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JulyDiaz

Episode 145 - Vampire Academy (w/ Michael Showalter, Aisling Bea)

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Why is the Vampire Academy located in Montana? You have to think they get an average of, what 6-7 hours per day of sunlight MAYBE? Isn’t that one of the biggest factors in the good vampire vs. bad vampire? I did some research and Yuma, Arizona gets more than 4,000 sunlight hours per year and averages around 11 sunny hours per day. That’s almost double the amount of time with sun! Sure it isn’t as mountainous but I’m sure there could be some concessions made to the area when you know that you have another 5-6 hours a day to not worry about the Strigoi!

 

 

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Omission... You guys and girl didn't talk about Olga Kurylenko's character, Headmistress Ellen Kirova...

 

My favourite line of hers is:

 

"I could have been a model. A man in Milan gave me his card when I was 16."

 

I took it as a joke but Olga Kurylenko is stunning and she is not playing an older Headmistress so if you think about it Ellen Kirova can easily be a model if she wanted to, her looks are not an issue. That makes the line crazier and funnier to me.

I'd like to think that she just had NO clue and that it was just some skeezy dude trying to get with a teenage girl, and that everyone but her knew it.

 

"I could have been a model! I hate you all!"

 

"Honey, like your dad and I keep telling you, that was just the creepy janitor at your school."

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I watched this twice and my body's not ready for a third viewing so soon. Did anybody catch why Rose and Lissa ran away from VA? In the beginning, Rose said the car accident occurred 2 years ago and they have been on the run for 1 year. So what happened in the year since the car accident? I must have missed it.

Also, it took them one entire year to go from Montana to Oregon? Did they walk? And it was weird that Lissa confused Oregon with oregano. It's not exactly pop culture and it seemed like VA taught normal classes.

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Did some research and apparently this movie was released and promoted more as a comedy than action or teen romance? It was actually nominated for a 2014 Teen Choice award for Best Comedy and Choice Movie Actress: Comedy for Zoey Deutch. Can you imagine the makers of this film and the studio going, "Man, this thing is hilarious!" Zoey lost to Emma Roberts for We're the Millers. The other nominees were Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues: Christina Applegate, Blended: Drew Barrymore, and The Other Woman: Cameron Diaz. The other nominees for best comedy were The Other Woman which won, Ride Along, Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues, and Blended. HOW DID VAMPIRE ACADEMY GET ON THIS LIST! How did Anchorman 2 not win this! Teens are dumb.

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Omission:

 

I am amazed that the amount of viciousness in the Mia character was not brought up in the show or the fact that she was offering her body as payment for male vampires to do her bidding along with the fact that for vampires, apparently their blood becomes a type of hot spray during sex that they can use to write words on walls.

 

Also, as for the cameras watching the backpack, yeah it was set up by Gabriel Byrne, but it was for him to get video proof of Lissa's healing abilities. I'm assuming he did this so as to not just kidnap her and find out she can't do it, thus setting him down a path towards serious punishment with no reward of de-aging.

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My favorite part of the movie was before the movie even started, when I was assaulted by 6 production company logos along with The Weinstein Company's distribution logo. It took like 2 minutes to get through all that. Did anyone not work on this project? I hope this sets a HDTGM record for Most Useless Production Companies In A Single "Film."

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This is a question for Taylor Anne, or anyone else who read the books, do vampires, sorry, morois age normally? Regular vampires you're just kinda stuck at the age you turned at yet the morois have kids and go to school which seems to imply they age. If they age slowly like Wolverine, wouldn't they go through like a bunch of dhampirs even if they were soul bonded or whatever they were. This whole thing kinda confused me.

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Did some research and apparently this movie was released and promoted more as a comedy than action or teen romance? It was actually nominated for a 2014 Teen Choice award for Best Comedy and Choice Movie Actress: Comedy for Zoey Deutch. Can you imagine the makers of this film and the studio going, "Man, this thing is hilarious!" Zoey lost to Emma Roberts for We're the Millers. The other nominees were Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues: Christina Applegate, Blended: Drew Barrymore, and The Other Woman: Cameron Diaz. The other nominees for best comedy were The Other Woman which won, Ride Along, Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues, and Blended. HOW DID VAMPIRE ACADEMY GET ON THIS LIST! How did Anchorman 2 not win this! Teens are dumb.

I couldn't tell between the trailers and different marketing materials who this thing was supposed to be for, and sure enough, in the week or two that we had it at my theater, we sold only a handful of tickets. It's amazing when something casts such a wide net and manages to catch nothing.

 

As mentioned, this thing was pulled pretty quickly, because the distributor probably couldn't afford to even keep it in theaters.

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Did some research and apparently this movie was released and promoted more as a comedy than action or teen romance? It was actually nominated for a 2014 Teen Choice award for Best Comedy and Choice Movie Actress: Comedy for Zoey Deutch. Can you imagine the makers of this film and the studio going, "Man, this thing is hilarious!" Zoey lost to Emma Roberts for We're the Millers. The other nominees were Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues: Christina Applegate, Blended: Drew Barrymore, and The Other Woman: Cameron Diaz. The other nominees for best comedy were The Other Woman which won, Ride Along, Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues, and Blended. HOW DID VAMPIRE ACADEMY GET ON THIS LIST! How did Anchorman 2 not win this! Teens are dumb.

 

Well, I actually think there is a comedy in here. The use of 80s/90s high school movie troupes(like the ugly girl played by a beautiful actress + glasses, the clichéed bullying, the bully who's misunderstood, the prom, the dress-shopping and so on) has to be deliberate, nobody would write characters and plot like that in 2014. So they are going for a high school-parody, apparent in some of the meta V.O. as well. The problem is that the movie can't stay true to any one tone which eventually deflates the parody and only leaves things like super troupy characters seemingly played sincerly. And that is in part why this movie is so irritating to watch for me.

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When Rose confronts Dimitri about her spellbound desire for his "sweet sassy molassy," he goes through a long mathematical justification for why they can't (currently) be together:

 

It's one thing if I were 36 and you were 28, or me 28 and you 20.

 

I get it. He's eight years older than her, and when those eight years difference is 25 and 17, that age gap is pretty significant--not to mention, illegal and inappropriate. But you know what else is illegal and inappropriate? A teacher engaging in a romantic relationship with a student--regardless of the age difference. He does all this mental arithmetic how old each of them need to be to make his lust for her acceptable, but apparently the question of taking advantage of one of his students never even entered that equation. What a sleazeball...

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This is a question for Taylor Anne, or anyone else who read the books, do vampires, sorry, morois age normally? Regular vampires you're just kinda stuck at the age you turned at yet the morois have kids and go to school which seems to imply they age. If they age slowly like Wolverine, wouldn't they go through like a bunch of dhampirs even if they were soul bonded or whatever they were. This whole thing kinda confused me.

 

The Moroi have a normal human lifespan although they are immune to illness and any diseases, the Strogoi (bad vampires) don't age which is why some of them choose to become Stragoi.

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Did anybody catch why Rose and Lissa ran away from VA? In the beginning, Rose said the car accident occurred 2 years ago and they have been on the run for 1 year. So what happened in the year since the car accident? I must have missed it.

Also, it took them one entire year to go from Montana to Oregon? Did they walk?

 

Long answer but here goes;

 

They didn't run away straight after the accident.

 

It isn't in the first book which is why they didn't show it in the movie but Lissa felt like she was being stalked and was self harming more, part of her compulsion by Sonja (the crazy teacher) was to protect Lissa at all costs which in this meant she felt it would be safer to get her away from the school.

 

They kept moving locations to not got get caught Oregon was where they were living when they were found but they had lived in other places mainly college towns where they wouldn't stand out.

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Why is the Vampire Academy located in Montana?

 

It was placed there because its a private location that's easily defended and the magical wards there hold stronger then other places.

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The Moroi have a normal human lifespan although they are immune to illness and any diseases, the Strogoi (bad vampires) don't age which is why some of them choose to become Stragoi.

Thank you.

 

I guess this just leaves me with the lingering question, why even make them vampires? I mean aside from drinking blood and an aversion to sunlight, why make them vampires at all. The fact they are vampires has nothing really to do with the overall plot. Everything they do is more about their magic powers more so than their vampire abilities. I mean just make them wizards that can be turned into vampires.I guess that's more of a question for the author and not the movie makers or screen writer. I mean they take more than a few digs at Twilight but based on my limited knowledge of Twilight, their vegan sparkling vampires seem more "vampire" than the Vampire Academy ones.

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Honestly, being a Moroi doesn't seam to be all it's cracked up to be. You age normally. You're mildly allergic to sun. You can't turn into a bat or any other such creature of the night. You can still die. In fact, you are so mortal, you need to have a bodyguard from birth just to keep you safe. If it wasn't for the fact that they do seem to have some powers of compulsion and elemental magic (which apparently they can't use to defend themselves) I'd say they're just a bunch of snobby cannibals who just fancy themselves as vampires.

 

However, haven written all that, I do have some questions...

 

1) What is the point of Vampire Academy? Seriously. What are they going to school for? What's the career path? They learn to control the elements? Okay...To what end? Once you can make a candle light by itself, what's the next step? Arson?

I'm just saying, I don't think this school is doing its best to produce healthy, productive members of society.

 

2) If every Moroi needs a Dhampir to protect them from Strigoi (Jesus...), why was the car that got into the accident at the beginning of the movie not twice as full? Sure, Rose is there for Lissa, but shouldn't there have been at least three more Dhampir crammed in the backseat like a goddamn clown car?

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Question:

 

One question I still have is how long are students at the academy? We hear from various students that they don't know what a hashtag is or what an iPhone is, so are they in the academy from birth, or is it only the non-royal vampires because at the beginning we see Lissa and her family out in the world for their accident to happen? Then you have the scene where the main characters are at a mall, but it's also other students there as well, so are they just oblivious to the world around them or is it one of the biggest continuity errors in movie history?

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This goes by kinda quick but I found it very bizarre. During the "sweet sassy molassy" scene we get a look into Dimitri's bedroom. The fact that he has a roaring fire in a fireplace in his tiny room isn't the oddest thing about it. His room is covered in posters and pictures of western movies and various cowboy related things. In fact the book he is reading when Rose comes in is a cowboy novel! The weird thing is none of the cowboy movie posters are even for real western movies. No, they decided that this 25 year old Russian guy is just obsessed with cowboys and the old west and rather than pay for a Rio Bravo poster and a Zane Grey novel, they took the time and effort to make up a dozen fake movies and books. Maybe his obsession with the old west is explained in the novels. Personally I hope it's not and it's just some odd character choice made between the actor and the production staff

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1) What is the point of Vampire Academy? Seriously. What are they going to school for? What's the career path? They learn to control the elements? Okay...To what end? Once you can make a candle light by itself, what's the next step? Arson?

I'm just saying, I don't think this school is doing its best to produce healthy, productive members of society.

 

2) If every Moroi needs a Dhampir to protect them from Strigoi (Jesus...), why was the car that got into the accident at the beginning of the movie not twice as full? Sure, Rose is there for Lissa, but shouldn't there have been at least three more Dhampir crammed in the backseat like a goddamn clown car?

Question:

 

One question I still have is how long are students at the academy?

 

1)I think most of the moroi are rich and don't really work outside the moroi society, I think the school is basically about sticking them somewhere that's safe where they can learn to use there powers.

 

2) There aren't enough Damphir to protect every Moroi most families will share one and many Moroi have to live without them, Royals do however get at least one each, I don't think its ever explained why they were travelling without any guards, Rose was there as Lissa's friend not as her protector.

 

The school is just a high school all the kids leave for summer and breaks the being out of touch thing was something just for the movie because the kids definitely use computers and other tech in the books.

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Maybe his obsession with the old west is explained in the novels. Personally I hope it's not and it's just some odd character choice made between the actor and the production staff

 

They mention off hand that he likes Western novels in the book I guess the production team really decided to run with it, also it's worth noting that in the books he's only supposed to have a slight Russian accent.

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Honestly, being a Moroi doesn't seam to be all it's cracked up to be. You age normally. You're mildly allergic to sun. You can't turn into a bat or any other such creature of the night. You can still die. In fact, you are so mortal, you need to have a bodyguard from birth just to keep you safe. If it wasn't for the fact that they do seem to have some powers of compulsion and elemental magic (which apparently they can't use to defend themselves) I'd say they're just a bunch of snobby cannibals who just fancy themselves as vampires.

 

However, haven written all that, I do have some questions...

 

1) What is the point of Vampire Academy? Seriously. What are they going to school for? What's the career path? They learn to control the elements? Okay...To what end? Once you can make a candle light by itself, what's the next step? Arson?

I'm just saying, I don't think this school is doing its best to produce healthy, productive members of society.

 

2) If every Moroi needs a Dhampir to protect them from Strigoi (Jesus...), why was the car that got into the accident at the beginning of the movie not twice as full? Sure, Rose is there for Lissa, but shouldn't there have been at least three more Dhampir crammed in the backseat like a goddamn clown car?

I think all the disadvantages of being a vampire could have been fertile ground for possible character motivation AND purpose for the Academy. Maybe emphasize how much each vampire has to overcome (the need for blood, the mortality, the antipathy to sunlight), which is why they have to attend an academy for vampires; they have to learn to adapt and then integrate into the larger world (or just their own world). So vampirism is more of a curse than anything, which is why St. Vladimir is so important because maybe he forged a path for how to live a fulfilling life even with that curse. Then there is an obvious temptation for EVERY vampire to become a Strigoi since that comes with a satiation of all your physical desires, your deepest needs, and immortality. It also comes with a desire to be an insane cannibal lunatic bent on murder and destruction. So no wonder all these Vamp Teens want to fuck all the time and "suck" on each other (more than normal teens), there's this looming presence of a different type of vampire whose every need is satisfied. In that context, maybe safe sex or being a "blood whore" isn't so bad by comparison, and the movie could still retain its anti-Twilight's "save yourself for marriage and turn yourself into a baby factory" message.

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I was thinking a lot about the references Rose makes in this movie. When we're introduced to the two of them we're told immediately that Lyssa doesn't understand modern day references, or any references for that matter. But we're also simultaneously introduced to the fact that Rose knows everything. My continuing questions is... how??? She is a Dhampir that is raised with Lyssa and other Dhampir and Moroi children who then come at her with questions like, "What's a hashtag!" So when did Rose get to watch things like Pretty in Pink, Mission Impossible, Gladiator, etc etc to be able to make these kinds of references? And then why does Lyssa have such a hard time figuring out any kind of reference when Rose is her best friend and practically sister.

 

You could make the argument that during that year while they were on the run they had to spend so much time lying low that they really had enough movie nights to cover their whole lives, but then Lyssa should not be putting up a Jimmy Carter poster to appear to blend in with humans. Also when they return to VA every time Rose makes some kind of reference no one looks at her like she's crazy. They all seem to go along with her witty references pretty immediately. This could be because she is just a witty person and they could all just assume that she's making these things up as she goes along, but it just seems odd. Like if I had never seen Pretty in Pink and then someone called me "Duckie" I would question the shit out of it or at the very least make a confused facial expression.

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It isn't in the first book which is why they didn't show it in the movie but Lissa felt like she was being stalked and was self harming more, part of her compulsion by Sonja (the crazy teacher) was to protect Lissa at all costs which in this meant she felt it would be safer to get her away from the school.

 

Lissa was being stalked? By the crazy teacher? Or was she being stalked by Victor? Speaking of Victor, do the books explain what Sadovsky's Syndrome is? It was the motivation for Victor to capture Lissa, right? But they didn't explain what it is! Oh, and they made it seem like Victor was the last in his line, but then 2 seconds later, Natalie appears. Did I just imagine that part of the movie that said he was the last of the Dashkov line?

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Oh, and they made it seem like Victor was the last in his line, but then 2 seconds later, Natalie appears. Did I just imagine that part of the movie that said he was the last of the Dashkov line?

I don't specifically remember this, but maybe he's super old school misogynist and doesn't count girls? He's the last male heir in his line? Or he could just super hardcore hate Natalie since he didn't seem to give a flying shit that she changed herself into Strigoi for him at the end.

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