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JulyDiaz

Episode 174 - Jason X: LIVE!

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Holy crap, they made four novels based off of Jason X. They aren't cheap either. They are at least 50+ on eBay each.

Avatar Press also made a lot of comics based on Friday the 13th (including Jason X), Nightmare on Elm Street, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which were all New Line properties at the time, and they were SUPER gory and trashy, but a lot of fun. I think there was even a Jason Vs. Jason X one-shot or mini, but I'll be damned if I remember how they tried to make sense of that. Later on, all of those comics moved over to DC/Wildstorm, where they became less explicit, but had better stories and decent creators on them. I think I E-Bayed off all the Avatar issues I had, and I really wish that someone would reprint them.

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I'm having a slow work day an I'm hooked on this Friday the 13th wiki. I think maybe you guys were a little hard on poor Kane Hodder. He clearly has a soft spot for children and animals - guy just needs to make a buck after being left out of Freddy vs. Jason. Here's an interesting bit I just read regarding Jason Vorhees's feelings on killing children or animals:

 

Whatever his motivations, Kane Hodder believes there is a limit to what he will do. According to Hodder, Jason might violently murder any person he comes across, but when Jason Takes Manhattan called for Hodder to kick the lead character's dog, Hodder refused, stating that, while Jason has no qualms against killing humans, he is not bad enough to hurt animals. Another example from Jason Takes Manhattan, involves Jason being confronted by a street gang of young teenage boys one of whom threatens him with a knife, however Jason chooses not to kill them and instead scares them off by lifting up his mask and showing them his face. Likewise, director Tom McLoughlin chose not to have Jason harm any of the children he encounters in Jason Lives, stating that Jason would not kill a child, out of a sympathy for the plight of children generated by his own death as a child.

"Jason Lives" is my favorite in the series (I think this and "Final Chapter" are THE movies that people that don't really know the series think of when they hear "Friday the 13th"), and it was actually the first one to feature the camp being USED, which adds that extra element of danger. I mean, by that point, he's been killed by a kid in a previous installment and you kind of sort of have a sense of his "rules", so you're not necessarily expecting him to start offing the underage campers, but it makes for a cooler environment.

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Omission: Towards the end of the movie when they communicate with a ship that has picked up their "distress beacon" the ship tells them they are 4 parsecs away and that it will take them 45 minutes to get to them. That blew my mind so I did some math.

A parsec maybe doesn't sound like much but it's a huge distance, equal to 3.26 light-years (the distance it takes light to travel in space during 1 YEAR). So 4 parsecs is 13.04 LY, or 6,853,824 Light Minutes (the distance light travels in a minute).

In other words, this ship is more than 150,000 times faster than light! First of all, that's impossible according to the currently-known laws of physics. Second of all, even if they did discover some way to travel faster than light in this future, how come it took them so long to arrive to the base? Unless it was halfway across the galaxy it should have taken them nanoseconds to arrive there.

 

[Edit: forgot some words]

If only the screenwriter of "Jason X" that had never seen a previous "Friday the 13th" movie was Jonathan Nolan, right? I mean, "Interstellar" was okay, but if Matt Damon's character had been Jason Voorhees instead, it would have been perfect!

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I totally got that Azrael is kind of a space cadet, but I still found it hard to believe that his first response to Jason crashing his bitchin' VR game was “the game must be fucking up” and not "HOLY SHIT! THE GIANT, FROZEN HOCKEY-MASKED CORPSE THAT CHOPPED MY ARM OFF TWO HOURS AGO IS STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! (And he looks really pissed...)”

 

Also, as it pertains to the VR scene, when the game dropped and showed Azrael and Farmer sitting criss-cross applesauce facing one another, it immediately reminded me of the sex scene in

.
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It seems insane to me, that in the future, humanity will have the ingenuity and wherewithal to develop a self-sustaining space station like Solaris, yet not have a single contingency plan in place to protect itself from “deadly spaceship collisions.” Honestly, if a spaceship the size of Grendel is getting too close, and doesn't show any signs of slowing down, they should be well within their rights to blow that shit right out of the space-sky.

On a similar note, when the one girl panics and tries to fly away while the fuel line is attached she rams straight into the bottom of Grendel and not a scratch is be had. When Grendel flies through Solaris they lose one pontoon but the ship is sturdy enough to keep going with no real structural damage to the rest of the ship. These catamaran passenger ships must be the sturdiest built space ships out there. However the one thing that can actually puncture the hull? A punch from Jason of course.

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However the one thing that can actually puncture the hull? A punch from Jason of course.

 

of-course-gif-20.gif

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I totally got that Azrael is kind of a space cadet, ...

 

Heh, space cadet.

 

In the future, do they no longer have surveillance cameras? They should have been able to track and monitor Jason just through that. And how did only about half of the people on the ship get the message that they were in an emergency situation. Have they also lost the ability to make PA announcements or use walky talkies?

 

They also seem to have a very poorly lit cargo bay with many sharp objects, weapons, and ammo on this ship that's on a vague, undefined mission. Really we needed June on this episode to ask the hard "What's it's mission?" questions.

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Heh, space cadet.

 

In the future, do they no longer have surveillance cameras? They should have been able to track and monitor Jason just through that. And how did only about half of the people on the ship get the message that they were in an emergency situation. Have they also lost the ability to make PA announcements or use walky talkies?

 

They also seem to have a very poorly lit cargo bay with many sharp objects, weapons, and ammo on this ship that's on a vague, undefined mission. Really we needed June on this episode to ask the hard "What's it's mission?" questions.

 

Not only do they not have security cameras, but they don't even make good use of the resources they do have: specifically "Shoe-head." I could not stand how they just left Jason in the med-bay after Shoe-head laid him out.* I get that no one wants to sit around and watch a corpse all night, and he looks really, really dead, but Doig knows he has a history of resurrection. Why not leave the kick-ass android there juuuuuuust to keep an eye on things? It's not like she can get bored or distracted, it's not going to creep her out, she would know what to lookout for, and she's already proven to be a match for him. Don't be dumb, guys. Cover your asses!

 

* Ever since this episode was announced, I've been trying to run the Friday the 13th series (I just finished Part Four tonight), and sadly, it seems like the "he must be dead, but rather than checking to make sure, let's turn our backs on him instead" seems to be a trope since the very beginning. So far, the only person who gets it right is 8-year-old Corey Feldman.

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Although they wouldn't have the funniest part of that bit, Jason being caught off guard at the first two Friday the 13th movies not having the hockey-masked killer popular memory has retroactively imprinted on the entire series. Which is well-known for not being well-known as the basis for a famous scene in Scream:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1M3w_o7cOc

 

Plus it's deliciously ironic that Gene Siskel deliberately gave away the ending of the original movie in his review, since he broke spoiler etiquette to reveal a plot point that is surprising for completely different reasons than he assumes:

6v0HeQ7.jpg

In that same article he also did an early version of Doxxing by giving away the addresses to both the chairman of Paramount's parent company as well as Betsy Palmer, which is so horrifying for anyone, let alone a professional movie reviewer to do.

 

Avatar Press also made a lot of comics based on Friday the 13th (including Jason X), Nightmare on Elm Street, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which were all New Line properties at the time, and they were SUPER gory and trashy, but a lot of fun. I think there was even a Jason Vs. Jason X one-shot or mini, but I'll be damned if I remember how they tried to make sense of that. Later on, all of those comics moved over to DC/Wildstorm, where they became less explicit, but had better stories and decent creators on them. I think I E-Bayed off all the Avatar issues I had, and I really wish that someone would reprint them.

 

I love Avatar as it basically is over the top gory series like Crossed and adaptations for various horror films. Unfortunately, a lot of their stuff based on horror films isn't getting published anymore so to get the paperbacks for them is gonna cost a bit. The comics have also in a way become canon in regards to Pamela Voorhees' relationship with Jason's father and how she was actually pretty crazy before Jason's apparent drowning, that was just the final straw for her to go completely homicidal. They've also done a good job of creating a coherent storyline between all of the Texas Chainsaw movies whose overall history is convoluted at best.

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Let's talk for a minute about Jason's chosen weapon the machete. Now the machete is a common tool for farmers and a great impromptu weapon. It is designed for swift chopping of thick plants and fruits such as underbrush, sugar cane and coconuts. Now this also makes it an ideal weapons for hacking and slashing up innocent students and soldiers on futuristic spaceships. However, one thing the machete was not designed to do was piercing damage. The tip of a machete is elongated edge a not a point. Unlike a sword which more often than not has a tapered end which makes it suited for thrusting and piercing. However a few times in this more we see him use it as a stabbing weapon which is just impractical. It's like eating pudding with chop sticks, doable but not without great effort. It just requires a bit more strength and for physics to be on your side. Most notably he stabs through the cryogenic booth he was trapped in at the start. The problem is the tube is nearly as big as himself. Physics is not on his side to draw the weapon back far enough to create the required force to stab through multiple layers of solid metal even if the machete was strong enough to make it through them.

 

Then again he can punch through a spaceship so I may have to retract my whole argument.

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So are we SURE that this ship isn't just populated by porn actors on some kind of intergalactic tour? Just consider the evidence:

 

1. No one can wear an outfit that isn't unusually revealing.

2. Students are interested in boning each other at the weirdest times (including while standing over a corpse).

3. The only artificial life form on board (Shoe Head) is strangely obsessed with having sexual organs.

4. Their holodeck seems to have a pre-programmed setting featuring naked women talking about pre-marital sex.

5. Everyone on board seems totally incompetent at science or military strategy or whatever else they are supposed to be doing.

 

Maybe this is actually a troupe of porn actors. Some of them are students learning the craft. You thought it was just a bad joke when the professor screamed "You pass!" at the end of a sexual encounter with a student? Nope, that was literally part of the class.

 

These folks travel around in their spaceship giving performances at various locales, and the one time they got curious about exploring something down on Earth they wound up bringing a famous undead serial killer on board. Bad luck, that.

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Is anyone else kinda taken out of it when cyborgs are shown to take deep breaths?

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Let's talk for a minute about Jason's chosen weapon the machete. Now the machete is a common tool for farmers and a great impromptu weapon. It is designed for swift chopping of thick plants and fruits such as underbrush, sugar cane and coconuts. Now this also makes it an ideal weapons for hacking and slashing up innocent students and soldiers on futuristic spaceships. However, one thing the machete was not designed to do was piercing damage. The tip of a machete is elongated edge a not a point. Unlike a sword which more often than not has a tapered end which makes it suited for thrusting and piercing. However a few times in this more we see him use it as a stabbing weapon which is just impractical. It's like eating pudding with chop sticks, doable but not without great effort. It just requires a bit more strength and for physics to be on your side. Most notably he stabs through the cryogenic booth he was trapped in at the start. The problem is the tube is nearly as big as himself. Physics is not on his side to draw the weapon back far enough to create the required force to stab through multiple layers of solid metal even if the machete was strong enough to make it through them.

 

Then again he can punch through a spaceship so I may have to retract my whole argument.

 

Don't tell me how to eat my pudding.

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It’s Devil’s Xmas, y’all!

 

 

I hope you all picked out the sexiest food item costumes you could find!

 

Happy Halloween!

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Don't tell me how to eat my pudding.

Fine use chopsticks and while you're at it put some raisins on it!

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Omission:

 

In his recap of all Jason moves, Paul completely forgot to mention this bitchin' robot dance in Part V:

I see your clip of the robot dance and shall raise you Crispin Glover's seizure-fu dance from Part IV

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocgj9tewHso

 

And just so you all understand, after he danced like THAT, he got laid as apparently chicks who lived in the woods have no taste or concept of good dancing.

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So to be fair, Kay-Em 14 says 'cell reconstruction' not 'celery'. I can see how you could hear celery though.

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The house was dark and the kids were asleep. It was quiet except for the quiet ticking of the grandfather clock and the pattering of rain outside. A piercing ring broke the sepulcheric silence. The babysitter picked up the phone.

 

“Hello,” she said.

 

There was no answer.

 

“Hello?” she persisted, a note of urgency gripping her voice.

 

Nothing. No one.

 

No.

 

Not “nothing.”

 

Not exactly.

 

Almost inaudible beneath the ticking clock and pouring rain, a low rasping breath. Steady and dry like the rustling of fallen leaves before a storm.

 

“Bill,” she sighed in exasperation, “is that you?”

 

The breathing continued.

 

“This isn’t funny...”

 

There was a scratch at the window. Just a branch she told herself. Just a branch...

 

“That’s it, creep! I’m hanging - “

 

“It’s too late,” a voice interrupted. It was a broken voice. A hollow voice, and it crackled with malevolence.

 

“Too late for what..?” the babysitter asked despite her dread.

 

There was no answer.

 

“Too late for what?!?” she screamed.

 

“Too late!” the voice sneered, “I’ve already put raisins in EVERYTHING!!!”

 

 

tenor.gif?itemid=4141383

 

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And just so you all understand, after he danced like THAT, he got laid as apparently chicks who lived in the woods have no taste or concept of good dancing.

I mean, that lady was wearing wallpaper, so...

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And just so you all understand, after he danced like THAT, he got laid as apparently chicks who lived in the woods have no taste or concept of good dancing.

 

Well, when she couldn't get Ted to cheat on his girlfriend with her, Jimmy was the best of what was left.- even if he was a "dead fuck."

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In the beginning they say that it's 2010, then they say it's 455 years later, shouldn't the year be 2465 not 2455?

 

I was in a mind altered state while watching and I'm not good at math to begin with but I think I'm correct here.

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Have a Happy, Fun, and safe Halloween everyone!

 

And if you meet someone special tonight, and you guys decide to spend the night together, I hope you will at least consider this playing this as your ambient music.

 

 

If they’re not into it, then at least you’ll know it probably wasn’t going to be worth it anyway :)/>

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Have a Happy, Fun, and safe Halloween everyone!

 

And if you meet someone special tonight, and you guys decide to spend the night together, I hope you will at least consider this playing this as your ambient music.

 

If they’re not into it, then at least you’ll know it probably wasn’t going to be worth it anyway :)/>

 

This video is not available!

Halloween is ruined.

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