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Episode 145 - Vampire Academy (w/ Michael Showalter, Aisling Bea)

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Michael Showalter (Search Party) and Aisling Bea (The Fall) join Paul and Jason to talk about the vampire movie Vampire Academy. They’ll cover everything from the gumbo of a plot to out of place mall montage to the orgasmic vampire bites. It’s not as sexy as Twilight, not as dangerous as Hunger Games, and not as childlike as Harry Potter.

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OK so if I understand this movie correctly their entire vampire society seems to flow directly from St. Vladimir. What he did was the basis for everything that they are and every time they go to church all they do is talk about him. But until Rose went and looked in some books that anyone has access to no one knew about his Spirit magic? What else do they not know about the foundation for everything they do?

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I just wanted to comment on all the references in this movie. This movie was WAY too self-aware.

 

So, all these vampires or whatever, Rose included, are basically cut off from the outside world. Until Rose and Lissa ran away for a year. I get that in that year Rose (and probably Lissa) would have indulged in pop culture from the outside world. I assume that they carefully picked and choose what they did, as they weren't sure how long it would be before they got caught and sent back to the school. I get that they would look into the Twilight franchise, ya know since they're vampires and all. I get that they would get into Sixteen Candles with the Duckie reference. But then at one point Rose makes a comment about crawling through air ducts and sliding down a rope or something to that effect. This is a reference to the first Mission: Impossible movie. Not even Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol, which would have been the most recent M:I movie, assuming this movie takes place in 2014 when it was released. So you're trying to tell me that a 17 year old girl watched a Tom Cruise spy thriller from 1996? After spending her entire life cut off from the outside world, THAT is one of the things she decides to do with her precious, limited time in the outside would? Nuh uh. I don't buy it for a second.

 

Also, I'm very surprised that Jason wasn't familiar with these books. Or maybe he's just trying to hide it from us.

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Correction y'all: Sadly this movie does not cover more than one book. It's mind blowing, for sure, but every single plot point in this movie is stuffed into one book. Also, they never go into the year they were gone in the book nor a whole lot into Lyssa's family. Literally everything you see is how they presented it in the dumb book.

 

Also Dhampirs are the guardians and they technically are vampires but they're considered half-vampires I'm pretty sure? At least that's the way it was explained in the books. Rose herself is legitimately half Dhampir and half Moroi but I don't think they ever actually mention that in the movie.

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haven't had time to watch this movie yet but i've just been given the giddy up to ...

 

Ack! Me too! My wife doesn't know it yet, but Vampire Academy has just moved to the top of the Friday night movie playlist...

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tayler anne photo - Who is Rose's mother? Why does she only communicate via telegram? Does this get covered in the later books?

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tayler anne photo - Who is Rose's mother? Why does she only communicate via telegram? Does this get covered in the later books?

I only read the first one so I think they must cover parts of that in the first one as well because I have at least more info than they gave in the movie. She is a Dhampir guardian that is like severely hardcore about putting the protection of Moroi before everything, including Rose, which to my understanding, is why Rose grew up with Lyssa and her family. Her father was Moroi but I can't remember if he just split and said fuck y'all and went off on his own or died.

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Did anyone else notice that on the horrible Netflix poster it looks like they originally had Rose with her hands on her hips, then decided to have her holding a stake instead, but apparently forgot to remove the hands on hips afterward? Anyway, it made me laugh.

 

 

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Jesus, that was one of the most painful movies to get through that I've ever seen for this podcast. Can't wait to hear what Jason says, because I tried to just have this on in the background while I got some work done and it's so unnecessarily complicated I had to keep rewinding.

 

Also, the lead girl in this, Zoey Deutch, is way too good for this movie. I realized I had seen her in Everybody Wants Some and she was really charming and good.

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So I just found out that my co-worker read all 6 VA books and all 6 of the spinoff books that stars the side characters that are introduced in later books.

 

He told me that apparently Rose's mom is a badass and is a leader of the Dhampirs and her father actually is alive and is hella rich from selling shit on the vampire black market.

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Also, gotta add my love for Michael Showalter as he is fantastic and I cheered when I saw he was one of the guests!

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If this is too self-serving or self-promotional, I will happily delete the post.

 

A few years back I wrote a play called NEW KIDS AT VAMPIRE HIGH. It's a parody of Twilight and other vampire properties, about a high school for vampires and the first two human students who go there. I hadn't heard of the Vampire Academy books when I wrote it. https://www.playscripts.com/play/2043 It's intended for Middle School drama clubs to perform. It's very silly and goofy. On purpose.

 

I'm about 20 minutes into the latest HDTGM and it looks like this movie out-ridiculoused me without even trying ...

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Omission... You guys and girl didn't talk about Olga Kurylenko's character, Headmistress Ellen Kirova...

 

My favourite line of hers is:

 

"I could have been a model. A man in Milan gave me his card when I was 16."

 

I took it as a joke but Olga Kurylenko is stunning and she is not playing an older Headmistress so if you think about it Ellen Kirova can easily be a model if she wanted to, her looks are not an issue. That makes the line crazier and funnier to me.

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Michael Showalter has a really hard time finishing a sentence; Its a frustrating listen.

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Omission... You guys and girl didn't talk about Olga Kurylenko's character, Headmistress Ellen Kirova...

 

I found her to be the most confusing character in the movie. I know it was filled with goofy misdirects to try and disguise who the real bad guy is. But she was all over the place. And I really didn't understand why her go to move when Rose burst in asking for help was to try to sedate her against her will. She had that syringe ready to go. Is that what she does with any troublesome student?

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In my opinion, the worst thing about the headmistress is that her go to punishment for Rose for running off with Lyssa is selling her to the porn industry to be a "blood whore" for hire. She legitimately tells her that she'll be turned into a prostitute for people to film and that's an okay punishment for a 17 year old.

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Omission... You guys and girl didn't talk about Olga Kurylenko's character, Headmistress Ellen Kirova...

 

My favourite line of hers is:

 

"I could have been a model. A man in Milan gave me his card when I was 16."

 

I took it as a joke but Olga Kurylenko is stunning and she is not playing an older Headmistress so if you think about it Ellen Kirova can easily be a model if she wanted to, her looks are not an issue. That makes the line crazier and funnier to me.

 

This line was my hardest laugh-out-loud moment of the movie. Maybe it was a joke, but I took it as them trying to "flesh out" a relatively minor (or at least underused) character with a little one-line backstory, like this isn't what she ever imagined for her life. Sort of like how they mention in the episode, how characters are always delivering expository information or backstory, but it feels like there is connective tissue missing.

 

There was another weird line towards the end when Dimitri is fighting one of Victor Dashkov's guards. The guy has Dimitri on the ropes and there's this moment where he gets close to his face and seethes about how satisfying it will be to kill him, as he's always had to play second fiddle, or been perceived as the "second best" guard. Something to that effect. Maybe I missed something, but I don't think we'd even met this character up to this point. The stakes were hilariously unearned.

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