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JulyDiaz

EPISODE 103 — Zardoz

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Anyone know enough about guns to tell if those bullets in Connery's bandoliers could ever fit in his revolver? Are they completely useless?

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Anyone know enough about guns to tell if those bullets in Connery's bandoliers could ever fit in his revolver? Are they completely useless?

 

I would argue that 90% of this movie is useless, so...yes, they probably are too. ;)

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I feel like I'd read before that Sean Connery worked so cheaply on Zardoz because it was a big passion project and he really wanted to work with Boorman, and that his box office troubles post-Bond were as much caused by this failure as Bond typecasting. I don't know if that's true or what Paul said is, but I'm so glad they did this movie. I've loved it for years, it's absolutely nonsense and ridiculous, but I still love it and I'm glad the gang had very similar thoughts on it.

 

Of course, it would've been nice to know how June felt about the movie. She seemed much more troubled by it than the rest of them from the snippets that got shared.

 

I've actually read from a few different sources that Connery was just so sick of being offered the Bond role and hated the Bond character so much that he took this absurd role to distance himself and make himself no longer appealing as a "Bond man." The Bond stereotype was killing the roles being offered to him. He wanted to distance himself from Bond so badly that putting on a giant red diaper and raping women was the perfect role to jump in to.

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"I'm not good at writing reviews." - Someone who, ironically, is quite good at reviewing the quality of his own reviews.

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"Hit a bitch

There a bitch

Hit a bitch EVERYWHERE

Everywhere hit a bitch

Hit a bitch

Bitch a snitch

 

...we'll put it in the movie" FUCKING BRILLIANT!

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I really like how much fun the guests have on this show. Guys like Brett Gelman and Tim Heidecker who usually play pretend to hate everything as an act actually come on and have a blast. Love it.

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This movie predicted wearable technology surprisingly accurately. It also predicted portable projectors.

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Omission (sort of): I was hoping someone during the episode would bring up the parody Dan Harmon & Justin Roiland wrote with the Rick & Morty episode "Raising Gazorpazorp." It's such a brilliant parody of the Zardoz movie, paying homage to the film's bloodthirsty Brutals, the Eternals, and the giant head (which in this case vomits sex-robots instead of guns & bullets).

 

VCkz7Wz.jpg

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"This movie is dumb!" Said the guy who likes Face/Off!

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I must confess, I never watch the movies reviewed on HDTGM but normally can pick up what they're about. However listening to this episode, I have no idea what the plot of Zardoz is. Paul, Jason and Brett seem to be making references to things and scene that are beyond my imagination and understanding. I still enjoyed it though, I just don't know what the film was about.

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...Paul, Jason and Brett seem to be making references to things and scene that are beyond my imagination and understanding. I still enjoyed it though, I just don't know what the film was about.

 

Such is the power of Zardoz!

 

But honestly faye-raye, they did a better job explaining the plot on the episode then I got from actually watching it. I am on record as stating I hated the movie, but I would recommend watching it. I'm not saying you'll like it, but you really should watch it at least once--if only to touch the fringes of insanity.

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Did anybody else notice in one of the scenes of the brutal goon squad riding horses on the beach and shooting the other outlanders in the face at point blank range, an outlander who is shot falls directly in front of a brutal on a horse and comes about a hair's breadth from having his skull smashed by the galloping horse? I cringed on my couch for the remainder of the scene, expecting the worst. Law suit!

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Something that annoyed me that wasn't covered on the show was that all of the Eternals seem to possess this smothering sense of ennui that is so powerful that they feel death would be a release, but honestly, would only three hundred years be enough to engender this feeling? There are centenarians living today--without the benefit of eternal youth--who lead happy, active, and fulfilling lives. If the movie took place a couple of millennia from now I might get it, but not after a couple hundred years. Hey Eternals, get a goddamn hobby!

 

Fully agree. Was their only complaint boredom? I was unsure if this was supposed to be a critique of humanity for its attempts to create a perfect society, or a critique of the idea of heaven, or a philosophical treatise on the notion that perfection does not exist without imperfection, or [fires bullet into brain]...

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I think you're prevented from doing so? Can't remember if they mention that in passing in the movie, but I think that's the deal.

 

Did I pass out at the part where they explained how exactly they achieved immortality, or in this case, the ability to live about 300 years?

 

I remember there was some exposition about how the Renegades were the scientists who created the Vortex and the ruling class was evidently their offspring or some other such bullshit, but by then I think the hard lemmies I was quaffing had really kicked in so who the fuck knows.

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I forgot to mention my favorite scene. When Connery first meets the apathetics, he picks that one girl up and heaves her across the room like a sack of flour. I had to pause it I was laughing so hard.

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Something little trivia to add to this one:

 

John Boorman is the the Nemesis of renowned British Movie Critic (and personal hero of mine), Dr. Mark Kermode, as he'd directed Exorcist II: The Heretic (which should also get the HDTGM treatment), so I take issue slightly with the "great director" tag.... My memory of Excalibur was the one scene of a knight fucking a girl complete with penis armour...

 

Also, when Connery agreed to go back and make his return Bond movie "Diamonds Are Forever", as well as the $1.25mil fee he got, he also got three pictures automatically greenlit for production. I believe this was one of them.

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Another note I'm surprised they didn't touch upon: How are there any Brutals left? Every memory Connery has is murdering Brutals on an EPIC scale, yet some how there are still enough people to be force into farming and repopulate for the next killing spree?

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I must confess, I never watch the movies reviewed on HDTGM but normally can pick up what they're about. However listening to this episode, I have no idea what the plot of Zardoz is. Paul, Jason and Brett seem to be making references to things and scene that are beyond my imagination and understanding. I still enjoyed it though, I just don't know what the film was about.

 

Depending on the movie I sometimes skip it too (sorry Gooby... not renting you). But I'm SO glad I saw this one. Its like that crappy college art film study your friend made, but instead it was filmed with a real budget / director / actors.

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Something that annoyed me that wasn't covered on the show was that all of the Eternals seem to possess this smothering sense of ennui that is so powerful that they feel death would be a release, but honestly, would only three hundred years be enough to engender this feeling? There are centenarians living today--without the benefit of eternal youth--who lead happy, active, and fulfilling lives. If the movie took place a couple of millennia from now I might get it, but not after a couple hundred years. Hey Eternals, get a goddamn hobby!

 

Or, better yet, go ahead and have some sex. "But," I hear the Eternals whine, "the needlessness of procreation has rendered us impotent." To which I would provide them an excerpt of my Yelp review of sex, "Sometimes you can have sex and having a child isn't even the goal. Why? Because it's fun and feels pretty good too. Go nuts. P.S. If you're only doing it Missionary, you're doing it wrong."

 

I mean they basically have a power point presentation about how a penis is supposed to work! What the fuck?

 

 

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Well the establishing date is right up front after Arthur's head takes a slow dive. (Also I would like to point out that the credits font usage is sooo 70's, in that quasi-LotR 'return to nature' way). The '300 years' line I'm rather sure is spoken by that Original Eternal, the one in the bed in the old folks home - also the same one saying that there was nothing to be found in space and gave the history on the Tabernacle.

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LOVED this podcast. I missed June, but Gelman was amazing. And I'm glad they came out of it loving, or at least admiring this movie. I really hope they consider reviewing headier/weirder/whatever movies. They mentioned Alejandro Jodorowsky, and I would love to hear what they think of El Topo and Holy Mountain.

 

I'm actually amazed that Paul and Jason hadn't seen this before.

 

And I wished they spent some more time on "Freckles." My girlfriend's cat's name is Freckles, and it cracked us up.

 

Honestly, the only thing that would have made Zardoz a better movie would have been a prog rock soundtrack. Peter Gabriel-era Genesis could have pulled it off...

 

Future movie suggestions:

 

Greaser's Palace (early Robert Downey Sr. flick)

Dark Star (Carpenter/Dan O'Bannon)

Phantom of the Paradise (De Palma/Paul Williams)

 

1990: Bronx Warriors

Actually fuck it, do all the late 70s/early 80s Italian zombie/post-apocalyptic/rip-off films.

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