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Episode 33 — Antigua Is So Beautiful

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Sean and Hayes are very excited to share their recent Teen Choice Awards nominations. They talk about The Bachelorette’s beautiful finale and the hashtag harshness that happened on this week’s The Challenge. Then stand-up comedian/Family Man writer KEVIN BIGGINS is in the building to talk all about Hard Knocks.

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It hurts so good.

 

Did you guys watch The Contender? It was a boxing show with Sugar Ray Leonard and one of the contestants committed suicide. Well, thinking about this show inspired me to look up other reality show suicides and I found some interesting ones. There was a guy from Paradise Hotel who I remember being the only likeable person on the show. He jumped off of a tower. There was a woman whose sister was going to be on Extreme Makeover, so she was made to be overly critical about her sister's "before" appearance, but the show ended up not giving her a makeover at all. Her sister felt guilty so she killed herself and her sister is raising her children. And a guy from the Swedish version of Survivor threw himself in front of a train because he thought he'd look like a fool on the show. And obviously Mindy McCready from Celebrity Rehab.

 

Hey, sorry to be critical again, but how come you guys kept calling that contestant on The Challenge "Theresa"? Wes kissed her once, remember? She doesn't have a name anymore, now she's just Wes' trash. Sorry bros, I just had to call you out on it. I'm a straight shooter and I hate to call you low self-esteem, but if the shoe fits.

 

It's 3:30am by the way, so if my post is too safe and uncontroversial, it's because I'm tired.

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As a current Resident of Cincinnati, I can personally say that it's kind of awful.

 

But sort of cool.

 

Yall got me bussin' up

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Well, now that I've been name-checked I guess I have to listen to this show for all of eternity. I'll forgive you guys for butchering my name because I love you guys so much and because I like attention. As long as you guys don't call me low self esteem I'm okay.

 

@Valerie Bryant - Perfect amount of controversial.

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Cincinnati does not suck. Burdrulz sucks. #imsorry. You guys brought up Jordan missing a hand. If you remember on the last season of The Bachelor there was a girl who didn't have an arm. Is this becoming a reality show trend?

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hi, i am just posting so you will mention my name on the show

well, see ya

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I'm gonna really focus and step my posting game up so I can earn a shout out next time.

 

PS does anyone else out there in Reality TV land watch The Next Food Network Star? I somehow got hooked on watching it and none of my shitty friends have the same terrible taste in shows as me so I have no one to talk about it with and it's ruining my life because I am bursting with gripes about shitty decisions made by the judges.

 

PPS Everyone check out this cool Splash-inspired RSS song I made if you haven't yet. thanks bye

https://soundcloud.com/kneisage/reality-show-show-splash-intro

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I didn't understand a word of the second half of the show. I don't get sports. Athletes and balls don't co-exist within my sports free vacuum. It's important to tell people that I don't watch sports.

 

PS does anyone else out there in Reality TV land watch The Next Food Network Star?

I do. After every season I wonder if we'll ever get to see a "40-50ish failed rocker guy" food network show. They trot one or two of them out every time to, I suppose, taunt them with one last glimpse at fame. Or maybe it's just to put that nugget of curiosity in the audience's mind and get them thinking "I know this guy can't play the guitar or sing well enough to make a living, but will that soul-patch help him cook?"

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I do. After every season I wonder if we'll ever get to see a "40-50ish failed rocker guy" food network show. They trot one or two of them out every time to, I suppose, taunt them with one last glimpse at fame. Or maybe it's just to put that nugget of curiosity in the audience's mind and get them thinking "I know this guy can't play the guitar or sing well enough to make a living, but will that soul-patch help him cook?"

 

It seems like they keep trying in vain to recapture that Guy Fieri magic. But yeah I'd love to see a show full of dad rock guys with Big Dog t-shirt 'tude that all describe themselves as "the rock 'n roll chef." Let's pitch this thing.

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I'm just glad the guys got my name right, you wouldn't believe how many people pronounce it wrong. Its almost like they don't realize my name is Nick Arnold and I just smashed it together for Narnold

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It seems like they keep trying in vain to recapture that Guy Fieri magic. But yeah I'd love to see a show full of dad rock guys with Big Dog t-shirt 'tude that all describe themselves as "the rock 'n roll chef." Let's pitch this thing.

You're right, it's a Fieri thing! Man that show sounds fantastic. A bunch of old dudes in aprons un-ironically going "Dude did you check out how baller this garlic-mayo is?"

"You nailed it bro, totally baller."

*fist bump*

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This ep of Rivals was easily one of the top reality show moments ever (possibly only narrowly bested by the time Kenny turned the tables on Wes in Fresh Meat or the time Kenny carried Wes up a fucking mountain!!!).

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I'm just glad the guys got my name right, you wouldn't believe how many people pronounce it wrong. Its almost like they don't realize my name is Nick Arnold and I just smashed it together for Narnold

 

Well, I bet your #life is just a #pieceofcake, a walk down #easystreet. Some of us have #weirdfirstnames and we're #cursed with people mispronouncing them for all of #eternity. And now, not only am I stuck with people mispronouncing my #unconventionalfirstname, I'm also stuck listening to this one goddamn #podcast for all of #eternity too even though they mispronounced my #name when they #name-checked me. What the #fuck? Is anyone else #angry about this? Valerie Bryant, can you get #controversial about this #please?

 

#Pissed #RealitySHOWShow #AloneInThisWorld #NoOneUnderstandsMe #WTF #NotTheOneWithMarcMaron #SuperSeriousAboutThis #DontKnowWhenToStopWithJokes #MaybeIveGoneTooFar #9/11 #NeverForget #TrueAmericanPatriots

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I would like to know if Antigua is as beautiful as the baked potato mentioned in this classic episode of The Reality SHOW Show http://www.earwolf.com/episode/beautiful-baked-potato/.

 

Is the Antigua better because it's bigger and has all sorts of wonderful scenery? Or does the potato take the (metaphoircal) cake because it's steamy, delicious, and being given the hard sell by Jeff Probst?

 

This is my attempt to "bring it" harder, because I was another person who was not name checked, and obviously I need to step it up. Trying not to buss up in a bad way over here.

 

ANYWAYS, let me know which is better, the island paradise or the baked potato.

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Until listening to this episode of the Reality SHEW shew, I had completely forgotten about the "accidentally voting in the guy I'm sleeping with" incident because I was originally just focused on Zach's craziness and his tum-tum issues. It was a great moment in television history when two throwaway votes allowed Diem to send Ty and Leroy to the Jungle. And I can see why Theresa (aka Wes' Bag of Garbage) is so mad at Diem because Diem clearly doesn't understand the concept of a throwaway vote. Theresa voted for Leroy so he WOULDN'T go into the Jungle. Duh! At least in the Jungle Leroy was temporarily safe from worrying about Wes' potential #HashtagRevenge. Getting someone soooo good like that, you're constantly looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life expecting #HashtagRetaliation. It's not a fun life, but it's the life Leroy chose when he called Wes #LowSelfEsteem.

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You know who else from the forums didn't get name-checked and need to step it up? Sean and Hayes...

 

Yeah, I said it. I'm so angry about this I might just throw my helmet at TheNarnold. (Sorry man, I was aiming at Andy Kneis and his Astro Van.)

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I'm gonna punch theannimal in the face@!!!!!!! #imsorry #justkidding #hopeyoucleanitup #budz

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Andy Kneis that song is incredible

 

I second that. Great work man!

 

I apologize for aiming that helmet at you and your van in my last post. Friends?

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This ep of Rivals was easily one of the top reality show moments ever (possibly only narrowly bested by the time Kenny turned the tables on Wes in Fresh Meat or the time Kenny carried Wes up a fucking mountain!!!).

 

As an avowed Wes hater, one of my favorite moments in Challenge history occurred on that final mission. At one point in it, the teams basically had an eating contest, where they had to throw down tons and tons of food. Kenny was handling it very well, and Wes looked like he wanted to puke pretty early on. That led to this priceless exchange that basically went like this (sorry if my memory is not precise):

 

Wes: How can you keep eating this stuff?

 

Kenny: 'CAUSE I'M NOT A FUCKING PUSSY.

 

 

Gold.

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I'm a straight shooter and I hate to call you low self-esteem, but if the shoe fits.

 

Please be careful whom you call low self-esteem.

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Please be careful whom you call low self-esteem.

 

or who, for that matter

 

Wait, where was I going with that? I totally forgot what I was trying to say because fucking Antigua is so goddamn fucking beautiful. I mean, especially compared to that shithole Barbuda. But seriously, I am so lucky to be here in fabulous fucking Antigua with my friends former Attorney General Janet Reno, Jodi Arias, and, of course, Diane Rehm (aka the silver fox of public radio). I mean, it's always been a dream of mine to go to Antigua, but I never expected it to be so fucking amazing here in Antigua.

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I am sure Sean and Hayes would be interested to know that Burdrulz has quit watching The Challenge! Which means he is on my list and Im sure TJ's list of "people that Im not feeling."

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