Episode 221. The Hottie and the Nottie

[Cameron H. 23786]

13 minutes ago, gigi-tastic said:

You keep in a dedicated shrine like a civilized person. 

It’s guarded by a golden dragon and a couple of sphinxes but nothing I’d call excessive.

...and the booby traps of course. But that’s pretty standard.

[HeyTedBaxter 21]

I know they get second opinions from Amazon but I thought this one on IMDB deserved to be seen. Note the star rating. 

[RyanSz 3140]

So going through this movie it clearly pulled a lot of inspiration from other uncharacteristic romcoms like 10 Things I Hate About You/Taming of the Shrew, the stalkerness from There's Something About Mary, and even the song prior to guitar smash is basically a reworded version of Weird Al's "You Don't Love Me Anymore" where a guy is lamenting an ex who basically did everything outside of murder him to let him know that they were through. Also the mom and friend were definitely meant to be intimate with one another, if only going by the actor for Arno being THE Greg Wilson, and yes that is that fucker's actual stage name, because a guy like that would go for a character like this.  Also, with the way guys stalk Paris Hilton in this movie, you could literally add a "X months later" followed by her final chase/death scene from House of Wax with one of the guy's names ADR'ed in as if she's hiding form him, and the movie's tone would not change and it would fit perfectly. Lastly I can at least give Cole Slawson some credit for trying in a making up a shitty cover name, unlike Peter Griffin who completely failed when put up to the task.

 

[RyanSz 3140]

9 minutes ago, HeyTedBaxter said:

I know they get second opinions from Amazon but I thought this one on IMDB deserved to be seen. Note the star rating. 

So from Wikipedia, for the release in the UK, posters were put out with the phrase "The Number One Film" but in very tiny print also wrote it was for the IMDB Bottom 100.

[HeyTedBaxter 21]

1 minute ago, RyanSz said:

So going through this movie it clearly pulled a lot of inspiration from other uncharacteristic romcoms like 10 Things I Hate About You/Taming of the Shrew,

On IMDB, there are like a thousand movie connections added for various releases of Taming of the Shrew. Someone had a lot of time on their hands for this movie. 

[Cam Bert 8145]

13 hours ago, Elektra Boogaloo said:

ETA: did anyone have a crush in 1st grade? That seems to early to me. Isn’t there a thing where people who are molested are sexual too young? Could that be what is happening? 

I did. I had a crush on a girl from that time. Of course nothing overtly romantic or anything just I thought she was very pretty at the time and she was super smart and we had the same friends. Because we had mutual friends we'd hang out in groups after school and on weekends sometimes. As elementary school went on I still always liked her and that feeling never went away. We ended up going to different junior high schools and that would that last I would see of her. Fortunately four or five years later along came the the  internet era and MSN Messenger and ICQ. I got in contact with her again via a mutual friend and we started talking online. We'd talk every so often over the course of a few months with a lot of "remember this person?" and "do you still hang out with so-and-so?" As we'd been talking again for a few months during one of the "remember the days" talks I decided to tell her "I don't know if you knew, but I always had a crush on you in elementary school." To which without reply she blocked me. I never talked to her again. She didn't know my intentions so I get it. I was bringing it up as a funny tidbit for conversation but I get how she could have seen this as me trying to ask her out or something. 

Fun post script! A few days after this all happened I was informed by friends that a girl I was crushing on at the time in high school really liked my acting in the school plays. I thought I would take this opportunity to ask her out on a date to which she replied "gross, kill yourself." These two events in such short succession made me unable to express my feelings for years! Wasn't high school fun?

[Cam Bert 8145]

This movie is gross and disgusting and offensive. It it horrible towards everybody. "Hey let's make her one weird stalker and albino? Their lack of pigment is hilarious because who could love that? hahaha I know why don't we give him some sort of twitch with his hands and a speech impediment to indicate a possible learning disability or mental problem as well? Genius! Hahahaha" The movie even stoops so far as to make a "midget" joke with the little girl crying out "I love midget mimes" and thus undoing the hypnosis. Now disregarding the terrible joke of how this is suppose to be an impossible phrase to hear yet there are so many little people mimes out there that a small child loves them more so than any other kind of mime to specify she likes little people mimes instead of just mimes in general. Also what child loves mimes? No! What is truly crazy about this scene is the father coming in to correct her with "They are called little people honey." This movie who could give two fucks on who it's offending and making fun of stops to say "Hey audience, midget is an offensive term and not cool." The kicker to me is nothing to do with the mime and the jokes around him are height based so that line could have literally been anything else. They could have made that code phrase "purple clowns"  or "chocolate cowboys" and had a clown in purple or a candy themed cowboy and the scene plays out the exact same. Yet the writer decided "midget mime" was the most hilarious thing. Then they felt guilty about that and so they stop to inform us that we shouldn't be offensive towards this one group. It's just so inconstant and weird. Where is the bit where they stop to apologize to women?

[gigi-tastic 2322]

Can we talk about how Nate and his terrifying best friend only have references in their friendship from elementary school? I've known one of my best friends since  the 4th grade ( we didn't become friends until the 7th though) and we both moved away before high school. We are super close to this day and while we do talk about that time we went to Llamafest ( twice because heyo what cool kids we were!) We also talk about the present world and our lives now and the people who have been in them in the interim. We talk about the skills and passions we have as adults and our hopes for the future. Even though we have gone years without talking because life got busy we still can always pick right back up and get back into the groove.

Outside of their stalker mission the only things they could talk about in their friendship was their first grade glory days.  Who even had those?! It's first grade! Honestly all these two have is their sick obsession. That's it. That's the friendship.

Speaking of what exactly does the friend get out of this? It's clear he's been gathering this information for a long time. he had  files  all set up and ready to go on both Paris and June. Why? He's not trying to get with Paris. Is he just another stalker? If so why would he let his friend use his material to get his dream girl? Why is he so invested in him getting her at all? Has he been stalking her since elementary school out of some insane sense of loyalty to his only friend? If she had rejected his friend once and for all do you think he would have killer Paris, June, Nate, himself, and his mother in a very upsetting revenge murder suicide?

 

[Cameron H. 23786]

 

46 minutes ago, Cam Bert said:

Fun post script! A few days after this all happened I was informed by friends that a girl I was crushing on at the time in high school really liked my acting in the school plays. I thought I would take this opportunity to ask her out on a date to which she replied "gross, kill yourself." These two events in such short succession made me unable to express my feelings for years! Wasn't high school fun?

Sounds like you kind of lucked out to me. Think of how much more terrible it would have been if you had dated someone capable of saying that to someone? Either you would have been even more miserable or you would have changed to be like her and then we wouldn’t have our own lovable, cuddly Cam Bert! 

Besides, I’m sure this gave you tons of time to get into The Cure which is always a win 

[grudlian. 4725]

15 hours ago, Elektra Boogaloo said:

ETA: did anyone have a crush in 1st grade? That seems to early to me. Isn’t there a thing where people who are molested are sexual too young? Could that be what is happening? 

I don't think I had a crush in 1st grade. I was kind of a late bloomer on that front. I remember thinking a few girls were cute for a day or two then losing interest (maybe that's the equivalent of a 1st grade crush).

I can tell you I definitely had a mild crush on Christine Lakin, who plays the Nottie in this, when she was on Step By Step. That was well after 1st grade though.

[gigi-tastic 2322]

8 minutes ago, Cam Bert said:

This movie is gross and disgusting and offensive. It it horrible towards everybody. "Hey let's make her one weird stalker and albino? Their lack of pigment is hilarious because who could love that? hahaha I know why don't we give him some sort of twitch with his hands and a speech impediment to indicate a possible learning disability or mental problem as well? Genius! Hahahaha" The movie even stoops so far as to make a "midget" joke with the little girl crying out "I love midget mimes" and thus undoing the hypnosis. Now disregarding the terrible joke of how this is suppose to be an impossible phrase to hear yet there are so many little people mimes out there that a small child loves them more so than any other kind of mime to specify she likes little people mimes instead of just mimes in general. Also what child loves mimes? No! What is truly crazy about this scene is the father coming in to correct her with "They are called little people honey." This movie who could give two fucks on who it's offending and making fun of stops to say "Hey audience, midget is an offensive term and not cool." The kicker to me is nothing to do with the mime and the jokes around him are height based so that line could have literally been anything else. They could have made that code phrase "purple clowns"  or "chocolate cowboys" and had a clown in purple or a candy themed cowboy and the scene plays out the exact same. Yet the writer decided "midget mime" was the most hilarious thing. Then they felt guilty about that and so they stop to inform us that we shouldn't be offensive towards this one group. It's just so inconstant and weird. Where is the bit where they stop to apologize to women?

They literally had someone toss a dwarf.  It was reprehensible. Like you said it could have been anything. It could have just been a mime singular. Could have been a polka dotted dinosaur. ANYTHING! It was awful. 

[Cam Bert 8145]

3 minutes ago, Cameron H. said:

 

Sounds like you kind of lucked out to me. Think of how much more terrible it would have been if you had dated someone capable of saying that to someone? Either you would have been even more miserable or you would have changed to be like her and then we wouldn’t have our own lovable, cuddly Cam Bert! 

Besides, I’m sure this gave you tons of time to get into The Cure which is always a win 

Aww... thank you.

[Cam Bert 8145]

4 minutes ago, gigi-tastic said:

They literally had someone toss a dwarf.  It was reprehensible. Like you said it could have been anything. It could have just been a mime singular. Could have been a polka dotted dinosaur. ANYTHING! It was awful. 

I must have checked outed I just remember him getting punched. 

Yes! Literally someone saying "I love mimes!" is is funnier anyway because mimes are notoriously unfunny. Just the idea of someone loving them is funny enough.

[gigi-tastic 2322]

14 minutes ago, Cam Bert said:

I must have checked outed I just remember him getting punched. 

Yes! Literally someone saying "I love mimes!" is is funnier anyway because mimes are notoriously unfunny. Just the idea of someone loving them is funny enough.

I could have sworn he threw him off the stage but I admit I tried to do anything and everything that I could do to avoid looking at my screen. Yes! Mimes are demonic forces brought forth by their equally sinister but far gaudy clown brethren.

[Cam Bert 8145]

1 hour ago, gigi-tastic said:

I could have sworn he threw him off the stage but I admit I tried to do anything and everything that I could do to avoid looking at my screen. Yes! Mimes are demonic forces brought forth by their equally sinister but far gaudy clown brethren.

This week on Unspooled: the ultimate Sophie's Choice, mimes or clowns! 

[grudlian. 4725]

5 minutes ago, Cam Bert said:

This week on Unspooled: the ultimate Sophie's Choice, mimes or clowns! 

Was Sophie able to choose both? Because...

[Hiny Rugburn 25]

I was getting this movie confused with that one where the girl is cursed and turns into Rob Schneider. And now I'm bummed out that there isn't a movie where Paris Hilton turns into Rob Schneider.

[Hiny Rugburn 25]

17 hours ago, Elektra Boogaloo said:

ETA: did anyone have a crush in 1st grade? That seems to early to me. Isn’t there a thing where people who are molested are sexual too young? Could that be what is happening? 

I remember having what I guess would have been a crush on my Kindergarten and 2nd grade teachers. First grade teacher was an old lady so that never would have worked out.

I didn't really have a crush on a classmate until around 3rd grade.

[muttnik 476]

3 hours ago, Cam Bert said:

They could have made that code phrase "purple clowns"  or "chocolate cowboys" and had a clown in purple or a candy themed cowboy and the scene plays out the exact same.

2

I wouldn't have put it past them to just have a black guy dressed in western wear come out. (un)Fun fact, A Chocolate Cowboy is the name of a terrible blackface movie from the 20s.

1 hour ago, Cam Bert said:

This week on Unspooled: the ultimate Sophie's Choice, mimes or clowns! 

I did sign spinning for a few weeks, first dressed as Santa and then as a clown. Passersby were very vocally supportive of Santa; honking, yelling/wooing out car windows, high fives. Save for one elderly lady who waved to get my attention and then gave me the finger, and one dirtbag that catcalled me. As the clown, people screamed insults at me, lotsa middle fingers, and someone gave me a Big Gulp driveby. I wonder how a mime costume would have fared.

I don't remember having a crush on anyone in elementary school. What crushes I did have were either on actors, singers, musicians, or cartoon characters. I do remember a couple of kids "dating" in sixth grade and kissing, and I thought it was gross.

[muttnik 476]

Oh, I just realized, I think that tagline about love needing to be blind was supposed to be a play on Paris' hit song at the time "Stars Are Blind". Thanks, brain, for retaining that nugget of pointless information but forgetting basic math!

[FrancisRizzo3 212]

I've watched every film HDTGM has put before me, but this is the first time I've been mad about watching a movie for the podcast.  This movie is just awful. 

[FrancisRizzo3 212]

I watched with subtitles on, and during the "sex" scenes late in the film, there's a song that has only two lines of lyrics, "Look out baby, you gotta lot of love" and "your eyes". They repeat over and over. 

The music overall in the film has some of the most inane lyrics, but because the songs are so meaningless and bland, you wouldn't notice without them being spelled out on-screen. There's a good chance that some were written in a foreign language and translated poorly into English. 

Example:

Caught on the downside, lost between the weight of lesser men.
So lengthy to realize, you were better off where you began.
Because your body, your body
Is fleeting, is fleeting
The chances, the chances
Depleting, depleting
You're lost in, you're lost in
Your reasons, your reasons
The movement is calling you in.
You wanna shout it out.
You wanna shout it out
You wanna shout it out and by the sound of it,
Well you wanna come back baby, wanna come back now.
Out and by the sound of it again,
You wanna shout it out.
Taken aback love, by the silence hanging overhead.
And still you can't realize, you were better off where you began.
Because your chances, your chances
Depleted, depleted
The silence, the silence
Is heated, is heated
You lost him but found all your reasons, your reasons
The movement is pulling you in.

 

 

[The_Triple_Lindy 2482]

"When they name the character after you, you automatically get [the part]." -- Tall John

Also known as the Tony Danza Method of Hollywood Success

[iamSGA 21]

This isn’t really movie related, but I’m getting tired of the second opinion songs. People take way too long and are just trying to get themselves over. 

When you’re at the live show, it’s even worse b/c there’s like 5-7 people trying to do it  

This is one was way too long. 

Short and sweet = success

[theworstbuddhist 572]

23 hours ago, Cam Bert said:

This week on Unspooled: the ultimate Sophie's Choice, mimes or clowns! 

As someone who has played a mime (granted, it was in a play that I wrote), I say: fuck clowns.

Also, what do you do about a grade 1 crush if you skipped grade 1? Asking for a friend.

Just kidding, obviously I am not my own friend.