Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
AndyTalarzyk

Favorite Bad Movie Quote

Recommended Posts

What are your favorite bad movie quotes? Lines that just blew you away with their craziness and/or hilarity. One of my favorite movie quotes of all time is from a little classic film called X-Men.

 

Storm and the rest of the gang are in the Statue of Liberty and Storm delivers this amazing line to Toad: "Do you know what happens to a toad when it gets struck by lightning? Same thing that happens to everything else."

 

This one line just about ruined that whole movie for me.

Share this post


Link to post

Volcano:

 

1st. Guard: Man, this Hieronymus Bosch is heavy!

2nd. Guard: That's because he deals with man's inclination towards sin, in defiance of God's will.

1st. Guard: I didn't mean it like that.

2nd. Guard: Oh.

 

The Postman:

 

Postman: I know you. You're...famous.

Tom Petty: I was.

Share this post


Link to post

Without comparison, the craziest one for me was the "circle jerk" line from Tiptoes between Carol (Kate Beckinsale) and Steven (Matthew McConaughey).

 

Carol: Have you ever been involved with a little person sexually?

Steven: No, just kid's stuff, you know? Y'know, all the kids would come over, we'd sit in a circle, play doctor and that kind of thing. Couldn't have been more than ten or twelve, so that doesn't really count.

Carol: So you had a circle jerk with a bunch of little people? I would have loved to see that.

Steven: You would like to see that.

Carol: Yes, I would.

 

tiptoes-circle-jerk.jpg

 

The mood of the scene doesn't fit the dialogue. Does Kate even know what she's saying? Why the hell would her character have liked to see that? How long has she been a fan of child pornography? And Steven referring to "the kids would come over" makes it sound like he wasn't a kid himself (he does mention age 10 or 12, but still it sounds weird). And "kids" (plural!), sitting in a circle, means at least four children to me. Is that a normal thing for pre-teens to do? Oof. Kate should be shocked and concerned, not endeared and amused. Steven doesn't dispute the "circle jerk" question either, meaning the other "kids" were also boys? Is this his way of telling her he had a homosexual experience as well? And because it was framed as a question about intimacy with little people, at least one of them must have been little or why else would he tell this story?

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post

Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?

- Criswell, Plan 9 From Outer Space

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post

Without comparison, the craziest one for me was the "circle jerk" line from Tiptoes between Carol (Kate Beckinsale) and Steven (Matthew McConaughey).

 

Carol: Have you ever been involved with a little person sexually?

Steven: No, just kid's stuff, you know? Y'know, all the kids would come over, we'd sit in a circle, play doctor and that kind of thing. Couldn't have been more than ten or twelve, so that doesn't really count.

Carol: So you had a circle jerk with a bunch of little people? I would have loved to see that.

Steven: You would like to see that.

Carol: Yes, I would.

 

tiptoes-circle-jerk.jpg

 

The mood of the scene doesn't fit the dialogue. Does Kate even know what she's saying? Why the hell would her character have liked to see that? How long has she been a fan of child pornography? And Steven referring to "the kids would come over" makes it sound like he wasn't a kid himself (he does mention age 10 or 12, but still it sounds weird). And "kids" (plural!), sitting in a circle, means at least four children to me. Is that a normal thing for pre-teens to do? Oof. Kate should be shocked and concerned, not endeared and amused. Steven doesn't dispute the "circle jerk" question either, meaning the other "kids" were also boys? Is this his way of telling her he had a homosexual experience as well? And because it was framed as a question about intimacy with little people, at least one of them must have been little or why else would he tell this story?

 

 

That episode is my fucking FAVORITE and I have yet to rent the movie from Amazon. I gotta see this shit for myself.

Share this post


Link to post

Nic Cage:"I'll try my best"

 

Sean Connery: "You're best, losers always complain about doing their best while winners go home and F*** the prom queen"

 

THE ROCK!

Share this post


Link to post

Riddick to a woman walking towards him:

 

"It's been a long time since I smelled beautiful..."

Share this post


Link to post

"Timecop"

 

Van Damme's history has been altered and no one remembers him, so he needs to convince his old friend Bruce McGill that he knows him and has to help him. He succeeds and then knocks out a couple of lab employees.

 

McGill: "Was I your only friend?"

 

Then again, maybe this is a bad fit considering it's actually a good line.

Share this post


Link to post

Tango and Cash;

 

Stallone; From the look of your diet, it's obvious that you're not too interested in counting calories. Could it be that you're just too busy counting the money they paid you to set us up?

 

 

Watch the video for full effect. I like to imagine Tango walked into this situation thinking "I need to work the idea of counting somehow into what this guy is doing." He saw the bowl of spaghetti, and was like "ok, let's do this".

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

 

 

That episode is my fucking FAVORITE and I have yet to rent the movie from Amazon. I gotta see this shit for myself.

 

Don't, You'll have nightmares. But this particular scene was insanity.

Share this post


Link to post
We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future.

/thread

 

This line here, it couldn't possibly be any less profound! "The future? Is that where we're headed? I had no idea!"

 

I genuinely love Plan 9, love it to pieces. And Criswell's monologue at the beginning... it just doesn't get any better than that. And how you can see his eyes move from right to left, as he reads from cue cards. It's wonderful.

 

...

 

A personal favorite would be this exchange from the room, because it's edited together so incoherently.

 

Johnny: Hi.

Clerk: Can I help you?

Johnny: Yeah, can I have a dozen red roses, please?

Clerk: Oh, hi, Johnny. I didn't know it was you.

Clerk: Here you go.

Johnny: That's me. How much is it?

Clerk: It'll be eighteen dollars.

Johnny: Here you go. Keep the change.

Johnny: Hi, doggy.

Clerk: You're my favorite customer.

Johnny: Thanks a lot. Bye!

Clerk: Buh-bye!

 

...

 

My favorite line from anything ever, not a bad movie though, is Repo Man:

 

Debbi: Duke, let's go do some crimes.

Duke: Yeah. Let's go get sushi... and not pay.

Share this post


Link to post

From "Dude, Where's My Car?" (2000) ( Not necessarily a Bad Movie, but more of a a Silly Comedy IMHO )

 

 

Mr. Pizzacoli: A trained dolphin could deliver pizzas better than you two!

 

Jesse: But then the pizzas would get all wet.

Share this post


Link to post

From "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" (2008)

 

 

 

Indiana Jones: So what are you, a triple agent?

 

Mac: Nah, I just lied about being a double.

Share this post


Link to post

From "Showgirls" my favorite bad movie quote is:

 

Cristal: You have great tits. They look very good.

Nomi: Thank you.

Cristal: I like nice tits. I always have, how about you?

Nomi: I like having nice tits.

Cristal: How do you like having them?

Nomi: What do you mean?

Cristal: You know what I mean.

Nomi: I like having them in a nice dress, or a tight top.

Cristal: You like to show them off.

Nomi: I didn't like showing them off at the Cheetah.

Cristal: Why not? Everybody looked at them there, we all looked at them there.

Nomi: It made me feel like a hooker.

Cristal: You are a whore, darlin'.

Nomi: No, I'm not!

Cristal: We all are. We take the cash, we cash the check, we show them what they want to see.

Nomi: Maybe you are a whore Cristal, but I'm not.

Cristal: You and me? We're exactly alike.

Nomi: I'll never be like you.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

John Carpenter's Vampires.

James Woods initiating a new Priest on the REAL world of Vampires:

 

James Woods "Have you ever even seen a vampire??"

New Priest: "No"

James Woods: "Well first of all the aren't 'romantic' - its not like they are a bunch of eurofags hopping around in rented formal wear seducing everyone in sight with cheezy euro-trash accents - forget what you saw in the movies!!

pause

"..They don't turn into bats! crosses don't work! Garlic? You put a fuck'n garlic necklace around your neck and one of those suckers will bend you over and take a walk up your strata-jacka-gotda-wally-and-sucka the blood out of you!!"

pause

"..and they don't sleep in a coffin lined with taffeta! -You wanna kill one of these suckers? You drive a wooden stake right through its fuckin heart!

and adds..

"oh ya and sunlight turns em into crispy critters. Got it?"

 

JackCrow.png

 

And worth mentioning there is over-the-top gesticulating, miming and hand-charades - while he is driving,

and,

then, immediately after this scene pulls over and beats the shlt out of the new priest.

Its pure awesome!

Share this post


Link to post

Nic Cage: I can eat a peach for hours. (Face/Off)

Nic Cage: Why couldn't you just put the bunny back in the box? (Con Air)

John Malkovitch: Make a move and the bunny gets it. (Con Air)

Share this post


Link to post

Space Mutiny

 

Guy#1: We've been in space too long! Let us land the ship. We have the power!

Guy#2: It's true, we have the power to do this. But this would directly oppose the law of the universe! The law of the galaxy!

Guy#1: Forget the law!

Guy#3: No, the law must be upheld!

Guy#2: Gentlemen, it appears we are not all in agreement!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

the line from repoman..

 

let's go do some crimes, ya lets go get some sushi and not pay..

I said that on the first page of this thread. That line is so fucking bizarre, it's stuck in my head forever. I saw Repo Man on 35mm a few months ago, and I was struck by how truly strange the movie really is. When I was younger, I saw it more as a punk movie (which it is) but it is straight up 120% weird, so much that by the climax you're fully on board with it as a viable event.

 

Alex Cox (the director) has been making some garbage for a while now (including a pretty shitastic Repo Man sequel called Repo Chick a few years ago) but his 1980s run was pretty amazing. I don't know why Repo Man or Sid & Nancy haven't received Criterion releases; maybe he's too crazy to work with now, I dunno.

 

EDIT! I just looked up on Amazon, and Criterion did a Blu-ray earlier this year. Very interested in the commentary on that, think I'll pick that up soon.

Share this post


Link to post

From the classic Deadly Prey:

 

Bad Guy in A Suit: What is this? Who are you?

 

Hero's Father-in-Law: Who am I? A little man who spent twenty-seven years of his life as a cop trying to put big-shots like you away. Twenty-seven years in the filth and the dirt of the street, and there ain't no music down there. You watch the people in the streets killing, raping each other, pumping dope through their veins while big men like you sit in the fancy penthouses--and you let the poor slobs rot in hell. I know about you, as long as it puts money in your pocket. Today, the nobodies who made you rich are gonna win. Die, you son of a bitch. <shoots the bad guy>

 

I can't understand how he didn't get an Oscar for this scene.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

Alex Cox (the director) has been making some garbage for a while now (including a pretty shitastic Repo Man sequel called Repo Chick a few years ago) but his 1980s run was pretty amazing. I don't know why Repo Man or Sid & Nancy haven't received Criterion releases; maybe he's too crazy to work with now, I dunno.

 

EDIT! I just looked up on Amazon, and Criterion did a Blu-ray earlier this year. Very interested in the commentary on that, think I'll pick that up soon.

 

Ya I have the criterion edtion of sid and nancy on laserdisc, I should update my copy of that.

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×