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Episode 97 — Rhinestone: LIVE!

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When Dolly finishes playing that first number on stage that runs over the opening credits, she addresses the crowd and says:

 

"I'm gonna take a little break now and get a drink of water and let the band change their shirts or whatever else is damp."

 

What???

 

 

 

tumblr_inline_nebu9mqS151rn9822.png

 

Jake's dad looks directly down at her tits and says, "Mercy, don't you look sassy?"

 

 

 

Great evidence of Matt's theory on Farnsworth not realizing or caring that he's in a movie.

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Can we just take a moment to discuss the absolutely INSANE filmography of director Bob Clark?

 

So, here's a bit of a mystery. I was curious about the guy who sings "The Day My Baby Died" - apparently he is an actor named Russell ("Rusty") Buchanan. He did a lot of voiceover work. But check out this gem, where he has a small role:

 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1508662/?ref_=nm_knf_i3

 

Look at that DVD artwork. LOOK AT IT.

 

And then look at the name of the writer/director; Bob Clark! But.. not the same Bob Clark?!

 

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1162535/?ref_=tt_ov_dr

 

Weird.

 

Also, amusingly, the IMDb claims that people who like Rhinestone also like F.I.S.T.

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Maybe it's just meatloaf, but I thought Jason really brought it all together going on with the audience Jason about how he was killing it on the name. I'm sure he does that a lot, but it was a nice moment of connectivity. Dolly ups the legitimacy of everything she is a part of. Matt Jones was solid. Very good live ep!

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So, here's a bit of a mystery. I was curious about the guy who sings "The Day My Baby Died" - apparently he is an actor named Russell ("Rusty") Buchanan. He did a lot of voiceover work. But check out this gem, where he has a small role:

 

http://www.imdb.com/...?ref_=nm_knf_i3

 

Look at that DVD artwork. LOOK AT IT.

 

And then look at the name of the writer/director; Bob Clark! But.. not the same Bob Clark?!

 

http://www.imdb.com/.../?ref_=tt_ov_dr

 

Weird.

 

Also, amusingly, the IMDb claims that people who like Rhinestone also like F.I.S.T.

Maybe there are Bob Clarks being genetically engineered somewhere for the express purpose of making insane films? It seems more logical than the plot of Rhinestone.... or the DVD cover to that animated Dixie Dynamite movie.

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This episode was like two mice fucking on cotton...highly arousing. Matt was hilarious, definitely have him back.

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So this movie is based on the song "Rhinestone Cowboy" how exactly?

1. The Lyrics have nothing to do with the movie plot.

2. Rhinestone is a generic word, so Glen Campbell couldn'tclaim copyright.

3. WTF!!??

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UPDATE: Did anyone else notice the crazy redneck guy pouring salt into his beer. Right after Stallone's character goes from Dolly land to the bar, for the first time. And Stallone's character runs into her ex-boyfriend, unknowingly.

 

Watch the guy to the left, he can be seen pouring salt into his beer glass, he does this twice. It's right before the boyfriend character introduces himself and talks about how he likes his beer foamy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozXRnVlWI4g

found it on youtube, move to 28sec mark watch the guy on the left hand side and his beer glass.

 

Does it again at 1.4min mark

 

although it looks and seems ridiculous, that's actually something that lots of people do. I'm not a drinker by any stretch of the imagination, but I've heard it counteracts some of the bitterness as well as an excess amount of foam in a draught beer. it's so popular in certain parts of the US and Mexico that they make specific (sometimes flavored) salts for beer, most commonly the brand Twang.

 

 

 

 

however, what I find more troubling is Sly's choice to strut unnaturally into the night at the beginning of that clip...

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Zouks: I just realized something: Stallone wrote in both this movie and Staying Alive a female character telling the main guy he can't make it, and him having to triumph over that negative assessment of him in order to win.

 

Matt: Also, the movie Over the Top is the same.

 

[beat]

 

Zouks: Oh, we're familiar with Over the Top.

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Maybe this is more about what good people they are than about them trying to deflect possible negative reactions to the film, but the Hollywood premiere of Rhinestone doubled as a benefit for autism research. Also, Stallone is a comedian.

 

 

"She is cheap. If she had a box of cough drops, she'd stand outside till she got a cold."

I was just scrolling through to see if anyone had mentioned this clip yet. Real-life Stalone is completely normal, and charming, and funny, which only makes on-screen Stalone seem that much more insane.

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SO MANY QUESTIONS. Here's two I've been thinking about:

 

1. It definitely looks like Stallone shaved or waxed his chest before that triumphant final performance. Did Stallone make an actor's choice on that (e.g., my Italian stereotype of a character would definitely drop chest hair before performing in NYC)? Or, are we to believe that Jake Farris told him he should do it because it would make him more like a country cowboy?

 

2. Patrick Swayze's character in Road House (Dalton) went to NYU and drives a car with NY plates. What are the chances that, either in college or after he graduated, Dalton worked as a cooler at the Rhinestone bar? It is the premier country music bar in NYC, which we now know is the country music capital of the world thanks to this movie. Maybe that's why Dalton got so well known that people would go out of their ways to recruit him for their bars. And, maybe that's why the Rhinestone bar has so many hecklers now; Dalton's not there to keep everyone in line.

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It made me sad to discover that Dolly won a Razzie for Worst Original Song for writing "Drinkenstein." I just want to tell her it's not her fault.

 

It did make me feel slightly better that her actual performance was about the only thing in the movie that wasn't nominated for another Razzie.

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I feel like Matt had a real "clowns in vans" moment with the mice fucking on cotton.

 

I tried to look up more information about this movie, but the best thing I could find was that one of the "trivia" bits on IMDB is "The film's title 'Rhinestone' rhymed with the last name of star Sylvester Stallone." Kind of changes your whole perspective on the movie.

 

This was a hard one. I had the worst secondhand embarrassment during any scene where Stallone sings, so much so I pretty much had to cover my eyes and ears. I don't think I've ever cringed this much during anything.

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Matt Jones was an AMAZING guest! Please y'all have him back soon!

 

But does anyone else think that Tony Danza in Don Jon took this movie as an inspiration on how to be a creepy ass father trying to hit on his son's girlfriend? That's one of the main things that was running through my mind because both these men gave me the creeps while watching the movies haha.

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Going a bit deep, but here's my theory on why Sly's performance was so well received at the end:

 

This movie is set in a world where the south won the Civil War.

 

New York, since it's now "southern," makes sense as suddenly having a huge country music presence- African Americans were probably pretty fucked in the Confederate States of America, so jazz, blues, rock and roll- none of them ever came to exist. But since the good ole' boys of the south now control the whole country, their culture would have permeated everything. What Sly is doing is creating something new to them- hip-hop. When he does "Tutti-Fruity" it's completely original, and obviously subpar to what we know since Little Richard never existed to do it. When he busts out a spoken word/rap intro, no one had ever done that before. Sly is their Chuck Berry and Sugarhill Gang, all rolled into one. It's also why the rednecks in Tennessee are so much redder and the Italians and Japanese are so over the top- when the average person is redneck the other extremes get turned up to balance. Also, it explains why Italians and Japanese are allowed in America- if the CSA fought in WW2, who do you think they would be allies with?

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Going a bit deep, but here's my theory on why Sly's performance was so well received at the end:

 

This movie is set in a world where the south won the Civil War.

This is a breathtaking, June-caliber theory.

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Not related to Rhinestone, but related to bad movies -- did you guys see this?

The actors from "The Room" (minus Greg Sestero and Tommy Wiseau) are making a short film about life after being in the worst movie of all time. It's fictionalized, but it looks like it's going to be pretty funny. Even if you think you don't want to kick in to the kickstarter, you should go watch the little video intro they put up. The guy who played Denny looks older than everyone else in the cast now -- I mean, I couldn't even figure out who he was at first. They've already met their funding goal, but they're hoping to raise more money to make the film a bit longer, so I hope more people kick in because I think it's going to turn out really funny.

 

Sorry for the off-topic comment but I figured that anyone reading this forum would be interested in this! And now, back to our regularly scheduled HDTGM commentary.

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Wait a minute!

 

They went over Stallone's triumphant song at the end of the movie in the podcast, but what was not mentioned was that the song he sings that ultimately wins the movie is not the same version he starts out singing. Initially, he starts singing the same song, but as a dirge-like ballad, which goes over--to no great surprise--poorly. He then says something to the effect of "If I am going to die up her, I am going to die my way!" Queue Stallone going rogue and pulling a Tony Manero.

 

So....Dolly's plan to get her contract dissolved and preserve her virtue was to have a man with no discernible singing talent go out in front of a room of professional hecklers and have him croon a tender and earnest version of "Stay Out of My Bedroom?" Which, by the way, at the tempo he is performing it and with the repetition of the chorus at the end of the song, would have easily pushed it to a twelve minute song.

 

I hate to say it, but are we 100% certain Dolly wanted to win the bet?

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I rewatched this movie because, this is what I do to celebrate national holidays.

 

Did we not yet talk about when Sly rides a horse to Trump Tower and everyone is pissed until he says he's there to see Freddy?

 

"What a weirdo with a horse? Please leave? Oh, you are here to see Freddy, well then please go up sir."

 

If you want to make that joke, then have them look up at Sly like they see this all the time and say "Another one for Freddy".

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Can anyone who was at the live show tell me if Jason and Matt Jones actually kissed at that one part about 49 minutes in? I'd like to know for, uh, reasons.

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Did we not yet talk about when Sly rides a horse to Trump Tower and everyone is pissed until he says he's there to see Freddy?

 

"What a weirdo with a horse? Please leave? Oh, you are here to see Freddy, well then please go up sir."

 

...then cue the elevator opening on it's own for him without having to press a single button.

 

maybe Trump Tower has automatic elevators, I dunno... but regardless, doorways are always a source of frustration for me when it comes to continuity. really pay attention while you're watching something and it's perplexing how often people enter houses without closing the front door or, in this case, elevators opening by someone simply willing them to.

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Guys. I registered just to get you this message. I've listened to every episode at least two times since discovering the show, and I have to say that something changed with my listening experience with Matt Jones coming in as your guest host. He carried a presence different from all the other guests you've had, and I think he deserves a more permanent position. His points were funny, but poignant. His commentary was intellectual, but not disruptive or boring. To me, listening to the Rhinstone episode was like rediscovering the Ninja Turtles, with Paul as Leonardo (the dutiful leader), June as Raphael (the passionate romantic), Jason as Michelangelo (the wild, party dude), and Matt as Donatello (the intelligent and pragmatic one, and possibly "does machines").

 

Another comparison, if you're a Sex in the City fan, is that Paul would be Charlotte York (who believes in duty before self), June is Miranda (a firey, passionate redhead, even though June is not a redhead), Jason is Samantha (the impulsive whore/jokester), and Matt is clearly Carrie Bradshaw (the well read intellectual). YOU CAN'T HAVE SEX IN THE CITY WITHOUT CARRIE BRADSHAW! Please have Matt back soon and often. Seriously good.

 

Please keep up the good work.

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