Episode 133 - The Quest

[JoelSchlosberg 352]

The blimp thing does oddly resemble Superman II, but it definitely made me think of another HDTGM favorite starring Roger Moore.

 

A View To a Kill!

 

Best blimp scene ever in my opinion, and to me it shows that JCVD wanted to elbow Roger and go, "Hey remember when you fought Christopher Walken on a blimp and went to the top of the Golden Gate Bridge? Yeah that was awesome."

 

And the clown makeup is reminiscent of Octopussy. They never have clown makeup and Roger Moore in the same scene, but then again, the first clown we meet in Octopussy is a completely different agent who is never in the same scene as Bond.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXSAHnc6rQU

 

The globetrotting aspect of the movie is definitely going for a Bond movie vibe. Ironic that it's so less effective than Bloodsport's tightly confined location. And it's not even like the Cannon movies that failed to take advantage of larger budgets; it never looks cheap, but just doesn't succeed at a more epic tone the way Bloodsport does at a lean-and-mean, keep-it-simple one.

 

On the other hand, it also starts off like it's kind of trying to be a Jackie Chan movie. The beginning's period, maritime setting is like something out of a Project A movie. The first fight scene, with JCVD using juggling clubs and stilts with precise timing, seems like it's going for the type of fast-paced fight scenes using objects at hand as weapons that are Jackie Chan's hallmark.

[Amy the Gorilla 732]

 

Or how about how Carrie Newton uses her uncanny thaumaturgical powers to make a phone call from Thailand to New York City, on an old timey phone in 1925, when, as everybody knows, the first transatlantic call wasn't possible until 1926, and even then, only from New York to London. I mean, everyone knows that, right? Right?

 

 

And on top of all that, the guy on the phone saying "Aren't you the one we sent to the orient to get out of our hair?" ... What?

[ChunkStyle 1160]

The thing that bother's me about the blimp was...what was Dobbs' plan if there wasn't a blimp there? How could he have known that was going to be there? Like the baby in Junior, there didn't seem to be any kind of exit strategy.

 

However, this also brings to mind another strange flaw in Dobbs' plan. At one point he tells DuBois to lose his next match on purpose because he is going to need him to "be strong" so they can steal the Golden Dragon, but in order to for DuBois to convincingly "take a dive," doesn't that mean he would have to take a beating against one of the most dangerous men in the world first? Since it seems like he needs DuBois' muscles to pull off the heist, what does it matter if he takes a beating and takes a dive or if he takes a beating and legitimately loses. Either way, DuBois is going to be pretty fucked up when the whole steal the giant golden statue plan gets underway.

 

I know pointing out that movies always get the density of gold wrong is old hat. But it is especially egregious in this movie. That statue had to weigh at least 5 tons. Them having any plans of sneaking off with it were beyond ridiculous. The fact that JCVD is somewhat stronger than an average man won't help anything here.

 

In fact now that I think about it the whole golden dragon statue prize is probably a scam by the Lost City. After there is a winner they say sure the statue is all yours. You just have to handle shipping and handling yourself. Basically an impossible task. Eventually the winner slinks away empty handed and the Lost City gets to run it all back.

[Cameron H. 23786]

I apologize for the excessive posting. Things keep occurring to me and I'm trying to purge them all before the weekend. Sorry, if I'm being a nuisance.

 

I have a question in regard to the tournament itself. It seems, since the fighters are introduced by country rather than name, that this is a "best fighter from every country" kind of deal. However, if that's the case, how come Japan fights Okinawa? Wouldn't that be like having a fighter from America and New York? That hardly seems fair. Especially considering there's only one fighter from Africa! And just between you and me--writers, producers, directors, and actors in this movie--I cannot stress enough how much Africa is not a fucking country.

[IJoinedJustForThis 35]

Nobody mentioned the kilt guy getting it in the nuts... Was I the only one who saw that coming as soon as the kilt was shown?

[JoelSchlosberg 352]

Maybe the fighter is from South Africa and they just forgot about the "South" part?

[Amy the Gorilla 732]

Since the topic of man buns seems to have been coming up lot lately, are there any other HDTGM movies that have blatant, glaring man booty like Bloodsport and The Covenant?

 

I swear there is a reason for this question...Besides obvious jerk-off material.

[rootbeercomics.com 10]

maxie defers his place in the tournament to dubois, saying "this man is a better fighter than me," based on a single encounter where each man hits his opponent in the face exactly once, which dubois only manages because he first kicks maxie, despite this having started as a fistfight.

[JoelSchlosberg 352]

The line "If we want something, we take it" could be an homage to the line "What I want--I take." in the silent version of The Thief of Bagdad.

 

Relevant to the episode's discussion of age appropriateness: the 1940 remake changed the titular vagabond thief from an adult (played by a young-looking 41-year-old Douglas Fairbanks Sr.) to a kid (played by a young-looking 16-year-old Sabu). And Disney's Aladdin was originally going to be a Sabu-style kid:

 

In the earliest stages of the story, Aladdin was portrayed as a much younger character—a boy, as opposed to a young man. The idea was brought upon by animator Glen Keane, who believed Aladdin, the lead of an underdog story, should have a more meager, vulnerable appearance to match his role in the film's narrative. Though directors Ron Clements and John Musker enjoyed the idea, executive producer, Jeffrey Katzenberg did not, feeling the romantic relationship between a meek Aladdin and the beautiful Princess Jasmine would come off as unrealistic, as Jasmine wouldn't find herself physically attracted to that portrayal of Aladdin. Katzenberg saw the early versions of Aladdin to be along the lines of a Michael J. Fox, but should instead be along the lines of a Tom Cruise, in terms of appearance.

 

Glen Keane rectified the issue, making Aladdin a tad more muscular, with broader shoulders, and more defined features. However, to keep in touch with the original concept, Keane, Musker, and Celements worked to retain a sense of youth and innocence to Aladdin through his facial design and character portrayal, prominent during the film's more comedic scenes.

[rootbeercomics.com 10]

I think the reporter played quite an important role: after she was on the phone and received the telegraphed message the movie cuts to Moore explaining JCVD that he can only be part of the tournament if he has an invitation. At that moment she enters and says she has the solution and we see them waiting at the station for Maxie. So I think she got telegraphed the news that Maxie will fight in the tournament and so it is practically her idea to use him to get into the tournament.

 

yes, paul and the others were confused about this. the telegraph is not giving the reporter permission to cover the tournament; it contains the information about where and when maxie is arriving, and more importantly, who will be there to receive him. dubois is only able to find the tournament because he intercepts maxie's welcoming committee and takes their place. dubois reluctantly partners with roger moore because he needs help learning where the tournament will be held, which moore only accomplishes through his connection to the reporter. if dubois had not run into moore, or if moore's flirting had not successfully recruited the reporter into his permanent entourage, dubois would still be stuck in the bangkok underground fighting circuit.

 

the only useless member of the group is smythe. all he accomplishes, aside from an oft-repeated shared look of "here we go again" with moore, is to be so ineffective at climbing a blimp ladder that moore can't manage to escape in time, condemning them both to death.

[Cameron H. 23786]

Since the topic of man buns seems to have been coming up lot lately, are there any other HDTGM movies that have blatant, glaring man booty like Bloodsport and The Covenant?

 

I swear there is a reason for this question...Besides obvious jerk-off material.

 

Tango & Cash

 

 

 

 

You're welcome!

[Amy the Gorilla 732]

Meh. Nevermind, what I was gonna do took too much time for such little payoff... So I'll do this instead.

 

Man buns/butts supercut:

https://vimeo.com/104360304

 

 

 

And this gif:

[rootbeercomics.com 10]

in addition to being the leader of a band of boy thieves, complete with newsie hat, the idea that van damme is intended to be playing a younger character is supported by the fact that maxie continuously refers to dubois as "the kid," despite the actors being only 7 years apart in age.

[JoelSchlosberg 352]

It's almost as if the script was written for JCVD as a child actor and then sat on the shelf too long, except that JCVD wasn't a child actor. Or as if the part was originally written for a kid and then recast as an adult without being rewritten, but it's so clearly a Mary Sue role intended for JCVD from the beginning.

[Elektra Boogaloo 3371]

And just between you and me--writers, producers, directors, and actors in this movie--I cannot stress enough how much Africa is not a fucking country.

Let's not keep this between such a small group. Everyone needs to know. People have been confused about this for too long.

 

 

 

 

After watching Amy's super cut of buns, I have to say, I do think I am with June in saying, for the most part, it doesn't do anything for me. Would much rather see chest or arms. Though buns over dick pics.

 

I vaguely recall being into Chris Evans' butt in WHATS YOUR NUMBER though. So maybe you just need a Captain America grade butt for it to work.

[JoelSchlosberg 352]

HDTGMers definitely have different tastes in nudity than Beavis and Butthead (from their book Huh Huh for Hollywood, with some help from Larry Doyle):

 

[Cameron H. 23786]

Let's not keep this between such a small group. Everyone needs to know. People have been confused about this for too long.

After watching Amy's super cut of buns, I have to say, I do think I am with June in saying, for the most part, it doesn't do anything for me. Would much rather see chest or arms. Though buns over dick pics.

 

As a heterosexual male, I would very much like to chime in on the "buns" debate. Personally, I agree with you Elektra, I think it's about the whole package. A nice butt is fine, but if the rest of the dude's form is squishy, then I don't think it's that much of an asset (heh--I said asset).

 

As for dick pics, that has never made any sense to me. I think EVERYONE can agree, no matter what you're sexual orientation, that dicks are downright ugly. By nature, especially when you include testicles into the equation, they simply flout the Golden Ratio! I mean, I guess I can see being somewhat aroused by an erect penis, if it is appropriate to the situation and the feelings are reciprocated (i.e. "Yeah, we're gonna do it!") but otherwise, I don't see why anyone would find that appealing or think anyone else would either. And to be very clear, I don't want to see a random pic of a vagina either (It happens all the time! My inbox is flooded with these). What the Hell am I supposed to do with that?

 

And, let's not get into flaccid dicks--which just look like floppy, angry hobgoblins.

 

I guess what I'm saying is: stay symmetrical people! You're all beautiful!

[DougGlassman 16]

The Dollop podcast did a great episode on Count Dante if you want to follow up on what Jon was saying about the Dojo Wars: http://thedollop.libsyn.com/134-counte-dante

[Amy the Gorilla 732]

 

As a heterosexual male, I would very much like to chime in on the "buns" debate. Personally, I agree with you Elektra, I think it's about the whole package. A nice butt is fine, but if the rest of the dude's form is squishy, then I don't think it's that much of an asset (heh--I said asset).

 

As for dick pics, that has never made any sense to me. I think EVERYONE can agree, no matter what you're sexual orientation, that dicks are downright ugly. By nature, especially when you include testicles into the equation, they simply flout the Golden Ratio! I mean, I guess I can see being somewhat aroused by an erect penis, if it is appropriate to the situation and the feelings are reciprocated (i.e. "Yeah, we're gonna do it!") but otherwise, I don't see why anyone would find that appealing or think anyone else would either. And to be very clear, I don't want to see a random pic of a vagina either (It happens all the time! My inbox is flooded with these). What the Hell am I supposed to do with that?

 

And, let's not get into flaccid dicks--which just look like floppy, angry hobgoblins.

 

I guess what I'm saying is: stay symmetrical people! You're all beautiful!

 

 

I dunno, I guess I must be a little weird. I don't think dicks are ugly. And I don't mind dick pics as long as A ) I ask B ) I'm asked if I want to be sent one. But I'm also not super uncomfortable with seeing/being around flaccid dicks, or nudity of any kind really, because I don't put any kind of sexualization on it unless that's what the intent is*.

 

 

 

*My comment earlier about liking the trend of male full frontal was mostly a joke, but I really do like it when it's an actor I think is hot (Like Michael Fassbender). but other than that I do think it can be funny in the right situation.

 

I'm getting to be a little too much of an oversharer in this department, and I should probably stop before I make everyone uncomfortable.

[Cameron H. 23786]

 

 

I dunno, I guess I must be a little weird. I don't think dicks are ugly. And I don't mind dick pics as long as A ) I ask B ) I'm asked if I want to be sent one. But I'm also not super uncomfortable with seeing/being around flaccid dicks, or nudity of any kind really, because I don't put any kind of sexualization on it unless that's what the intent is*.

 

 

 

*My comment earlier about liking the trend of male full frontal was mostly a joke, but I really do like it when it's an actor I think is hot (Like Michael Fassbender). but other than that I do think it can be funny in the right situation.

 

I'm getting to be a little too much of an oversharer in this department, and I should probably stop before I make everyone uncomfortable.

 

Oh no, you don't! I will not rest until everyone on this forum has revealed their deepest, most carnal, and dabacherous of desires.

 

Maybe we could set up a poll?

 

Dude Buns vs. No dude buns

 

Male splits: Yes or No

 

Dick pics: Yes, No, Sometimes

[RyanSz 3140]

I'm just going to throw this out there...

 

Why...was he going to a bar to get a cup of coffee?

Because the bartender pulled out a very nice looking bottle of whiskey in order to Irish up that coffee. So JCVD went in there hoping for some free high end hooch while only really paying for a cheap coffee. The real question that you should be asking is why didn't JCVD ask for a fresh cup because when the bartender tells him to take a seat he literally the next second later pulls an already filled cup of coffee out from under the bar. There's no telling how long that's been there because the bar looks like it's been empty for years.

[Cainnon 34]

Mortal Kombat (the video game) came out in 1992 in reaction to the success of the Street Fighter video games. Johnny Cage from Mortal Kombat is a cocky actor/martial artist based off of JCVD as Frank Dux. They wear basically the same thing and the finishing move for both cage is the "split punch", where he does a split and punches his opponent in the nuts. Street Fighter (the movie), starring JCVD, came out in 1994. 1 year later, Mortal Kombat (the movie) came out with Linden Ashbey playing the part of Cage, no fun. I guess I just wish JCVD would have played a version of himself in Mortal Kombat instead of wasting his talent in the Quest. Also, Frank Dux has a screen play credit on the Quest. Maybe they hated how Mortal Kombat made them look and didn't want to be involved?

 

here is link to JCVD getting a boner on tv if you haven't seen it:

[Elektra Boogaloo 3371]

 

As a heterosexual male, I would very much like to chime in on the "buns" debate. Personally, I agree with you Elektra, I think it's about the whole package. A nice butt is fine, but if the rest of the dude's form is squishy, then I don't think it's that much of an asset (heh--I said asset).

 

As for dick pics, that has never made any sense to me. I think EVERYONE can agree, no matter what you're sexual orientation, that dicks are downright ugly.

 

Dunno about ugly. But definitely odd. Much of the human body is. What is with earlobes? I don't think it's making the best impression to send a dick pic if I am not already into it. Because then the best you get is comedy. Like the scene in FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL. I did see Nicole Byer was on Twitter drawing dresses on dick pics and sending them back when I looked her up last week when she was a guest.

 

This got very off topic. Let's go back to JCVD.

 

 

I think this elephant looks deeply ashamed to be involved with THE QUEST and want June to investigate what he or she got paid and whether he was properly billed.

[Joven 373]

So the thing with Maxie I dont get is, why didn't he do anything the entire movie? Mostly he was there to provide like a minor amount of emotional support, but having forgetting most the movie since last I saw it, I was really expecting him to teach JCVD a move, or a skill or something.

 

Like he kept yelling at him to "cover up" because JCVD keeps letting himself get punched in the damn face (and he never does cover up), but I was really expecting like a "here's the story of how I became the champ...such and such was coming at me and I did MY ULTIMATE TECHNIQUE, and blamo, that boiled his potatus. Here let me show you that thing so it can come in handy at a dramatic moment."

 

 

Also, not sure if anyone here has ever watched G Gundam, but its basically like this movie in giant robots, except way dumber and way more comically racist, so its great...but Maxie Divine has a spiritual successor in Neo America's boxing champion Chibodee Crocket. Both really scrawny heavyweight boxing champs with all-American down home names.

[markserletic 24]

Omission:

 

When Dobbs introduces himself he says "My name is Dobbs...Edgar Dobbs." Obviously a nod to James Bond. Did no one notice this?!