Episode 75 — Shelby Fero Again, Our Close Friend

[KempPettyjohn 20]

if any team except Kentucky wins, I will pay everyone who posts in this thread 100 dollhairs

[Alfred Einstein 70]

 

One cool thing is to like the posts you see and like and post whenever you feel like it

 

That might be more agency than I'm comfortable handling, but thanks for the tip!

 

 

I forgot to fill out a bracket, but this tournament is really more of an audition for who the Lakers will take in the draft.

[Chandler Bing.com 60]

What is the funniest tv shows, movies, podcasts you have seen lately? I am asking for a friends. He has a problem I think. The Eric Andre Seasons were side splitting, and SNL seasons 39 to 30 are being downloaded as we speak and so I will let you know if its worth it.

 

any pro tips?

 

If you watch the NCAA tournament on Ballstreams.com then each game is 15 minutes without commercials and referees butt close-ups. No spoilers please.

 

also ballstreams has really good live chat rooms, and you can trade recipes and dog photos with everyone. so have a ball.

[Alfred Einstein 70]

You guys remember Detlef Schremp?

 

What is the funniest tv shows, movies, podcasts you have seen lately? I am asking for a friends. He has a problem I think. The Eric Andre Seasons were side splitting, and SNL seasons 39 to 30 are being downloaded as we speak and so I will let you know if its worth it.

 

any pro tips?

 

Parks and Rec. American Psycho is actually really funny. I'm a little late to that one though.

[greggy 15909]

comedy bang bang is a pretty good podcast/tv show but something tells me you new folks are already aware of it

[Chandler Bing.com 60]

You guys remember Detlef Schremp?

 

 

 

Parks and Rec. American Psycho is actually really funny. I'm a little late to that one though.

 

Haha. the ball don't lie. hooli-hoopers love that one.

 

Detlef Shrimp boat captain had the most natural looking mullet. When his back is turned he looked like a fan and he was like a 2-face character from comic books.

[klobbermang 532]

Lauren Lapkus just posted this on twitter to ask to vote for With Special Guest, but you know what to do

 

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1rU4OrwzCvNtDwuot1Lq8KHktA3hS4bhnZl2kG-rQUhY/viewform

[Casaba 5942]

I am going to take a minute to talk about how great Sean is. First of all, he was born in 1981 (I believe) which is really the best year to be born. Second, his recent interview on Box Angeles was the easy bake oven to my heart. He really makes me want to try harder and be a more driven person.

[chanson 9697]

So wait, Staz, are you still trying to get with Hayes or did you switch to Sean? I'm real confused now.

[Spunky Foonerism 8561]

also ballstreams has really good live chat rooms, and you can trade recipes and dog photos with everyone. so have a ball.

 

That sounds exactly like what I've been looking for!

[Alfred Einstein 70]

Lauren Lapkus just posted this on twitter to ask to vote for With Special Guest, but you know what to do

 

https://docs.google....-rQUhY/viewform

As a compromise I voted for the Lauren Lapkus episode of HH (whch is actually my favorite ep anyways).

[Chandler Bing.com 60]

I am going to take a minute to talk about how great Sean is. First of all, he was born in 1981 (I believe) which is really the best year to be born. Second, his recent interview on Box Angeles was the easy bake oven to my heart. He really makes me want to try harder and be a more driven person.

 

He has shone(sean) his light on many a guest's long shadows, and to this we should all take turns making a toast. The Earwolf Toasting of one of its favourite sons is long overdue. And true story, I have been making toast all week and various sandwiches and I am not lying, but I cannot stand photography or "taking" pictures.

[Chandler Bing.com 60]

 

That sounds exactly like what I've been looking for!

 

be warned, its like a cheerleader competition over there, but everyone knows your name. If anyone wants to jump into the cheer pyramid, let me know which game.

[kittens 1288]

fuck dinner

 

it's fucked

[kittens 1288]

eat a mushroom risotto and watch cars 2

 

life is passing me by

[Chandler Bing.com 60]

Lauren Lapkus just posted this on twitter to ask to vote for With Special Guest, but you know what to do

 

https://docs.google....-rQUhY/viewform

 

what's up doc?

[robinsbruce 4985]

Ranran, how are the shows going? Do you get to take breaks and watch other shows you want to see? Are people being nice to your band? Did you listen to the episode this week?

[Zsinjeh 1677]

As a compromise I voted for the Lauren Lapkus episode of HH (whch is actually my favorite ep anyways).

ughh don't remind me, i'm still working to pay off her appearance fee

[RanRan 3242]

Hi Bruce! Yes, I did listen to the episode this week. It was so good! I was able to listen on my way to and from work because I also have to work every day this week, which is...hectic. The shows have been OK but things are kind of just getting going. I have watched other bands but nobody has really blown me away so far. I am hoping tonight will be good. I am going to see Gang of Four, Pop Group, Merchandise, Deerhoof, and a bunch of other bands.

 

People have almost all been really nice and we're selling some albums and stuff but one Twitter guy said we were a "snoozefest" which made me feel surprisingly bad because, you know, yesterday I worked and then went immediately to our first show and then straight to our second show, where that guy saw us, and I was really tired, but I tried SO HARD at that show. By the end of it I was all sweaty and achey. And I don't even remember seeing that guy there, so he must have been the true snoozefest. Anyway the rest of our shows should be better.

 

Things are pretty busy but I have enough time right now to take a shower and watch this week's episode of the Challenge, so that is a nice treat.

 

EDIT: Actually Big Tits (from Oakland) were really good but it's really hard to like them with that name.

[Chandler Bing.com 60]

squarespice??? that sounds like a spice girl who got married to sponge bob square pants

[robinsbruce 4985]

Hi Bruce! Yes, I did listen to the episode this week. It was so good! I was able to listen on my way to and from work because I also have to work every day this week, which is...hectic. The shows have been OK but things are kind of just getting going. I have watched other bands but nobody has really blown me away so far. I am hoping tonight will be good. I am going to see Gang of Four, Pop Group, Merchandise, Deerhoof, and a bunch of other bands.

 

People have almost all been really nice and we're selling some albums and stuff but one Twitter guy said we were a "snoozefest" which made me feel surprisingly bad because, you know, yesterday I worked and then went immediately to our first show and then straight to our second show, where that guy saw us, and I was really tired, but I tried SO HARD at that show. By the end of it I was all sweaty and achey. And I don't even remember seeing that guy there, so he must have been the true snoozefest. Anyway the rest of our shows should be better.

 

Things are pretty busy but I have enough time right now to take a shower and watch this week's episode of the Challenge, so that is a nice treat.

 

EDIT: Actually Big Tits (from Oakland) were really good but it's really hard to like them with that name.

 

Deerhoof is righteous. Enjoy. And forget about snoozefest guy, he sounds like a real butthole.

[Casaba 5942]

EDIT: Actually Big Tits (from Oakland) were really good but it's really hard to like them with that name.

 

I've seen them before and had the same comment for them. They are good, but I can't handle that name.

[Spunky Foonerism 8561]

 

I've seen them before and had the same comment for them. They are good, but I can't handle that name.

 

I've never heard of them, but for some reason the name makes me kind of like them without even knowing how good they are at music. Weird.

[JMonsterface 1974]

I would now like to hear a short two or three paragraph story containing a fork, three fingers and a television. Also your main character's name is Cardamom.

 

I was tending bar in some backwater dumpy hovel of a shambling shithole-pigsty called New York city. People say it's the city of brotherly dreams, but to me it looked more like a great big apple- more than I can swallow. That night I was feeling like an overstuffed sack of Indian spices tossed casually into the backseat of a runaway car speeding down the highway of an easy life. What I didn't know was that this highway was about to come... to a crossroads.

 

As I went about the usual business of slinging cheap beers and mozzarella stix to sad trash, listening to their sob stories as I polish the silverware to the drone of some sports type show (the kind guys in forums like to talk about), in walks the most gnarled up chunk of human indignity I'd ever laid eyes on. He walked up to the bar and sat down right in front of me, reeking of squalor, and pointed his toothless grin my way.

 

"You must be old man Fingers." I said, looking away. The man was infamous in this neighborhood as the worst kind of deadbeat goodfornothing tramp around. The kind of man I despise.

 

"I just want a scotch." he wheezed, "Triple."

 

I winced at the thought of serving this lowlife, but a jobs a job. As I tried to ask,

 

"So, three fing-" he cut in with,

 

"Just pour the booze, boy, and get out of my face." Again I cringed. This dirtbag was really starting to piss me off.

 

"Look old man," I sneered, "you wanna drink? Well then lets see some ID."

 

"Aww come now, I aint got one ah those!" he pleaded, "But even if I don't got all my papers in order, you know damn well I'm plenty old enough!"

 

The desperation in his eyes only fueled my hatred. I leaned down and put my face to his, and in a whisper so strong it might as well have been a right hook I said,

 

"Get the fuck out of my bar."

 

He scoffed, half indignant, and half amused. After slumping off the stool in resignation, he dragged his crusty old frame out the door.

 

"Thats right you glob of scum with pants," I said, feeling righteous, "and don't come back."

 

I was aglow. I felt like a real hero, and hot as a well spiced curry. You coulda called me Star Anise.

 

It was just as I was about to settle back into the silverware when I heard footsteps coming towards me. I looked up to see a young man, all of twenty five, bristling with confidence, and yet with eyes that spoke of a deep worldly sadness. He reminded me of myself at that age, which had been the year before, when I first came here, before this carnival of debasement had started to eat away at my will to live.

 

"Hi there!", he said extending his hand out to mine, and giving it a firm shake, "The names Johnny Fingers!" My heart sank.

 

"Look kid," I said, "I just threw your old man outta here and I'm thinking of doing the same to you."

 

"It's not like that!" he protested.

 

"I'm looking for a job. I need to support my family." My heart dropped right through the floor. I felt for the kid, but I couldn't let him make the same mistakes as me, selling my soul to scrape a living off the bottom of this dryrotting barrel of a city. This kid could do better. I needed to think fast.

 

"Well if I'm gonna hire you, I'm gonna need to see some documentation. Social Security card, licence, and at least one other valid form of identification."

 

"But sir," he begged, "I may not have those things, but I'm an honest man, and I work hard! It's just, well, my daddy never really did have his papers in order and I guess, neither do I."

 

"Kid, for all I know you're not even fit to clean one of these... um... SPOONS!" I said, fighting back my sympathies in an effort to do the right thing.

 

With anger in his eyes and tears streaming down his face he stormed out into the cold black night, slamming the door behind him. I felt pretty good about myself. I'd been like the daddy he really needed, giving some of the tough love he'd never had.

 

As i went back to my polishing there was a certain lightness in my soul, something shining from within the gaping maw of bleak emptiness inside of me. Something you might call pride. I was so distracted that I didn't even notice when she walked in.

 

"Hey mistah?" I heard from across the room. It was a girl, a real dame of a broad, a little beat up looking, with a leopard print cocktail dress and a lit Parliment dangling from her chapped lips. The baby in her bjorn was some ethnicity I couldn't quite make out, partly because the top of his head was covered in ash. She was the hottest thing I'd seen since last night's dinner, a vindaloo, with cinnamon.

 

"Hey, the names Suzy Fingers, I'm only nineteen, but I'll bang ya fer a couple shots!" she cooed, in her cracked rasp.

 

"Well fork-give the pun," I said, holding up the titular utensil for effect, "but of the three Fingers, I'm not gonna card a mom." I winked.

 

"See my name is actually Cardamom, get it?"

 

"Not really!"

 

"Who cares, go put that baby somewhere and lets get to that bangin!"

[Andy Dick Cheney 3779]

I HAVE LOST BRIDGET FONDA

 

PETER IS GOING TO BE SO MAD