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Sorry, I’m late. Homeschooling... We watched;

I have not seen this yet but it looks FUCKING BONKERS!!! Here is the review from the Seattle alternative paper The Stranger: FILM/TV Is Color Out of Space Good-Bad or Bad-Bad? by Leilani Polk • Jan 22, 2020 at 8:45 am I didn’t go into Color Out of Spacethinking it would be great, or even very good. Starring Nicolas Cage and based on a story by HP Lovecraft about a weird alien presence/virus/organism/wtf that comes crashing in from space via meteorite, I figured it’d be entertaining at the very least. And that it was, but it was also tremendously, spectacularly bad, with some classic bad-acting Cage on tap. The set-up: The film's Gardner family has traded life in the city for a house in the country after they inherit a rural family estate located near Arkham, Massachusetts. They are very obviously city folk. Mom’s a commodities trader whose cancer is in remission, dad Cage is the patriarch who’s failed at his calling (he’s a painter who doesn’t seem to paint anymore and has turned to raising alpacas and gardening, where he’s also failing). The daughter is a Wicca-practicing witch who wears a cape, has purple streaks in her hair, and rides a horse earnestly, while her younger brothers are two-dimensional representations of younger brothers. The older is a smart-mouthed pothead (he gets his stash from the old hippie hermit who squats in a shack on their property, played by Tommy Chong), while the younger is barely a blip on a real-person radar, though he’s the first family member affected by the situation that arises after a meteorite crashes onto their front lawn. Of course, shit gets weird from the get-go. The thing in the yard has a strange purple glow before it cools, and then vanishes (or really, relocates). There’s a hydrologist / daughter love interest who seems to be the only one suspicious of the water being contaminated, and really, the only person who seems to give a fuck at all after the preliminary media buzz. It soon starts affecting the local flora (are the plants in the garden more bountiful or just plain bizarre?), fauna (which have disappeared or become skittish and/or vicious), and then, of course, the Gardner family, as matter seems to distort into a bizarre mutation. Is it an alien? A virus? An extraterrestrial organism? All of the above? The question is never answered, nor does it need to be. And really, the plot isn’t important, either. You’re not here for the plot. You’re here for campy-as-fuck sci-fi horror and Nicolas Cage, of which Color Out of Space has both in spades. It has the potential to be the next great (terrible) cult classic, and will definitely find a sympathetic audience in both die-hard Cage fans and D-level horror film enthusiasts. Also, the colors are pretty. IT ALSO HAS A CRITICAL APPROVAL RATING OF 90% ON ROTTEN TOMATOES!!! Here’s the preview:

This classic Mark Wahlberg, Lou Diamond Phillips, Christina Applegate vehicle is an ideal candidate for the How Did This Get Made treatment. It is hilariously bad, with all kinds of inexplicable writing, directing, and acting choices. It also has a reasonable amount of star power. Perhaps most importantly, despite how terrible it is, it's actually quite entertaining to watch. The Big Hit is a perfect candidate for Paul, Jason, and June Diane to send up. Hell, even if they aren't going to do it, go see it anyways. It's amazing. The trailer can be found here:

You say "tomato", I say get away from me Mr. Tomato man

Ain't no rule says a dog can't play basketball, however the rules clearly state that only students with a GPA above 2.0 may play for this middle school team and your dog does not qualify by those metrics, please remove him from the court.

I wish Paul would start a podcast called How Did We Get Scheer. The premise would be simple: Paul sits down with a guest who is given a one-sentence description of Paul's past exploits and the remainder of the show is the show is the guest asking follow-up questions as Paul's story unfolds. Paul F. Thompkins would be the first guest interviewer.

Everybody goes on about how bad Jack the Ripper was, but no one ever talks about the parents, Mr. and Mrs. The Ripper

I was stoked to see Johnny Burnette. Another one of his train songs went on to be covered by The Yardbirds and when Jimmy Page left that group and started up Led Zeppelin, they'd also cover it in the early days before they had enough songs to do. Legend is, it's actually the song the four Zep guys played when they first got in a room to meet. Yardbirds version https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0y078n95ApAhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0y078n95ApA Zep:

We got four more to watch!

From IMDB: "This early rock and roll feature, the 3rd in a series of 5 starring Disc Jockey and Rock N Roll impresario Alan Freed".

Could Alan Freed have been a less-inspiring salesman for this? He even "sang" the lead in one song and I was cringing the entire time.

According to Wikipedia: So, it looks like Freed was trying to make him a "thing." It does look like he *just* died which is kind of sad.

That whole number was uncomfortable as all get out.

I’m taking this 1/2 hour at a time, possibly to preserve what little sanity I have left. Observations on the first 1/2 hour: I think I have forgotten the names of the songs either (a) on purpose (b) as a side effect of the terrible lip-syncing (I swear at one point Chuck Berry’s Mouth DID NOT MOVE while he was singing. An astonishing feat)! Will what’s-her-name get the prom dress? I’m torn—don’t want spoilers but cant stand the suspense. Will she stay on-budget? I liked the reaction shots to the TV. The dad REALLY got into it, then went back to the paper. I don’t like speaking badly about children but that musical number with the girl was fucking awful. it seems EVERY musical number was performed over the director screaming, “Less movement, goddamnit! Stay locked in place!” Lingering question: So was this film’s sole existence to promote a TV show? I don’t think I’ve spent so long in a movie watching TV.

This cream is topical which unfortunately means it's full of coronavirus.

Thou shalt not kill, unless you really need to, for like a war or something.

Yeah, I get her father, but what’s-her-face’s father too?!? I would take my business elsewhere.

Yeah. Both parents? That seems like some overkill.

Why is Mrs Silky such a fucking narc?

I think you could show this to your kids as homeschooling, so they learn all about finances

There’s a place in France where the ladies wear no pants. It’s called La Place de la Femmes Sans Pantalons.

Years ago, in preparation for Rhinestone I ended up watching Urban Cowboy. I kept thinking it was far bleaker than their normal fare.

Valerian is basically a Stefon bit - This movie has everything: A model lady with big eyebrows, aliens that sh!t pearls, Rihanna... and who's that by the bar? Is it an intergalactic super manly playboy? No, it's just Dane Dehaan. I remember a lot about it actually, it kinda pissed me off how someone ( Luc Besson ) can make a film so visually interesting and with so many ( good ) ideas and then just throw most of them in the trash because he still lives in the 90s, so instead he focuses on the white savior and the love story bits. And the misogyny. Boy, the misogyny... just thrown at you at every turn. Also how incredibly miscast Dane Dehaan was, how Cara Delevigne was totally fine, even charming at times, and how ( apparently ) Dane Dehaan was a total D bag to her during promo for the film.

This was the only HDTGM live show I've been able to attend. I didn't think of a question to ask during the show until too late and then there was no discussion forum for the episode so I've just been having to carry it around myself lo these many years. Finally a chance at closure. And that is way too big of a build up because it is a silly question.

Everything bad about this movie is erased by Lou Diamond Phillips' performance. Mastery.