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JulyDiaz

EPISODE 115 — Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

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And clearly the only one who could save us from Sharkpedo would be Chris Hansen.

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The fuck??? Can't they just be shark torpedoes?

Because it's a touch more evil-er! Like in "Rambo", the last one, where they made that General guy a mass murderer and (as if the one wasn't enough) they made him a kid toucher on top of that! THAT was the part where people went "Hey, THAT'S inappropriate...". Keep those shark torpedoes away from our playgrounds!

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Shark pedophiles sound like sharks that abuse young sharks.

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And clearly the only one who could save us from Sharkpedo would be Chris Hansen.

"Really, Sharkpedo? You drove from five hours away, you brought a case of beer and condoms, and you just wanted to talk?"

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"Is this your fin?"

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"Is this your fin?"

"Do you remember saying 'I'm going to chompa chompa you in the (blank) and then chompa chompa your (blank) so much. Chompa chompa chompa.' But you're saying here that you came here because you WEREN'T going to chompa chompa?"

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Remember how April was super pissed at Fin in the first Sharknado and no one could really figure out what her problem was? Well, I know! When that movie came out, Tara Reid was 37 and Ian Zeiring was 49. Forgetting for a moment that the actor who played their son, Matt, was 30(!), and assuming the character was around 20, that would mean that Fin knocked up April when she was 17 and he was 29! And that's just icky.

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Oh, and also!!! The protesters in the opening sequence are outside of a bar, in Washington DC. Later, April and her mom walk by THE SAME BAR, in Orlando. And the award goes to both the continuity person (there's totally one of those) AND the location person!

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Having never watched one of these movies, I have to ask: Does the "nado" part of the sharknado factor into the overall detruction? Or are the tornadoes simply a delivery device for the sharks?

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Having never watched one of these movies, I have to ask: Does the "nado" part of the sharknado factor into the overall detruction? Or are the tornadoes simply a delivery device for the sharks?

Taylorannephoto wrote a really good conversation starter about this on the last page. It's a pretty good read.

 

The one thing I would add to that, though, is that the tornado picked up the fucking Washington Monument and spiked it into the White House. And yet, as tayloranne pointed out, not a single person acts like it's even remotely windy outside.

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Taylorannephoto wrote a really good conversation starter about this on the last page. It's a pretty good read.

 

The one thing I would add to that, though, is that the tornado picked up the fucking Washington Monument and spiked it into the White House. And yet, as tayloranne pointed out, not a single person acts like it's even remotely windy outside.

Thanks FisterRoboto!

 

You are so right I almost forgot about the Monument! That is the only time we actually see the tornado do any kind of real destruction in the whole movie and that makes the ability to run around during the storm even more perplexing!

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I also remember in the first one they had some flooding scenes where there were sharks in swimming in a couple of feet of water eating people up that they have since abandoned for the sequels. I guess doing those types of scenes would cut into cameo time.

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So my #1 problem when it comes to the logistics of the weather is that they completely threw out from the get go the fact that if you are outside during a tornado that is strong enough to pick up multiple sharks then you are not going to be able to stand in the storm and fight said sharks. It made me so mad to watch Nova and Fin and whatever the fuck Frankie Muniz's character was named stand in the middle of some tornado and fight these stupid sharks. It never even looked like anything more than just the fog that hits the bay area in the morning hours.

Yeah, I meant to mention this too. There are cars being flipped over and buildings are being destroyed but the people aren't being picked up or even barely bothered by the wind.

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Oh hey. The guys had speculated that Tara Reid didn't want to be in the movie, that's why she's so terrible. But if you go to her Twitter page, she retweeted a bunch of #AprilLives tweets (over 30). Sadly, they all have like 3 retweets.

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Have we addressed the comic book references? The NASA Engineer is named Harleen Quinn (Harley Quinn/Harleen Quinzell), Lou Ferrigno plays Agent Banner (Hulk) and Lorenzo Lamas plays Sgt. Rock.

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Have we addressed the comic book references? The NASA Engineer is named Harleen Quinn (Harley Quinn/Harleen Quinzell), Lou Ferrigno plays Agent Banner (Hulk) and Lorenzo Lamas plays Sgt. Rock.

I don't think we mentioned it in this thread yet. In the minisode thread, I remember posting a very angry "fuck this shit" post about the engineer being named Harleen Quinn (we had also had a long derail about Joker and Harley Quinn in the Runaway thread, so it was somewhat.....whatever the opposite of serendipitous is).

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Various observations humorous and otherwise (omissions):

 

- What was Muniz' plan before the sharks attacked him? Was he heading for the self-destruct button on top of the van anyway, or did he just make that decision because a shark bit off his leg? Did Nova know what his plan was? If so, why is she so surprised when he blows up? If not, what did she think he was going to do instead?

 

- The shark on the rollercoaster drove me insane. The shark slides down the track and by failing to make the loop it slides down again until it reaches the top of the lift hill. Of course, that would be impossible because the top of the lifthill is higher than the top of the loop. If the shark can make it back to the top of the lifthill, it should make the loop.

 

- A guy runs past the sponsored NASCAR cars, trying to get in. He very clearly shouts "where are the keys", can't get in and gets eaten. Later on though, the main characters do get into the cars, without ever getting the keys to those cars. Why would you write that kind of set-up and then just gloss over it?

 

- Why do these Sharknadoes never build up? Like, at all? These films cut from bright sunny day to violent Sharknado constantly. There is never a breeze and just one stray shark. When the Sharknado strikes, there are always immediately a hundred sharks flying everywhere through the sky.

 

- When the Sharknahdo hits outside of Cape Canaveral, one of the officers in charge yells: "put yourself in front of the shuttle! Don't let any sharks hit it!" They're all standing on the ground. The sharks are coming from the sky.

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Also.... those "tubes" hooked up to Finns' "spacesuit" were 100% re-purposed from washing machines. washing-machine-auto-inlet-pipe-250x250.jpg

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Also.... those "tubes" hooked up to Finns' "spacesuit" were 100% re-purposed from washing machines. washing-machine-auto-inlet-pipe-250x250.jpg

 

Haha my husband actually commented that the lights he had on his shoulders are the same as the lights my husband uses on his mountain bike. seems like they just got some household items and made a suit for him.

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By the way, does anyone know Jason Mantzoukas' Twitter ID is?

 

Are you being funny or serious?

 

I cannot believe Paul brought up the Ving Rhames shotgun legs from Pirahna 3DD and did not say how awesome it is in the trailer when Ving Rhames says: "Bring me my legs." I love that line!!!

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Taylorannephoto wrote a really good conversation starter about this on the last page. It's a pretty good read.

 

The one thing I would add to that, though, is that the tornado picked up the fucking Washington Monument and spiked it into the White House. And yet, as tayloranne pointed out, not a single person acts like it's even remotely windy outside.

 

There also was the statue of liberty's head in the last one. Unless that was knocked off by a shark?

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There also was the statue of liberty's head in the last one. Unless that was knocked off by a shark?

As far as I remember (which isn't much because I immediately block this shit out of my mind) the last two showed a little bit more weather phenomenon than this one for sure. But I can't remember either if the head came off because of the actual tornado or the sharks hitting it. Except for the love of all that is holy it wouldn't snow during a tornado. Hail, but never snow. That's not how that works.

 

My weather issues all really are with this film solely because shit seems to happen without any weather changing now and I thought that was the whole point of the stupid films.

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I loved imagining Lava Tarantula and Whalicaine. I say Scifi keeps combining animals and natural disaster like this since clearly the more ridiculous the better. Think of the possibilities...Squid-nami, Vole-cano, Mole-quake, Tiger-phoon, Eleph-flood, um...Armadillo-draught...anybody got any other ideas?

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I think they have to be animals that people don't mind seeing being CGi-killed. It's always sharks, piranha, snakes, bugs, dinosaurs, alligators or mythical beasts like the yeti. You can also throw in ghosts and/or the weather. Dogs have to be Hellhounds. Tigers have to be Attack of the SaberTooth.

 

Write all those things on pieces of paper, pull 2 out of a hat and you have your next Syfy movie. If you only do a storm, you have to pick a city or holiday. (Miami Magma, NYC Tornado Terror, Seattle Superstorm, Snowmageddon)

 

Supergator

DinoCroc

Ghost Storm

Mosquito Man

Mongolian Death Worm

Sharktopus

Chupacabra vs The Alamo

Piranhaconda

Frankenfish

etc.....

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