Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
j_d_r

Battleship

Recommended Posts

Maybe this is too easy a target, but I thought that there were a couple of points that would be worthy of the HDTGM treatment:

 

The destucto-balls that are unleashed on Hawaii,... not only do they avoid children, but they are never acknowledged again after destroying a freeway and a couple of helicopters.

 

The USS Missouri,... apparently mothballed with full fuel and armament.

 

Another entry in the "aliens with an incredibly simple weakness" category,... rather than water or microbes, this time they are vulnerable to sunlight. Not unlike the mogwai.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

Their weakness is sunlight, so they invade HAWAII?!? Coming from an advanced civilization and all, I figure they'd be smart enough to start up north, like where those vampires attacked in "30 Days of Night".

 

From what I understand, using Battleship's logic, if we needed to get to outer space in a hurry, we could just pop into the Smithsonian or the Air and Space Museum or whatever and take the pod that Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin got to the moon in, because it's still totally primed for space travel.

Share this post


Link to post

Ive yet to see this movie, but I shall. austin folk, we should get together at an alamo and watch this sure-fire debacle.

Share this post


Link to post

Good ever loving christ this movie is spectacularly atrocious. Making Clue into a movie was already a stretch, but what the fuck do you do with battleship?!

 

This movie is god awful. And holy shit is it hilarious. The CG is actually pretty good but everything else is terrible. The dialogue, the ridiculous premise, the characters, the WW2 veterans restarting their old warship...every time I think of one terrible scene several more just cascade into my mind. It's a jacob's ladder of insanity.

 

First off, the board game/movie relationship. Anyone notice the mortars that the alien boats (?) fire are in the shape of the pegs from the board game? Not to mention the use of tsunami buoys (conveniently plentiful and setup in grids JUST LIKE THE GAME) to locate the alien ships?! I was absolutely stunned at this massive suspension of belief. Kudos to the writers for even bothering to try.

 

There's so much wrong in this movie. It was a box office failure. Liam Neeson has no reason being in this movie. Would love to see this movie appear on a future episode.

Share this post


Link to post

Old people save the day. OLD PEOPLE.

 

Also, I would like to thank the writers and director for avoiding the obvious idea of having anybody say at any point, "You sunk my battleship!" (I remember somebody on another forum I used to go to saying they wanted to hear Liam Neeson say it. It must be depressing for him, after nearly forty years of acting, for most people he's become a meme delivery system.)

Share this post


Link to post

Amusingly, the destructo-balls avoid killing children for about 3 seconds before, of course, undoubtedly killing hundreds of children when it destroys the highway. Way to keep things consistent.

 

The lead character is such a screw up that he's forced by his brother to join the navy. Somehow in he's become an officer, but we've never seen him be anything but the same screw up, to the point that he's about to be ejected from the navy, before he's somehow the senior officer and saves the planet. It sure is a good thing that the navy sucks at promoting competent people. "What? He's an insubordinate ass who doesn't really want to be here? Quick! Make him Captain!"

 

Then there's the scene where he's touched by the alien and has a vision -- Which he never shares with anyone and the movie never brings it up again.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

Well it makes sense that the old ship still works. If fighter jets can still work after 1000 years as in Battlefield Earth, then the ships can still work from a just under a century ago.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

The part of this movie that required the biggest suspension of disbelief was Rhianna being in the Navy. If you can wrap your brain around that, the rest of the movie makes perfect sense.

Share this post


Link to post

I'm convinced this movie was written by a luddite. The high tech alien army ends up being destroyed by a decommissioned battleship run by a bunch of veterans in their 80s? Sounds like a How Did This Get Made nominee to me! Also, how has nobody mentioned the disabled veteran who saves his physical therapist and the scientist?

Share this post


Link to post

Patrick Sweart should of been casted in this movie as a boat captain then he could of used the famous words "you sunk

my battleship!". then it would of been a great movie..

Share this post


Link to post

Rewatched this last night and it definitely needs to be a hdtgm...a few things to add about how stupid this movie is, aside from what's been said already...

 

1) Why do the alien spaceships hop around like frogs?!?

2) The only person that succedded at physically beating down an alien was the guy with no legs!!!

3) There's never a clear reason why the aliens are invading or what their end goal is...like if they just wanted to kill all of humanity then why do they let so many people live when they're a split second from death...and if they're just trying to make contact then why are they going batshit on all our infrastructure.

Share this post


Link to post

I never saw this movie in the theatre, but on HBO with very limited expectations I found it to be kind of enjoyable. It's not a great Sci-fi piece of art or anything, but it had some moments. I may also be distorted because it contains a lot of the cast from Friday Night Lights(TV show) and I love that show. Riggins 4 life.

Share this post


Link to post

It's on HBO Go right now, they should do this while it's still available

Share this post


Link to post

Just realized the girl from this (not Rihanna, obvs) is June's sister on Grace and Frankie. Now I need an episode where the gang asks her about this. I have so many questions.

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×