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JulyDiaz

Episode 48 — Pete Holmes, Our LIVE Friend

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Kiddie Question:

 

(pulls into drive thru line)

 

What do you want? A happy meal? Do you want a chicken nugget happy meal or a hamburger sandwich happy meal?... Come on it's our turn we're at the speaker... yes you can have chocolate milk... but hurry up I need to know, there's a line behind us...what's it gonna be chicken or hamburger?? <Horn Honks> stop saying UM... which one do you want chicken or hamburger?!... Let's go or you're not getting anything!!... Make up your fucking mind! AHHHHH!!!

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Harlen and Carter, have you ever watched The Americans? Keri Russell showed her whole behinder on one episode and I saw it. You should consider writing an episode.

 

Lee, grow up already.

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Ya guys my nephews are visiting. Any questions for them? I call it the baby corn gallery. I will post answers on here ASAP. The twins are named Harlen and Carter, you can ask them whatevs. Lee is the baby so I'll try to get answers from him. Thank you. And u will all be pleased.

Dear Harlen, Carter, and Lee

 

Are you happy your parents just pulled out an atlas, flipped to the Kentucky page, and named you after the first county they put their finger on?

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I listened to the Wolf Den and this new guy Adam's Sax's wife is supposedly some huge HH-head. So basically they're untouchable. Also, I'm wondering if she's a poster. My money is on this Anastasia lady.

 

Yes, I am the wealthy wife of this wealthy CEO who has a professional relationship with all of the comedians and podcasters that I admire. Yeah, this story sounds nice. I'll take it.

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You guys!!!....

 

I got challenged...

 

I'm fucking just as pissed as all of you and I was this close to just say eff naw.

 

But my dad challenged me, and he's like mad at me for some reason or whatever.

 

Probably because I didn't mow the lawn. Also it might have been a good idea to leave the patio furniture on the deck instead of throwing that shit all over the yard like the angry understand suburban kid I am dudeesss...

 

So here's how I 'interpreted' the ice bucket challenge.

 

Also I realize no one is doing this anymore and I'm late to the game, but you gotta realize that my crew doesn't do this 'kind of shit' and my parents are about 2 weeks late to anything existing in pop culture.

 

(to be real it is really cool that something like this happened organically amongst people and raised tons of money or whatever.)

 

But fuckk that!!!

 

 

(notice I didn't challenge anyone else... because it's over everyone... we're done.)

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Icee bucket challenge? What were you saying? It seemed painful. Can you get a brain freeze from putting cold stuff on your head?

 

 

Good job. Tell your dad I said hi.

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Tell your dad I said hi.

same

 

your hair is beautiful burdrules

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The only ice bucket challenge i'm interested in is me trying to drink this whole bucket of iced-tea!

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b-rulz, that was awesome and so pretty. How did you keep your eyes open through all of that icee?

 

your hair is beautiful burdrules

 

I second that, greggy.

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Yeah, it's obvious ice buckets hurts. But know what you guys? Al's disease? It hurts SO much worse

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i'm pretty nice irl, swearsies. at the very least i DEF crush the fake-nice game due to my job 'n stuff

 

also, i don't even live in nh anymore... whatta disgrace :wacko:/>

 

 

i'm pretty nice irl, swearsies. at the very least i DEF crush the fake-nice game due to my job 'n stuff

 

also, i don't even live in nh anymore... whatta disgrace :wacko:/>/>

 

It's okay. I kinda crush hard on girls I'm afraid of. I'm sure it has to do with my relationship with my mom or some shit. We're cool.

 

Also, I get the feeling that people on here think we're like enemies or something even though we have actually FB chatted and are cool. I think we should keep playing it up as a weird awkward game.

 

Siri, send private message.

 

Siri, text mom and tell her she forgot to buy peanut butter. Because she's a lazy degenerate.

 

Fuck. This is still on dictate. God damnit Siri.

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I'm the person who buys the peanut butter in this house... boy did I fuck up on the last haul... bought 3 jars of smooth Teddy's by accident. Apparently the crunchy kind is the only acceptable one for my live-in partner in sin. Just set my quest for an engagement ring back 4 years :( .... time to delete my wedding pinterest boards!! FUCK whatta disaster

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I'm the person who buys the peanut butter in this house... boy did I fuck up on the last haul... bought 3 jars of smooth Teddy's by accident. Apparently the crunchy kind is the only acceptable one for my live-in partner in sin. Just set my quest for an engagement ring back 4 years :( .... time to delete my wedding pinterest boards!! FUCK whatta disaster

 

Just buy some loose peanuts and mix them in - problem solved.

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never trust loose nuts

 

Loose nuts sink sluts.

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Hey every1 I'll drop the baby corn gallery results on Tuesday. Freja, I'll put a ring on it. But I don't believe on marriage.

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Oh. That's pretty cool, I guess. I've always preferred the packaged nuts, myself. I guess you'll just have to excuse this city boy and his newfangled ways. Wiyh my rush-rush lifestyle I need something that won't muss my suit pants pockets or even like Japanese jeans maybe, but only Fridays.

 

I bet for you guys working the land probably in New Hampshire you just reach down between your bare toesies, plunge your hands into the rich earf, scramble around in there bc just so many rocks, and come up w a nice handful of fresh loose nuts. And you just pop em right in your mouth w like bugs on it but you don't even GAF. Like U.S. President James Carters. Then you just tighten the straps on your barrel that's your only pants and you get back to work picking up so many rocks all day.

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Is anyone watching Utopia tonight? I need to know if this is going to be something I need to watch. From all the promos, I already hate everyone involved so I'll probably love it.

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Hey burdrulz, did anyone make a brain freeze joke yet? I liked your video and it should be playing above slurpee machines at 7/11.

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Mean Detective-- YOU ARE EXCUSED

 

....but actually, I kinda feel ya on the peanuts vs pb sitch... growing up, i was def on the loose nuts team. but that's b/c there's no such thing as peanut butter in sweden so then when i moved here and first heard about peanut butter i thought it was literally butter with like chunks of peanuts in it. oh and to further prove how removed sweden is from the pb lifestyle-- some swedish friends of mine came to visit me recently and having never seen peanut butter before they wanted to try it and so i had this whole breakfast spread set up and i looked away for a second and then turned back and realized that they had spread cow's butter on their toast, let it melt, and then spread peanut butter ON TOP of that splodgy mess. and then they did the whole loud "MMMMMMMMM" thing with the fake head nods that you do when someone serves you really gross stuff but you feel like you have to pretend to like it. i flung my hands up in the air, looked at the camera and said "I GIVE UP!" and the studio audience cheered B)

 

Joe, you better believe I will be tuning into Utopia! I've heard great stuff about it-- mainly that the live feeds (which I think are free?) are a hot fucking mess and that the people on there are loons... I hope this is true!

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Is anyone watching Utopia tonight? I need to know if this is going to be something I need to watch. From all the promos, I already hate everyone involved so I'll probably love it.

 

Utopia, the C4 drama thing? super-oversaturated and all? I know that hollywood is a small town and everuthing but as a fly from the flyover states let me say that i think it's shit.

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That was sure some sports. That one chick and those other chicks then the young team was all yeah and the old guy was still totally whhoooaaa. Like keanu, everywhere. I said whew. From being relieved and SAFE at home (for baseball's fans)

 

Hope you all made large sums of money winnings on your teams for new yachts and and to wine then for also dining movies financiers for next season at Sunnydancers. But Pete holmes. what is the deal with his comedy?

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