Glitter

[Guest DigitalMuaddib]

7% on Rotten Tomatoes! It's a fictional retelling of Mariah's rise to stardom and, ultimately, her mayorship of Crazy Town!

 

One reviewer on Amazon even managed to partially blame 9/11 for the film's failure. Awesome.

[Nasher 29]

I loved how the rhyming slang of the title was lost on most everyone outside of the UK.

[dmdmdzydzy 0]

How does a woman with a seven octave vocal range produce the most monotonous acting I've ever seen? Amazing.

[inactiveuser501 168]

First, as an admission, I did, in fact, cry during this. It was only in the last 5 minutes, while Mariah was reading the letter from Dice, and it did produce a genuine tear. But moving on...

 

This film could have been released in 1982 and have been no different. Terrence Howard's performance is both phoned in and batshit insanity. I have no idea how famous Mariah Carey is supposed to be in this (She isn't touring or making a full album, but is performing Sold-Out shows in Madison Square Garden?) The Music Video Scene was crazy, the shopping montage of her and her friends in gold clothing, the "United States Music Awards"? But most of all, Max Beesley's entire story arc was some of the most horrible storytelling I've ever seen, and not to give away spoilers, I was happy with the way this film ended.

[AdamLevenberg 3]

Too boring....I rented GLITTER because I thought I was in for a Showgirls-esque so bad it's good viewing. I turned it off after 20 mins. It's DULL. And Mariah Carey isn't terrible in it...She has a very natural presence on screen and does fine. GLITTER would probably make for a lousy episode, it's like watching paint dry. Good HDTGM eps are based on movies where the ideas are ridiculous and the acting is hysterical and overblown.

[thestray 361]

Too boring....I rented GLITTER because I thought I was in for a Showgirls-esque so bad it's good viewing. I turned it off after 20 mins. It's DULL. And Mariah Carey isn't terrible in it...She has a very natural presence on screen and does fine. GLITTER would probably make for a lousy episode, it's like watching paint dry. Good HDTGM eps are based on movies where the ideas are ridiculous and the acting is hysterical and overblown.

 

I guess I watched a different movie because I chuckled throughout Glitter. Terrible is exactly how I'd describe Mariah's acting in this. HDTGM did Burlesque, and I think this is just as bad.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

 

I guess I watched a different movie because I chuckled throughout Glitter. Terrible is exactly how I'd describe Mariah's acting in this. HDTGM did Burlesque, and I think this is just as bad.

I think they're all basically the same movie.

 

"Hey, we're gonna take a famous singer and cast them as...wait for it...a singer. Only, no one's gonna realize it at first that they're amazing, because she's just a fucking waitress or something. Someone gets sick though or pisses off the club owner and doesn't show, and this performance was the one thing keeping the place from bankruptcy, so what happens? To the surprise of the people in the universe in which this film takes place in, but not to a single person watching this film or anyone that's ever watched ANY film, this mere minimum wage employee steps up and belts out the greatest thing that anyone's ever heard. The next two weeks move along at a breakneck pace as this girl becomes the biggest star in the world, shoots 2 movies, wins a shit ton of awards, develops a drinking and/or drug problem, etc., before realizing that all she wanted was for her parents to forgive her for not going to college...or something. Everything goes back to normal and there are no real repercussions, because only the bad or morally questionable people had bad things happen to them anyway. The end."

[seanotron 2307]

One reviewer on Amazon even managed to partially blame 9/11 for the film's failure. Awesome.

 

Actually, Mariah herself blamed it on 9/11. Damn terrorists!

[inactiveuser501 168]

Too boring....I rented GLITTER because I thought I was in for a Showgirls-esque so bad it's good viewing. I turned it off after 20 mins. It's DULL. And Mariah Carey isn't terrible in it...She has a very natural presence on screen and does fine. GLITTER would probably make for a lousy episode, it's like watching paint dry. Good HDTGM eps are based on movies where the ideas are ridiculous and the acting is hysterical and overblown.

 

Oh, 20 minutes is WAY too soon to turn this movie off. At least watch the last 30 minutes for that insanity.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

 

Actually, Mariah herself blamed it on 9/11. Damn terrorists!

I SO remember around this time, because I was working at a theater, and the failure of EVERYTHING got blamed on 9/11 and how "the moviegoing public isn't ready for (fill in the blank)" except for when there was a movie out that they WANTED to see and they were. We didn't even GET "Glitter", not that it would have affected business either way, as that time of the year is typically one of the slowest periods of the year for films, national tragedy or not. A year or two later, there was a movie called "Trapped" that was out that was a total nothing movie with Charlize Theron, Kevin Bacon, and Courtney Love or somebody, and when that didn't make any money (it was never going to), there was some sort of talk about "With all the kidnappings in the news lately, moviegoers are uncomfortable with the subject matter" or some similar bullshit, like it wasn't a plot device, that it was mirroring actual current events. I mean, it's one thing if the timing is bad and something in a movie has an eerie resemblance to what's happening in real life, but when there are just vague, passing similarities and the terrorists are to blame for no one wanting to see your shitty movie, that's just offensive, and no one should ever take the people giving that excuse seriously again.

[seanotron 2307]

I mean, I'm sure 9/11 did have an effect on the movie business, but as I recall everyone knew Glitter was a bomb before it even came out. I just find it totally hilarious that she seriously tried to blame it on 9/11.

[SlidePocket 707]

The gang is finally covering it for a live show this month!

[Joven 373]

I occasionally watch the rifftrax for Glitter after the MST3k for Girl in the Gold Boots, because they're basically the same movie, except Glitter is way worse.

[seanotron 2307]

I occasionally watch the rifftrax for Glitter after the MST3k for Girl in the Gold Boots, because they're basically the same movie, except Glitter is way worse.

 

Glitter definitely needed more scenes of people pouring beer on things.

[sillstaw 414]

I occasionally watch the rifftrax for Glitter after the MST3k for Girl in the Gold Boots, because they're basically the same movie, except Glitter is way worse.

 

Does Mariah Carey ever say that she wishes she had her pretty mind back?

[jarrycanada 2483]

it's on that

if your looking for it. it's presented the way the film makers wanted it to be seen, in pan scan in a cheap motel 6, and to be watched over pay per view on a 20" TV screen. with two hookers and a ounce of crack. Enjoy with Pabst Blue Ribbon. Besure to tip your lady's

[IMAHUGEHDTGMFAN 1837]

 

 

One reviewer on Amazon even managed to partially blame 9/11 for the film's failure. Awesome.

 

 

Actually, Mariah herself blamed it on 9/11. Damn terrorists!

 

 

That reminds me of an SNL Weekend Update joke...

 

"The U.S. continues the search for Osama bin Laden. Reports suggest that bin Laden is most likely hiding out somewhere remote and barren, where he will not encounter others. The FBI has begun searching theaters showing the movie 'Glitter' " — Jimmy Fallon on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

[IMAHUGEHDTGMFAN 1837]

I have watched "Glitter" ( Can't wait to hear the episode ) now I'm going to watch "LOL" wish me luck...

[SlidePocket 707]

Glitter is next week's live episode everybody!

[Cameron H. 23786]

I have watched "Glitter" ( Can't wait to hear the episode ) now I'm going to watch "LOL" wish me luck...

 

I just said a quiet prayer for you. I promise, you will not be the same. Colors, once bright, are now muted and dull...

[Bob Drillboids 181]

it's on that

if your looking for it.

 

FUHHHHHHH. I just rented this on amazon, should've known better and checked here first for a free stream. Other than Max Beesley as a ridiculous junior varsity Mark Wahlberg, I don't think there's too much here that's worth dissecting. LOL is a goldmine of awfulness, but Glitter is just a long bore.

[jarrycanada 2483]

wow that link still works!! amazing.. Now you know it's a really good movie, If it hasn't been taken. down yet

 

Keep thinking that "LOL" is this week. So I guess it's about time I watch this.

 

 

[Cameron H. 23786]

wow that link still works!! amazing.. Now you know it's a really good movie, If it hasn't been taken. down yet

 

Keep thinking that "LOL" is this week. So I guess it's about time I watch this.

 

Yeah, I finished it this weekend. Oh boy...we got another Crossroads type movie here where the cover doesn't really match the content. It is like these singers think, "Gee, I've never acted before and have really don't have a barometer of how talented I am at that....You know what? Let's do one of those big, old mopey dramas everyone is dying to see!"

 

What a freakin' (boring) drag, but the ending is pretty spectacular.

 

Oh, and I hope everyone likes Grandmaster Flash's "The Message" (especially when played incessantly at 3 second intervals) because yeah, you're getting that.

[justinmh05 1968]

Is this a safe place to admit that the version of Last Night a DJ Saved My Life in Glitter is a guilty pleasure of mine? It's catchy! Don't judge me, for christ's sake.

[justinmh05 1968]

When Padma Lakshmi showed up after the opening tragedy montage, I knew we were in for a doozy.

 

Who even knew she was an actress?!?!

 

I also think that Max Beesely just watched old Coffee Talk sketches to master his NY accent.