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Episode 139 - Simply Irresistible

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This film was also notable for being the last film Gene Siskel ever reviewed before his death a few weeks after its February 5, 1999 release. He gave it a thumbs down. In comparison, the last film that Siskel gave a thumbs up was She's All That, which happened to star SMG's longtime love Freddie Prinze Jr.

 

 

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I'm sorry, but longtime lurkers/first time commenters are only allowed to reveal themselves if they're going to complain about the audio from the live episodes.

 

I DON'T MAKE THE RULES!

 

Now that you mention it, yeah, I have a big problem with the live shows being my favorite kind of episodes.

And that I can't care about the sound quality because I'm laughing too hard!

And that they're free!

 

Screw you HDTGM for the years of consistently hilarious & great entertainment!

 

Ya jerks.

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This was the first movie I purposely tried to watch before the episode. I could not make it through this movie. and I even had it on while i was in the bath so i would have a hard time turning it off. ugh just UGH. Also Hello *waves*.

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Good gawd, this aggressively charming-ish movie!

 

· I’m surprised no one brought up the line, “Take my crabs!” when Gino Reilly/Dan Aykroyd meets SMG at the public market. When a stranger tells you this, run like hell!

 

· How about this film’s totally 90’s soundtrack? It sounds like the Dollar Tree version of the Singles soundtrack.

 

· Then there's the absolutely abysmal cover of The Police’s “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” is a double movie foul because it’s A. a shitty cover, and B. on-the-nose to the action and premise of the film.

 

· Towards the beginning of the film, SMG is in the kitchen of her restaurant, jealous of Sean Patrick Flannery having lunch with Amanda Peet. She smashes some crabmeat into oblivion with a mallet and throws it into a saucepan while saying “Ew!” Seconds later, she looks at another piece of food, is repulsed for some unknown reason and repeats “Ew!” No wonder her restaurant is failing, given her weak constitution for… food.

 

· SMG and SPF have negative chemistry in this movie. I don’t understand that motivation for them getting together beyond Gino Reilly insisting that they do. Why - beyond having his own department store - is she attracted to this guy? And what does he see in her? He doesn’t even use his computer algorithm to deduce if they’d make for a good couple or not. These two people could not have been more different and this movie gives us no compelling reason for these them to be together. SMG has more chemistry with her sous chef, who during the finale, tells her to believe in herself the way he does, essentially. She should have gotten together with him. Compare this to SPF’s character, which gives up on her and doubts her abilities when HE actually needs her the most.

 

· This film has no real conflict. I mean, was Amanda Peet supposed the antagonist of this film? Because she’s in this movie all of 5 minutes. Add to this, her character’s gone before the end of first act.

 

· Close your eyes and drink in the audio of Patricia Clarkson eating the magic-laced éclair, dialog and all. You’re welcome.

 

· Speaking of Patricia Clarkson, that silver dress-and-gloves number? Homina, homina, homina! I would have rather seen an entire movie about her character shopping for and purchasing that dress, with the events of this movie going on in the background.

 

· Patty Clarkson and SPF are sitting on the couch and she says to him “You wanna hear a juicy rumor?” I swear I heard her say, “You wanna havy a jizzy rimmer.”

 

· Jonathan, the name of SPF’s restaurant in this film, is also the name of one of the nerds in The Trio, the bad guys during the 6th season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Huzzah!

 

· How putrid would that crab smell by the end of this film? It’s not placed in water at any time during the movie, even when it’s introduced.

 

· Given SMG accidental roofyings, SPF behaves like a junkie. He’s irritable, insanely paranoid and gradually stops taking care of himself. And this is our main character’s love interest.

 

· Why a crab and not a magical cook/spell-casting book? Oh, I don’t know. Like, say, her mom’s cookbook she brings downstairs when she finds those earrings. Just make the cookbook a magic spell book.

 

· What if this entire story takes place in the crab’s imagination, LA Law style?

 

 

Finally, here are two final points not about Simply Irresistible:

 

· After 911, the opening of Sex & The City edited-out the image of the Twin Towers.

 

· Drew Mira, unless you're looking for a place to kill your dreams by boring them to death, DO NOT MOVE TO SACRAMENTO!

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So, my challenge to the forum is this: Please explain why the events in this movie were 'absolutely necessary?' Butterfly Effect this shit out and write a scenario in which either a horrible event occurs or is averted by SMG getting/not getting those crabs?

 

 

Here's what I've got...

 

Because SMG does not buy the crabs from the Angel in the Farmer's Market...

 

...she is not there to step in when Valderon quits on Tom over the knife issue. Without Valderon as chef, and unable to find a suitable replacement in time, the Grand Opening of Johnathan's is a complete disaster. Bendel is forced to go back to his investors and explain how his company lost millions of dollars due to Tom's spendthrift ways. We also come to find out that a significant number of backers of this venture were from international firms. Furthermore, because Bendel does not have a ready supply Amanda's amative eclairs, he does not get involved with Lois, and therefore, does not have the physical and emotional support he needs to compose himself and keep his stress levels low. He takes a meeting with the heads of the international firms to explain the situation...it does not go well.

 

From the beginning, Bendel comes off as combative, unhinged, and thirty minutes into the meeting, he completely loses his shit. What were once terse, acerbic rejoinders suddenly mutate into a torrent of racist and bigoted epithets hurled liberally at his investors--each more vile and despicable than the last. As his hate-speech reaches its crescendo, Bendel has a sudden heart attack in the middle of the conference room. He falls into a wretched and contorted heap upon the fine mahogany table he bought for himself on his last birthday. As his final gasping breath escapes his lips, a sickly rictus grin spreads across his face--he always knew he'd die alone. How right he was. He was always right.

 

The investors, insulted and humiliated, leave America and sue Bendel's company. The resulting court battle is both lengthy and costly. Ultimately, in a bizarre kangaroo court, a judge on the take finds in favor of Bendel's company. Outraged, the investors return to their home countries vowing to pull all of their assets from their American holdings--the negative publicity paints American companies in a foul light. Word begins to spread that American businesses are unreliable and crooked. There are grumblings that some of these countries may demand full remittance from the US government on previous loans. Knowing full well that any such demand would result in bankruptcy, the market becomes unstable and volatile. Finally, on the tenth anniversary of the day Amanda should have bought the crabs at the Farmer's Market, America plunges into the 2nd Great Depression. Shortly afterward, the global economy also becomes consumed in this financial quagmire..

 

Frantic to rectify the situation, America sends ambassadors around the world in an attempt to repair relations and restore stability. Although America is able to restore some good faith with some of its allies, many others are not so forgiving. The world is divided into two opposing sides. The word "compromise" becomes an anathema and it is quickly purged from the lexicon of diplomacy. Two sides--equally strong, equally weak--fiercely face each other across a gulf of mistrust and burning hatred.

 

 

Late one night a soldier sits in a bunker by himself, he doesn't know it (indeed, he never will) but a sun flare is wreaking havoc with his radar display. He doesn't know that what he's seeing isn't real. All he knows is that it looks real. Very real. He rubs his eyes. He rubs them again. He can't believe it. This can't be...

 

The Enemy has fired!

 

The Enemy has fired?

...

...

...

...

 

The Enemy has fired.

 

 

The young soldier takes a deep breath. He follows procedures. He confers with his superiors. They believe what they see.

 

The order stands: press the button.

 

This young soldier, Peter, barely twenty-one, thinks of his girlfriend back home dancing in the amber glow of sunset in her finest yellow sundress, their unborn baby fluttering in her growing belly. He loves them. He loves them both. He loves them both so much.

 

He loves them as much as he hates the Enemy.

 

Tears turn to steel. The blurry red button beneath his palm solidifies and becomes clear. He prays to a God he's never believed in, but nevertheless, hopes will hear him...

 

Gently, he presses down.

 

 

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So...basically, I think we should all be grateful as shit that SMG got those damn crabs!

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SMG looks to be what, let's be cruel, mid 30's.

 

OUCH.

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I'd like to think that Paul was youtubing Cosby show themes because of the previous minisode thread.

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Why a crab and not a magical cook/spell-casting book? Oh, I don't know. Like, say, her mom's cookbook she brings downstairs when she finds those earrings. Just make the cookbook a magic spell book.

Why not literally anything else? WHY A CRAB? If this story took in Maine or on the coast at a fish & chips pub, sure, that might be charming. This movie gives us multiple other possibilities for SMG's magic: her mom's earrings, the Dan Aykroyd guy at the market, a dormant witchy ability, the power of love, paranoid schizophrenia, etc. Literally anything else would make just as much, if not more sense than a crab. The dead mother seems like the easiest connection to make, and would add an emotional layer to the story. Her Jedi-ghost could watch over her at the end, smiling fondly at the crab. BOOM, better movie.

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sorry this had to be done.

 

 

coincidentally some of the lyrics vaguely line up with elements of the plot.

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(First, hello all, my first post on the forums -- late to the podcast and just caught up on all the episodes, so I'm finally current.)

 

Am I the only one who thinks Jason was right? THE CRAB TOTALLY SPEAKS. My girlfriend (who said she loved this movie as a kid but hadn't seen it in a decade) and I argued over this extensively (but amicably).

 

In the first magic food scene, when Amanda Peet is going nuts while Flanery is having an orgasm, SMG says "Is she on something?" and the crab definitely says, as Jason notes in the episode before being shut down by everyone else, "Your food!" GF & I had a long discussion over whether this was the crab speaking or the sous-chef speaking while the camera bizarrely cut to the crab (btw, crab puppet, you da real MVP). I maintain it was the crab (possibly supporting June's theory that Christopher Durang inhabited the crab body). This also happens later in the levitation scene, when he says "I love kissing you" and the crab (or possibly SMG while the camera is on the crab) says "I love you."

 

Now, I do admit the possibility that it was some bad ADR, as there is a lot of TERRIBLE ADR in this movie, most hilariously while people's mouths are unable to speak due to having other people's tongues or fingers in them (the aforementioned "I love kissing you" line in the levitation scene, for example).

 

I really need someone to get to the bottom of this. Rewatch the Amanda Peet scene, as I did ten or twelve times. I maintain the crab says "your food." Who's with me?

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Also, a few separate, important thoughts:

 

Is it me, or did SMG spend like 45% of this movie crouching?

 

And it bugged the hell out of me that they spent so much capital up front establishing this "never gets past the third date" thing and then it never came back. Really frustrating.

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We're really not going to talk about the fact that this movie ends with the french sous chef getting ready to take that crab to the bone zone?

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Speaking on behalf of all Australians, if you say 'Southern Cross' to us, we are going to think cheap tattoos on racist bogans.

 

More specifically, the Southern Cross is a constellation that you can only see in the Southern Hemisphere, which is why it is on our flag.

 

I was also surprised that no-one brought up "Like Water for Chocolate" during the episode, because I immediately thought of that when they said her emotions were being transmitted into her food.

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In fact, I recall that being a staple of shipwreck stories. If a sailor was lost near the equator and had no idea where they were, they knew they were in the Southern Hemisphere if they could see the Southern Cross in the constellations, or that they were in the Northern Hemisphere if they could see Polaris. (With there being no single bright star near the South Pole to serve as the equivalent of Polaris.)

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So what I just remembered, is that Tom (SPF) is treating Jonathan's as a "whole new approach to fine dinning and shopping." He says that "after an exquisite meal the guests will have the run of the store."

 

This is not something that's new. All major department stores offer in-house restaurants. The whole purpose, much like casinos, is to offer you as much as they can so customers don't leave the store.

 

And if he is allowing guests to walk the store after dinner, this means he needs to have a full staff around the clock. Seems like crazy expenses just for a 4 Start restaurant. I would argue after you account for staff, overhead, utilities running non stop... the restaurant will not help Bendel turn a profit.

 

Stop complicating a simple point. Just open a high end restaurant in a high end store.

 

Thoughts Paul?

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This is the first time I really am glad the podcast are out 24hrs after watching the film. It served as my group therapy session.

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THIS WEEK ON IRON CHEF!

 

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I had her crabs once!

 

 

still have not watched all of this weeks movie, I may give up on this one when she was shopping for dinner plates at a upscale department store. anyone who's ever worked in a restaurant, should know your local restaurant supply place that sells higher better quality more durable cook ware, such as dinner plates.

 

Those plates would last a day or week at best.

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Another Bitch Sesh reference I found: when Paul questions how SMG could run the restaurant properly

 

In the words of Danielle Schneider, "I want a business to succeed."

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I haven't had the chance to finish listening just yet but this really reminded me of Perfume: the Story of a Murderer, people suddenly getting super horny when they eat the food, I thought it would also end in an orgy

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Okay so I read every post so far on this ep and didn't see it mentioned, and it was mentioned in the ep.

 

Some of the cuts in this movie were SO jarring!

 

Biggest example: SMG in her restaurant serving people, HARD cut to SPF and Amanda Peet walking out of his building, Amanda Peet saying "No way we can get a cab this quickly...". SPF holds out his hand, one pulls up, she says "Oh!"

 

HARD cut back to SMG's restaurant.

 

WHA?!?! I guess it sets up the cab being from the genie but it was so bizarrely jarring. I watched it with my wife and even she was confused...

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her confession about posting on a RHOC blog once...it moved me.

This was one of my favorite parts of the episode. When she revealed it was on a RHOC blog, I thought, "Of course it was."

 

T-to-B, it was such an endearingly June story.

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