Episode 98 — John Cochran Again, Our Close Friend

[SteveH 11126]

i am thoroughly enjoying this

[elizamuffins 4228]

Love the sex, Jeff! Now give me those drugs and that rock n roll!!!

[chanson 9697]

Dammit now I have a boner. Thanks a lot JeffreyParties

 

JeffreyParties: Boner Maker

[chanson 9697]

This forum is a lot like creative writing class in elementary school... I'm sure there's a funny conclusion to that thought.

[JacobCrites 4977]

 

JacobC is going to teach me how jokes work.

Step 1: Get some minion pics

Step 2: GO WILD!

[Dads for Butt Stuff 753]

This forum is a lot like creative writing class in elementary school... I'm sure there's a funny conclusion to that thought.

 

Wonderboys: The New Class

[Spunky Foonerism 8561]

This forum is a lot like creative writing class in elementary school... I'm sure there's a funny conclusion to that thought.

 

...a great place to pick up girls?

[Ensendada Slim 480]

 

...a great place to pick up girls?

 

...we're all ripping off what we most recently heard but really only being judged on making on effort towards coherency?

 

I have a short story about a video game from 4th grade y'all might like. But get this: the kids get stuck in the game

[Silvrwoman 4998]

 

...we're all ripping off what we most recently heard but really only being judged on making on effort towards coherency?

 

I have a short story about a video game from 4th grade y'all might like. But get this: the kids get stuck in the game

 

Yes, let's hear it

[Silvrwoman 4998]

This forum is a lot like creative writing class in elementary school... I'm sure there's a funny conclusion to that thought.

 

....it's a nurturing and safe environment

[nohorseman 5423]

Seems like so many people these days love street corn. I mean they love it.. elote. Ho ho ho, just a little joke.

 

Well anyway, I ran across this recipe at my favorite recipe site. That site is so great, because as its title suggests, the recipes generally don't send you all over town to the expensive groceries looking for fresh lingonberries or pearl onions or something. It's stuff you can get from a basic grocery store. I've only made a few things off of it that weren't great, and it has taught me a lot about cooking. I've seriously tried probably 50 recipes off there.

 

My aunt and uncle were throwing sort of a couples shower for my big brother and his now fiancee and I always like to bring a dish, so I whipped up those 'chos.

 

Here's a blurry pic of them:

 

 

They were delicious!! When this recipe first dropped, the garlic was listed in the ingredients but not any of the steps, so I dropped a quick comment on there and got that all sorted out. I didn't make many modifications but I couldn't quickly find cotija cheese at the store I stopped at, so just subbed feta like she said, and it was still great. No one even noticed! I did manage to find legit crema though. Instead of chipotle powder I used some adobo sauce from the classic can, mixed with the crema.

 

The best thing I learned from this recipe is that 'leaving the corn kernels frozen while carmellizing them' tip. Just a flawless, forgiving technique. It worked out so well.

 

That platter they're on is new cause I didn't actually have a platter, though there have been a huge amount of times I could have used one. My entertainment game is now at a new level.

 

I also made a baked brie but that's recipe is an old classic, I didn't snap a pic. It was good, as usual. Didn't get that new recipe attempt and payoff thrill.

 

My big bro has a set of male friends he's really close with, and they were all cordoned off, and their WAGs were sitting in a segregated way at the party around a patio table. I greeted everyone, and uncovered my nachos and they all cooed and talked about how good they looked. It was a really great feeling! Everyone gobbled them too and told me how good they were. I'm not trying to brag, more just journaling my experience making some food to share with a pretty large amount of people. My mom and dad were loving them and my mom wants me to make them again for her soon. No prob, moms, they were pretty easy to whip up.

 

The next time you're invited to a party, try making something rather than pick up a bag of chips if that's what you do! It can be very rewarding.

[DEATHMAN 3317]

so excited about those corn chips you took the pic from the window of a moving train

[elizamuffins 4228]

The posts in this thread are getting pretty corny!

[JacobCrites 4977]

that is, technically, how jokes work.

[Ensendada Slim 480]

Yes, let's hear it

 

Stryker: The Game

By Ensendada Slime, age 10

4th Grade Language Arts

 

Billy Stryker was in the yard throwing his nerf football so fast that it whistled real loud. He was with his friend Clay, who was covering his ears and blowing on his hands because they were hot and they hurt from catching powerful throws. Clay even had to drop out at the end and catch his breath.

“What’s the matter?” asked Billy, who was tapping his foot like Sonic the Hedgehog (but not Sonic 2 because I haven’t played it and which I hope I get for my birthday). Billy continued the catch game himself by bouncing the ball off the fence and never letting it hit the ground.

“Stryker, time to come in it’s the lunch time” said his Mom, who knew Billy well enough that she didn’t need to use his first name.

“Cool, moms, what’s the eats” said Billy

“Yeah what’s the eats,” said Clay who was hurrying to catch up.

“Your favorite Billy, crackers. Pizza too. Grilled cheeses three. It’s your birthday, ‘member? Made you your favorite”

It was Billy Stryker’s birthday. There were a lot of kids in the house.

“Surprise” they said.

“Oh what’s this, presents?” said Clay. “For me?”

“No it’s my birthday Clay not yours remember I got you the Teenage turtles Super Soaker that I wanted for me but mom said it was your birthday a few months ago,” said Stryker smartly. “You probably don’t remember with all the fun you’ve been having?”

“Haha, Stryker, right as always” chuckled Clay, who was holding the gun I just told you about. It’s green. Like the turtles. (You can get me one too for my birthday if you want because they’ll match and Clay is my friend.)

“Hand me the best one, moms” She did because it looked like a game cartridge. “You got me Sonic 2? Yay!” Stryker exclaimed.

“Uh, not exactly” said her Mom with a grin and a wink.

“Huh wha?” the kids said all together. Billy unwrapped the cartridge to reveal cool art with jet planes and giants and an explosion. In big block letters were the words STRYKER THE GAME.

“Like me?” asked Billy, shocked.

“A little bit,” said his mom with a wink and a grin this time. “But you’re Stryker the boy. This is Stryker the game. The people at the store said it’s VERY REALISTIC and EVEN BETTER THAN SONIC” (this is just a story, this isn’t a real game I still want Sonic for my real birthday and it is the best game)

“I have to try this out now,” said Stryker who was staring at it and reading the instruction manual that was just a bunch of dumb warnings like DANGER: DO NOT PLAY, NOT FOR YOUNG KIDS, EVEN SMART ONES. “This is what I need to do now everyone go home Clay you can stay”

Everyone went home and Clay stayed.

They plugged the game into the Sega. Right away it was very awesome. Bright colors were all over the screen and the boys couldn’t believe the graphics.

“That looks like a real person” sayeth Clay

A huge cool Giant came toward the screen, arms out like he wanted to give hugs.

“Come to a Land of Adventure, the Land of Fast Jets and Cool Giants, where you can become the Real Stryker and take out the evil Earwig Army. You can trust me”

“Okay!” said the boys. They grabbed their controllers (which were cooler than the ones I actually have, they have that extra set of grey buttons at the top, something I also am looking for).

“Ohh no, you won’t be needing those!” the Giant said with a wink and a grin.

“Wha, wha?” said the boys looking at each other. The Giant put his hands on his hips and looked like Mr. Clean so he seemed alright.

“Just come a little closer.” The boys did…then suddenly…all at once…as a surprise….they never saw it coming. They felt themselves being pulled into the game! They were getting real hugs from the giant, staring back out of the screen into Mom’s living room but it looked now like Mom’s living room was the game and this was the real life.

“How could this be,” said Stryker who liked the hug but was a little scared. Clay was peeing himself and being ignored.

“You should have read the manual a little more closely and maybe paid more attention in language arts which you got a C in even though it should have been a B,” said the sage Giant. “This is the most realistic game ever, we’re at war with the Earwigs. You must help us or I fear…”

“What do you fear?” asked Stryker.

“Waaaa!” cried Clay hahaha can’t handle it

“I fear,” the Giant began. “That the Evil Earwigs will finally conquer the land of the Fast Jets and the Cool Giants. We will be conquered, and you? You’ll be stuck here forever”

“Gulp” said Stryker.

“Waaa!” Clay was frea*ing losing his cr*p hahaha

For the next few years (which were only hours in the real world) Stryker and Clay gathered lots of laser pistols, laser rifles, photon cannons, light knives (like lightsabers but small so you can hide them on your person), and really focused on getting their hoverboard skills down. Every once and awhile, a huge Earwig would appear and creep around and they couldn’t talk but you could tell they meant business. The boys would hover around the creature. Clay would be the distraction, leading the earwig into the cool Giant’s cave by flying just ahead of them and leaving a trail of pee. Stryker would follow right behind with some kind of machine laser gun that didn’t run out of bullets. The Earwig, following Clay’s pee, would lodge itself in the cave because too big, and Stryker would open fire on its butt while the Giant’s pounded on its noggin.

This was successful for years (once again, hours). That is, until they were looking up at the sky (the tv screen) and saw Stryker’s mom crying.

“Where is my son” she sobbed. “I lost my son on his own birthday, I can’t believe I lost him after just getting him this cool game” (she doesn’t get that it’s related because she doesn’t know that much about games but she still smiles when I tell her about Sonic and I think she’s learning and might play with me sometime)

It almost, ALMOST made Stryker cry, but he remembered his duty.

“Hey,” said Clay, who was like on his fourth box of tissues. “Do you think we’ll ever get out of here? And isn’t that Lenora?”

It was. It was the very same Lenora that Stryker liked to chase on the playground and act like a robber cuz he could be more around her and she had nice hair. One time she told Stryker he could run really fast and Stryker loved how right she was about that.

“Oh no, Lenora trapped in this game too…what is this world come too. Oh no!” Stryker looked out on the horizon. The Final Brigade of the Evil Earwig Army was closing in. Lenora was brushing her pretty nice hair and didn’t see them coming.

“We gotta go save her”

“Not me,” said Clay. “I have to go back inside and rest and play your Gameboy without asking (this really happened, you S*CK Clay)

“Guess I’m in this last one alone” said Stryker.

“Not so fast, we’re here with you” said the Cool Giants.

“So fast, we’re the jets!” said the jets as a joke (they really mean they’re there with Stryker too and usually don’t joke when it’s Life or Death).

The Fast Jets formed a V-formation and whizzed over Lenora’s head.

“Wow,” she said.

The Cool Giants grabbed their clubs and Mr. Clean earings and charged.

“Neato” she said as they stampeded past.

Stryker was Fully Powered Up with chaos emeralds, an energy sword, power blasters, and ultra grenades.

“Stryker is that you?” she said as he ran fast (even though he has a visor and power armor on, she knows him by how fast he runs and how it looks cool too like a dance)

“No time, Lenora, this is no game. This is THE game. Stryker: The Game!”

 

(***PLEASE STOP READING the next section must get PARENT PERMISSION a few people read this and got nightmares. I’m not kidding. You’ve been warned…just like Billy Stryker***)

The Earwigs pulled apart a couple giants right at the beginning and intestine and blood flew everywhere, their heads rolled down hills and their loincloths fell off and their private parts were out but it didn’t stop the Earwigs, who tunneled in their ears and used their pincers on the brains in their decapitated heads. Jets dropped bombs, but the Earwigs just let them bounce off into the Giant giblets making it even more blood splatter, sick. The Jets let down winches and little men with laser cannons repelled down but were swiftly eaten. Stryker could tell they were trying because even in the gullet of the enemy they were firing and lighting up their faces but it wasn’t enough. Ever once and awhile a jet would fly too low and an Earwig would eat the jet. Until they were gone. Until they were all gone. Stryker stood as the last left. Behind him, the Cool Giant Cave, Clay, Lenora. Ahead of him, the full Final Brigade.

“Gulp” he said.

Just then, he looked up at the screen in the sky. His mom wiped a tear away.

“I have a feeling though,” she said, choking back her tears. “That Stryker just might be planning his own surprise. That he has something up his sleeve.” She smiled and winked.

“She’s right,” said Stryker, saluting his mom. Just then, he flip*ing unloaded on Earwigs, using all his items, making the sick fr*aks scatter. It wasn’t enough. They were closing in, hissing, pinching, skittering all over him, all buggy like cub scout camp when Dad forgot to give him any spray. But Stryker’s mom was right. He had something up his sleeve.

“Ninja throwing star” said Stryker with a toss, hitting an Earwig in the brain. It was the right recipe…for death. The Earwig died and it’s brains blew up everywhere and burned (this is still the part you should skip if you don’t have a parent with you).

“Ninja throwing star” said Stryker again, knocking a Jet-eater into a da*g volcano.

“Ninja throwing star” this time it’s Stryker spinning a star like a basketball and doing something of a “slam dunk” into the juicy bug guts of a pincer felon.

“Ninja throwing star” last one was a ricochet boomerang shot he learned on vacation in Australia and it went through all the remaining heads, spun back around, gave Lenora a nice haircut and came right back to his hand. He was in perfect pose.

“Oh Stryker,” said Lenora, swooning. “Catch me”

“I want to Lenora, I do, but I need to get back” this time, it was Stryker with the smile and wink. He was looking at the sky. Just then, his mom looked at the screen.

“Stryker, is that you?”

 

(***this part anyone can read again, the gross part is over but sometimes war is like that and I don’t want to lie and pretend it’s pretty and love is maybe like that too but I don’t know***)

 

“It is me,” said Stryker. “The gross part is over” (see?)

She reached out to give a hug of her own, just like the cool Giants but better.

Stryker was back in his living room, and Lenora was with him calling him the hero. They were laughing it up and his mom invited everyone over again for more party! This time, cake!

His mom approached the video game station. “I guess we should shut this dangerous game off and buy Sonic instead!” (do this!)

“Wait, but wait for me!” Clay was dragging himself out of the TV and everyone thought it was funny.

“That’s Clay for you!” said Stryker, who to this day, still holds his boomerang ninja throwing star to remind him of the true battles of this life.

THE END

[Danny Boy Wizard 1342]

i tried to write a story with all y'all in it so i could get my likes up, but i got bored so here's what i got:

 

STORY

Once upon a time Danny Boy Wizard was fighting a monster. The monster was really big and it was impressive how bad he was getting beat up by Danny. All the people around and especially the babes were like "ooh damn look at that guy go" and nodding and looking at each other, raising their eyebrows. valerie and greggy and souprman and everybody really liked it too and they all were thinking "good job, we're safe now, this monster has been eating up everybody around here for a while, but danny was so brave and is handling the situation really well" and

 

notes:

-- put in a poem to show sensitive side

-- be sure to mention everybody (but don't worry about fitting in steveh if it's not working)

-- try not to be a creep when mentioning the ladies, ok?

-- describe danny boy wizard's cool outfit (hat??? big hat???)

[SteveH 11126]

Unfortunately, I don't still have it, but I remember making my own comic book as a child. I was so creative and original back then that I can't even fathom how I could have come up with this.

 

It was called RatMan. He was a superhero who turned into like a human-rat hybrid by falling into a vat of toxic ooze with a bunch of rats

 

This is completely unrelated, but I was born in 1982 so I was about 7 when the first Michael Keaton Batman movie came out.

[Silvrwoman 4998]

That really exceeded my expectations. These are some of my favorite parts:

Billy Stryker was in the yard throwing his nerf football so fast that it whistled real loud. He was with his friend Clay, who was covering his ears and blowing on his hands because they were hot and they hurt from catching powerful throws. Clay even had to drop out at the end and catch his breath.

“You should have read the manual a little more closely and maybe paid more attention in language arts which you got a C in even though it should have been a B,”

light knives (like lightsabers but small so you can hide them on your person)

[SteveH 11126]

You guys have any thoughts on AV Club commenters? Those guys are the real deal huh?

[Ensendada Slim 480]

You guys...are the real deal huh?

 

Thanks, everything's coming up Millhouse

[skizelo 2536]

Seems like so many people these days love street corn. I mean they love it.. elote. Ho ho ho, just a little joke.

 

Well anyway, I ran across this recipe at my favorite recipe site. That site is so great, because as its title suggests, the recipes generally don't send you all over town to the expensive groceries looking for fresh lingonberries or pearl onions or something. It's stuff you can get from a basic grocery store. I've only made a few things off of it that weren't great, and it has taught me a lot about cooking. I've seriously tried probably 50 recipes off there.

 

My aunt and uncle were throwing sort of a couples shower for my big brother and his now fiancee and I always like to bring a dish, so I whipped up those 'chos.

 

Here's a blurry pic of them:

 

 

They were delicious!! When this recipe first dropped, the garlic was listed in the ingredients but not any of the steps, so I dropped a quick comment on there and got that all sorted out. I didn't make many modifications but I couldn't quickly find cotija cheese at the store I stopped at, so just subbed feta like she said, and it was still great. No one even noticed! I did manage to find legit crema though. Instead of chipotle powder I used some adobo sauce from the classic can, mixed with the crema.

 

The best thing I learned from this recipe is that 'leaving the corn kernels frozen while carmellizing them' tip. Just a flawless, forgiving technique. It worked out so well.

 

That platter they're on is new cause I didn't actually have a platter, though there have been a huge amount of times I could have used one. My entertainment game is now at a new level.

 

I also made a baked brie but that's recipe is an old classic, I didn't snap a pic. It was good, as usual. Didn't get that new recipe attempt and payoff thrill.

 

My big bro has a set of male friends he's really close with, and they were all cordoned off, and their WAGs were sitting in a segregated way at the party around a patio table. I greeted everyone, and uncovered my nachos and they all cooed and talked about how good they looked. It was a really great feeling! Everyone gobbled them too and told me how good they were. I'm not trying to brag, more just journaling my experience making some food to share with a pretty large amount of people. My mom and dad were loving them and my mom wants me to make them again for her soon. No prob, moms, they were pretty easy to whip up.

 

The next time you're invited to a party, try making something rather than pick up a bag of chips if that's what you do! It can be very rewarding.

 

the streetcorn gallery...

[Silvrwoman 4998]

Can you folks recommend any particular improv performers to see on this lineup?

 

[mikebonetti 3718]

I had to google elote, and then I really liked the joke.

[nohorseman 5423]

Mike, thank you so much

[souprman 10477]

I had to google elote, and then I really liked the joke.

comedy bang bang nerds give it a C+