Episode 98 — John Cochran Again, Our Close Friend

[Dads for Butt Stuff 753]

I'm just doing old bits from the Totally Laime 4chan board

[SteveH 11126]

Reddit can be so funny, but it's just too esoteric, ya know? Like, I'm always loving these Advice Animals, but I don't think the common person really gets it. Unfortunately, I just have to rofl at imgur cause I don't have enough space on my computer to download Tor, so I can't get to Reddit proper.

 

This post makes me feel like I'm 83 years old.

[Proposition Phil 218]

But have you seen those social experiments they do now on youtube, you can't seriously pretend like those aren't a force for good? Especially when they have hot babes in them. My outlook on homeless people was totally flipped by some of those social experiments

 

I don't like a lot of those. When a hot ripped guy goes up to girls and grabs their ass or tries to kiss them or get their number and stuff it's no problem, but when I do it, well I haven't actually tried, but I don't think they'd appreciate it. I only like the ones where they go pick fights with black people.

 

It did blow my mind when that homeless guy shared his pizza though.

[Dads for Butt Stuff 753]

I cry every time they show how even homeless people can sometimes have human dignity. I just feel so aware of inequality and stuff afterward.

[ABRAXAS 366]

The independent film Bum Fights did a pretty good job of raising social awareness in my opinion. Like, Jerry Lewis telethons are such bullshit I just want something real.

[JeffBurtMacklinMarra 6724]

Clash: War for the Net

Chapter 1

 

'Click clack click clack'

Greggy frantically types away at his keyboard, his rainbow afro rhythmically bouncing with every keystroke.

"They must know, I have to get this out before they come for me" he says to himself. "This is the end of the world as we know it, but I must protect the ones I love so much!"

The door creaks open behind him, and he freezes, a look of fear washes over his face, only to be wiped away by an accepting smirk.

"I know why you're here, and you're too late. Maybe your bad KARMA is finally catching up to you." He says defiantly to the shadow lurking behind him.

"Oh, Greggy, do you really think your forum losers can stand up to us? We're the front page of the internet!"

"You might be the front page, but we're the 5th page of the H section. The one with the definition of HEART." Greggy yells as he hits the submit button.

A gunshot rattles through the cold night air. A clown nose rolls across the hard wooden floor.

To be continued.......

[Ensendada Slim 480]

 

I don't like a lot of those. When a hot ripped guy goes up to girls and grabs their ass or tries to kiss them or get their number and stuff it's no problem, but when I do it, well I haven't actually tried, but I don't think they'd appreciate it. I only like the ones where they go pick fights with black people.

 

It did blow my mind when that homeless guy shared his pizza though.

 

I like to fall into a you tube K-hole of pranksters doing fun stuff like alluding to racial slurs and pretending to steal valuables. When I see it, I think "this is bad." Then, I invariably end up in a second K-hole, this time filled with the Prankster Gets Punched videos. When I see these, I think "this, also, is bad". But in this, I've struck a balance, which is very good

[chanson 9697]

I'm friends with Chanson on Facebook now. He has some pretty cool posts. He likes landscape shots and his dog. He also captions his photos with minimal descriptions. He follows the number 1 rule of Facebooking; show, don't tell. He also doesn't try to be one of the Facebook jokers that I'm absolutely sick of.

 

9/10

+nice photos

+his dog

+unfunny

 

-no Minions

 

Should have known this would happen

 

Edit: I think you know how I feel about humor

[elizamuffins 4228]

EW Scripps could decide to pull this forum anytime and reddit is constantly under threat from women,non racists,and all manner of SJWs. We need to pick a rendezvous spot in case this battle gets out of hand and we are really in the sh*t.

 

 

My first thought was twitter but Google hangouts seems to make more sense.

 

 

[Houston 4819]

Fun's fun, but lets be fair Houston. You know you breathe out of your mouth sometimes.

 

I HAD A COLD. I TOLD YOU IT WOULD HAPPEN. YOU DECIDED TO SLEEP OVER. YOU DECIDED TO CUDDLE. SO LET'S NOT JUST THROW HOUSTON UNDER THE BUS.

[Joe McGurl 8358]

The cool thing about the internet is that there is always someone willing to tell you to go kill yourself, which I find comforting.

[NoahTomaszewski 2768]

I think myspace is the place to be

[Who Comma Mike Jones 154]

I have to be careful about going on Reddit because I am deathly allergic to having my faith in humanity restored.

[Zsinjeh 1677]

shitredditsays

[Proposition Phil 218]

shitredditsays

 

The real bad guys of the internet. What has free speech come to when you can't even be racist or make fun of fat people without people making fun of you?

[Dads for Butt Stuff 753]

This discussion really gives me a sense of what it must have been like to be a soldier in the latenight wars

[mikebonetti 3718]

Reddit can talk crap all day but they can't take my pro version away from me!

This is all pro version envy. They just can't handle it.

 

EDIT: added cool guy smiley

[JeffBurtMacklinMarra 6724]

Clash: War for the Net

Chapter 2:

 

The mood in the church hall is somber. A picture of a clown sits next to a beautiful casket. The aisle are filled with familiar faces, with unfamiliar looks of sadness. The priest, Valerie Bryant stands in front of a shrine to her fallen friend, and speaks while choking back tears.

"Greggy was a friend to us all, and he will not be forgotten. He fought proud to the end, a god warrior of the internet. Our only consolation is that he wasn't married or a father, because that would make this story unnecessarily sad."

Tears well up in the eyes of three handsome young men sitting in the front row. Chanson, Joe McGurl, and A Bear all silently weep. Anastasia is behind them, her strong stoic face showing cracks of sadness. The entire forum crew was there, the entire forum crew was sad. Even SteveH, who is normally a rotten fellow, is showing signs of having a heart.

A loud bang fills the chapel, echoing through the pews. aeven armed men wearing burgler masks and alien antennaa burst through the back door, and the tallest and meanest of the alien men yells.

"I am Slayner, the king of Reddit, and you fuckers are all dead! Boys! Open fir-"

Before he can finish he gets shot in the shoulder. Souprman is standing there with a badass revolver, still smoking from the barrel.

"You were saying, weinerface?" He says with a cocky grin.

"Get them!" Slayner yells before retreating outside. The sound of his helicopter taking off is faintly heard by the crew.

"Sounds like your leader is a bit more of a bleeder" Ronnie Hog quips as he pulls a minigun from under his seat. "Now let's turn this funeral into a..... Funeral?"

The rest of the forum members brandish their weapons. ElisaMuffins pulls out her twin machetes. MikeBonetti has a flamethrower. Honlads has a battleaxe. Jacob C has two submachine guns. Father Valerie pulls a cross shaped sword out of the church's display.

"We came prepared" Chanson says as his Fallout 3 style plasma pistol glistens in the light.

"So did we!" One of the Reddit goons says as a pair of bipedal warmechs crash through the stained glass.

 

To be continued....

[chanson 9697]

I have to be careful about going on Reddit because I am deathly allergic to having my faith in humanity restored.

 

hmmmmm.... This is problematic to me.

[greggy 15909]

redditors arent goons, thats something awful

[chanson 9697]

redditors arent goons, thats something awful

 

But they are my arch-nemeses.

[honlads 8798]

Honlads has a battleaxe.

 

cmd + f "honlads".

"That's badass. I'm not reading the rest."

[elizamuffins 4228]

I was thinking about going over to see what that slackchat stuff Slayner is always going on about was but now I don't feel very welcome! Think of all the first rate com you guys (and by guys I mean men because I am sure there are no women there) could have had and you blew it. BTW do Sean and Hayes post on the Reddit sub?

 

If you reddit not goons but pretty similar guys are readfing this , I suggest you listen to Drake from the title scene of Ballers and haters in the building leave!

[Andrew 4646]

Hayes is on Who Charted this week, by the way.

[dischargingfoul 39]

listening to the pete postlewhaite part right now, & after googlin pete postlethwaite aka "the POSTle-man" aka "the apostlethwaite", i'm impressed. he is quite beautiful.