Episode 59 — Paul Scheer, Our Close Friend

[squoopy doops 157]

It's (an inopportune) time for

 

The Reality Show Show Clip of the Week

 

This weeks clip: Face Down in a Locker (from episode 24, while talking about The Real World)

[Assblaster(truly_blessed) 125]

Woah am I five posts in and already in full damage control?

[watchayakan 1021]

This is getting verrrry "one hour photo" in here. Did yall see that movie? Robin Williams is a freakin creep he creeps me out gimme the creeps in my sheets follow me through the night and he creeps in my sleeps I weep and I weep save me dear please I can say it again the dude is a creep!!!!

I feels ya. Deeply.

[watchayakan 1021]

So I just joined this week after hearing how awesome the forums are for months and months from S&H and it is super hard to keep up with y'all.

[rod aug 5637]

the hell is going on in here

[burdrulz 1760]

It's (an inopportune) time for

 

The Reality Show Show Clip of the Week

 

This weeks clip: Face Down in a Locker (from episode 24, while talking about The Real World)

 

I loved this one. I'm sorry but I ran out of likes. you all are fuckin killing me.

 

Anastasia (btw I actually dated a half puerto rican girl in highschool named anastasia) this forum is getting fucking..... spicyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

[xoValeriexo 4369]

Woah am I five posts in and already in full damage control?

 

I actually like that you posted her photo. I don't think it's that weird. I prefer that kind of positive invasive photo taking rather than the stuff my fb friends post, like a video of a female body builder at a coffee shop with the caption "That's really a man."

 

She's fly like the planes in the air.

[greggy 15909]

that was rly brave of sean to share

 

in high school i was on the jv anal sex team (go woodcocks) so in the off-season i didnt even know what to do with myself

[Spunky Foonerism 8561]

WE TOTES SAW SOME IRL D THO

I missed that. I was mistaking it for the step-dads thing from this thread that we are doing right now. I fucked up again, I don't know all the inside jokes yet, and now I feel like a big stupid idiot. I have a dad AND a step-dad, and now I'm wondering if I should post a pic of the two of them together because they were best friends in college. Maybe that would make up for this huge blunder.

[chanson 9697]

Anastasia (btw I actually dated a half puerto rican girl in highschool named anastasia) this forum is getting fucking..... spicyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

 

^^^^^^^

Yo! is this racist?

[Bozos of Basketball 3689]

Tried to have cat video fun but I can't know how.

[watchayakan 1021]

I missed that. I was mistaking it for the step-dads thing from this thread that we are doing right now. I fucked up again, I don't know all the inside jokes yet, and now I feel like a big stupid idiot. I have a dad AND a step-dad, and now I'm wondering if I should post a pic of the two of them together because they were best friends in college. Maybe that would make up for this huge blunder.

I feel like we are owed an interesting story!

[Spunky Foonerism 8561]

I feel like we are owed an interesting story!

Whoa there, pal! I gotta keep some stuff in reserve, I've only been on here for two days. No story right now, but I might put a photo of them and swap their faces to protect their anonymity.

[alargebucket 1589]

I feel like we are owed an interesting story!

Since Spunky wouldn't deliver, here's one I made up:

 

Hank Palermo and Jared Foonerism were born at the same second, in the same hospital, to nurses with the same last name and roughly similar breast size on Easter Sunday 1957. It was the year everything changed. From the kinder grades to Big State University, Hank and Jared were inseparable. They lived and loved together, laughed and cried together, and even lied for each other. Once, when Hank broke a window at the local library trying to return a copy of Evelyn Waugh's "Decline and Fall", Jared turned himself in to the cops so Hank could play quarterman in the big game against Rivalville that weekend. From his holding cell, Jared listened on the devil's talk box as Hank scored the winning touchgoal just before time expired on the big clock. Hank was named Eternal MVP and got a massive trophy he couldn't even pick up, like Thor's hammer. It's still in the center of the Flyover High field to this day. The teams simply play around it in Hank's honor, brushing his helmet for good luck as they make their right quick drivers up the grassy. And when Jared found out he was infertile in the late '70s, he turned to Hank for help. Hank remembered the ecstasy he felt putting all those points on the board, the butt-touches he got from the cheerleaders as he was hoisted in the air like a young Jewish boy entering adulthood... and knew he had to repay his friend for that night spent in the slammer with Big Sheriff Bobby, the baddest man in all of Flyover. So, they crafted a plan. Hank would be the one to father Jared's baby boy. But neither the Foonerism or Palermo families could ever know and the men themselves were too poor to pay for an artificial insemination. So, Hank would have to do the deed himself, just as those animals do on the Discovery Channel. But they were religious men and Jared knew he couldn't let his wife get pregnant from a man to whom she wasn't married. So on the 4th of July 1979, Jared and Dana Foonerism divorced. Had anyone known, it would've torn the town apart. Their keys to the city would have been revoked and then melted into a big broken heart to be mounted in town square. The newly split couple would have been kicked across the Flyover town limits, right into Rivalville. But no one ever knew. After the divorce, Hank and Dana kidnapped Father Joseph by threat of shotgun and had a shotgun wedding in Old Man McCutcheon's barn, right behind the hay bales where Jared and Dana shared their first kiss. It was a beautiful ceremony. The horses whinnied, the pigs slopped and Karen the Cow gave milk for the first time in a decade. After the dinner service, Hank did what he had to do for his friend, sowing the seed that would one day become the Spunkmaster Flex himself. Out of respect, he kept his eyes closed the whole time and thought only of his big trophy sitting out their in the grass, covered in bird shit. He divorced Dana that next morning and returned her hand to Jared, who remarried her that same night in Old Man McCutcheon's basement, where Father Joseph was still tied up. He was never much good with knots, you know... And such is the story of Spunky Foo, the man with two daddies.

 

[Casaba 5942]

 

Anastasia (btw I actually dated a half puerto rican girl in highschool named anastasia) this forum is getting fucking..... spicyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

 

Whoa! I'm half Cuban!

 

And Anastasia is neither a Cuban nor a Puerto Rican name! What was her other half?

[Spunky Foonerism 8561]

Since Spunky wouldn't deliver, here's one I made up:

 

Hank Palermo and Jared Foonerism were born at the same second, in the same hospital, to nurses with the same last name and roughly similar breast size on Easter Sunday 1957. It was the year everything changed. From the kinder grades to Big State University, Hank and Jared were inseparable. They lived and loved together, laughed and cried together, and even lied for each other. Once, when Hank broke a window at the local library trying to return a copy of Evelyn Waugh's "Decline and Fall", Jared turned himself in to the cops so Hank could play quarterman in the big game against Rivalville that weekend. From his holding cell, Jared listened on the devil's talk box as Hank scored the winning touchgoal just before time expired on the big clock. Hank was named Eternal MVP and got a massive trophy he couldn't even pick up, like Thor's hammer. It's still in the center of the Flyover High field to this day. The teams simply play around it in Hank's honor, brushing his helmet for good luck as they make their right quick drivers up the grassy. And when Jared found out he was infertile in the late '70s, he turned to Hank for help. Hank remembered the ecstasy he felt putting all those points on the board, the butt-touches he got from the cheerleaders as he was hoisted in the air like a young Jewish boy entering adulthood... and knew he had to repay his friend for that night spent in the slammer with Big Sheriff Bobby, the baddest man in all of Flyover. So, they crafted a plan. Hank would be the one to father Jared's baby boy. But neither the Foonerism or Palermo families could ever know and the men themselves were too poor to pay for an artificial insemination. So, Hank would have to do the deed himself, just as those animals do on the Discovery Channel. But they were religious men and Jared knew he couldn't let his wife get pregnant from a man to whom she wasn't married. So on the 4th of July 1979, Jared and Dana Foonerism divorced. Had anyone known, it would've torn the town apart. Their keys to the city would have been revoked and then melted into a big broken heart to be mounted in town square. The newly split couple would have been kicked across the Flyover town limits, right into Rivalville. But no one ever knew. After the divorce, Hank and Dana kidnapped Father Joseph by threat of shotgun and had a shotgun wedding in Old Man McCutcheon's barn, right behind the hay bales where Jared and Dana shared their first kiss. It was a beautiful ceremony. The horses whinnied, the pigs slopped and Karen the Cow gave milk for the first time in a decade. After the dinner service, Hank did what he had to do for his friend, sowing the seed that would one day become our friend Spunky. Out of respect, he kept his eyes closed the whole time and thought only of his big trophy sitting out their in the grass, covered in bird shit. He divorced Dana that next morning and returned her hand to Jared, who remarried her that same night in Old Man McCutcheon's basement, where Father Joseph was still tied up--he wasn't much good with knots... And such is the story of Spunky Foo, the man with two daddies.

 

 

That is uncanny. If that wasn't my origin story before, it sure as hell is now. And you're not far off on several of the details!

[Casaba 5942]

 

Since Spunky wouldn't deliver, here's one I made up:

 

Hank Palermo and Jared Foonerism were born at the same second, in the same hospital, to nurses with the same last name and roughly similar breast size on Easter Sunday 1957. It was the year everything changed. From the kinder grades to Big State University, Hank and Jared were inseparable. They lived and loved together, laughed and cried together, and even lied for each other. Once, when Hank broke a window at the local library trying to return a copy of Evelyn Waugh's "Decline and Fall", Jared turned himself in to the cops so Hank could play quarterman in the big game against Rivalville that weekend. From his holding cell, Jared listened on the devil's talk box as Hank scored the winning touchgoal just before time expired on the big clock. Hank was named Eternal MVP and got a massive trophy he couldn't even pick up, like Thor's hammer. It's still in the center of the Flyover High field to this day. The teams simply play around it in Hank's honor, brushing his helmet for good luck as they make their right quick drivers up the grassy. And when Jared found out he was infertile in the late '70s, he turned to Hank for help. Hank remembered the ecstasy he felt putting all those points on the board, the butt-touches he got from the cheerleaders as he was hoisted in the air like a young Jewish boy entering adulthood... and knew he had to repay his friend for that night spent in the slammer with Big Sheriff Bobby, the baddest man in all of Flyover. So, they crafted a plan. Hank would be the one to father Jared's baby boy. But neither the Foonerism or Palermo families could ever know and the men themselves were too poor to pay for an artificial insemination. So, Hank would have to do the deed himself, just as those animals do on the Discovery Channel. But they were religious men and Jared knew he couldn't let his wife get pregnant from a man to whom she wasn't married. So on the 4th of July 1979, Jared and Dana Foonerism divorced. Had anyone known, it would've torn the town apart. Their keys to the city would have been revoked and then melted into a big broken heart to be mounted in town square. The newly split couple would have been kicked across the Flyover town limits, right into Rivalville. But no one ever knew. After the divorce, Hank and Dana kidnapped Father Joseph by threat of shotgun and had a shotgun wedding in Old Man McCutcheon's barn, right behind the hay bales where Jared and Dana shared their first kiss. It was a beautiful ceremony. The horses whinnied, the pigs slopped and Karen the Cow gave milk for the first time in a decade. After the dinner service, Hank did what he had to do for his friend, sowing the seed that would one day become the Spunkmaster Flex himself. Out of respect, he kept his eyes closed the whole time and thought only of his big trophy sitting out their in the grass, covered in bird shit. He divorced Dana that next morning and returned her hand to Jared, who remarried her that same night in Old Man McCutcheon's basement, where Father Joseph was still tied up. He was never much good with knots, you know... And such is the story of Spunky Foo, the man with two daddies.

 

 

A visual artist AND a wordsmith! You, my friend, are a renaissance man!

[skizelo 2536]

I actually listened to that RSS epi a few days ago, and I've been thinking about "face down in a locker" since. What would he be doing in there?

[ajzthisisdumb 857]

I feel like I "like" lots of stuff on here, yet I never run out of likes. How many likes do I get per day/week/whatevs?

[cameronobrian 98]

I feel like I "like" lots of stuff on here, yet I never run out of likes. How many likes do I get per day/week/whatevs?

Let's just pray to God that you never find out

[burdrulz 1760]

Whoa! I'm half Cuban!

 

And Anastasia is neither a Cuban nor a Puerto Rican name! What was her other half?

 

I'm pretty sure it was of russian or eastern european decent of some kind...

[chanson 9697]

I was just thinking about how there are probably only like 50 people who listen to Hollywood Handjobs, most of them are on the forums, and the other listens come from those people relistening to the episodes.

[JacobCrites 4977]

Seriously....how many listeners do you think this show has? I feel like it's probably only like 500 tops :-/

[rod aug 5637]

Seriously....how many listeners do you think this show has? I feel like it's probably only like 500 tops :-/

that's a pretty weird assumption

 

you think only 500 listeners are contributing to the 4k+ downloads of the Paul Scheer ep?

[Casaba 5942]

 

I'm pretty sure it was of russian or eastern european decent of some kind...

 

My other half is Greek. Hmmm...so, i have a near-doppelganger with my name out there somewhere. I would like to wish her well, but Freud mandates that if I ever meet her I will have to kill her or she will kill me.

 

(Dear NSA, I know you are reading this. The above is a joke. I will not be killing anyone. Sincerely, Anastasia)