange

 

me too. But mainly because I didn't know there was a bonus CBB ep until around noon because of the amazing Howl app.

[JacobCrites 4977]

I'm afraid of Jake Fogelnest.

he looks like a skeleton man

[Joe McGurl 8358]

*Joe Biden awakes to a knock on his door*

 

Biden: Yes, come in.

 

*his chief aide walks in*

 

Aide: Happy birthday, Mr. Vice-President! We have breakfast waiting for you downstairs.

 

Biden: ah, excellent. Thank you.

 

*the aide begins to leave*

 

Biden: (in a hushed whisper) Uhmm...Jenkins? Did you....did you get me the present that I asked for?

 

(The aide looks around to make sure they're alone. He opens up his jacket to reveal a deluxe finger painting set and crayons)

 

Biden: (smiles wryly) Oh yes. This is gonna be the best birthday yet.

 

 

 

Happy 72nd Joey B, ya Scranton sunnuvabitch. Everyone please tweet to him and let him know we care

[lizzy 1946]

in last night's episode of Lizzy's Podcast Dreams, I definitely dreamed about Cochran

 

still have not seen any survivor

 

there weren't any skellington moms, at least.

[Silvrwoman 4998]

Anyone know if Joe ever beat that volcano? Feel like it was a big mismatch

 

 

 

 

Edit: while I have you here, I need to ask the ladies what they think of this line. I'm pretty proud of it

 

That's so funny - I also just received a text message. I need to ask the ladies what they think of his lines:

 

*Also, just kidding thejjar; your bridge line is pretty good. Let us know if she responds with a good pun on your name

[AshleyChupp 3958]

Hello friends I hope you all are having a great Friday. (I remembered the day of the week this time.)

 

This morning as I was walking home from Starbucks (yes, I get my coffee from Starbucks because I wholeheartedly respect and support capitalism AND the secular war on Christmas), I saw a sad and adorable sight in the alley behind my house:

 

 

(In an effort to be inclusive to folks who are picture-blind but still can see words, I will describe the picture. It's a tiny little scraggly puppy looking for trash to eat in the alley behind my house. The puppy has no collar and is completely unattended.)

 

I don't think the puppy understood that that is a place where cars go and he could get hurt by them. So I sat in the alley with him for nearly an hour waiting to see if maybe his dog parents would come by to claim him. We had a grand time, me and this pup. I fed him bits of my whole grain bagel because he was so hungry. Then I remembered that I actually have no idea what dogs can eat so I googled "can dogs eat whole grain bagels" on my phone. No luck there, but apparently whole grain BREAD is very good for dogs and I figured that was close enough.

 

 

However, after no one showed for a while, I started to worry. Cars were getting mad at me for sitting down in the middle of an alley where they wanted to drive. I was running out of whole grain bagel pieces. I seriously considered taking the little guy home and hiding him from my roommates, but he deserves a better life than that. One where he can be truly free and open to be his real self.

 

So I carried him around the block aimlessly hoping a solution would present itself. Then, I ran into an older gentleman from my neighborhood who was walking his dogs, and he promised me he would take good care of the puppy and try to find his owners. Also, he said I can come visit the puppy whenever I want. Then he asked me if I wanted to name the puppy, and I told him I would have to get back to him on that because I needed to consult with the forums, first.

 

 

What should this dashing young pup be named? He doesn't seem like a "Handbook" to me, I don't like the name "Hollywood" for a boy dog, and "Sean Hayes Davenport-Clements" is just too pretentious. Please hit me up with your best ideas.

[thejjar 5031]

He looks like a Cody to me. Pretty sure that's how they found him too

[mikebonetti 3718]

What should this dashing young pup be named? He doesn't seem like a "Handbook" to me, I don't like the name "Hollywood" for a boy dog, and "Sean Hayes Davenport-Clements" is just too pretentious. Please hit me up with your best ideas.

Name the dog Onthat, for you when you instruct him to "speak".

[Silvrwoman 4998]

 

Name the dog Onthat, for you when you instruct him to "speak".

Perfect name suggestion. But will it be weird when she asks him to "sit"?

[greggy 15909]

name him buck, thats a good name for a dog

[SteveH 11126]

the dog's name is Blenjamin

[greggy 15909]

the dog's name is Blenjamin

[Jack Johnson P.I. 3649]

[AlbinLundholm 4020]

FUCK HER RIGHT IN THE PUSSY

[SteveH 11126]

I don't know about this guy

[Spunky Foonerism 8561]

Untitled Batkid Project

[elizamuffins 4228]

I want that dog more than I have ever wanted anything except maybe for Hayes and Sean to makeout.

[mwn 5470]

Images are blocked at my work but I think the dog should be named Tropical Depression Archie

[Spunky Foonerism 8561]

Images are blocked at my work but I think the dog should be named Tropical Depression Archie

 

That is no kind of name for a dog!

[SteveH 11126]

that dog has blond hair on top of his head. Can you even believe it?

[honlads 8798]

I've seen so many videos on youtube, and I've picked up a few neat tricks for commenting on there, and they help for here too.

 

"I find this difficult to masturbate to"

Ever see that comment on YouTube? I think it's classic. Sometimes it's something you wouldn't even normally masturbate to.

 

"Was this filmed with a potato?"

Okay now here we have another classic. Very insanely good comment because potatoes are not cameras and if they were they wouldn't even work.

 

"I want a ten hour loop of this."

I agree more often than not. Ten hours of this here video would be extremely good to me.

 

"... restored my faith in humanity."

I actually think this one sucks

 

"All of those views are me."

Probably not but that's what makes this is a hilarious comment to do on videos.

 

One good one is on a long looped video, pick out a timestamp in the middle and say it was your favourite part. Pretty sick one because it's unlikely that you watched the whole thing. That's why this one makes me smile when I see it.

 

"_____ made X accounts so they could dislike X times."

A classic roast, that's getting a like

 

Saying a song is Darude Sandstorm. Ummm, Houston, we have a problem, that's usually not the song because I check. Don't like this one because I love discovering new music. Not a good one, folks.

 

"This is why we can't have nice things."

Okay, now we're back in business. This is another stone cold classic and it's so versatile, it's actually sick

 

"I can do that hold my beer"

okay first of all you've got a brew on you and that's badass, seconds of all that's hilarious

 

"fuck her right in the pussy"

haha omg, raunchy, and I love this one but it's on the wrong video usually, that's from a different video, friend.

 

"well that escalated quickly"

You can't not smile at that, a crowd pleaser that works... most of the time (anchorman)

 

"Bring Kurt cobain back, take Bieber instead"

I hate to end on a sour note, but this ones trying to play God and it's big no no from me I'm afraid.

 

Thanks, hope that helps