Episode 162 - My Stepmother Is An Alien: LIVE!

[JoelSchlosberg 352]

2) "Bag" seems to be the same creature from Star Wars in the trash compacter.... so i would also argue that this takes place in George Lucas' Start Wars Universe. Maybe even having the signal being sent an early precursor to the death star beam.

 

Bag-eye monster also has a career as a cover model for Baen Books:

http://i.imgur.com/Xi6Dyd6.jpg

 

Why didn't they come up with a more impressive look for the one alien we get to see? It looks like a puppet. Even though that was still the era of creature effects that often did not allow showing the full body in one shot since the puppeteer needed to be somewhere (e.g. the Rancor in Return of the Jedi, or the Gremlins in their first movie), the better-made movies came up with clever ways to disguise that fact and to give the critters interesting things to do to make them seem livelier. But this one looks like something you'd see in a puppet show! (If anything, it's less impressive, since they had already figured out how to show the Muppets doing stuff like riding bicycles with their legs visible via marionette techniques.) Say what you will about Howard the Duck, the Dark Overlord's true form is a genuinely elaborate special effects creation.

[Smigg 1488]

 

I created an account for the Earwolf forums just so I could like this.

 

Excellent! Welcome to the board.

[FisterRoboto 7499]

Of those, I've only heard of Can't Buy Me Love. While it's not particularly famous in that era's teen-movie cycle, Amanda Peterson is well-remembered as one of the teen idols of the time, and that's one of the few movies she had a big role in. As for Seth Green, I have no idea if I noticed him in it.

 

Oh and the alternate title of it definitely does not pass feminist muster: Boy Rents Girl.

I mean...it was famous enough they remade it in 2003.

[IMAHUGEHDTGMFAN 1837]

The thing that gets me about the movie not being from the POV of the stepdaughter is that there was a childen's book published the next year (so written around the same time) which not only has a nearly identical title, but which famously takes the child's-eye perspective (both figuratively and literally) on its cover:

 

In contrast, both this movie and its poster most definitely do not:

 

Only the title is from her POV

[Elektra Boogaloo 3371]

Guys, I have a BIG CORRECTION. I'm pretty upset about it.

 

Jason said that Willow phases through a car like Kitty Pryde. Then he said he expected "Lockjaw" to show up.

 

I don't understand why people haven't complained about this already. Bigger error than the North Shore incident of "The Covenant."

 

Lockjaw is the alien dog from the "Inhumans." Kitty Pryde's friend is Lockheed, the dragon. Entirely different alien sidekick that happens to look like an Earth animal.

 

GET IT TOGETHER, JASON! You're losing all your nerd cred!

 

(Also, you'll be pleased to know i can bring this back around to last week's discussion of how bad the "Inhumans" TV show looks. Because there have been some TERRIBLE set pics of Lockjaw. Possible spoilers about this terrible piece of garbage show. )

[FUCK! 189]

Based solely off his name writing abilities, I LOVE Jerico.

[NundercoverBrother 174]

This was always on TV when I was growing up. Between HBO & Comedy Central afternoons, I think Ive seen all of this movie, but Ive never intentionally tried to watch this movie. All of my experiences with this movie has always led to me going "what the hell is happening here?" followed by changing the channel.

[Cameron H. 23786]

I think where this movie struggles is in order write comedy one must first master and understand basic human communication. There were so many times in the movie where an event would happen, people would say something in reaction to that event, and based on the tone of the delivery, we are to just meant to understand that a "joke" just occurred. However, what the ten or so writers writing this turd failed to remember is that even if the premise of a joke is absurd it still has to follow some kind of internal logic.

 

For example, when Willow is rushing Aykroyd to the party, he asks her, "Do we have any socks?" The movie cuts to him in the kitchen pulling a pair of socks out of the oven. He then smugly tells her, "See, I knew I had a pair in reserve. And they're dry. I've been cooking 'em since yesterday." So the payoff to the set up, "Do we have socks?" is "Yes, we do. I knew where they were all the time. And since I was the one asking the question, I'm not really sure why I added the 'See' first, like, I'm proving something to you. I guess I'm just a condescending prick. Anyway, I just needed an excuse to show the audience how quirky I am."

 

Another example of this that really bugged me is when Aykroyd takes Basinger to his lab. They are stopped at security, but somehow, even though they are acting extremely odd, they are able to convince him that she's from DARPA. Inexplicably, security waves them through the metal detector. As Basinger passes through the metal detector, the alarm goes off, and behind her, Aykroyd rushes through and yells, "I'm with her." Ha ha ha. But seriously, that joke makes no fucking sense. Think about it. You're entering a secure facility with someone you just met. She passes through a metal detector and it goes off. Are you really going to throw your hat in with that person? Who knows why that detector went off?!? What if security decided to do his fucking job and search her? What if she wasn't some friendly alien, but a terrorist or something? You don't know who this person is or why she has an interest in your Top Secret project. Do you really want to claim that you're "with" that person?

[firsttimecallerlongtimelistenr 3590]

this movie was released on the 9th december 1988. the same day as mississippi burning and twins. so they dumped it 2 weeks before christmas and against twins!

 

the studio must have really hated this movie.

 

and, with reference to an earlier post, box office mojo have given seth green second billing?

 

 

edit: i just checked and amazon have him as top billed???

 

 

he was in it for 3 mins max .. wasn't he? did i zone out? reminds me of doug's "cable billing" game

[firsttimecallerlongtimelistenr 3590]

but then again ...

 

[JoelSchlosberg 352]

Nobody's mentioned that the credits/poster font is the one seen in almost all Woody Allen movies, Windsor.

Was it not as associated with Allen back then, when he had only been using it for one decade rather than four?

Edited May 12, 2017 by JoelSchlosberg

[joshg 207]

The thing that gets me about the movie not being from the POV of the stepdaughter is that there was a childen's book published the next year (so written around the same time) which not only has a nearly identical title, but which famously takes the child's-eye perspective (both figuratively and literally) on its cover:

 

In contrast, both this movie and its poster most definitely do not:

 

The first poster so clearly reminds me of Strange Invaders.

Strange Invaders? Anyone?

 

 

 

https://youtu.be/3CV3O0PLE1g

[JoelSchlosberg 352]

Well, it's Strange Invaders for kids (and is a book cover, not a poster). Am I the only one who remembers it from childhood? It is the sort of image you never forget if you first see it as a kid, when grownups are mysterious and alien creatures. (As in Men in Black when Will smith says that he always suspected his teacher was from Venus before having any idea that might be literally true. Or in Jack in the Beanstalk, where the giants are literally on a larger scale and on a higher level than Jack.) It is hard to believe that new editions have different artwork!

[Cakebug Tranch 6873]

Another example of this that really bugged me is when Aykroyd takes Basinger to his lab. They are stopped at security, but somehow, even though they are acting extremely odd, they are able to convince him that she's from DARPA. Inexplicably, security waves them through the metal detector. As Basinger passes through the metal detector, the alarm goes off, and behind her, Aykroyd rushes through and yells, "I'm with her." Ha ha ha. But seriously, that joke makes no fucking sense. Think about it. You're entering a secure facility with someone you just met. She passes through a metal detector and it goes off. Are you really going to throw your hat in with that person. Who knows why that detector went off?!? What if security decided to do his fucking job and search her? What if she wasn't some friendly alien, but, like, a terrorist or something? You don't know who this person is or why she has an interest in your Top Secret project. Do you really want to claim that you're "with" that person?

 

That alarm went off when Dan's boss walks through two minutes later. Does the alarm go off every time someone walks through the detector (like a chime that goes off when the door opens in a convenience store)? If so, how is that guard not in a rest home for the mentally addled by now? Morning rush must be a bitch.

[JoelSchlosberg 352]

That could explain it. The detector is so overreactive that they don't bother to investigate every false alarm, and the regulars know that.

[ChunkStyle 1160]

I just remembered my least favorite part of the movie. The laborious and telegraphed path they went down to land with the tiny $1000 bill punchline. Amazing that Whitney became a comedian with this movie raising her.

 

In regards to the insane plot of the planet having to get hit with the beam again in order to save it. At one point Celeste says "they shouldn't have this technology for another 1000 years" or something to that effect. That implies that the aliens do possess the hyper beam technology. So why not just shoot themselves?

[joshg 207]

The most hilarious part of the movie (aside from Seth Green)...

In the seduction scene, Dan Ackroyd's head is literally thrust backwards. Twice. The first time it looks like a convulsion, as if he was having some sort of premature (female?) ejaculation.

The second time his head hits the back of the headboard when Kim Basinger rips open her negligee, as if he is smacked by the projectile force of her tits, like the guy in the Maxell cassette commercial.

 

 

via Imgflip GIF Maker

 

https://youtu.be/XiJzLfxWooo

[JoelSchlosberg 352]

The whole culture around security pre-9/11, both in fiction and in real life, was lax in ways that are hard to imagine ever flew (no pun intended) in hindsight. As noted in a 2000 column by James Randi:

 

Airport security is a serious problem, as we all know. But my observations of how it has evolved, get me a bit worried. Until recently, operators of the system required that every computer passing through the system must be turned on and the display on the screen lit, after which it was approved. This was a silly - and dangerous - idea, since any serious would-be bomber could easily prepare a light-up screen to disguise an explosive device, knowing that was all that was necessary to get by. More recently, I've been asked to "operate" my beeper to prove that it's genuine, a ridiculous requirement under any standards. There appears to be a technically-inept person behind all this, a fact verified by the fact that now my computer bag passes through the x-ray scanner, shows nothing but a large opaque rectangle, and it passes! The examiners have no idea what might be there, but they have followed the rules, and they move right on.

 

Many years ago, when I lived in New Jersey, I arrived at Newark airport and found that my travel agent had erred and booked me out of JFK airport. With little time to spare, I opted to grab the next helicopter shuttle to JFK, and scooted for the gate. I placed my large suitcase on the scanner belt along with my carry-ons, passed through the frame, and stood impatiently waiting for my baggage and looking at the monitor screen. To my horror, I saw the perfect outline of a Smith and Wesson 38-caliber revolver smack in the middle of the screen. The operator was looking directly at the screen, as I was, but did not react.

 

(I should explain how I came to have a revolver. At that period in my career, I was performing a "mentalism" trick in which I would shoot out of a cluster of balloons, one of a specific color - while blindfolded. Wax bullets propelled by a tiny charge were enough to do the job. I will add that following this experience I switched over to a molded-plastic replica revolver that was transparent to the scanning systems.)

 

I hustled to the gate, expecting at any moment to hear a "Halt!" but heard nothing. Aboard the helicopter I was sure that we would be intercepted by Sidewinder ground-to-air missiles. Nothing. Upon landing at JFK I expected a SWAT team in leather and armor to place my poor body under arrest. Again, nothing. Perhaps 20 minutes after I left, the security person awoke from his trance back in Newark and exclaimed, "Revolver!" I will never know.

 

At one time, I traveled with several pieces of electronic equipment that were encased in the usual sheet-metal casings - all of which showed on the security screen as opaque rectangles. There was no telling what they were, or what was behind them. And that's very much the situation today, too.

 

No, I don't have a much better scheme to offer. That's not my field, but I think I could do a better job than is being done right now. I'm concerned about what appear to be ineffective and rather arbitrary rules that are applied to the security system at airports. Preparing dedicated transgressors by showing them how weak the system is, is not at all wise.

[tomspanks 9039]

I hated that there were no rules about what Kim Basinger knew or didn't know. At the party, Kim Basinger complains about her outfit, specifically saying that her HAT is too big (you know, the big red pepperoni-looking one). Later, when Dan Aykroyd takes Kim Basinger home, they enter the house and she bumps into the coat rack with the Durante hat hanging on it and she asks "what's this?" Dan Aykroyd tells her it's a HAT. So she knows what a hat is but only if it's a frisbee hat? I don't get it.

[JoelSchlosberg 352]

I just remembered my least favorite part of the movie. The laborious and telegraphed path they went down to land with the tiny $1000 bill punchline. Amazing that Whitney became a comedian with this movie raising her.

 

I was reminded of a scene in Innerspace, where the overly telegraphed nature of the joke is what makes it funny. Martin Short is a hapless supermarket cashier who describes in great detail how he has a recurring dream that when running up the tab for a specific customer, the amounts go ridiculously high, making her so pissed off that she pulls a gun out of her purse and shoots him. Then one day, that same customer arrives at his counter and this happens:

 

But the smaller bill is just clumsily set up for such a literal payoff. It would have been funnier if it had been a $900 bill.

[Cam Bert 8145]

Sorry, thought of another light speed related thing about the movie. The spaceship that Kim Basinger and Bag pass Saturn en route to earth. Well, even when Earth and Saturn are closest, Saturn is still 1.2 billion km away, about 8 times the distance between Earth and the sun. Keep in mind that the light from our sun takes 8 minutes and 20 seconds to reach Earth. Yet right after they pass Saturn they show up on Earth in no time. Seems like they already had the "technology" to go faster than light.

Ah, but you're now glossing over one of the things that annoyed and does so in many science fiction things. We, humans I mean, named the sixth planet in our solar system Saturn. It is a meaningless word outside that context (or talking mythology) and is something that nobody else would know unless they are from Earth and speak English. Yet we have these aliens from light years away just happen to call it Saturn as well? No! They would call it something else or why would they even know or care about it if it's light years from their own planet. "Oo, can we stop at that planet on the way back?" FIFY Jerico!

 

 

That alarm went off when Dan's boss walks through two minutes later. Does the alarm go off every time someone walks through the detector (like a chime that goes off when the door opens in a convenience store)? If so, how is that guard not in a rest home for the mentally addled by now? Morning rush must be a bitch.

Also, is the building empty at this point? It's a SETI lab. Science doesn't sleep. Space and aliens don't sleep. Hey guys, it's 8 at night, I don't think any intelligent extraterrestrial life will be active for at least another 13 hours, so let's clear out.

[Cameron H. 23786]

Another thing that really bugged me was when Celeste was showing off how advanced her species is and says, "We use 104% of our brain capacity as opposed to to you 36%" First of all, human's use 100% of our brains. It's a very complex organ that has to take care of a lot of voluntary and involuntary functions. Second of all, Ms. All-Knowing-Alien-Who-Likes-to-do-Math-On-Vacations, how exactly are you using 104%? Do you have an external drive or something? Because, you should know, since you're from a logical species who loves math so very, very much, that you can't use more than 100% of anything. I know you're trying to show off how superior you are and everything, but that's a really stupid thing to say. Even Homer Simpson gets it...

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rV0jZY_OvNw

 

 

Also, here's a bit of an icky observation, but here it goes...

 

After Steven and Celeste have sex, she sneaks out of bed and melds(?) with his computer and downloads(?) all of his files into her brain(?). Once she's done this she sniffs dismissively and says, "Kid's stuff." So, if all the research that this dual PhD holding Astrophysicist from M.I.T has on his computer is "kid's stuff," does that mean that mean, from her perspective, that she just had sex with a person with a brain like unto a child? That's some sick shit right there.

[NathanGordon 1096]

What happened to Chopping Mall?

[Cameron H. 23786]

Regarding Aykroyd's bedroom door, vis-à-vis it being open while he's having sex while a young child is within earshot, I think that it's probably pointless to close it if there's going to be a full fireworks display every time they orgasm.

 

I also think that you probably won't be seeing Willow at many Fourth of July picnics in the future.

[IMAHUGEHDTGMFAN 1837]