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for your consideration: Johnny Mnemonic. It stars Keanu Reeves, Dolph Lundgren and Ice-T and there's a scene where a heroin-addicted dolphin zaps a guy to death with a microwave beam. I cannot express in words how awesomely bad this movie is.

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This movie definitely deserves it. In Keanu Reeves' audition for The Matrix, but with plot holes, yakuza, Ice-T, the internet, and of course, religious fanatic cyborg-Jesus Dolph Lundgren wielding a golden crucifix combat knife. Oh yeah, and Henry Rollins makes a memorable performance too.

 

It's like the Wachowski brothers saw this flick and were like "We gotta make a movie with ALL of these elements, but with slow motion."

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Okay just caught this on Netflix.

 

I only recommend a certain type of bad movie for this show, and this one definitely fits. It's one of those "How did no one see how terrible this at any stage in production?" movies.

 

I wouldn't compare it to The Matrix. In terms of cheap futuristic sets, flat performances, flat scenes, and pointless plot, I'd say it's more like a cyberpunk version of Pluto Nash. Imagine if Pluto Nash had been darker and swapped Eddie Murphy out for Keanu Reeves...yeah.

 

Notes:

 

Terrible acting- I always brushed off claims of Reeves being a terrible actor, but then I had only really seen him in Bill & Ted and The Matrix. THIS movie, this movie he earns that reputation. Every seen is so bad and flat that it doesn't even feel like a first take, it feels like a dry run. Not helping things is casting Dina Myer alongside Reeves. Everyone knows her as "the topless redhead from Starship Troopers", and here you see why she never took off.

 

Even Takeshi Kitano can't be bothered to give a crap acting in this turd.

 

Terrible cheap sets- Everything is a dark, empty feeling set. At no point does it feel like a city. It makes the Sylvester Stallone version of Judge Dredd look like Blade Runner.

 

Nonsense plot- So information is so valuable in the future, that people scoop out large chunks of their memory in order to make room for data and become "data couriers" who download data into their brain, where they transport to a destination for download. Reeves is supposed to be top of the line, but his brain can only hold 80 gigabytes (160 with "a doubler") - which I guess was an unimaginable amount at the time but sounds silly now - and he is in danger of brain death when he's overloaded with a whopping 320 gigabytes! This data is downloaded from a tiny mini-disc, which makes you wonder why they don't just transport the data by disc. Maybe scanners are so good in the future that you can't hide mini-discs? Nope! EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER in the movie has a scanner that detects Keanu's brain implants, including homeless bums using future boniculars.

 

Henry Rollins- Henry plays the exact same character Dennis Leary did in Demolition Man. I guarantee you he was trying to copy Leary's monologue about how the future sucks.

 

Ice T- At one point, in a future where cyborg implants are commonplace and 320 gigs can fit on a mini-disc, Ice T tells everyone to "turn on your VCRs".

 

You really have to see this movie to believe how cheap, dull, and horribly acted it is. There are many portions where it just feels like a stage play.

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Keanu Reeves, Ice T, Dolph Lundgren, and Diz from starship troopers make an all star cast. Crucifix knife, laser whip and a genetically enhanced dolphin.

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It's expiring on Netflix DECEMBER 1st so I had to check it out.

 

And pause it after 10 minutes so I can strongly support the other comments: this movie is absolutely amazing. In 10 minutes, we have Keanu doing taichi to relax, Takeshi Kitano responding in Japanese to an English conversation, Keanu trying to go incognito by putting on a wig and make-up (Cloud Atlas style), the worst ADR punchline ("Next time try to knock baldie" to a bald henchman Keanu just killed) and an absolutely incomprehensible opening title card that tries to explain the nonsense that will follow (I read it 3 times and still cannot comprehend what they were trying to say).

 

It's just SO bad and SO hilarious, I cannot believe it hasn't a HUGE following like Howard the Duck already....

 

PS: It also has a Paul Scheer look-a-like! What else?

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It's expiring on Netflix DECEMBER 1st so I had to check it out.

 

And pause it after 10 minutes so I can strongly support the other comments: this movie is absolutely amazing. In 10 minutes, we have Keanu doing taichi to relax, Takeshi Kitano responding in Japanese to an English conversation, Keanu trying to go incognito by putting on a wig and make-up (Cloud Atlas style), the worst ADR punchline ("Next time try to knock baldie" to a bald henchman Keanu just killed) and an absolutely incomprehensible opening title card that tries to explain the nonsense that will follow (I read it 3 times and still cannot comprehend what they were trying to say).

 

It's just SO bad and SO hilarious, I cannot believe it hasn't a HUGE following like Howard the Duck already....

 

PS: It also has a Paul Scheer look-a-like! What else?

Thank you, tib20011, for the tip about Johnny Mnemonic on Netflix. I watched it last night and fell in love with it. It is an insane, (unintentionally) hilarious mess. It's a perfect 10 HDTGM movie. Everyone who can hear my voice, if you have not seen Johnny Mnemonic, watch it on Netflix this weekend while you still can!

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Just saw this for the first time, and I gotta bump it. So much expertise would be required to analyze this film: hacking expertise, neuroscience expertise, marine mammal expertise… it's a daunting task.

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What a sloppy digital mess this film is. When the movie gets to the wired-up hyper-intelligent dolphin in a giant fish tank watching multiple ceiling-hung televisions, and I just about lost it.

 

Upon seeing this set, William Gibson (the writer of the book this movie is based on, as well as the "Father of Cyberpunk") said the filmmakers realized what he envisioned in his book expertly. So, at least one person really liked this film.

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I remember seeing this in the theater, having picked this over "Braveheart" that day. This was certainly a shorter film...

 

PlanBFromOuterSpace at the end of the movie did the director come down and shake your hand for showing up and supporting his film. ;)

 

Don't you just love it when you have the theater to yourself to enjoy.

 

Mind you I really did want this to be a good movie "Johnny Mnemonic"

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Anyone else remember how the VHS of this movie was fucking orange for whatever reason.

And the front was transparent, showing that the inside of his head was basically a spool of video tape. Mid-nineties techo thrillers were so adorable.

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PlanBFromOuterSpace at the end of the movie did the director come down and shake your hand for showing up and supporting his film. ;)/>

 

Don't you just love it when you have the theater to yourself to enjoy.

 

Mind you I really did want this to be a good movie "Johnny Mnemonic"

Hey, it was a busy holiday weekend, and I'm sure there were at least a DOZEN people in there.

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Just saw Doug Benson interrupt this yesterday and HOLY BANANAS BATMAN!

 

This is a must for the trio to cover! Literally next level bonkers shit!

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Just watched this, it's perfect for this podcast I think. An absolute crazy mess ;)

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