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Starcrash (1979)

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Me and a group have friends have set this movie as a pinnacle of bad movieness. For the past few years we have gathered semi-regularly for our "Bad Movie Club" and 'Starcrash' has been the worst we have come across. It was so bad that it has become a milestone for us. To be part of the upper tiers of the club you must have watched 'Starcrash'. A brief rundown:

The synapses from IMDB: "Epic action in outer space when the good guys set out to track the evil Count's secret weapon."
It's an italian made Star Wars ripoff which the distinction of being the first film featuring the acting talent of none other then David Hasselhoff.
A quote from one of my friends while we first watched it (yes some of us suffered through it twice) is: "Why is space dracula so fat?!?"

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Ho-lee shit.

 

A "friend" showed me the trailer for this one a while back, and it's streaming on Netflix, so I decided to give it a go, and I am NOT disappointed, meaning that I AM completely horrified. This Corman gem (which pre-dates his own "Battle Beyond the Stars") features sets and effects that look like they'd be at home in a Scorpions video, and nearly all the male cast members I've seen so far (I'm only 20 minutes in) look like they could be in Air Supply. The made-up science and jargon is incredible, as since this was one of the earliest "Star Wars" imitators, they didn't have the fake sci-fi speak worked out quite yet. Hot damn, Caroline Munro is smokin' in this and....oh my God, I just saw a giant metal fembot running around Harryhausen-style on a beach...

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Oh yeah. I used to have this on VHS. I'd love to see this on a future episode.

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So is this more like if John Boorman made Star Wars with no money or anyone else with talent or if the guys who made Flesh Gordon tried to make a non-sexual movie.

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I saw this movie awhile ago and it is fucking crazy. I love that the robot sounds like Foghorn Leghorn (who would program it to speak like that?) and that for half the movie, Munro is in a two-piece bikini. Plus, guys, there a fight with a 50-ft robotic woman, in a steel bikini.

 

Look at it! Then jerk off!

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Look at it! Then jerk off!

 

I must confess, the prospect of this movie done as a podcast does make me want to jerk off. Let's do it, guys!

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7zif.jpg

 

So I just randomly thought about this movie the other day, and found this thread.

 

For anyone who hasn't seen this movie, I think its not quite enough to say that Hasselhoff is in it...he's basically a Jedi, at one point Hasselhoff is using a light saber to murder cavemen (who he previously shot at with his laser eye'd halloween mask).

 

And someone said that for half the movie the main character is in a bikini, I don't think thats quite accurate, shes in several different leather bikinis throughout the movie. Speaking of, we're supposed to be rooting for this empire to be saved, but theres clear ethics violations in the prisons, and the outfit they give her to work with radioactive materials is just a bikini (meanwhile everyone else is in drab prisony garb.)

 

Also, captain alien-fro can randomly tell the future, and at one point seemingly just decides he's superman (his whole character is random, he has powers for no reason, hides his powers for no reason, uses his powers for no reason, waits to use powers for no reason, and ultimately dies for no reason.)

 

And speaking of random, this happens...

Because why not.

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This is pretty good trash. If I was drinking a bottle of wine tonight and had to pick between this and Gravity, I'd pick Starcrash. Can you believe John Barry (who did the scores for eleven James Bond films, among many others) composed the music for this?

 

Or... Starcrash 2!

 

el71gHx.jpg

 

vlcsnap7516287im5.png

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This is pretty good trash. If I was drinking a bottle of wine tonight and had to pick between this and Gravity, I'd pick Starcrash. Can you believe John Barry (who did the scores for eleven James Bond films, among many others) composed the music for this?

 

Or... Starcrash 2!

 

 

 

vlcsnap7516287im5.png

 

I'm glad they put kept the same costume designer on board for the sequel. Thank you for the starred areola, Costume Designer, thank you very much.

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I bet you good money Christopher Plummer was coked out of his head while doing this movie, and spent most of his time either doing drugs or chatting up the ladies that played the Amazons.

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Man this movie is the tits! Speaking of tits, when does Stella Star take her top off-oh wait, this is a Roger Corman Joint; not Russ Meyers...

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there's so much to talk about in this flick that they could make it a trilogy of episodes!

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Brent Butt mentioned Strarcrash on this week's 'Stop Podcasting Yourself' as the worst movie he's ever seen.

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I am dumbfounded that this hasnt graced one of the podcasts yet, its a gem and calssic at the same time.

 

So much to talk about and so much to laugh at. I love the fact that when she gets sent to the prison she changes in to her Space vixen outfit and everyone else in the prison is dressed in rags. And how can you forget the metal giant robot with the boobs that tries to attack her.... Actually WTF

 

Utter classic they need to do this sometime

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A blatant italian Star Wars Ripoff: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Starcrash

 

This amateurishly dubbed monstrosity features Caroline Munro in your standard issue leather space bikini, Christopher Plummer as the Emperor Of The Universe, David fucking Hasslehoff as the Emperor's son, and another perm-wearing man that pretends to be a robot with special powers (as demanded by the "plot") and an unreasonably upbeat personality.

 

Somebody dies without sustaining any wounds (because, apparently, it is "their time", whatever that is supposed to mean), there is a crazy space battle in the end where golden dildos crash through the huge spaceship windows (!) and men jump out, the plot is terrible and makes very little sense, nobody's voices seem to have any connection with the person they supposedly come out of, and the whole thing could be avoided if sees-the-future would just borrow can-stop-time-spaceship and do the movie by himself.

 

You have to see to believe.

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Glad to be of service :) Man, they packed pretty much all the movie in the trailer!

 

Hey, this looks pretty good for some background details as well, music by an oscar winning composer, and I just found out that overly-upbeat-robot-with-a-perm was a "gifted" Christian revivalist for much of his life: https://en.wikipedia.../Marjoe_Gortner

 

Also, Caroline Munro was completely dubbed over by a different actress, which 1) explains a lot and 2) must be kind of harsh, with her being english and all...

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