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Episode 138 - The Boy Next Door (w/ Heather Anne Campbell, Ben Siemon)

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I missed the memo about the change but luckily I was already well aware of the film. I first came across it when I learned about Judd Productions, which is a very interesting production house because 40% of their films each year turn out to be flops. And surprisingly this was not one of them. Jason Judd gave Rob Cohen, director of Dragonheart and the orignal Fast and Furious, a budget of 4.5 million to make this movie and the film made about 50 million. There is an interesting story put together by NPR's Planet Money, episode 650 (I had to go back and look it up) that talks about this movie.

 

 

Hey Wino moms have to have something to do after they take the kids to school. I'm assuming this had a similar crowd to 50 Shades, but instead of a semi porn they can justify it because of the thriller angle. I honestly don't know, I'm assuming youngish moms in their 30's and 40's are JLo's prime audience.

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I would like to talk a little bit more about Claire's sobriety in the movie--specifically as it relates to her decision to have sex with Noah.

 

Although the movie makes an attempt to indicate otherwise, I find it really hard to believe that she was so drunk in that moment and that she didn't know what she was doing. The scene starts with her in her house drinking some wine, we don't really know how much she's drunk, but she's holding the bottle so I think it's safe to assume she's drank less than one bottle. Next, Noah calls her on the phone because he's having chicken related issues.* So, she comes over, cooks an entire chicken (which takes some time), and then eats it with him! Based on the fact that her starting sobriety was at a level that she was able to do that, plus the time it would take to cook and eat, I don't understand how she can wake up the next morning with a "what happened last night?" look on her face. I think it was just another way for this movie to justify her decisions, but ends up just looking dumb. She's an adult woman, currently separated from her husband who engages in consensual sex with another adult. Why does movie feel the need to keep making excuses for her? Although I knew the movie would eventually go sideways, there's no reason for her not to hook up with a sexy younger guy. The movie doesn't need to apologize for her actions!

 

ETA: Just in case what I wrote gets misunderstood, I'm not saying another person can always judge how drunk someone may or may not be. I'm just saying this movie seemed to be trying to play it both ways. If they wanted her to be drunk in the moment, then they needed to show that and make it clear through acting and storytelling. And if they wanted to show her making this decision sober, then that should have been clear as well.

 

*How did he even get her cell number? Was he like, "Yo, Kevin--let me get your mom's digits?" Also, he calls her because he tried "defrosting" a chicken, but half of it is still frozen and he wants to know if he can eat the defrosted parts. Look, I get this is just a ruse to get her to come over, but seriously, the answer is unequivocally "no!" You just defrosted the chicken, dude. You still have to cook it! This should have definitely been a red flag to Claire that this "kid" wasn't all there.

 

 

I was thinking the same thing! I don't think she was anywhere near drunk enough to black out if her reflex were good enough to cook an entire chicken. I've never cooked an entire chicken before but I do know it takes about an hour to make some chicken breasts, longer if not properly defrosted. That gives some time to let her body fight off the booze. Then when you factor in that she ended up eating that would also help with her sobriety. Also, I clearly don't know her tolerance levels, but for most people a few glasses of wine is not going to get you so utterly drunk that you black out. If she was drinking hard liquor like vodka or whiskey, yeah that would do it but then we would be back to the issue of how she manged to cook a whole chicken. I'm assuming knife skills were needed at some point.

 

On the uncooked chicken bit, i do know some really stupid teenagers that maybe could think they had cooked the chicken but I highly doubt it. You can tell when a chicken is raw vs when it's cooked, even just a little bit.

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I think J-Lo already made this "Every Wrong Decision" movie, and it was called "Enough".

 

Ah but that was about an evil husband. THIS is about an evil boy toy.

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As Paul said on the show, this is a movie about poor judgement, and he's absolutely right, but there is one moment in the movie where J Lo's poor judgement is totally unforgivable. At the end of the movie, J Lo calls Kristin Chenoweth and Noah plays a recorded message that ends ends with Chenoweth screaming. At this point, she has destroyed all the files on his computer and he is holding her friend hostage, there is absolutely no reason for her to not call the police. What bad thing could possibly happen to her she does? Even though she doesn't know that Chenoweth is already dead, she does know that she's being held captive. So, if she calls the police and they go out to the house, they are going to find the murdered body of her friend and her son and estranged husband being held hostage by a crazy psychopath. She's destroyed the evidence of their hookup at this point! Do you really think, when they see the grisly remains of her friend, the police are going to believe anything Noah tells them? She is all but in the clear, all she has to do is not go to that fucking house!

 

Also, when she does go to the house and discovers Chenoweth's body, it would probably be a good idea that when she runs out and gets into her car, that she maybe locks the goddamn door and drives away before she tries to FINALLY call the police.

 

Also she might want to let the police know that he's killed before and to check out a 2006 mini van in the car storage area, that clearly all police have

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Also she might want to let the police know that he's killed before and to check out a 2006 mini van in the car storage area, that clearly all police have

I liked how the cop was like "Yeah, he was probably drunk. Or it could have been faulty brakes. I guess we'll never know! It's not like we had the body and did an autopsy and toxicology report."

 

Although I do believe him when he said they were killed instantaneously -- that van exploded (!!) the second it touched that truck. I thought maybe it was hauling gasoline or something, but nope, just pipes. I guess they should have paid attention to those Chevy recalls.

 

iKj7KoX.gif

 

Also, cutting someone's brakes seems like a REALLY imprecise way of killing them. I'm having trouble thinking of a worse way. Maybe hiring someone and then taking them out to celebrate with drinks during happy hour, hoping they get tipsy enough to hit their head on the toilet and drown.

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I don't know if there ever was an episode for which I was so looking forward to June's input... I feel it would add so much to the conversation! Alas...

 

Still, chicken/salmonella pussy were solid additions to Zouks' Compendium of all things Gross.

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Anyone else think the Chicken-to-fingering is reminiscent of LOL? I think he practised his technique on it, and then applied it to J-Lo.

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Anyone else think the Chicken-to-fingering is reminiscent of LOL? I think he practised his technique on it, and then applied it to J-Lo.

 

Jenny from the cluck?

 

 

 

 

giphy.gif

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Anyone else think the Chicken-to-fingering is reminiscent of LOL? I think he practised his technique on it, and then applied it to J-Lo.

The film missed a golden opportunity to reference J.Lo's awful turkey line from Gigli.

 

1-gigli.gif

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Jenny from the cluck?

 

 

 

 

giphy.gif

 

Or "Jenny from the Bwark"

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Or "Jenny from the Bwark"

 

Damn you, Smiggers, that works much better.

 

angry.gif?w=400&h=228

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Just one correction. Ashma can be very serious. If you have an attack and it isn't treated someone can die.

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Just one correction. Ashma can be very serious. If you have an attack and it isn't treated someone can die.

Definitely. But the film didn't establish the kid having asthma, his problem was allergy-related incontinence. And they never bothered to explain his reaction (which apparently can happen to people with severe allergies), he just fell down with insta-hives. I had to rewind it to see if a bee had stung him or something. Nope, turns out he's allergic to boxing.

 

nAYT7fPl.jpg

 

That whole scene was stupid, because it exists solely to give us Chekov's EpiPen -- which makes no fuckin' sense because getting stabbed in the eye with a needle while in a barn on fire is convoluted and unnecessary! There's tools and shit in there! J.Lo could have grabbed a pitchfork or something, but they had to use this subplot about her kid's allergies to get to this eye stabbing scene! Just give her a knife, it was already established as her weapon of choice.

 

p.s., was anyone else expecting some Pulp Fiction style chest needling action?

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Definitely. But the film didn't establish the kid having asthma, his problem was allergy-related incontinence. And they never bothered to explain his reaction (which apparently can happen to people with severe allergies), he just fell down with insta-hives. I had to rewind it to see if a bee had stung him or something. Nope, turns out he's allergic to boxing.

 

nAYT7fPl.jpg

 

That whole scene was stupid, because it exists solely to give us Chekov's EpiPen -- which makes no fuckin' sense because getting stabbed in the eye with a needle while in a barn on fire is convoluted and unnecessary! There's tools and shit in there! J.Lo could have grabbed a pitchfork or something, but they had to use this subplot about her kid's allergies to get to this eye stabbing scene! Just give her a knife, it was already established as her weapon of choice.

 

p.s., was anyone else expecting some Pulp Fiction style chest needling action?

 

 

The worst thing about that scene was the ADR'd "Put it in the leg!" line. It was so out of place it made me laugh. It would have taken all of 1 second to have the wiz frantically slap his leg to show him where to put it. But I guess if he was able to do that, he could have just grabbed the needle from TBND and done it himself?

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I just wanted to bring up a couple, not "edition" based, things regarding The Illiad in this movie.

 

When Noah is in the kitchen talking about The Illiad, did anyone else think that the answer to the question "Do you know what he called Agamemnon?" was going to be a lot better than, "A pitiful king." I was expecting something waaaaaaay cooler than that. I mean, he's trying to convince a couple of people how great it is and the best thing he can come up with is, "You know that king you don't know about? Well this other guy that you don't know didn't like him. Isn't that awesome?!"

 

Also, since Noah isn't introduced to the class until after J Lo tells them that they are going to be studying The Illiad, don't you think they would have thought it was a little bit odd that this kid was introducing himself by reciting a quote from that specific book? Oh, and they would have totally thought he was a complete dork. Bursting into poetry in front of a room full of teenagers rarely goes as well as it's portrayed in the movies.

 

 

I'd like to say a little bit about the faculty at the school, but before I do, there are two different scenes in J Lo's classroom, but aren't they in two totally different rooms? I may be misremembering, but when the Principal tries to unlock the door, the entrance is on the outside of the building; but earlier in the movie, when she leaves the class to ask why Noah's in there, doesn't she exit into a hallway? I guess there could be two different entrances into the same classroom, but in my recollection, even the interiors of the classrooms don't match up...

 

UPDATE: I re-watched these scenes this morning, and I was wrong, they are the same classroom. I think where I got messed up was in the first instance, if you look behind J Lo, it is clearly about 8 o'clock at night.

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Nope, turns out he's allergic to boxing.

 

I thought he was allergic to emotions.

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(also, any tips for resizing that teeny tiny uploaded image?)

 

I use photoshop, and windows resizer most of the time. and that does the job.

 

Most good Photoshop type programs have a option for resizing images..Not sure if your using windows or apple or IPad,

 

around the time when Microsoft was making Windows XP they had a group of tools called Powertoys. one was called resizer.

 

here is the open source clone version of it, that works on windows 7 and up.

 

http://imageresizer.codeplex.com/

 

it lets you right click on a image and resize it and make it a more internet friendly size. it's also useful for sending photos to friends and phones that can eat up a lot of space real quickly.

 

When I got into DSLR cameras I am now eating photos at a rate of 6MB to 8MB per photo. and those are mostly RAW.

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Since the Iliad was part of an oral tradition, shouldn't a TRUE first edition just be an old, blind Greek guy telling it to you?

 

I haven't seen this movie yet but I'm pretty sure it'd be better if the Boy Next Door just carried an old man over his shoulder and gave him to JLo.

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I may have not seen this correctly and I refuse to go back and watch it but I swear that after Noah yells at JLo in the driveway he actually gets in the truck and drives away angrily. Then all of a sudden you hear engine revving noises and Kevin walks up and the camera angle changes and he is there again. Did I really not see that correctly or was that the biggest fuck up of all time?

 

Also did anyone else think that when Noah grabbed a gun and took Kevin shooting that a gun would actually come into play at some point? Why else would they have shown how scarily accurate he was if that was never going to come back into the movie?

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i'm going to post this here and in the howdies thread and then again maybe when the howdies get released:

 

i was going to save this till closer to the date of the howdies but the euros started last night so i might be abit distracted over the next few week.

 

so here it goes ... some of you might remember i made a site with a "beat the intro" type quiz based on pauls intros to every episode and also i made a little hdtgm based memory game. well in honor of the 2nd howdies i put both of them onto the one site and added another couple of things:

 

i know jason loves jigsaws so i made a really basic, and i mean basic, jigsaw puzzle site where you have to reassemble the posters from the movies covered by paul, june and jason.

 

and i put together a howdies 2 wordsearch (you'll have to print this out or else destroy your screen .. it's up to you)

 

so if you're interested click on the banner ... enjoy

 

 

24oaxzm.jpg

 

oh .. and if you find any issues or have some suggestions let me know ... i'll probably ignore them but if ireland get knocked out early i might have some free time on my hands in about 2 weeks. btw ... i only looked at this on a laptop so i have no idea how it will look on a tablet/phone or how the functionality is effected on same.

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I may have not seen this correctly and I refuse to go back and watch it but I swear that after Noah yells at JLo in the driveway he actually gets in the truck and drives away angrily. Then all of a sudden you hear engine revving noises and Kevin walks up and the camera angle changes and he is there again. Did I really not see that correctly or was that the biggest fuck up of all time?

 

Also did anyone else think that when Noah grabbed a gun and took Kevin shooting that a gun would actually come into play at some point? Why else would they have shown how scarily accurate he was if that was never going to come back into the movie?

 

Sorry, Taylor Anne, my copy has gone back to Redbox heaven, so I can't confirm that for you--although I'm sure you're probably right. Unfortunately, during that scene I was too distracted by the this:

 

"You suck, Mom! I can't stand you! Noah's the greatest-est guy EVER! He's my best friend and you're just a dumb-dumb stupid head! I Hate YOU!...I'll see you at school."

 

I mean, seriously...you guys aren't going to skip today?

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Sorry, Taylor Anne, my copy has gone back to Redbox heaven, so I can't confirm that for you--although I'm sure you're probably right. Unfortunately, during that scene I was too distracted by the this:

 

"You suck, Mom! I can't stand you! Noah's the greatest-est guy EVER! He's my best friend and you're just a dumb-dumb stupid head! I Hate YOU!...I'll see you at school."

 

I mean, seriously...you guys aren't going to skip today?

Also that's the day he almost beat that dude's skull in, right? We never once got to see Kevin's reaction to all that cause I'm sure he was pretty shaken after having driven to school with him and then witnessing that...

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I may have not seen this correctly and I refuse to go back and watch it but I swear that after Noah yells at JLo in the driveway he actually gets in the truck and drives away angrily. Then all of a sudden you hear engine revving noises and Kevin walks up and the camera angle changes and he is there again. Did I really not see that correctly or was that the biggest fuck up of all time?

 

just checked ... he never drives off .. he just revs the engine a few times and after kevin throws a strop he yells "hey noah wait up ... " and runs out to the truck

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