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JulyDiaz

Episode 162 - My Stepmother Is An Alien: LIVE!

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Yeah, there's definitely child neglect going on. I think it's good that Alyson Hannigan got to hang out at the singles party because at least there were vegetables. Aykroyd mentioned that dinner is whatever they could nuke and I have a feeling he doesn't provide a nutritious meal for his daughter regularly.

 

At some point I think they show Hannigan eating breakfast and it is just sugar upon sugar upon sugar. Type 2 diabetes on the way.

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At some point I think they show Hannigan eating breakfast and it is just sugar upon sugar upon sugar. Type 2 diabetes on the way.

 

She puts jam and syrup on a pop tart and washes it down with a soda! Yeah, and with a stepmom whose idea of food shifts between smorgasbord and batteries, Willow is not at all getting proper nutrition at home. Somebody, make the kid a sandwich!

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How about the fact that when Celeste decides she wants to change outfits Aykroyd suggests she does it in "the backseat of [his] car?" Gross, man. You just met this woman who, based on all outward appearances, is obviously unwell. How about you be a better role model for your impressionable teenage daughter and not take advantage of a woman who's obviously not quite right in the head.

 

Also, they may have brought this up in the episode, but did anyone else feel like Aykroyd's, let's say...enthusiasm, for Celeste was a little disrespectful to his dead wife? I mean, yeah it's been five years, but to tell your daughter, "I've never felt like this about anyone" seems like a really fucked up thing to say to a young child who has lost her mother. Maybe cool it down a bit and try not to look like a Tex Avery wolf cartoon every time Celeste walks into a room...

 

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Can we talk about the French release poster?

 

my-stepmother-is-an-alien.jpg

 

J'ai épousé Une Extra-Terrestre (My wife is an Alien, cutting Willow completely out).

 

We have stars, cool. Planets, okay. A satellite dish that frames the whole deal. Uh, sure. Oh look, the spaceship she comes in. Neat!

 

And then we have... um... an artist's rendition of what some French guy wishes Kim Basinger was wearing, unapologetically naked and draped like Sigourney Weaver after she became the Gatekeeper. Pretty sure this guy's shaded in some nipples there too. Oof. It looks like something from the cover of a romance novel. Super skeezy.

 

Oh, also there's a picture of Dan Aykroyd having a stroke.

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Can we talk about the French release poster?

 

my-stepmother-is-an-alien.jpg

 

J'ai épousé Une Extra-Terrestre (My wife is an Alien, cutting Willow completely out).

 

We have stars, cool. Planets, okay. A satellite dish that frames the whole deal. Uh, sure. Oh look, the spaceship she comes in. Neat!

 

And then we have... um... an artist's rendition of what some French guy wishes Kim Basinger was wearing, unapologetically naked and draped like Sigourney Weaver after she became the Gatekeeper. Pretty sure this guy's shaded in some nipples there too. Oof. It looks like something from the cover of a romance novel. Super skeezy.

 

Oh, also there's a picture of Dan Aykroyd having a stroke.

 

In this one they don't even pretend there's a kid with a stepmother and a prominent role in the movie.

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When Celeste telekinetically expels Dr. Steve's boss out the window and launches him through the air and into his car, his character utters the immortal phrase, "I've got to get home to that good pie."

 

My question for the boards is, what "good pie" do you hope is waiting for you when you get home? Personally, I'm partial to Key Lime.

 

keylime_main1.jpg

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Did it bother anyone else, that no matter how happily the movie wants you to think it ends, Celeste's increased alien lifespan can only mean a future full of heartache, tragedy, and loss as she impotently watches her beloved husband and stepdaughter grow old and infirm before ultimately succumbing to the cruel ravages of time?

 

 

Ha cha cha, indeed...:(

 

 

 

200w.gif

 

 

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When Celeste telekinetically expels Dr. Steve's boss out the window and launches him through the air and into his car, his character utters the immortal phrase, "I've got to get home to that good pie."

 

My question for the boards is, what "good pie" do you hope is waiting for you when you get home? Personally, I'm partial to Key Lime.

 

Cherry pie. Damn good.

 

75643f267f6cdc73f2ae5616c4efb6a9.jpg

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THEORY: Willow and Aykroyd are father and daughter. Aykroyd celebrates that Celeste is a virgin. Willow is super creepy supportive of her father boning said virgin.

 

There are 0 cats in this movie, in fact they have a dog... to keep cats away.

 

... they are Sleepwalkers, puterinabrah!!

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Anyone else hear the f bomb at end when Lovitz is getting onto the ship? It kinda sounds like "Right over here baby, F $%k me!".

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When Celeste telekinetically expels Dr. Steve's boss out the window and launches him through the air and into his car, his character utters the immortal phrase, "I've got to get home to that good pie."

 

My question for the boards is, what "good pie" do you hope is waiting for you when you get home? Personally, I'm partial to Key Lime.

 

keylime_main1.jpg

 

Key lime pie for me except without that white goop on top.

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Key lime pie for me except without that white goop on top.

 

31504783.jpg

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I'm so glad you brought this up, not that I have anything to really add to it specifically, but it gives me a chance to post some math I did for a C&O that turned out to be a dud.

 

I thought the movie said Celeste's people had outlawed sex 3,000 years ago. However, I can't find that quote in the movie anywhere. :(/>/> My point was going to be, if she's nearly 1,300 years old, and the elder's are considerably older than her, they shouldn't need Lovitz to explain sex to them because the Elders should be old enough to remember it.

 

Based on Celeste's estimate that Willow appears to be about 600 years old, and the fact we know Willow is 13 human years, we can determine that Celeste's species age ~1 year for every 46.2 human years (600/13 = 46.153). This seems to be confirmed in that Celeste appears to be approximately a little more than twice as old as Willow (600 x 2 = 1200; 13 x 2 = 26) Granted, Basinger was 35 when this movie was made, but I have no problem that she's playing ~27.

 

So, armed with this information, I divided 3,000 by 46.2 Earth years to determine whether the Elders could have theoretically been alive when sex was still legal in their society. This number came to about 65 years old - which seems about right for their ages, but might be cutting it close in terms of having personal experience with sex.

 

Of course, all this turned out to be for naught anyway when I couldn't find the line about outlawing sex 3,000 years ago. The closest I came was a line about their culture being 5,500 years more advanced than ours, which was not only a bummer, but also further disproved my theory.

 

Still, if anyone ever wanted to know how their age corresponds to the aliens' ages in My Stepmother is an Alien, now you know. :)/>/>

 

good-news-everyone.jpg

 

I was reviewing the sex scene (That doesn't sound right...) because I thought there was a moment where Aykroyd sniffs his bed just before Celeste comes out of the bathroom (He doesn't, btw. I guess he's removing lint from his toddler bed or something...), and I found the "3,000 years ago" line!

 

Celeste: Look, that's the weirdest thing I've ever seen...

 

Handbag Dildo: That's why we gave it up three thousand years ago.

 

SO! I guess I'm not crazy! And seeing as the Elders, by my estimation, should be about that old - meaning their society was still having sex during their lifetimes - there is absolutely no reason that they should need Lovitz to come back to their planet and teach them his gross version of the ways of love. In other words: I. Was. Right.

 

tumblr_ltn02nsgVF1qiev8lo1_500.gif

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^ Maybe they've got alien Alzheimer's and can't remember.

Also, why does the worm say "we" gave it up?

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Can we talk about the French release poster?

 

my-stepmother-is-an-alien.jpg

 

Oh, also there's a picture of Dan Aykroyd having a stroke.

 

When I see Dan's face in this french poster all I hear is Whitney asking if all men do that face in bed... lol

 

Side-Note... Who saw the after credits stinger??? (I saw it but I forgot to ask :P) Also Jimmy Durante's wife is credited with "Special Thanks"

 

 

 

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I registered just to say that it's creepy that the same director directed Milk Money.

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^ Maybe they've got alien Alzheimer's and can't remember.

Also, why does the worm say "we" gave it up?

 

Maybe three thousand years ago their penises developed sentience so they decided to cut them off and carry them around in purses?

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Maybe three thousand years ago their penises developed sentience so they decided to cut them off and carry them around in purses?

 

Bag = testicle.

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Bag = testicle.

 

I know a lot of people who would be very open to the whole "portable penis" setup.

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Maybe three thousand years ago their penises developed sentience so they decided to cut them off and carry them around in purses?

But also turned evil (or became more evil?) and destructive, with magical powers? If they don't need penises for sex or reproduction anymore, they should just wipe them out rather than carry them around in a clutch.

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But also turned evil (or became more evil?) and destructive, with magical powers? If they don't need penises for sex or reproduction anymore, they should just wipe them out rather than carry them around in a clutch.

 

What if the penises are the ones who developed their cloning technology employed by Celeste's people? Perhaps they are withholding ("clutching?") this information deep within their purse scrotums and holding the rest of her society hostage?

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Did it bother anyone else, that no matter how happily the movie wants you to think it ends, Celeste's increased alien lifespan can only mean a future full of heartache, tragedy, and loss as she impotently watches her beloved husband and stepdaughter grow old and infirm before ultimately succumbing to the cruel ravages of time?

 

I just watched this section again, and I think by becoming a human, Celeste agrees to start aging in human time, much like how Superman's normal Krypton strength is influenced by the earth's yellow sun, making him superhuman here. The giant being in the sky says "Well, Celeste, enjoy your humanity. While it lasts". He doesn't say, "Have fun until everyone you love dies" - he's basically saying that she's chosen to live another 40 years in earth time, and then she'll die. There's nothing much to suggest that she's going to stay looking like she does, although they problematise this by letting her still have her powers when Willow dunks. Anyway, I think she's on borrowed time now. ;)

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I just watched this section again, and I think by becoming a human, Celeste agrees to start aging in human time, much like how Superman's normal Krypton strength is influenced by the earth's yellow sun, making him superhuman here. The giant being in the sky says "Well, Celeste, enjoy your humanity. While it lasts". He doesn't say, "Have fun until everyone you love dies" - he's basically saying that she's chosen to live another 40 years in earth time, and then she'll die. There's nothing much to suggest that she's going to stay looking like she does, although they problematise this by letting her still have her powers when Willow dunks. Anyway, I think she's on borrowed time now. ;)/>/>

 

See, I just took that to mean that her "playing human" was just a temporary situation and they'd probably be back to collect her in the sequel: My Half-Brother is a Dick in a Handbag.

 

The point is, everyone is doomed to death and decay.

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Ahoy-hoy. Long time fan, first time commenter:

 

I know Paul mentioned this, but I am obsessed with Dr. Mills and Celeste’s final off-camera sex scene at the very end of the movie. Just consider all that happens in those last few seconds: Willow wants to play basketball so Mills heads upstairs alone; Celeste and Willow play a little one-on-one and Celeste levitates Willow so that she can dunk; As Willow is landing, Celeste gives a two-fisted “YES!” and starts walking away, presumably to join Mills in bed; Willow has a few seconds of “Wow, I did it! So cool!” and then the very next shot is of Mills and Celeste’s bedroom window with fireworks going off!

 

If we’re to assume, as we do earlier in the movie (and in most movies, I guess), that fireworks in a sexual context represent orgasm, how could Mills have climaxed that fast? He would have had to run upstairs, reach full mast, and be waiting on the bed for her, and then she, after helping Willow dunk, would’ve had to sprint upstairs, disrobe in route, and then leap onto him, upon which time he climaxes immediately (again, as he seems to during the first time they had sex).

 

Considering all this, it seems clear to me that Celeste’s lust for Mills is simply due to the fact that she’s never had sex with anyone else, and that Mills would have to represent the low end of Paul’s “sex scale.”

I just watched this again, because the several comments about this were niggling at me. I get what everyone means about fireworks equalling Celeste's orgasms, and she does beat it pretty fast after Willow dunks, but I don't think it is supposed to equate to sex every time. I think the fireworks are simply to signify a celebration - this time for Willow's long-awaited dunk (which Willow somehow seems to think she did under her own power even though she's only 5 feet tall). The first fireworks are for sex, but the second ones are for the dunk (and the happy ending in the movie). Like everyone's said, it makes no sense that Celeste gets upstairs and has sex so fast. Add to that, that Willow looks up and sees the fireworks and has this look on her face:

 

tSyFp3N.png

 

Which is pretty gross if she's saying 'aw yeah, my dad's getting LAID'.

 

On the dunk - Willow starts out by asking for reassurance that Celeste isn't magic anymore, and Celeste LIES RIGHT TO HER FACE and says no. Then Willow drives and goes to dunk, but Celeste magics her up to the rim, and then turns her back and runs off. Now, maybe she's going to get into bed with Dan Aykroyd, I don't know. But she also doesn't help Willow get down from the dunk, which means she floats her up and then lets her plummet back down to the driveway. Willow's ankles and knees should be destroyed.

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