Episode 190 - Hurricane Heist: LIVE!

[gigi-tastic 2322]

All of this. I think I was never more incredulous when watching this movie than when Will opened up that fucking tray of sandwiches he's been storing for days, then offers Maggie Grace a share of his leftovers like he's managed to squirrel away tins of caviar and premium vodka. Hell, this guy makes a living driving around and launching drones into the world's most extreme weather events, shouldn't he have some non-perishable food items in there too? Granola or protein bars, beef jerky, crackers, anything canned. some god damn trail mix?!?! Nothing. Just PB&J on garbage white bread, which by the way, would disintegrate if it gets anything more then a drop of moisture on it. Probably not the best choice of foodstuffs in a FUCKING HURRICANE.

 

If this freak MUST have his PBJ couldn't he just embrace his weirdness and buy those horrific sandwich in a cans?

[gigi-tastic 2322]

How easy is it to exchange money internationally? I've been to Europe and I remember banks at airports being able to do it. There were functionally ATMs that would exchange US currency for Euros but I assume you can't do millions or even thousands without raising some eyebrows. This would be a very long, boring way off doing it.

 

I would think any international casino would be perfect if you can get enough cash out of the US (provided they exchange money which I'm sure a large casino would). But getting a couple million in cash, even if it was all hundreds, is a lot of space. According to Google, $1 million in $100 bills is about 1 cubic foot. If you're willing to stuff a couple suitcases with $100 bills, you could get a few million out so long as you don't get stopped by customs somewhere.

 

Couple this with the money from driving around the country opening bank accounts and you could certainly live a comfortable life. Other than the first few months on the run around the US, it would probably be pretty safe especially if you could set up in a country without extradition laws.

 

I hadn't thought of the ATM but that's definitely a good way to wash your money in small amounts. Every little bit helps keep the feds away from you. I think the main thing is always be on the move and diversify how you launder your cash. If you get too comfortable with one method, that's how they'll get you.

 

Of course, all my schemes rely on the feds even being able to track the serial numbers in a timely fashion. If there's a delay of even a few days, they will probably be unable to catch someone unless they stay still or have a very obvious travel pattern.

 

I personally would try to live a lowish profile lifestyle. I would try to travel around maybe road trip my way through Canada or Mexico along the way IDK. Try to keep a small slush fund on you but never TOO MUCH and while traveling stop at diners and coffee houses and stuff and ask for change after your meal/order. Always leave a nice tip and move on to the next stop. Do it at gas stations too. That would help you sort of get started. Maybe come up with an identity of some kind of person who would travel for work. With prepaid visa cards and gift cards you can buy at grocery stores now you could buy a few in ever new town load them with cash then move on. Use them dump them, buy more in a new place start over. But I'm starting to think the strip club and casino idea might be the best for off loading massive amounts of cash though.

[grudlian. 4725]

Did anyone notice the ridiculous tech garble that the lady hacker used?

The first time she says "Maybe we ran into a frobbotzim" and then a few minutes later she ways "Try a zigamorph."

So I looked it up and frobbotzim and zigamorph do seem to be some kind of super weird tech jargon, but I love that when you look up zigamorph it brings up zygamorph on urban dictionary as "someone who looks up words they find on the internet" which basically means the scriptwriter trolled... me... because I looked up the word.

The technobabble line I looked up was "This ZBC stuff is so crufty." Crufty is an actual word meaning hastily thrown together. I felt really stupid looking up the only word that actually exists.

[sethersmith 11]

Why would a Federal Reserve (or whatever it is) have electrified cages in the basement?

 

What is the heisters actual getaway plan? To escape in the eye of the hurricane, yes? But what if that eye does not follow a road or eventually goes out to sea? Its pretty risky and also stressful! To just plan on driving within the eye until you're out of town and the I guess the storm dissipates? that could take days of driving, needing to travel pretty fast all the time and don't even think about refueling!

[hotironskillet 137]

What really annoyed me about this movie was that it wasn't actually a heist movie, it was a find-the-lady-who-has-the-code movie. The amount of time spent on the heist was tiny in comparison to running around the town after Maggie Grace and Will.

[Cakebug Tranch 6873]

When you look up zigamorph it brings up zygamorph on urban dictionary as "someone who looks up words they find on the internet" which basically means the scriptwriter trolled... me... because I looked up the word.

 

 

The technobabble line I looked up was "This ZBC stuff is so crufty." Crufty is an actual word meaning hastily thrown together. I felt really stupid looking up the only word that actually exists.

 

Pens down, everyone. Polly and Grudlian win this week. It'll be a serious shame if Paul doesn't read these ones on the mini. Awesome observations!

[pscudese 701]

 

 

Like Den of Thieves being a near copy of of Heat, this film is a copy of Hard Rain, right down to basically nearly every character but the leads becoming bad guys, and then turning on each other.

 

 

So maybe we get a Slater Live Show going with Hard Rain at 7pm and Broken Arrow at 10pm!!!

 

[/media]

[PollyDarton 1807]

It may have been touched on in the episode, but can we chat for a moment about the mexican standoff between the cops and the heist guys? [side note: is that an antiquated term?]

 

The local cops finally decide to burst in on the heist in progress... Perkins and the sexy dude in leather approach and the situation quickly turns into a standoff. Dixon mouths off to Perkins who then shoots him dead while the cops stand there and DO NOTHING. There were 6 cops with guns drawn on 2 guys. The cops completely had the drop on them (even with the little cutaway shot we see of the hackers coming in with guns... like those jabronis were going to do any fucking good!) We all know, in reality, there is no way a group of American Police officers would let 2 gunmen shoot down their chief and not return fire. This is NOT meant to be a comment on police brutality, more a fact of the way cops work. Those cops would. have. shot. to. kill. without hesitation. They are trained to take control at almost all costs and they outnumbered them. There is no way that Perkins and sexy would have walked away.

 

[sycasey 2.0 2301]

I know the skull face in the hurricane has already been talked about and discussed but I have a new theory about it. What if that skull face is in fact a spirit trapped inside the hurricane. It kills Will and Breeze's dad in the very beginning and we first see the skull face. I think at that moment the old spirit of the hurricane was released and the new spirit, Will and Breeze's dad, has now taken control over the hurricane. This explains why when we jump to the present day storm it never hurts or kills our good guy main characters. It sucks out and only kills the bad guys in the mall scene while keeping Breeze safe. It aids Will in killing people with hubcaps. During the chase scene at the end it helps destroy the other two semi-trucks but not the one our heroes are in. Coincidence or hurricane dad? You decide.

 

I was also hoping the skull head would be the dead father trying to communicate with his sons, like Mufasa, or Bleeding Gums Murphy.

 

[RyanSz 3140]

So in regards to ways to cleaning money, I would think opening different bank accounts would be too time consuming to be worth it, and would be more risky than buying a business. Since you would be donating under 10k per location as to not draw instant IRS scrutiny, let's say $9500/day, for $600 million it would take 63,158 separate deposits to deposit the whole amount. Now with a small crew of 10 people, you're looking at over 6,300 deposits for each person, and because you would want to do only a deposit a day as to not bring higher scrutiny onto yourself, because you better believe the bank will take notice with an account getting daily deposits of $9,500, it will take over 17 years to fully deposit the amount.

 

By getting a mix of cash friendly companies like a gym, strip club, check cashing store, car wash, convenience/liquor store, you could move the money quicker and it would be harder to identify the laundering. Another route to go would be to buy various stocks, at differing amounts, spread out over the gamut of fields and businesses. Let it sit for maybe a month before you start selling the stocks at random amounts and times, while there is a risk of losing some of the money, it was stolen to being with so it's not a total loss, and you could actually make more in the long run.

[grudlian. 4725]

So in regards to ways to cleaning money, I would think opening different bank accounts would be too time consuming to be worth it, and would be more risky than buying a business. Since you would be donating under 10k per location as to not draw instant IRS scrutiny, let's say $9500/day, for $600 million it would take 63,158 separate deposits to deposit the whole amount. Now with a small crew of 10 people, you're looking at over 6,300 deposits for each person, and because you would want to do only a deposit a day as to not bring higher scrutiny onto yourself, because you better believe the bank will take notice with an account getting daily deposits of $9,500, it will take over 17 years to fully deposit the amount.

 

By getting a mix of cash friendly companies like a gym, strip club, check cashing store, car wash, convenience/liquor store, you could move the money quicker and it would be harder to identify the laundering. Another route to go would be to buy various stocks, at differing amounts, spread out over the gamut of fields and businesses. Let it sit for maybe a month before you start selling the stocks at random amounts and times, while there is a risk of losing some of the money, it was stolen to being with so it's not a total loss, and you could actually make more in the long run.

This is absolutely the route I would take if I wasn't worried about the cash potentially being tracked. That's my biggest worry is that money stolen directly from the treasury would have recorded serial numbers. I think it's going to be difficult but if a bunch of notes make it back to the treasury, it's plausible to vaguely follow it's path. They could at least figure out which armored car brought it in which could give you the region of the country if not the specific bank. Once they narrow that down, I would think its only a matter of time before they close in on you.

 

If you made sure to have cash heavy businesses all over the country, that would certainly help cover your tracks. But that's probably going to involve me knowing a money launderer in a few places. I guess if I'm planning a $600 million heist, I'd probably do that legwork beforehand though.

 

Let's not forget that I don't need to move $600 million myself. It was being split 6 (we're their 6 robbers?) ways. I'm technically only moving $100 million.

[taylor anne photo 11311]

I missed most of the money laundering represented in film and TV talk but another good notion of how to clean dirty money is in Good Girls starring Retta, Christina Hendricks, and Mae Whitman. Basically they take their dirty money and go to Costco or some similar spot and buy some really expensive items with the bad money that passes counterfeit tests, and then later they'll return it all and get good money back. They never individually hit the same store twice and it sounds like a brilliant idea.

 

ETA: Also if y'all aren't watching Good Girls YOU NEED TO GET ON THAT

[joel_rosenbaum 1269]

You guys want a good example of money laundering?

 

(For those who don't want to click through, think: real estate).

[The_Triple_Lindy 2482]

Guys, what I'm hearing is, "Let's launder some goddamn money."

 

Anyone here work for the Treasury? Wells Fargo?

[gigi-tastic 2322]

Guys, what I'm hearing is, "Let's launder some goddamn money."

 

Anyone here work for the Treasury? Wells Fargo?

 

I mean Clearly this is what this message board was built for! Bad Movies and Badass crimes

[sycasey 2.0 2301]

[PollyDarton 1807]

So in regards to ways to cleaning money, I would think opening different bank accounts would be too time consuming to be worth it, and would be more risky than buying a business. Since you would be donating under 10k per location as to not draw instant IRS scrutiny, let's say $9500/day, for $600 million it would take 63,158 separate deposits to deposit the whole amount. Now with a small crew of 10 people, you're looking at over 6,300 deposits for each person, and because you would want to do only a deposit a day as to not bring higher scrutiny onto yourself, because you better believe the bank will take notice with an account getting daily deposits of $9,500, it will take over 17 years to fully deposit the amount.

 

By getting a mix of cash friendly companies like a gym, strip club, check cashing store, car wash, convenience/liquor store, you could move the money quicker and it would be harder to identify the laundering. Another route to go would be to buy various stocks, at differing amounts, spread out over the gamut of fields and businesses. Let it sit for maybe a month before you start selling the stocks at random amounts and times, while there is a risk of losing some of the money, it was stolen to being with so it's not a total loss, and you could actually make more in the long run.

This is absolutely the route I would take if I wasn't worried about the cash potentially being tracked. That's my biggest worry is that money stolen directly from the treasury would have recorded serial numbers. I think it's going to be difficult but if a bunch of notes make it back to the treasury, it's plausible to vaguely follow it's path. They could at least figure out which armored car brought it in which could give you the region of the country if not the specific bank. Once they narrow that down, I would think its only a matter of time before they close in on you.

 

If you made sure to have cash heavy businesses all over the country, that would certainly help cover your tracks. But that's probably going to involve me knowing a money launderer in a few places. I guess if I'm planning a $600 million heist, I'd probably do that legwork beforehand though.

 

Let's not forget that I don't need to move $600 million myself. It was being split 6 (we're their 6 robbers?) ways. I'm technically only moving $100 million.

 

Yes exactly. The businesses are totally how you would make that money legit, if it weren't that all that cash would have flagged serial numbers. Because of that you would never be able to stay in the same place for very long - especially in the states. You couldn't have a permanent business that is routinely putting the retired cash into a bank. You would get nailed and probably faster than you think.

 

I'm telling you. Breeze, Will, and Casey head towards the gulf and buy a big ass yacht in cold hard cash. They also need to drop a ton of money right then and there on clothes, jewelry, electronics, food... etc. They will be able to buy all this without much notice if they do it in a few days and then sail out of the gulf towards the Caribbean or South America. From there they will need to temporarily pitch tents in various countries while they figure out how to exchange their money. Since it seems to me that it would take a while for US cash traveling from let's say Brazil back to the states, they would be able to do it in short spurts without being detected.

 

If they are going to plan for their long term future, then yes... car washes, strip clubs, gyms is exactly what they'll need to do, but in the meantime they have to GET RID of that cash as fast and quickly as possible. It's like the opposite of the plot the Brewster's Millions. In that movie he had to spend 30 million dollars in 30 days with NO tangible assets to show for it after the 30 days. Instead, they need to do the same thing, but having liquifiable assets for practically every dollar they spend.

 

Ya know... except for the caviar and Dom Perignon... because fuck having that money if you can't live the sweet life.

 

[joel_rosenbaum 1269]

[grudlian. 4725]

 

 

Yes exactly. The businesses are totally how you would make that money legit, if it weren't that all that cash would have flagged serial numbers. Because of that you would never be able to stay in the same place for very long - especially in the states. You couldn't have a permanent business that is routinely putting the retired cash into a bank. You would get nailed and probably faster than you think.

 

I'm telling you. Breeze, Will, and Casey head towards the gulf and buy a big ass yacht in cold hard cash. They also need to drop a ton of money right then and there on clothes, jewelry, electronics, food... etc. They will be able to buy all this without much notice if they do it in a few days and then sail out of the gulf towards the Caribbean or South America. From there they will need to temporarily pitch tents in various countries while they figure out how to exchange their money. Since it seems to me that it would take a while for US cash traveling from let's say Brazil back to the states, they would be able to do it in short spurts without being detected.

 

If they are going to plan for their long term future, then yes... car washes, strip clubs, gyms is exactly what they'll need to do, but in the meantime they have to GET RID of that cash as fast and quickly as possible. It's like the opposite of the plot the Brewster's Millions. In that movie he had to spend 30 million dollars in 30 days with NO tangible assets to show for it after the 30 days. Instead, they need to do the same thing, but having liquifiable assets for practically every dollar they spend.

 

Ya know... except for the caviar and Dom Perignon... because fuck having that money if you can't live the sweet life.

 

You wouldn't be able to but a yacht cash without completing tax forms. You'd be able to do it with a fake identity but I'd be wary of that. I definitely agree with getting international as soon as you can though.

 

I really like the idea of a yacht or a big boat. It's the easiest way to carry huge wads of cash internationally. You could fit a pallet of cash on a boat. I don't know anything about piloting a boat on open seas but it might not be hard if you follow the coastline down. I'd strongly think about going from Florida to the Bahamas for a bit. There are casinos to launder the cash in large amounts. Go down there for a week or two and live like a king at a casino but your really just exchanging cash all day.

[The_Triple_Lindy 2482]

You wouldn't be able to but a yacht cash without completing tax forms. You'd be able to do it with a fake identity but I'd be wary of that. I definitely agree with getting international as soon as you can though.

You mean if I walked up to you at the 1% marina and put $250,000 in cash in your hand, you wouldn't give me the keys?

[gigi-tastic 2322]

You wouldn't be able to but a yacht cash without completing tax forms. You'd be able to do it with a fake identity but I'd be wary of that. I definitely agree with getting international as soon as you can though.

 

I really like the idea of a yacht or a big boat. It's the easiest way to carry huge wads of cash internationally. You could fit a pallet of cash on a boat. I don't know anything about piloting a boat on open seas but it might not be hard if you follow the coastline down. I'd strongly think about going from Florida to the Bahamas for a bit. There are casinos to launder the cash in large amounts. Go down there for a week or two and live like a king at a casino but your really just exchanging cash all day.

 

What about buying a stack of those visa gift cards at a bunch of stores? Then could you use those cards as a debit card of sorts to do things like buy a boat or maybe even buy a plane ticket ( of course you would have to get yourself a damn good set of fake documents but i feel like if your going to rob someplace of millions you would do this. And with Maggie's ATF background she should know where to go for some fake ID's) to say... the Cayman Islands or maybe Panama to get yourself set up money wise then fly to the non-extradition country of your choice. I would suggest the UAE ( plus my uncle teaches English there so I figure I have would have a viable reason to be in the country ) because rich shady assholes go over there to blow their millions all the time. The only problem is you must work or go to school ( or I assume be married to an Emirati the tiny fraction of the population who is actually from the country) to live there. You still can live there you just have to go over the fucking border to Oman (also non extradition ) every few months to get your passport / status updated which my uncle had to do with my cousin when he turned 18.

 

Andorra is a really nice tiny principality landlocked between France and Spain and is another option I would consider as are Montenegro, the Maldives, and Croatia. Once in the Middle east/ Asia/ Europe it is so much easier to hop around too with train travel and who would think twice about an American exchanging money at one of those money machines?

 

I found this handy little article on some of the best places to flee t should we all rise up and get that money laundering scheme in place : http://nomadcapitalist.com/2013/06/03/the-best-non-extradition-countries-to-be-invisible/

[taylor anne photo 11311]

What about buying a stack of those visa gift cards at a bunch of stores?

Those things are trash. It's a crap shoot whether or not they work. One time I used one to get Starbucks and they told me I needed to know the exact amount that was on the card or else it wouldn't work. Well I had already used it so it wasn't just a cut and dry $25 so I couldn't use it after that and it was a complete waste of money.

[grudlian. 4725]

You mean if I walked up to you at the 1% marina and put $250,000 in cash in your hand, you wouldn't give me the keys?

If I just robbed the US Treasury, I'm going to try and keep as low of a profile as possible. I'm going to be worried about running into the one yacht dealer who won't break the law for me. I'm going to try my best to get my boat legit.

 

If I'm the yacht dealer, I'm definitely going to remember the guy who comes in with a quarter million in cash... who doesn't want to fill out a standard tax form... that only exists to limit criminals with cash. I might be willing to do it but I'll be expecting feds.

[RyanSz 3140]

Shit I completely looked past the best possible route to go with dirty money. You all should know it as well since they made a very famous movie on this route.

 

 

[PollyDarton 1807]

If I just robbed the US Treasury, I'm going to try and keep as low of a profile as possible. I'm going to be worried about running into the one yacht dealer who won't break the law for me. I'm going to try my best to get my boat legit.

 

If I'm the yacht dealer, I'm definitely going to remember the guy who comes in with a quarter million in cash... who doesn't want to fill out a standard tax form... that only exists to limit criminals with cash. I might be willing to do it but I'll be expecting feds.

 

Well yeah. There's no way you could go with a brand new yacht. You'd have to go craigslist for that shit. Like this https://miami.craigs....org/search/boa

 

At this point I'll put a disclaimer: I'm just a nerd who loves movies... I'm not actually planning a heist.