Episode 81.5 — Minisode 81.5

[imhatch 271]

luv kareem in game of thrones "im the kareesi" *destroys helms deep with skyhook*

[BobMcCollum 2]

DAMN YOU PAULL!!!! I demand my free entertainment in a more timely fashion.

[RyanSz 3140]

DAMN YOU PAULL!!!! I demand my free entertainment in a more timely fashion.

I've been asking for a while how much money needs to be donated to make HDTGM a weekly show with mini-eps every Thursday or Friday.

[Bright Anderson 132]

Oh man, Double Team is perfect for this show. It's so insane and illogical, even by JCVD movie standards. I don't want to spoil it but the end fight in this movie is one of the greatest things ever put on film.

 

[vehicularsinker 0]

I fuckin love this movie, I saw it over like 10 years in 60 different 10 minute channel surfs late at night this and was the first time I ever sat and watched it all the way through. When I watched demolition man I realised I seriously used to get this movie mixed up Iwith fuckin Demolition man and was sure JCVD was fighting Wesley Snipes. is that racist? i don't know but I guess it explains why when I was trying to recall some scenes this movie, JCVD couldn't move half his face.

 

but my notes are first and most importantly, does anyone else think that at several points in the movie, it looks like Rodman is genuinely about to kiss jcvd full on in the face? In the last scene where they do their little terrorist fist bump in the ampitheatre, it cuts at a point where I swear for like 1.5 seconds it looks like Rodmans about to bend him over and just go to town.

 

then theres the fact JCVD gets hit by one relatively tame grenade blast and gets so hurt that when the dude gets out the swimming pool (who get's an obligatory ass shot) and surprise kicks him he can't fight back, he takes fucking what looks like months to recover, only to go back into battle and get hit immediately by a house blowing up and two more grenade explosions that he merely shrugs off to continue shooting people in the face. and also what did that doorway ever do to deserve being solidly jcvdraped in a 10 minute montage, which featured many, many cock and ball shots.

then them surviving that ending was genuinely fucking Indiana jones in a refigerator-esque, his actual enemy I have determined is not Mickey Rourke, but the explosive power of explosives. the un-kickable nemesis.

oh and why dissapear at the end!! he was cutting him a deal to stop the people who would surely now be after him since he escaped the technologically superior mega island fortress with fucking laser beams that make you explode underwater !!!!! WTF, or mabye they were setting up for a sequel. I hear Wesley Snipes is out of jail now...

(also in the credits, I noticed "British Man - Hans Meyer" the least British sounding man ever.)

[Joven 373]

This movie is...certainly a movie.

 

some stupid notes i made while watching.

---

• Amazing, Its like you’re really there in the cockpit of that awesome vehicle with Van Damme, or at least in the blackened room in some sound stage with him a week after the action scene was shot
  
• So wait, was that truck supposed to have the plutonium? or what? I thought that was supposed to be some Tango and Cashian assault vehicle. Did he win his mission by driving away from the train? What about the trailer he left behind?
  
• Oh no! Not Stavros!? Hes back!? Who is he!? Why does Jack care!?
  
• So if that guy wasnt so stupid as to not know how to exit a car…that bomb would have served what purpose?
  
• gun cocking sounds courtesy whatever the audio equivalent of clipart is
  
• Huh? did the tiger shoot that woman? I thought the tiger was working for her husband?
  
• and people say the matrix invented bullet time, Max Payne eat your heart out.
  
• If someone doesnt end up using a baby as a weapon, i’ll be very disappointed
  
• So basically we’re to root for the bad guy?
  
• Ok, grenade baby counts as using a baby as a weapon.
  
• What do you mean, “nice call jack”? all he said is the guy at the press conference was lying and covering something up…which they all knew already
  
• really didnt need the shots of Van Damme's junk while he…works out?
  
• Was this a tv movie? its shot and edited really weird.
  
• One bandaid, thatll do for slicing off a bunch of your thumb
  
• So they dont have any kind of surveillance on these guys, like at all? Its all honor system with a bunch of super spies.
  
• I dont think thats how lasers work, maybe they're stone lasers.
  
• Why did Rodman come with on that flight? thought it was to fly the plane…but he has a pilot.
  
• Because its like a basketball, instead of a parachute! Thats so awesome! So awesome the film couldnt contain the shots where it shows how the stupid thing actually works.
  
• 2nd baby bomb, this one was timed insanely well.
  
• Jumping retardedly from fireballs onto pool toys is the new walking away from explosions.
  
• Did the guy attacking rodman in the taxi steal Van Dammes wig?
  
• So these monks are supposed to have some highly advanced computers, which they use for browsing cyber sex sites with monochrome graphics, and theyre hacked effortlessly by guys who wouldnt even know to hack it and can only use one hand on a logitech trackball mouse.
  
• Night vision guy must have the worst aim ever if he needs Rodman to basically eat the gun before he fires.
  
• I hope that baby has a bomb on it
  
• Oh shit, is that the tiger that shot Stavros’ wife?
  
• Yeah Rodman, just hide the baby in plain sight, right in the path that anyone coming to pursue you would see.
  
• That tiger doesnt seem really keen on killing Van Damme, but it went right for that other guy
  
• This place is gonna blow? How does rodman know that? i mean, other than the baby and the mines, what other explosives are there?
  
• Whats with that weird fist bump they keep doing? Are they pretending they're Robocop using a computer?
  
• Van Damme multi kick attack guest directed by someone from an anime
  
• When did he have time to move those crosses?
  
• At least Stavros gets his revenge on the tiger.
  
• Explosion + fireball + coke machines courtesy of Sharknado.
  
• "Ninja vanish" scene courtesy of the live action TMNT movies.
  

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

In 1998, at the height of his Rodman-ness, THIS happened...

 

 

Don't know why I couldn't find this in its entirety, but parts 2 and 3 should be right there too. I'm pretty sure that this is the match where Dennis Rodman FALLS ASLEEP while standing in the corner.

[RyanSz 3140]

Yeah he was piss drunk and passed out in the corner, leaving Hogan to do all the work. Then the cherry on top was after being an unprofessional douche doing things like no-showing events and being a dick to almost all the wrestlers not in the NWO, he SUED WCW for breach of contract. WCW, in their infinite fucking wisdom would then REHIRE Rodman a year or so later thinking it would be different, but he would no-show what was supposed to be his first night back.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

Yeah he was piss drunk and passed out in the corner, leaving Hogan to do all the work. Then the cherry on top was after being an unprofessional douche doing things like no-showing events and being a dick to almost all the wrestlers not in the NWO, he SUED WCW for breach of contract. WCW, in their infinite fucking wisdom would then REHIRE Rodman a year or so later thinking it would be different, but he would no-show what was supposed to be his first night back.

If you're interested in learning even more about the kind of bizarre deals that WCW was making around this time, I strongly suggest "The Death of WCW" by RD Reynolds (WrestleCrap) and Brian Alvarez. It's pretty amazing. I have the original version, but I think they may have just put out or are planning to put out a 10th anniversary edition.

[RyanSz 3140]

Own it and have basically read it into tatters, that book is amazing and a real insight into how many stupid people can ruin a fantastic product. Also really showed how much of a dick Hulk Hogan is with a lot of the shit he pulled. I can also recommend the straight up "Wrestlecrap" book and the "Wrestlecrap" book of lists as they dig into some of the shit other promotions have done which were batshit insane, namely the WWF and everything they did in the early 90s that didn't involved Shawn Michaels or Bret Hart.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

Have you read Hardcore Holly's book at all? It's pretty great, as he was a career mid-carder that got stuck with all sorts of ridiculous shit, but he's got a lot of great stories (including a complete breakdown of the "Brawl For All" fiasco) and doesn't seem to really hold any grudges (although there certainly are some folks he doesn't like), and it's actually pretty amazing what Vince did for him once they decided to get out of the stock car racing business.

 

I SO can't wait for "No Holds Barred"...

[Smigg 1488]

Well, if we're talking WCW and Wrestling movies, look no further than "Ready To Rumble", where WCW pretty much forced David Arquette to become the World Champion of the company off the back of the movie.

[Protoman 117]

Haha I knew this would happen as soon as they announced the Mortal Kombat episode, people love that it's just an entire movie filled with references to the game. I'm tellin ya...get a guest that knows the game for Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, even fans of the series hate that one.

[senorroboto2k5 1]

Beyond thrilled they're doing this movie.

 

But I'm going to need them to do Kazaam in the near future though.

 

NBA players-turned-movie stars is an untapped HDTGM mine

[HipGuide 196]

PEAK RODMAN.

In 1998, at the height of his Rodman-ness, THIS happened...

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RgdRvOYJzM

 

Don't know why I couldn't find this in its entirety, but parts 2 and 3 should be right there too. I'm pretty sure that this is the match where Dennis Rodman FALLS ASLEEP while standing in the corner.

[RyanSz 3140]

Have you read Hardcore Holly's book at all? It's pretty great, as he was a career mid-carder that got stuck with all sorts of ridiculous shit, but he's got a lot of great stories (including a complete breakdown of the "Brawl For All" fiasco) and doesn't seem to really hold any grudges (although there certainly are some folks he doesn't like), and it's actually pretty amazing what Vince did for him once they decided to get out of the stock car racing business.

 

I SO can't wait for "No Holds Barred"...

 

Haven't read Holly's book, but I have read Foley's and a couple other wrestlers'. Holly always seemed like an unnecessary stiff to me, like when he got his neck broken by Brock Lesnar while sandbagging him. I usually take wrestler autobiographies with a grain of salt as a lot of the time they are puffing themselves up or continuing old grudges. I enjoyed the Wrestlecrap ones because they were objective in their story, bashing both major companies when necessary, it was just WCW was more deserving in its final years. The whole Rodman wrestling experiment was something that was great for a short run, but his ego at the time was SO massive that it was destined to explode and leave the company hanging. And as far as acting goes, it's really saying something when JCVD is the strongest actor in your movie.

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

Ok, I'm just watching this movie now and I see it's directed by Hark Tsui, an enormously successful Hong Kong action director. He's done several Once Upon a Time in China movies, the Detective Dee movies, a bunch of other Jet-Li films, and a ton of other stuff because (from looking at his IMDB page) they make action movies in China at the pace the US makes porn I guess. Maybe this came at a time when Hollywood saw the success of John Woo in America and wanted to replicate that?*

 

I was never a big fan of Jet Li anyway, and the only Once Upon a Time in China movie I enjoyed was the first one, so I guess it makes sense that this movie sucks. Shit, what a weird confluence of people and topics this movie brings up. It's next level bonkers without even having to mention Van Damme!

 

*Speaking of Van Damme AND John Woo, Woo directed Van Damme in 1993's 'Hard Target'! The interweaving gyer of this movie is making my brain hurt.

 

[wyldride 285]

When Rodman first wrestled in WCW, to distinguish between that and "real sport", he referred to it as his acting debut. He had already acted in this movie by that point. Shows what he must have really thought about Double Team.

[RyanSz 3140]

When Rodman first wrestled in WCW, to distinguish between that and "real sport", he referred to it as his acting debut. He had already acted in this movie by that point. Shows what he must have really thought about Double Team.

Wow you can always count on Rodman to keep up kayfabe.

[Joven 373]

Ok, I'm just watching this movie now and I see it's directed by Hark Tsui, an enormously successful Hong Kong action director. He's done several Once Upon a Time in China movies, the Detective Dee movies, a bunch of other Jet-Li films, and a ton of other stuff because (from looking at his IMDB page) they make action movies in China at the pace the US makes porn I guess. Maybe this came at a time when Hollywood saw the success of John Woo in America and wanted to replicate that?*

 

Weird this is directed by someone who directed action stuff before (although looking at the IMDB page, nothing hes directed I think I either saw or liked, although I did see a couple he was producer on I did), because I found the action in this movie essentially incomprehensible. When Van Damme slipped on a COKE can on that carnival table near the COKE MACHINE and then somehow transitioned that into a flying spinning flip kick to the face of some guy I literally burst out laughing. And I'm still convinced that tiger shot Stavro's wife.

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

Joven, that's why I'm not a fan of the stuff Tsui has directed. The action feels like poorly-shot and edited Hong Kong action movies. It's pretty much nondescript action sequences from an anonymous Once Upon in China sequal... just starring Van Damme, Rodman, and Rourke. So yeah, that is kinda crazy.

[imhatch 271]

Wow you can always count on Rodman to keep up kayfabe.

except for when he and the kliq hugged at pyongyang, that was fucked up

[RyanSz 3140]

Finally a Kliq reference on the earworlf forums.

[JohnD.Ivy 13]

WOAH! I feel SO honored that I'm mentioned in 2 mini-episodes in a row! This made my year!

 

Two weeks ago Paul talked about my "Warner Brothers buying DC comics" post, Now he mentioned my Mortal Kombat review correction! YES!

 

Thank very much Mr. Paul Scheer!

 

 

P.S. : When I was young I tried so hard to NEVER mess up anyones name because I wanted them to never mess up my name ( Yes, it's as weird as it sounds... ) But now I honestly don't mind it at all... I figured that we are only humans right? (And also I have this new thing... I want to catch up with Scott Aukerman and his million names and that's not going to happen if everybody gets my name right everytime )

 

Paul ( and anyone who doesn't want to mess up my name ) Its "Maximilian" with an "O" at the end like "Maximilian-OH" what you always say is "Maximilow" and thats ok too, Its not a big deal and if you want you can/may just call me Max

 

Again... Thank you

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbrII7frHV0

Congrats, speaking as the composer of the Second Opinions Themes they've been using for weeks but have NEVER credited.

[firsttimecallerlongtimelistenr 3590]

i really need a coke after watching that ... the product placement must have been organised by jeremy clarkson