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JulyDiaz

Episode 162 - My Stepmother Is An Alien: LIVE!

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Also, since I just rewatched the ending of this thing, here's another one.

 

What's the deal with these Princess Stephanies who arrive in the space ship? I assume the glowing platform they descend on is not indicative of the space in the ship, but even so, there doesn't seem to be enough room for those ladies to fit in. And why do they all look like Princess Stephanie? I get the point of the joke for Jon Lovitz (who gives up his entire life for the look of a few women who he's assuming will be into him), but at the beginning of the movie they go to great lengths to show Celeste getting ready to look like an earth person, and then the whole flight crew just shows up to pick her up, and they're all dressed like flight attendants? Not only that, scantily clad flight attendants with plunging necklines and no bras. And they salute like this:

 

VaKd6A3.png

 

WHY WOULD THEY SALUTE IN MIRROR FORMATION? I get the symmetry but it's ridiculous. And some are saluting in submarine style (palm down) and some in palm-out style. No discipline here.

 

Then, Jon Lovitz asks if everyone on Celeste's planet looks as good as she does, and Celeste says 'Oh! Better!'', which I guess confirms the fact that the planet isn't made up of handbag penises, but humanoids with American accents who drink battery acid and live forever.

 

And then, over the credits, we see Jon Lovitz playing a baby grand piano with these women draped all over it screaming like banshees.

 

i5PSBLL.png

 

1) Where did the piano come from

2) How do they know the words to his song

3) Who is flying the space ship

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I just watched this again, because the several comments about this were niggling at me. I get what everyone means about fireworks equalling Celeste's orgasms, and she does beat it pretty fast after Willow dunks, but I don't think it is supposed to equate to sex every time. I think the fireworks are simply to signify a celebration - this time for Willow's long-awaited dunk (which Willow somehow seems to think she did under her own power even though she's only 5 feet tall). The first fireworks are for sex, but the second ones are for the dunk (and the happy ending in the movie). Like everyone's said, it makes no sense that Celeste gets upstairs and has sex so fast. Add to that, that Willow looks up and sees the fireworks and has this look on her face:

 

tSyFp3N.png

 

Which is pretty gross if she's saying 'aw yeah, my dad's getting LAID'.

 

On the dunk - Willow starts out by asking for reassurance that Celeste isn't magic anymore, and Celeste LIES RIGHT TO HER FACE and says no. Then Willow drives and goes to dunk, but Celeste magics her up to the rim, and then turns her back and runs off. Now, maybe she's going to get into bed with Dan Aykroyd, I don't know. But she also doesn't help Willow get down from the dunk, which means she floats her up and then lets her plummet back down to the driveway. Willow's ankles and knees should be destroyed.

 

Strongly disagree! As distasteful you might find Willow's personal investment in her father's sex life, they are one hundred percent going upstairs to do it. He tells her knowingly "We're going upstairs to get some 'sleep'" at which point Willow replies. "Oh, I get it.."

 

The fireworks are only used in the movie after kissing and sex. There's no evidence that they are meant to represent anything other than carnal pleasure. Although, initially, since she didn't appear to be with him, I thought the fireworks might have been due to a little "pre-game" action Aykroyd had going on that went awry...if you know what I mean. ;)

 

Also, Celeste was playfully lying to Willow at the end. Willow was disappointed that she lost her powers. The dunk was to say "j/k - I still have some powers. Our life together is going to be great...until you grow old and die."

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Radio Days is really good, and one I'd recommend unless you are one of those folks who just can't watch anything by Woody Allen because of all the issues in his personal life. And even for those folks, I'll note that this is one Woody Allen movie in which he does not appear on screen (only does the narration).

 

tbh I have never understood the deal with Woody Allen films. Completely suspending any knowledge of him as a person, I still don't like his movies. I really don't understand how they're funny at all. I can't comprehend why people see them. I've tried, I've seen Annie Hall and a few others, this was before any of the recent stuff, and I have no clue why he is elevated to such an extent in film and comedy. The films are shit. He writes the same movie over and over again. The characters are terribly written, particually the female characters. Even the early stuff isn't that revolutionary for the time. I genuinely can't sit through them I find his writing so irritating. I have no idea who keeps giving him money to make movies and why actors keep working for him. There are things I don't enjoy but understand why some people do, but Woody Allen is one of those really annoying things where I genuinely cannot fathom why anyone does enjoy it. I go crazy thinking i'm missing something but I watch it and its fucking terrible.

 

Then again people go see Andre Rieu which is probably a more egregious crime.

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Strongly disagree! As distasteful you might find Willow's personal investment in her father's sex life, they are one hundred percent going upstairs to do it. He tells her knowingly "We're going upstairs to get some 'sleep'" at which point Willow replies. "Oh, I get it.."

 

Also, the fireworks are only used after kissing and sex. There's no evidence that they are meant to represent anything other than carnal pleasure.

 

Also, Celeste was playfully lying to Willow at the end. Willow was disappointed that she lost her powers. The dunk was to say "j/k - I still have some powers. Our life together is going to be great...until you grow old and die."

But there are only fireworks twice, right? That's a pretty small sample size. Also, the first fireworks don't coincide with orgasm, just with them starting to have sex, and are localised directly over their bed inside the room. It doesn't make sense for the fireworks to be seen outside if they denote something that has previously happened indoors. It's highly ambiguous, but I never saw those last fireworks to have anything to do with sex because she's finally achieved her lifetime ambition of dunking. If it was sex fireworks, they'd be in the bedroom.

 

UNLESS THEY ARE HAVING SEX ON THE ROOF IN THE SPOT WHERE THE BAG PUT THE DOG

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But there are only fireworks twice, right? That's a pretty small sample size. Also, the first fireworks don't coincide with orgasm, just with them starting to have sex, and are localised directly over their bed inside the room. It doesn't make sense for the fireworks to be seen outside if they denote something that has previously happened indoors. It's highly ambiguous, but I never saw those last fireworks to have anything to do with sex because she's finally achieved her lifetime ambition of dunking. If it was sex fireworks, they'd be in the bedroom.

 

UNLESS THEY ARE HAVING SEX ON THE ROOF IN THE SPOT WHERE THE BAG PUT THE DOG

 

Wrong again - LOL! There are three scenes with fireworks - after their first kiss, the sex scene, and at the end. During the sex scene, there is a shot from outside (from the driveway) with the fireworks going off in the same position as the end of the film. It may even be the same exact shot.

 

(It happens around the 5:26 mark)

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60nCYdsECcw&t=176s&oref=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D60nCYdsECcw%26t%3D176s&has_verified=1

 

Face it, Willow just really likes the fact her dad's getting some action.

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Quick question: how does the hooded space deity sneeze? A lot hinges on that sneeze. Celeste sneezes because she's on earth and is becoming more human. What's the excuse for the giant guy in the sky who's just there on space-Skype?

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Also, since I just rewatched the ending of this thing, here's another one.

 

What's the deal with these Princess Stephanies who arrive in the space ship? I assume the glowing platform they descend on is not indicative of the space in the ship, but even so, there doesn't seem to be enough room for those ladies to fit in. And why do they all look like Princess Stephanie? I get the point of the joke for Jon Lovitz (who gives up his entire life for the look of a few women who he's assuming will be into him), but at the beginning of the movie they go to great lengths to show Celeste getting ready to look like an earth person, and then the whole flight crew just shows up to pick her up, and they're all dressed like flight attendants? Not only that, scantily clad flight attendants with plunging necklines and no bras. And they salute like this:

 

VaKd6A3.png

 

WHY WOULD THEY SALUTE IN MIRROR FORMATION? I get the symmetry but it's ridiculous. And some are saluting in submarine style (palm down) and some in palm-out style. No discipline here.

 

Then, Jon Lovitz asks if everyone on Celeste's planet looks as good as she does, and Celeste says 'Oh! Better!'', which I guess confirms the fact that the planet isn't made up of handbag penises, but humanoids with American accents who drink battery acid and live forever.

 

1) Where did the piano come from

2) How do they know the words to his song

3) Who is flying the space ship

 

 

First of all, this is hands down the post of the week.

 

Second of all, I'm pretty sure they're just the cabin crew for the HMAS Male Fantasy, which is incidentally the name of the Fuck-Sub from A View to a Kill.

 

Third of all, I think we can assume the Penis-in-the-handbag is flying the spaceship.

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Ok, the Russian version of the movie poster is my favorite. There's nobody else on the poster except Kim Basinger, who is made to look like someone completely different, doing a half squat and a tiny Saturn.

 

C6acFfu.jpg

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Feel like I have to have a shower after watching that. I feel unclean internally. Maybe drink some bleach.

 

I didn't grow up in the 80s, maybe it was different then, but Kim Basinger looks terrifying in this movie. Like something out of a pastelly uncanny valley. LIke something out of Fallout 4. Dan Aykroyd is gross and I hate everything about this film. This whole movie is a nightmare and every copy should be destroyed.

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But there are only fireworks twice, right? That's a pretty small sample size. Also, the first fireworks don't coincide with orgasm, just with them starting to have sex, and are localised directly over their bed inside the room. It doesn't make sense for the fireworks to be seen outside if they denote something that has previously happened indoors. It's highly ambiguous, but I never saw those last fireworks to have anything to do with sex because she's finally achieved her lifetime ambition of dunking. If it was sex fireworks, they'd be in the bedroom.

 

UNLESS THEY ARE HAVING SEX ON THE ROOF IN THE SPOT WHERE THE BAG PUT THE DOG

 

"Small sample size"? We have over a century of movie industry that we can cite as precedent. Fireworks representing sex/orgasm in movies is almost ubiquitous. Especially in comedies. And yeah, the fireworks happen right away, because Dan Ackroyd is bad at sexing -- it's been years since his last relationship, and then he gets back in the saddle with Kim. Effing. Basinger. Gotta cut the guy a little slack for having a hair trigger, but yeah ... there's no way the fireworks are anything else.

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I'd like to bring up Celeste's reading process, already discussed in part but with particular interest in her reading the complete works of Shakespeare with her forearm, enough to elicit an amused giggle. While I can get behind a movie household where the complete works have pride of place on the living room mantelpiece, Celeste presumably reads the entire thing in seconds through her reading arm, and seems amused. Which is great, since Shakespeare wrote some of the English language's most beautiful prose and verse. But: for someone who doesn't know what 'sex' means, how is she decoding the myriad of words, phrases, ideas and references that were relevant 400+ years ago but are difficult to parse today? Shakespeare is not meant to be read, but performed, and if you take many of his 'funniest' scenes, they aren't funny on the page, but require a great performer to bring them to life. Try reading Touchstone or Feste or Lear's Fool and getting the full sense of it!

 

kimbasingerbooks2.jpg

 

Add to this that if Celeste reads all 37 plays, only 18 of those are comedies, leaving 19 tragedies and histories and problem plays which aren't very funny at all. 'Titus Andronicus' shouldn't elicit an amused chuckle. In fact, if she's freaked out by 'The Shining', what does it say when she doesn't notice Lavinia's mutilation in 'Titus'?

 

I posit that this edition of Shakespeare's works belongs on the same shelf as J-Lo's first edition of 'The Iliad' from 'Boy Next Door', with all the tragedies excised, leaving only hilarious comedies and amusing poetry. That's the only explanation.

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i googled this.

 

-font-b-Portable-b-font-Handbag-Sex-Machine-Yellow-Remote-Control-3-Vibrations-3-Thrusting.jpg

 

Cue Transformers theme.

 

Possible names for this Transformer:

 

Jackhammer

Brown Starscream

Stimulus Prime

And, in honor of the original commenter ... ZaraTHRUSTra

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tbh I have never understood the deal with Woody Allen films. Completely suspending any knowledge of him as a person, I still don't like his movies. I really don't understand how they're funny at all. I can't comprehend why people see them. I've tried, I've seen Annie Hall and a few others, this was before any of the recent stuff, and I have no clue why he is elevated to such an extent in film and comedy. The films are shit. He writes the same movie over and over again. The characters are terribly written, particually the female characters. Even the early stuff isn't that revolutionary for the time. I genuinely can't sit through them I find his writing so irritating. I have no idea who keeps giving him money to make movies and why actors keep working for him. There are things I don't enjoy but understand why some people do, but Woody Allen is one of those really annoying things where I genuinely cannot fathom why anyone does enjoy it. I go crazy thinking i'm missing something but I watch it and its fucking terrible.

 

Disagree 100%, but there's no accounting for taste.

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As far as pies go my favourite is boring but I love apple pie. Put brown sugar and cinnamon on anything and I'd eat it and love it. ANYTHING!!!

 

This is funny because just the other day I was talking with the teachers at work about how in parts of the states they put cheese on apple pie and they all found that weird and disgusting.

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As far as pies go my favourite is boring but I love apple pie. Put brown sugar and cinnamon on anything and I'd eat it and love it. ANYTHING!!!

 

Anything? What about...

 

 

 

 

Churros y chocolate?

 

Churros-2.jpg

 

What did you think I was going to suggest?

 

 

 

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As far as pies go my favourite is boring but I love apple pie. Put brown sugar and cinnamon on anything and I'd eat it and love it. ANYTHING!!!

 

This is funny because just the other day I was talking with the teachers at work about how in parts of the states they put cheese on apple pie and they all found that weird and disgusting.

 

After having sampled some of the more "unique" Japanese snacks, I'm surprised they would find apples and cheddar disgusting, lol.

Also, we usually put cheese in the crust, not on top of a slice of apple pie. It's delicious!

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After having sampled some of the more "unique" Japanese snacks, I'm surprised they would find apples and cheddar disgusting, lol.

Also, we usually put cheese in the crust, not on top of a slice of apple pie. It's delicious!

 

What's weird is as I've gotten older I've developed a whole new appreciation for pie crust. I used to avoid it like the plague. Now, I truly get how the crust ties the whole ensemble together.

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What's weird is as I've gotten older I've developed a whole new appreciation for pie crust. I used to avoid it like the plague. Now, I truly get how the crust ties the whole ensemble together.

 

I don't think that's weird - people's palettes evolve. As a child, I didn't like BUTTery pastries like croissants, but now I can't get enough, including pie crust.

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What's weird is as I've gotten older I've developed a whole new appreciation for pie crust. I used to avoid it like the plague. Now, I truly get how the crust ties the whole ensemble together.

Out of curiosity did you also not eat pizza crust?

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Out of curiosity did you also not eat pizza crust?

 

Not until I was older, but I ASSume that's the case for a lot of kids. BUT To each their own...

 

 

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Inspired by CakeBug's post from awhile back it's time for...

 

How Did This Get Named?

 

So in Japan this movie is called 花嫁はエイリアン (Hanayome wa Eirian) or My Bride is an Alien.

 

Again much like the French poster they decided to drop the step daughter element from it and focus on the Kim Basinger and Dan Aykroyd relationship. The also chose to use the English word for "alien" rather than the Japanese I assume to capitalize on the success of the Alien movies. However, Willow is all but missing from the movie posters. Here is the theatrical poster:

 

800829_01.jpg

 

Then upon home video release they went with this fairly standard international version. Notice again how Willow is pushed into the background:

 

N0w.jpg

 

However my favourite is the press sheet that came out. In Japan in the lobbies of movie theaters there will be a section with a bunch of these press sheets. It's a double sided A4 sized sheet that has the movie poster on one side and usually a movie summary and date of release on the other. So for example you're curious what this new Spider-Man movie is all about you go to the lobby, find the one with Spider-Man on the front and on the back it explains that it's the start of a new film series and the Avengers are involved he's a teen in school and so on and so on. So this was the image they decided to go with for that:

 

huru451-img177x240-1435214389q0i99d21970.jpg

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So I was just reading up on this whole King Arthur clusterfuck going on right now, and it got me curious. Just because a movie flops doesn't necessarily mean that it's "bad." So to the group, are there any big, box office flops that you actually enjoy?

 

For me, I'd say:

 

john_carter-finalposter.jpg

 

(In case that image isn't working, my pick was John Carter)

 

Granted, I'm not saying it's the best movie in the world, but I've seen it twice and enjoyed it both times. Also, I'm not sure if would be considered a "flop" necessarily (certainly a disappointment) but I really like Cowboys and Aliens and I have unironically watched it many times.

 

What about everyone else?

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