Episode 224: Starcrash: LIVE!

[Smigg. 509]

Recorded live from Richmond, Virginia, Paul, June, and Jason discuss the 1979 space opera Starcrash. They talk about Stella Star’s outfit, Elle the robot who is capable of being nervous, the similarities to Star Wars, and more.

This episode is brought to you by Squarespace (www.squarespace.com/BONKERS code: BONKERS), Simplisafe (www.simplisafe.com/bonkers), SweeTango Apple (www.sweetango.com/bonkers), and Betterhelp (www.betterhelp.com/bonkers).

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[Smigg. 509]

 

FUCKING FEMINISTS!  GOING BACK IN TIME AND DOING GENDER SWAPPED REMAKES!! THEY DID IT WITH GHOSTBUSTERS AND THAT SUCKED, THEY DID IT WITH OCEANS AND THAT SUCKED AND NOW THEY'RE DOING IT WITH THIS?! THEY'RE FUCKING WITH MY CHILDHOOD!!!!  This is Brie Larson's fault for some reason!  Shit like this is why Trump got elected, and he's gonna win again, because of this fucking bullshit SJW Zardoz remake.  We already had "Zardoz", there's no need for Female Zardoz and that's not me being sexist, but when they wanted a male Lara Croft, they made a different game, Uncharted, they didn't change Tomb Raider.  Yeah, I get that that's what happened here, it's called "Star Crash", but look at it, thigh high boots, weird underpants, it's fucking Zardoz!  MY THAT PERIOD IN TIME A FEW YEARS BEFORE I WAS BORN!  And, not being sexist, but Sean Connery looks way better in the thigh highs.  But, they just don't see it, Ghostbusters flopped, Oceans 8 flopped, all these other movies I'm ranting about flopped, so that tells you something... People don't want that, people don't want politics being shoved into their movies!  Even though that's basically how I make my money, by ranting about it every day.

Don't forget to like, share, and subscribe.  Also, check out my Patreon, because YouTube demonetised me for no reason, all I did was call a woman a fucking bitch that should kill herself, that's not sexist, it's not sexist.  If anything, I'd be being sexist if I DIDN'T call her a bitch, because I'm treating her like I would a man.  Also, I'm running for election soon, so keep an eye out, I'll be talking about getting milkshake thrown on me, and how that just shows that I'm gonna win! 

(Stupid Jason ruined my joke, about a minute into the podcast).

[muttnik 476]

Why was Christopher Plummer kind of transparent at the end on his Pittsburgh Steelers Subaru throne? I thought he was going to be a hologram again, but then he wasn't? I dunno.
Maybe it's just me, but 97% of the costumes in this movie really drew the eye to the crotch. I wish Stella'd worn the red and silver number with the cape more, it was a good look.
I really liked the mini glass spaceship they took to the Amazon planet. Throw some succulents, some cushions and pillows, a stack of books, and a big fuzzy blanket in there and I'd be set for life.

Edited October 11, 2019 by muttnik
I'm so bad at logos

[Smigg. 509]

1 minute ago, muttnik said:

Maybe it's just me, but 97% of the costumes in this movie really drew the eye to the crotch. I wish Stella'd worn the red and silver number with the cape more, it was a good look.

I'll be honest, the about 20 minutes I could make through this movie before tapping out.  I did think to myself "Hey, she's hot, wonder if they make her take her clothes off for no reason."

About 10 seconds later, she did. 

But then, when she said "This planet is gonna burn my skin off", I just thought "You're wearing a bikini, by choice, for no apparent reason."

[muttnik 476]

6 minutes ago, Smigg. said:

But then, when she said "This planet is gonna burn my skin off", I just thought "You're wearing a bikini, by choice, for no apparent reason."

Had the exact same thought. Also, "a barren desert of whiteness", sounds like Scottsdale, AZ.

[Cam Bert 8145]

With my apologies to the Tank Top Balcony Bros, while you have a very valid theory about Guardians of the Galaxy and Starcrash I think it goes a bit deeper than that in fact it goes the other way around. I mean the one character's name is Thor. If that is not a nod to their Marvel comics inspiration I don't know what is. However, something struck me as I was rewatching this movie. A lot of the characters in the movie look awfully similar to other things that I know. Now, we covered Zardoz and the obvious Star Wars rips, but there was something very comic booky about it all to me. Then the spirit of Stan Lee came down and smacked me in the head because it became crystal clear. This movie is the Kree/Skrull war people!! Don't believe me let's looks at some side by sides I quickly dashed together in paint (nothing but the finest for you folks).

First the Krang Judge head is clearly just the leader of the Kree the Supreme Intelligence

Next, our pal Thor was a bad guy, then a good guy, then a bad guy. Very shifty like a Skrull!

Then Akton, the hero of the show. Well he kinda looks like the Kree hero himself Captain Marvel

 

Though if you ask me he looks more like Adam Warlock with the hair and colour pattern but that doesn't fit in as well with everything.

And the evil Count is either Black Tom Cassidy or Count Neferia. Neither again fit in with the whole cosmic theme but there is probably some Eternal or Inhuman or somebody I'm forgetting about. Which I guess makes Elle a Celestial. You figure it out people.

[Cam Bert 8145]

Also, FYI Jason the movie you were thinking and/or hoping Starcrash would be actually does exist! I present to you... Flesh Gordon! (Don't worry I used the SFW version)

Yep, it's a X rated softcore porno from the mid 70s that tries to pass itself off as a parody of Flash Gordon. Hunky football star Flesh is enlisted by Professor Flexi Jerkoff to ride aboard his penis shaped rocket to go stop the evil Emperor Wang the Perverted who is control of the powerful sex ray. When hit by the sex ray you... well, have sex with anyone around you. Somehow he's going to use this to take over the galaxy. It climaxes in Flesh fighting a giant stop motion monster voiced by real life giant stop motion monster Craig T Nelson! I love the The Incredibles but read about this guy's politics... The movie is exactly what you think it is. Outdated and offensive puns and gags peppered over horrible action scenes of barely clothed people and sex scenes. 

Sounds bad right? Well, it is but it is not nearly as bad as it's sequel which came out 15 years later... Flesh Gordon Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders!

(Trailer too NSFW for here but feel free to go to Youtube if you're curious and hate yourself)

[Smigg. 509]

You know how movies like "The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly" were called "Spaghetti Westerns", because they were made in Italy. Does this make Starcrash a Spaghetti Sci-Fi, or does it have a different name, like Sci-Fi Bolognese, or SPACE-ghetti?

[Elektra Boogaloo 3371]

I think they meant the robot to be “el” (Male pronoun in Spanish) but forgot to look it up and called it “Elle” because that is the level of research. 

I loved all cheering for librarians. Should we have a meet up at the next ALA? 

Also what was the June earrings/collar joke?

[sunnydays1981 3]

If we're going to bend over backwards to compare Starcrash to Guardians, we should at least do O'Bannon and Kemper credit by extending that to point out once again that Guardians ripped off it's entire DNA from Farscape.

It's the 20th anniversary of Farscape which is, debatably, the best space opera of all time, credit where credit is due. Or, in this case, I guess accusations of ripping off Starcrash where accusations of ripping off Starcrash are due lol.

https://www.reddit.com/r/farscape/comments/1yube4/guardians_of_the_galaxy_is_really_similar_to/

-Danielle @MsDaniMendus

[BrakYeller 16]

Speaking of ripping off, anyone else notice how Star Wars Rogue One basically uses the same main theme as Starcrash?  See here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40C-b6Umgy4

Well, I probably shouldn't go so far as to call it a rip-off--  since Starcrash is basically a rip-off of Star Wars, we could say the Rogue One theme is an homage.  Some background:  Michael Giacchino (pronounced 'jah-KEEN-oh' for those of you wondering) wasn't the original composer for Rogue One, and was brought on to the film late in the game.  He had something like 4 weeks to come up with a score.  Now, I'm not saying he took an easy way out and just tweaked the theme from Starcrash to get him through the day.  Giacchino has said he's a fan of John Barry (the composer for Starcrash), and given that Rogue One was the first of the outrigger Star Wars stories, I can see Giacchino having a little bit of fun in "paying homage" to one of the more notorious Star Wars rip-offs.  So, in the end, maybe not so much of a rip-off of the theme, but man...  the side by side comparison of the two themes blows my mind.  I was at the live show and really considered doing a Second Opinions song about it, but my singing chops are pretty much non-existent and some of the other people there ended up doing a much better job than I ever could have.

[Cameron H. 23786]

27 minutes ago, sunnydays1981 said:

It's the 20th anniversary of Farscape which is, debatably, the best space opera of all time, credit where credit is due.

This is 100% true.

[Crummy Scrimmage 188]

Elle's voice reminded me of "Old B.O.B." from The Black Hole...another robot with a southern accent from another Star Wars rip-off. But Starcrash came first, so...I guess they were setting the trend? Interesting, too, that Paul read a 5-star review that mentioned Slim Pickens (the voice of Old B.O.B.). Well...maybe not that interesting.

[BrakYeller 16]

Fun robo-fact: the guy who did the voice for Elle in Starcrash went on to do the voice of Gizmoduck in Duck Tales.

I apologize for knowing way too much about this shitty, shitty movie.

[RichmondLibrarian45 7]

So, Stella Star is pretty much the main hero of this movie and subverts many gendered tropes in sci-fi and film more broadly. She is the best pilot, does most of the adventuring, rescues a prince (Hasselhoff), and Akton dies to advance her storyline (see: Fridging). So I ask, was this movie conceived as a feminist response to Star Wars (A New Hope), which famously doesn't pass the Bechdel test? (Stella's conversation with the Amazon Queen makes this movie pass the BT).

[RyanSz 3140]

So June only barely touched the surface of what we offer at libraries, as not only do we offer homework help and tutoring, we also have computer classes for all ages, coding classes, literacy tutoring for ESL students, and various programs like laser tag and what I just went through putting together over the last year, a comic convention. Plus, since I’m in charge of ordering movies for my library I make sure we have all the HDTGM best.

I will also now say that considering Hollywood’s past of mainstream actors/workers like Timothy Hutton, Carrie Fisher, Trey Parker, and Matt Stone, appearing in pornos, and Bella Thorne directing one this year, I won’t be surprised to see Oscar winner Christopher Plunmer hosting next year’s AVN Awards to announce his partnership with Rocco Sifferedi in his starring role in Roman Big Titty Bukkake 54.

[Cameron H. 23786]

Regarding the name “Elle,” in the Star Wars novelizations, the droids’ designations are similarly written phonetically. So R2-D2 is spelled Artoo-Detoo and C-3PO is See-Threepio. This is also true in a lot of Star Wars media if you watch with closed captioning. I would guess this is to give their characters “proper” names rather than just serial numbers to help the audience better identify them as beings rather than things. 

So I think the hosts are correct and “Elle” is supposed to be the phonetically spelled version of the letter “L” - although he must have been one of the first off the production line to have a one letter serial number. This explanation makes even more sense if the screenwriter was only familiar with Star Wars through the novels. He was following a precedent.

[Smigg. 509]

3 hours ago, Cam Bert said:

Also, FYI Jason the movie you were thinking and/or hoping Starcrash would be actually does exist! I present to you... Flesh Gordon! (Don't worry I used the SFW version)

Yep, it's a X rated softcore porno from the mid 70s that tries to pass itself off as a parody of Flash Gordon. Hunky football star Flesh is enlisted by Professor Flexi Jerkoff to ride aboard his penis shaped rocket to go stop the evil Emperor Wang the Perverted who is control of the powerful sex ray. When hit by the sex ray you... well, have sex with anyone around you. Somehow he's going to use this to take over the galaxy. It climaxes in Flesh fighting a giant stop motion monster voiced by real life giant stop motion monster Craig T Nelson! I love the The Incredibles but read about this guy's politics... The movie is exactly what you think it is. Outdated and offensive puns and gags peppered over horrible action scenes of barely clothed people and sex scenes. 

Sounds bad right? Well, it is but it is not nearly as bad as it's sequel which came out 15 years later... Flesh Gordon Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders!

(Trailer too NSFW for here but feel free to go to Youtube if you're curious and hate yourself)

 

Okay, I need to see this movie.

[Cam Bert 8145]

25 minutes ago, Cameron H. said:

Regarding the name “Elle,” in the Star Wars novelizations, the droids’ designations are similarly written phonetically. So R2-D2 is spelled Artoo-Detoo and C-3PO is See-Threepio. This is also true in a lot of Star Wars media if you watch with closed captioning. I would guess this is to give their characters “proper” names rather than just serial numbers to help the audience better identify them as beings rather than things. 

So I think the hosts are correct and “Elle” is supposed to be the phonetically spelled version of the letter “L” - although he must have been one of the first off the production line to have a one letter serial number. This explanation makes even more sense if the screenwriter was only familiar with Star Wars through the novels. He was following a precedent.

Now this movie doesn't broach this issue like Star Wars does, but we are in a Galaxy with multiple languages. What if "Elle" has a serial number but it is written in an alien alphabet and number system. When Chief Thor acquirers him, he sees the serial number but can't read it. However, if the lighting is right and you are squinting at the right angle it looks like "Elle". So he just calls him "Elle."

[Crummy Scrimmage 188]

Caroline Munro's voice was dubbed by Candy Clark...who is this week's guest on Unspooled. Coincidence??!?

Probably.

[taylor anne photo 11311]

44 minutes ago, Cam Bert said:

Now this movie doesn't broach this issue like Star Wars does, but we are in a Galaxy with multiple languages. What if "Elle" has a serial number but it is written in an alien alphabet and number system. When Chief Thor acquirers him, he sees the serial number but can't read it. However, if the lighting is right and you are squinting at the right angle it looks like "Elle". So he just calls him "Elle."

What if we're misgendering Elle and she identifies as a female and the name Elle refers to her gender because that's the French way of saying a female pronoun?

EDIT: Did not realize that was the first literal thing Paul mentioned about this robot lol.

[Smigg. 509]

Maybe its not "Elle", but E.L.L.E, with some stupid ass cheap sci-fi name like

Electrohumanoid Lunar Law Enforcer

[Cameron H. 23786]

I’ll be the first to admit, I might not have caught everything that was going on in this movie, but if I’m not mistaken, I’m pretty sure Emperor Edelweiss’ plan at the end of the movie is to fake the death of his entire fleet, but then immediately attack so as to blow any kind of tactical advantage such a ploy might offer. I’m really not sure how that plan accomplished anything other than weakening their own space navy.

[taylor anne photo 11311]

Is anyone else unable to react to posts right now? Trying to troubleshoot my browser to make sure it's not on my end but every time I try to like Cameron and Smigg's posts it tells me a big fat NAH BRAH

[Cameron H. 23786]

33 minutes ago, taylorannephoto said:

Is anyone else unable to react to posts right now? Trying to troubleshoot my browser to make sure it's not on my end but every time I try to like Cameron and Smigg's posts it tells me a big fat NAH BRAH

MY POSTS MUST BE LIKED!!
 

(I can’t “like” anything either. Nor can I add a hilarious gif  )