G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)

[Andrew1326657706 0]

Can you please do GI JOE Rise of Cobra? There is a scene in which ice sinks, enough said.

[rockitman 0]

This movie is perfect for this podcast. Its was a huge summer movie that totally flopped and was filled with so many WTF moments. It was just all around bad.

[rockitman 0]

This movie is perfect for this podcast. Its was a huge summer movie that totally flopped and was filled with so many WTF moments. It was just all around bad.

[CapricaSixSixSix 100]

aw, I found it entertaining, because it was pretty campy.

[CapricaSixSixSix 100]

aw, I found it entertaining, because it was pretty campy.

[dafteskimo 18]

Literally every thing in this movie is stupid. Every line, every shot. Nothing that happens is good. and it is great.

[NicholasByrne 0]

I agree one-hundred percent. The enormity of this movie's summer hype was matched only by its ridiculousness. I think it floats perfectly between nostalgia and craziness, making a watchable movie that is massively silly.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

Worst of all, this was a PREQUEL story. All those years of cartoons and comics, all those cool characters, and they don't really give us anything that resembles the stuff we grew up on. I just wanted to see Cobra Commander and Destro do their their thing. I don't need to see how they fucking got there, only to get the versions of characters we know and love an hour and fifty minutes into a two hour movie. The Joes were always colorful characters too, easily distinguishable, and then they throw everyone in those black jumpsuits so they look the same? Fuck that. This was a feature-length ad for the movie Joe fans REALLY wanted to see, and who knows if "Retaliation" will be just that. I mean, it HAS to be better, right? If we would have gotten something like "Retaliation" the first time out, "Rise of Cobra" would have just been the prelude comic book mini series that no one would have paid attention to.

[DeathToMikeyBay 130]

At one point the evil scientist is explaining his new super soldiers.

 

Usually when someone says, "In English," it's in response to some technobable or specialized scientific knowledge.

 

In this scene, it's when the mad scientist explains that the super soldiers' pain nerves are removed. This has to be further dumbed down to "They feel no pain". That gives you an idea of the target audience. And no it's not a kid's movie. What 13 year old doesn't know about nerves?

[Darian 19]

seriously, this needs to be done

 

 

The blantant iron man suits ripoff is reason enough...

also the rest of the entire movie

[demagog_dog 50]

Probably the second worst movie I've paid to see, right behind Ninja Assassin.

 

While I was watching it, all I could think of was, "Wow, this is the first time in cinematic history that the video game tie-in will have better CGI than the movie."

[wyldride 285]

One of the weirder things is the amount of screen time devoted to "weaponizing" something that's already contained in a warhead. If it wasn't already a weapon, why were they carting it around in a warhead? They could've just said, "arm" or "activate" or "charge" but instead they tried to use a cooler word, except they didn't actually know what it meant.

 

Not the worst thing in the movie, but it slightly annoyed me, so there.

 

And, apropos of nothing: http://telly.com/X1EVD4

[PhillipMedoc 648]

This is one of the funniest things I've ever read:

 

Journal of a new COBRA recruit

[Andrew1326657706 0]

I hope its not too bad netiquette to bump my own post, but it has been a few years and I still think that GI Joe: Rise of Cobra would be great fodder for HDTGM.

 

To the above problems with the movie, I would also like to add that at one point the Joes must cross a pressure sensitive floor - anything larger than a quarter will set it off. One of them then walks across it in a hand stand (on his fingers), as if being upside down makes him weightless (reducing the area in contact with the floor actually increases pressure)

[Joven 373]

I just remember that the rising of cobra basically takes place at the moment they're being defeated. Big dramatic reveal, I will don my evil mask and become leader of cobra now...right as our stupid sub is about to be swarmed by good guys and we lose...I am TRIUMPHANT!

[FirstAidKit 6]

How has this movie not yet been covered by the podcast? I was forced to watch it once in a finance office waiting area when it first came out on DVD. Others are clamoring for Brendan Fraser flicks for HDTGM. Well, he's in this in an uncredited cameo. There are so many WTF moments, copious amounts of terrible CGI, and bad acting (both expected and unexpected). The neverending flashbacks are possibly the most bonkers aspect of the movie. Spoiler alert, the big twist is God awful embarrassing for Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I couldn't help posting a super cut of the nanomites destroying the Eiffel Tower (in a cloud of green smoke?):

 

https://youtu.be/URSjzUBiW1Q

[bella_008 188]

All I really remember about this film is there's a scene where Rachel Nichols runs on a treadmill with a really unsupportive/no bra so they could get a stupid shot of her boobs and I just remember being distracted for the rest of the film thinking about how many times they must have had to film that scene and how painful that would be later.

[NathanGordon 1096]

All I really remember about this film is there's a scene where Rachel Nichols runs on a treadmill with a really unsupportive/no bra so they could get a stupid shot of her boobs and I just remember being distracted for the rest of the film thinking about how many times they must have had to film that scene and how painful that would be later.

YES! Me too. And the camera slides up slowly, hovering over her chest -- so icky! So so dumb. I almost wonder if that boob bounce was CGI, because multiple takes would have hurt!

[Baron 8]

I just re-watched both live action films, and I must agree with my esteemed colleagues. This film was made only to be lampooned on this podcast.

 

Interestingly, I changed my mind about the sequel. While it is not great because it is a sequel to such an awful film, it was actually pretty fun.

[nthurkettle 148]

So the villain, running the corporation M.A.R.S. that is nominally pretending to not be evil at first, has a hidden underwater base in the Arctic. It has the company logo painted on the side.

 

THEY PAINTED THEIR LOGO ON THE OUTSIDE OF THEIR HIDDEN UNDERWATER BASE.

 

When I saw that, I was sort of deliriously happy, since that sets the bar of stupidity up SO high.

[SlidePocket 707]

Even Channing Tatum didn't like this movie!

[mingohills 0]

Please bump! So awful and yet intriguing.