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JulyDiaz

Episode 144.5 - Minisode 144.5

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Yeah...this is the second movie they've done (after Gods of Egypt) that I tried to watch for fun and had to turn off due to an excessive amount of terribleness. However, I'll dip my toe back in for the show...

 

As far as YA stuff...there's actually very few series I've made it all the way through--and this is coming from someone who likes to make fun of crappy books as much as he likes to make fun of crappy movies! The Divergent Series I stopped reading, like, a chapter into the fourth book. In fact, I don't think I've completed any YA books outside of Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, and, oddly enough, the Twilight series. Although, in my defense, I had to devise a special technique to get through the Twilight books. You see, my wife and I frequently read aloud to each other in bed (Fuck you! We're cute as shit!) and we discovered that Stephanie Myers prose was so terrible and redundant that you could just read the first sentence of each paragraph to understand what was going on. It would be something like:

 

I stared at him across the rain-drenched field, shivering as he stepped toward me. Our eyes shimmered in the rain--his dark and hungry. He grew larger as he approached me. I could feel the hairs stand up on the back of my arms. We gazed at one another over the water-soaked grass. A part of me wanted to run, but another part of me-a bigger part of me-could not break away. I was lost in the swirling black eddies of his eyes...My skin ran cold. His eyes were on me. I stared back.

 

However, once we discovered this, we were able to fly right through it. Oh, and if anyone is wondering, I'm Team

 

 

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Yes, he's immature, but he's a Goddamn Teenager for Christ's Sake! He should be immature. At least he's emotionally stable and within an appropriate age range. Go Mike!

 

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I reaaaally think Cirque du freaks would have been a far more solid choice.

 

Seeing John C Reilly in that God awful costume is worth the price of admission alone.

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Five minutes in and I already hate this piece of shit. It tries so hard to be on the nose and mix pieces of everything in vampire lore along with Harry Potter, and fails so miserably. The scene where the new girlfriend tells off the princess was basically as cliche as it could get for a teen romance scene. It reminds me so much of why I avoid YA fiction, and unfortunately for my job I have to order materials for teen readers so I have to keep abreast of current YA trends, though that is more geared towards graphic novels rather than fiction.

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Okay Mia is officially the most senselessly vicious and evil character I've seen in any movie for this show, surpassing Alexa in From Justin to Kelly.

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Although, in my defense, I had to devise a special technique to get through the Twilight books. You see, my wife and I frequently read aloud to each other in bed (Fuck you! We're cute as shit!)

 

My girlfriend and I read Grey the Fifty Shades of Grey book (where she just rewrote the first book from the guys perspective) aloud to each other, it made the awfulness fly by and also really highlighted the disgustingness of the dude.

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Holy shit Ducky never got friend zoned harder than the Joker from Gotham has in this movie, and from reading the wiki of the books, the poor bastard never gets out of it despite doing some truly heroic things.

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Is any one here a fan of reading terrible books?

 

I never really got into reading "so bad they're good" books. Closest I came was when I was in high school me and my one friend would read Dean Koontz books for a laugh but then when I got to university I didn't have much time for free reading. After that I came to Japan and it's hard to get a hold of English novels and they're very expensive when you do. I couldn't justify spending $20 on some bad book. However, I now have an iPad so it's something I could see myself getting into. If anyone here is into it, could you recommend some books? Aside from the obvious things like 50 Shades, YA and Kindle erotica. A friend once suggested I read the crab series by Guy N Smith, but found them hard to come by.

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This will be the first HDTGM movie I will be watching with my wife, in the attempt to expose her to the podcast. Reading the comments, though, I fear that this may be a bad gateway entry for her. Ah well: wish me luck!

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This will be the first HDTGM movie I will be watching with my wife, in the attempt to expose her to the podcast. Reading the comments, though, I fear that this may be a bad gateway entry for her. Ah well: wish me luck!

Does your wife look like Kristy Swanson?

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Does your wife look like Kristy Swanson?

 

No, but she looks a lot like how Diana Palmer-Walker looked in the comics. Kristy Swanson was just terribly cast in that terrible movie. Ugh. (Catherine Zeta-Jones was ideally cast as Sala, though: she looked just right)

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You see, my wife and I frequently read aloud to each other in bed (Fuck you! We're cute as shit!)

 

Fuck yeah, that's cute as shit. That's the cutest fucking thing I've ever heard.

 

Anyway, I actually saw this movie IN THEATERS out of morbid curiosity. It was terrible, but I found myself wishing it was better because it has a sort of nice anti-slut-shaming, pro-LGBT message that goes against everything disgusting and uncomfortable about the Twilight movies. Maybe I can will myself into watching this again.

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I really really really hope the gang talks about how the school was legit going to sell a teenager to the porn industry.

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Anyway, I actually saw this movie IN THEATERS out of morbid curiosity. It was terrible, but I found myself wishing it was better because it has a sort of nice anti-slut-shaming, pro-LGBT message that goes against everything disgusting and uncomfortable about the Twilight movies. Maybe I can will myself into watching this again.

 

Sounds like this episode should be ESPOSITO V. HOLMES! ROUND 2!

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Sounds like this episode should be ESPOSITO V. HOLMES! ROUND 2!

Esposito and Holmes could be on a podcast about soybean futures and I would listen to that IMMEDIATELY. I <3 them both.

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Just finished watching this on Netflix, and its no wonder why Kickstarter users failed to help it get a sequel even after it already flopped at the box office.

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In the same way that Inherent Vice captured Pynchon's peculiar writing style, so does Vampire Academy perfectly replicate, on the big screen, the corniest and most hackneyed of YA fiction.

 

 

From all the actors being weird off brand versions of bigger names (not-Olivia Wilde and not-Ian Mcshane), to the sexualization of bloodsucking and the tacitly acknowledged lesbianism it implies between the two leads (it was 2014 they should have just gone for it), to the zoinks-worthy reveal that these vampires are good eastern orthodox christians, this movie left my mouth agape at every turn. It is nothing but chunks of exposition wrapped in quote unquote quirky quips tossed tied up in terrible teen angst.

 

 

It is by far the best worst movie I have seen in some time. Solid choice.

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Just finished watching this on Netflix, and its no wonder why Kickstarter users failed to help it get a sequel even after it already flopped at the box office.

 

I had to look this up because I assumed this was a joke. But no...

 

http://www.crowdfundinsider.com/2014/08/46224-vampire-academy-team-launches-new-indiegogo-campaign-sequel-frostbite/

 

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/frostbite-a-vampire-academy-film#/

 

They raised $254,000! Less than a third of what they wanted!

 

Taylor Anne, I'm assuming that the perks listed are things that people who know about the books would be familiar with?

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Taylor Anne, I'm assuming that the perks listed are things that people who know about the books would be familiar with?

I didn't read Frostbite so maybe. But other than specific character names that I didn't recognize there isn't much that was listed that wasn't in the movie.

 

I'm laughing that they think 46k twitter followers = a good business decision to make the sequel.

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This movie and it's script break the "Show, don't tell" rule but then it immediately shows you something that was already told and at some point after that it explains it again, making the whole thing more confusing that it needs to be.

 

The Rose character is completely out of control and seems to be aware she is in a dumb Vampire/Magic/YA adapted movie. Her narration, exposition, intermonologe and remarks are bonkers to say the least (And "Bonkers doesn't begin to cover it" :P).

 

I will go deeper into it when the episode drops but I don't know what to do until then... Do I read the book???? Watch the movie again???

 

PLEASE HELP!!! I think need a guardian to protect me from making bad (blood) choices in life... No more bad blood!!! (choices in life).

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I'm trying to decide if I should watch this piece o' crap again before the episode drops so that I have legitimate notes to provide for C&Os. It's surprisingly still fresh on my mind though... Although apparently I didn't watch it just a month ago but rather right after Simply Irresistible back in June. I must have been on a bad movie rampage.

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In my humble opinion, don't watch it again unless after the episode you don't remember a lot of it and wish to take notes for the C&Os...

 

But if you do end up rewatching it don't do it at 7am, like I did... It has been a weird morning for me and can't seem to get this awful movie out of my head :S

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