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JulyDiaz

Episode 138 - The Boy Next Door (w/ Heather Anne Campbell, Ben Siemon)

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As a little forewarning, I have A LOT to say about this movie. I'll try not to blow up the boards and give everyone a chance to post their thoughts, but it's gonna be real tough to sit back...

 

They mentioned in the episode that J Lo is always making (and sniffing) cookies, but considering her marital issues--and the fact that somehow he let an email get out that described his mistress smelled like cookies--why would J Lo EVER have chocolate chip cookies in her house? Based on the situation, you would think you would lose all appetite for that particular food and you would definitely not have them on hand, nor serve, them to your philandering husband. Why would serve a food that can only evoke in him the memory of his mistress?

 

C'mon, J Lo! Have some self-respect!

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So, brake lines. This always bothers me in movies. If brake lines were cut enough to actually cause brakes to fail, there would be a huge puddle of brake fluid that would be 100% obvious. Also, when starting the car, wouldn't the lack of brake pressure be immediately noticeable? Like, when you change out brake pads, you have to compress the brake piston, which pushes the fluid up the brake line and back into the master cylinder. When you first get in your car after that, the brake feels like it has no tension. You pump the pedal a couple times, and the fluid runs back down the line, and you can feel the tension return to the brakes. I would assume getting in a car with no brake fluid would be almost the same thing.

 

Also, modern cars have a hydraulic emergency brake that's completely separate from the main brakes, so even if your brakes fail, you can use the emergency brake. Additionally, most people know (at least, I hope they do) that if your brakes fail, you should downshift to a lower gear and basically let your car slow itself down.

 

Basically, I'm not saying that it's infeasible for failing brakes to kill someone; it just seems like a really shitty plan to murder someone because you're relying on them missing all of the cues that their brakes aren't working and then not knowing how to react in the situation.

 

However, all of this reminds me of another movie that would be a really great HDTGM film: 2001's The Glass House. Cutting brake lines factors heavily into the plot of that ridiculous mess, too (and it has Stellar Skateboard in it!).

 

Alright, Dom--we get it; you know cars!

 

Fast-and-Furious-gif-9.gif

 

But, to be fair to the movie (why would I ever do that?), he says he can't down shift and they do ultimately stop by pulling the emergency brake.

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Alright, Dom--we get it; you know cars!

 

Fast-and-Furious-gif-9.gif

 

But, to be fair to the movie (why would I ever do that?), he says he can't down shift and they do ultimately stop by pulling the emergency brake.

 

 

I didn't watch the movie

 

 

 

Yeah, I guess what I was trying to get across is that it's a shitty way to try to kill someone for exactly that reason.

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As a little forewarning, I have A LOT to say about this movie. I'll try not to blow up the boards and give everyone a chance to post their thoughts, but it's gonna be real tough to sit back...

 

They mentioned in the episode that J Lo is always making (and sniffing) cookies, but considering her marital issues--and the fact that somehow he let an email get out that described his mistress smelled like cookies--why would J Lo EVER have chocolate chip cookies in her house? Based on the situation, you would think you would lose all appetite for that particular food and you would definitely not have them on hand, nor serve, them to your philandering husband. Why would serve a food that can only evoke in him the memory of his mistress?

 

C'mon, J Lo! Have some self-respect!

 

Maybe The Wiz is very fond of JLo's cookies and she always had them around the house. If she suddenly took them away, The Wiz would be suspicious, no? Besides, with JLo always dropping pies on the floor, having emergency desserts on hand is smart.

And maybe she wants Corbett to know that she knows.

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i feel Ryan Guzman's character is a younger Dennis Reynolds from always sunny in philadelphia.

 

Also did anyone else feel that if Jennifer Lopez was replaced with Sarah Jessica Parker that this movie could have been a legitimate Sex in the city spin off?

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Did anyone think that Jason seemed to be mellowing in this one, well at least until his pussy tasting like chicken and salmonella quip?

Not that I'm saying thats a bad thing...I mean the Jason mellowing, not the poison pussy thing, though Michael Douglas might agree with that.

I think that the recent spate of live shows might have coloured my opinion here.

 

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Maybe The Wiz is very fond of JLo's cookies and she always had them around the house. If she suddenly took them away, The Wiz would be suspicious, no? Besides, with JLo always dropping pies on the floor, having emergency desserts on hand is smart.

And maybe she wants Corbett to know that she knows.

 

Maybe...if she wasn't also eating them by herself. If my S.O. cheated on me with someone she said smelled like waffles, I sure as shit wouldn't be rushing to my local supermarket anytime soon to get a whole bunch of Eggos to eat by myself.

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Oh, I thought we were talking about Dragon Heart today.

But this should be fun also.

 

 

 

And are we still upset about the intro?

 

They go back n forth between new and old regularly now. Its good.

Looking forward to a new song, but honestly itll be hard to top Haru (sp?)s verses.

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Did anyone think that Jason seemed to be mellowing in this one, well at least until his pussy tasting like chicken and salmonella quip?

Not that I'm saying thats a bad thing...I mean the Jason mellowing, not the poison pussy thing, though Michael Douglas might agree with that.

I think that the recent spate of live shows might have coloured my opinion here.

He's always reined in a lot more in studio episodes. I find him a lot funnier here than when he's just shouting things (which isn't to say that I don't find that funny as well).

 

Also, Cameron H, do you realize your signature says The Bot Next Door?

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Also, Cameron H, do you realize your signature says The Bot Next Door?

 

Right. He was a robot in this, right?

 

...I'll fix it.

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Right. He was a robot in this, right?

 

...I'll fix it.

Awww...I wasn't calling you out to fix it. I thought it was really funny and wasn't sure if it was intentional or not.

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Maybe...if she wasn't also eating them by herself. If my S.O. cheated on me with someone she said smelled like waffles, I sure as shit wouldn't be rushing to my local supermarket anytime soon to get a whole bunch of Eggos to eat by myself.

 

You should stock up in case you have an affair with the kid next door and he needs to make a sexual waffle pun in front of your current SO.

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I'm only half way through the episode right now, so I don't know if this was brought up or not.

 

This isn't the first time JLo played a teacher. She played a grade school teacher in the movie "Jack" which was released in 1996. It's been quite a while since I've seen THAT movie, but I think she only goes by "Miss Marquez" with no first name given, so if her character was single then, and she met someone, they got married and had a kid within four or five years of that movie, it's completely possible that Her character in TBND could be the same character from Jack. Teachers move to different schools and move up in the grades they teach all the time, and it's not like she was teaching kindergarten in "Jack."

 

 

Just a dumb thought I had.

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I think J-Lo already made this "Every Wrong Decision" movie, and it was called "Enough".

 

I think you'll find that it was called "Gigli"

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When this movie first came out, I thought it was a sequel to "The Girl Next Door", the teen comedy starring Elisha Cuthbert, Timothy Olyphant and James Remar about a porn star moving in next door to a high school kid.

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You should stock up in case you have an affair with the kid next door and he needs to make a sexual waffle pun in front of your current SO.

"Someone was certainly getting waffled in here."

 

Sorry, I've got nothing. Absolutely nothing.

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I wanted to talk about something that the gang touched on in this episode.

 

They mention a lot about how The Boy Next Door is focusing on JLo's pleasure throughout that sex scene but something that I think is very telling is how that can still be tied to a man's ego and negatively impact a woman and lessen her enjoyment of sex if that partner is abusive.

 

We know that JLo did enjoy herself at the end despite the amount of times she said no and stop which really put me off for the rest of the movie, but what if she hadn't? Noah had this ideal about them based solely on the fact that she liked what he did that night. His possessive nature towards her was directly tied to how good he thought he was in bed. So if they had had sex again and she didn't like it would he have gotten angry? Would she have felt obligated to fake an orgasm to avoid that anger?

 

Maybe a way for her to really cut him deep and prove that she didn't care about him would have been to say, "I faked the whole thing." That then takes away the power he feels like he has over her because he no longer has the thought that he provided any kind of pleasure to her.

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I'd like to say a little bit about the faculty at the school, but before I do, there are two different scenes in J Lo's classroom, but aren't they in two totally different rooms? I may be misremembering, but when the Principal tries to unlock the door, the entrance is on the outside of the building; but earlier in the movie, when she leaves the class to ask why Noah's in there, doesn't she exit into a hallway? I guess there could be two different entrances into the same classroom, but in my recollection, even the interiors of the classrooms don't match up...

 

Anyway, back to the school...

 

When J Lo is introducing herself to the class and telling them that they will be studying The Illiad (don't you feel like they really wanted to do Oedipus Rex?), she is interrupted when Noah is introduced to the class. She runs out of the class and asks what's going on and is told that she requested him to be in there because he would be "an asset to the class." First of all, he's there as a Goddamn student! What the fuck are you even talking about that he'll be "an asset to the class?" He's not going to be a teacher's aid; he's there to learn! I highly doubt that students are placed in their respective classes like they're in a fucking sports draft.

 

Secondly, is this movie now telling me that this (undoubtedly) bright, twenty year old high school Senior is going to be held back a grade just because a teacher says she wants him around? Get out of here with that shit!

 

Then, in the next classroom scene, the principal tells her he needs to speak to her outside. He then comments on her recent odd behavior and that the janitor saw her with Noah in the gym. Prior to this moment, what exactly has been her odd behavior? Is it because she seemed to have no recollection of requesting a student to be in her class or is it because she was caught in a weird moment with that student in the gym? Because, up to that point, those are the only (kind of) weird things that have happened. I certainly wouldn't define either of those incidents--involving an otherwise reliable and stable teacher--as being too concerning, and if they were, they should have spoken to her a lot sooner. Other than those two semi-weird moments, what else has she done? I wouldn't say that she's acting particularly erratic, at least, not enough to classify her behavior as being "odd."

 

But, I guess that's how it goes at good old "John" Monroe High School...I wonder which John Monroe they named it after? Do you think it was the Irish lawyer, the Civil War era mayor of New Orleans, the former Canadian speed skater, or Major League baseball player? I mean, it can't be that they meant President JAMES Monroe! Jesus Christ, Hollywood! Give me a freaking job! I promise you, your movies will be 100% less stupid.

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You should stock up in case you have an affair with the kid next door and he needs to make a sexual waffle pun in front of your current SO.

 

"Why don't you tell your wife about that "sticky" situation we were in last night..."

 

"Your husband's so nice! He's always "buttering" me up--with compliments."

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Haha, cutting brakes in movies is always stupid. Who gets up to full speed on the highway without using their brakes once?

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second HDTGM movie that has an end fight in a barn that catches on fire. (IIRC)

 

If they do the John Cena movie "The Marine", it'll be three.

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"Why don't you tell your wife about that "sticky" situation we were in last night..."

 

"Your husband's so nice! He's always "buttering" me up--with compliments."

 

Dear old Cam. Always ready with a 'blue' waffle quip.

 

 

Do not googleimage 'blue waffle'!......DO NOT GOOGLEIMAGE 'BLUE WAFFLE' !!!!!!!

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If they do the John Cena movie "The Marine", it'll be three.

Fuck. Yes.

 

That movie is next level bonkers, and I totally love everything about it.

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