Episode 235 — Underworld: Blood Wars LIVE!

[SlidePocket 707]

Live from Boston, Paul, June and Jason discuss the 2016 horror action film sequel Underworld: Blood Wars. They talk about blood drinking, vampire/werewolf hybrids, UV bullets, and much more.

[Omaxem 232]

If you look at box office, Underworld really doesn't make that much worldwide. According to Wikipedia , number 4 got the best results ( 62M US, 160M WW ) but that was against a 70M budget. If you discount the first one, most of them kinda just scrape by.

And if you compare it with Resident Evil, it's nowhere near as successful - The five Underworlds had a combined budget of around 207M, with a BO of 540M, while Resident Evil had a combined ( six films ) budget of 288M, with a worldwide BO of 1.230M.

Yup.

One billion.

Who's watching these films? Maybe China? I dunno. Is Underworld a money laundering operation? Probably. Fight me/Don't fight me. 

Also, " If you want a freaking story sit down with my wife and watch Lifetime " - Me, a gay European man.

 

[Elektra Boogaloo 3371]

The reveal that June never saw Harry Potter made me laugh. I would love if you guys did a watch-along episode like on NEWCOMERS. When June is confused and asks all kinds of questions and Jason just seethes. 

[Blast Hardcheese 636]

3 hours ago, Omaxem said:

Who's watching these films? Maybe China? I dunno. Is Underworld a money laundering operation? Probably. Fight me/Don't fight me. 

Sadly... me.

I have no idea why I like these joyless, excessively dark (read: nearly impossible to actually see), self-serious, and impenetrably plotted Underworld films. I remember Patton Oswalt once saying, “I don’t believe in ‘guilty pleasures.’ If it makes you happy, you shouldn’t feel guilty about it,” and immediately flashing on watching this series of movies (repeatedly) and feeling nothing but inner shameful guilt. This shit is like something an ADD-riddled teenager would come up with. I dunno why I do this to myself, honestly. This film is like Chicken McNuggets: comfort food for the soulless.

I’m truly surprised that Jason, Tall and June picked the 4th film in the franchise for the podcast when the first film is brimming with so, so, SO much batshitfullness. Besides establishing this world, the first Underworld film is simply a hot fuckin’ guilty pleasure mess: Michael Sheen as the head lycan; Selene shooting out the floor beneath her in a circular fashion to make an escape that would take longer than simply jumping out a window; the introduction of bullets that contain “sun light”; the entire movie takes place at night—all the time—in a weird, constantly wet hybrid American-Eastern European city; one of the writers of this film appears prominently as a hulking lycan with a vocal range so deep it can drop panties the next village over; vampires using plaster busts for shooting practice; Bill Nighy as a vampire elder in a sewer claw fight with a vampire-lycan hybrid; lead actor Shane Brolly’s painfully awful line delivery; the term “death dealer”; etc.

So, yeah...
 

 

[Cameron H. 23786]

4 minutes ago, Blast Hardcheese said:

Sadly... me.

I have no idea why I like these joyless, excessively dark (read: nearly impossible to actually see), self-serious, and impenetrably plotted Underworld films. I remember Patton Oswalt once saying, “I don’t believe in ‘guilty pleasures.’ If it makes you happy, you shouldn’t feel guilty about it,” and immediately flashing on watching this series of movies (repeatedly) and feeling nothing but inner shameful guilt. This shit is like something an ADD-riddled teenager would come up with. I dunno why I do this to myself, honestly. This film is like Chicken McNuggets: comfort food for the soulless.

I’m truly surprised that Jason, Tall and June picked the 4th film in the franchise for the podcast when the first film is brimming with so, so, SO much batshitfullness. Besides establishing this world, the first Underworld film is simply a hot fuckin’ guilty pleasure mess: Michael Sheen as the head lycan; Selene shooting out the floor beneath her in a circular fashion to make an escape that would take longer than simply jumping out a window; the introduction of bullets that contain “sun light”; the entire movie takes place at night—all the time—in a weird, constantly wet hybrid American-Eastern European city; one of the writers of this film appears prominently as a hulking lycan with a vocal range so deep it can drop panties the next village over; vampires using plaster busts for shooting practice; Bill Nighy as a vampire elder in a sewer claw fight with a vampire-lycan hybrid; lead actor Shane Brolly’s painfully awful line delivery; the term “death dealer”; etc.

So, yeah...
 

 

I haven’t listened to the episode yet, but I’m with you. I probably watch these once a year () or so. I also agree, that it’s weird to pick this movie over the first one. There’s nothing in this movie that’s particularly crazy that isn’t present in the other movies, and you know they’re going to have questions about the universe (all of which is pretty well established in the first movie). It just seems to be making it needlessly harder on themselves. 

So, yeah, the movies are garbage, but I enjoy them. And if they make another one, I will buy it gleefully.

[Blast Hardcheese 636]

2 hours ago, Cameron H. said:

I haven’t listened to the episode yet, but I’m with you. I probably watch these once a year () or so. I also agree, that it’s weird to pick this movie over the first one. There’s nothing in this movie that’s particularly crazy that isn’t present in the other movies, and you know they’re going to have questions about the universe (all of which is pretty well established in the first movie). It just seems to be making it needlessly harder on themselves. 

So, yeah, the movies are garbage, but I enjoy them. And if they make another one, I will buy it gleefully.

I have no idea what the allure of these films is, but I’ll never hesitate to watch one. I remember sheepishly introducing my wife to this series, and to my surprise, she really likes it, too.

Underworld: spellbindingly “bad in a good way.”

[Cameron H. 23786]

3 minutes ago, Blast Hardcheese said:

I have no idea what the allure of these films is, but I’ll never hesitate to watch one. I remember sheepishly introducing my wife to this series, and to my surprise, she really likes it, too.

Underworld: spellbindingly “bad in a good way.”

Rise of the Lycans is still my favorite. I’m not sure why...

[Blast Hardcheese 636]

1 minute ago, Cameron H. said:

Rise of the Lycans is still my favorite. I’m not sure why...

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

The first one is my favorite, but I did enjoy the Rube Goldbergian sideways helicopter death scene from the second film. I remember think that was almost too clever for this series.

[Cameron H. 23786]

11 minutes ago, Blast Hardcheese said:

The first one is my favorite, but I did enjoy the Rube Goldbergian sideways helicopter death scene from the second film. I remember think that was almost too clever for this series.

The second is pretty great. I think my least favorite is Awakening, but it’s been a while since I’ve seen it. 

The point is: these are perfect movies and anyone who disagrees with us are dumb-dumb wrongheads.

Oh, and Scott Speedman and Scott Stapp are 1000% the same person, right 

[Blast Hardcheese 636]

2 minutes ago, Cameron H. said:

The second is pretty great. I think my least favorite is Awakening, but it’s been a while since I’ve seen it. 

The point is: these are perfect movies and anyone who disagrees with us are dumb-dumb wrongheads.

Oh, and Scott Speedman and Scott Stapp are 1000% the same person, right 

This for the win!

I just realized: Underworld is like John Wick for goths, or Fast & Furious for manic depressives.

[grudlian. 4725]

29 minutes ago, Cameron H. said:

The second is pretty great. I think my least favorite is Awakening, but it’s been a while since I’ve seen it. 

The point is: these are perfect movies and anyone who disagrees with us are dumb-dumb wrongheads.

Oh, and Scott Speedman and Scott Stapp are 1000% the same person, right 

Would Felicity move across the country for Scott Stapp? I think not! They are totally different!

[Cameron H. 23786]

On 3/13/2020 at 7:40 PM, grudlian. said:

Would Felicity move across the country for Scott Stapp? I think not! They are totally different!

Sure, he’d greet her with “Arms Wide Open.”

[gigi-tastic 2322]

4 hours ago, Blast Hardcheese said:

Sadly... me.

I have no idea why I like these joyless, excessively dark (read: nearly impossible to actually see), self-serious, and impenetrably plotted Underworld films. I remember Patton Oswalt once saying, “I don’t believe in ‘guilty pleasures.’ If it makes you happy, you shouldn’t feel guilty about it,” and immediately flashing on watching this series of movies (repeatedly) and feeling nothing but inner shameful guilt. This shit is like something an ADD-riddled teenager would come up with. I dunno why I do this to myself, honestly. This film is like Chicken McNuggets: comfort food for the soulless.

I’m truly surprised that Jason, Tall and June picked the 4th film in the franchise for the podcast when the first film is brimming with so, so, SO much batshitfullness. Besides establishing this world, the first Underworld film is simply a hot fuckin’ guilty pleasure mess: Michael Sheen as the head lycan; Selene shooting out the floor beneath her in a circular fashion to make an escape that would take longer than simply jumping out a window; the introduction of bullets that contain “sun light”; the entire movie takes place at night—all the time—in a weird, constantly wet hybrid American-Eastern European city; one of the writers of this film appears prominently as a hulking lycan with a vocal range so deep it can drop panties the next village over; vampires using plaster busts for shooting practice; Bill Nighy as a vampire elder in a sewer claw fight with a vampire-lycan hybrid; lead actor Shane Brolly’s painfully awful line delivery; the term “death dealer”; etc.

So, yeah...
 

 

I was OBSESSED with the first movie, Queen of the Damned and Buffy as a nerdy tween girl. Honestly these movies are what a 2000's Hot Topic would be if it could be a movie and I love them (and Queen of the Damned) for that ridiculous fact. I'm not even going to touch how stupid crazy the prequel movie was.

[theworstbuddhist 572]

33 minutes ago, gigi-tastic said:

I was OBSESSED with the first movie, Queen of the Damned and Buffy as a nerdy tween girl. Honestly these movies are what a 2000's Hot Topic would be if it could be a movie and I love them (and Queen of the Damned) for that ridiculous fact. I'm not even going to touch how stupid crazy the prequel movie was.

Underworld III is the Halloween III of the series. Better than people tend to report and just really weird compared to the others. I like it too. My wife and I went to see it and made out for the first time afterward, so that was cool.

[theworstbuddhist 572]

48 minutes ago, Cameron H. said:

Sure, he’d great her with “Arms Wide Open.”

This joke took at least an hour off my life, well done Cameron

[RyanSz 3140]

1 hour ago, Blast Hardcheese said:

This for the win!

I just realized: Underworld is like John Wick for goths, or Fast & Furious for manic depressives.

Yeah but it fails at world building in such spectacular fashion while those have found the right formula to excel exceptionally well.

49 minutes ago, Cameron H. said:

Sure, he’d great her with “Arms Wide Open.”

That's only if she can take him "Higher."

 

I never saw this film but have seen the others in the series and I realize that the prequel is easily the best of the series because it's Michael Sheen acting the fuck out of a horrible story and making it palatable. The first one is insane for how quickly they try to create a world filled with lore and backstory but try to focus on Kate Beckinsale being in a skin tight bodysuit. There are interesting ideas like getting memories from a person's blood, which was an idea introduced in the first one when the vampires are going to bring their next leader up to speed on current events after a hibernation period, but then they started using it every 10 minutes in the sequel and it was quick diminishing returns.

[gigi-tastic 2322]

From what I remember of the 4th movie it's all about how humans have discovered lycans and vampires and hunted them to near extinction. Selene  who has been in some kind of coma(?? )wakes up in like a government facility and keeps seeing things from another person's perspective and she thinks it's Michael but it turns out to be her daughter who has been like raised  / experimented on in this government facility? They end up escaping a bunch of shit I assume but honestly can't remember. These movies are wild. I'm pretty sure I watched this while sick at home high on Nyquil as you should

[gigi-tastic 2322]

Well I for one am glad that Paul's mom enjoys Madame Secretary. Truly the more I learn about her the more I am fascinated by this enigma of a person. 

[Blast Hardcheese 636]

8 hours ago, gigi-tastic said:

I was OBSESSED with the first movie, Queen of the Damned and Buffy as a nerdy tween girl. Honestly these movies are what a 2000's Hot Topic would be if it could be a movie and I love them (and Queen of the Damned) for that ridiculous fact. I'm not even going to touch how stupid crazy the prequel movie was.

Can we throw The Crow (the first one) in this mix, too? 

[Blast Hardcheese 636]

I don’t think it’s mentioned in this episode, but the team behind the Underworld franchise tried to recapture the magic in yet another crazy-ass patchwork of action inanity in the form of I, Frankenstein (which, if I’m remembering this correctly, is based off of a comic book created by one of the Underworld writers). It’s basically the same premise as Underworld but with demons (bad guys, obviously) battling gargoyles (good guys, I think... ?) in yet another centuries-long underground blood-war-battle-feud-gothic-drama thing, with Frankenstein’s monster, Adam (I see what ya did there, writers!) caught in the middle. Humanity (or is it dignity?) is also at stake, too, maybe.

[Cameron H. 23786]

1 hour ago, Blast Hardcheese said:

I don’t think it’s mentioned in this episode, but the team behind the Underworld franchise tried to recapture the magic in yet another crazy-ass patchwork of action inanity in the form of I, Frankenstein (which, if I’m remembering this correctly, is based off of a comic book created by one of the Underworld writers). It’s basically the same premise as Underworld but with demons (bad guys, obviously) battling gargoyles (good guys, I think... ?) in yet another centuries-long underground blood-war-battle-feud-gothic-drama thing, with Frankenstein’s monster, Adam (I see what ya did there, writers!) caught in the middle. Humanity (or is it dignity?) is also at stake, too, maybe.

I love I, Frankenstein! If I remember correctly, tight around the time Twilight came out, Bill Hader did an interview where he was saying that SNL did a skit about a sexy Frankenstein, and then I, Frankenstein was released a little while later. Kind of like life catching up with their jokes.

I, Frankenstein is so much like (the first) Underworld they even had Bill Nighy in it playing virtually the same role.

 

[theworstbuddhist 572]

10 hours ago, gigi-tastic said:

From what I remember of the 4th movie it's all about how humans have discovered lycans and vampires and hunted them to near extinction. Selene  who has been in some kind of coma(?? )wakes up in like a government facility and keeps seeing things from another person's perspective and she thinks it's Michael but it turns out to be her daughter who has been like raised  / experimented on in this government facility? They end up escaping a bunch of shit I assume but honestly can't remember. These movies are wild. I'm pretty sure I watched this while sick at home high on Nyquil as you should

It basically reboots the series as Resident Evil, this movie, and then they discard most of it in the fifth. I remember hoping at the time that all of these trash scifi/supernatural films would merge into a shared cinematic universe.

[Elektra Boogaloo 3371]

Paul is in "Lovett or Leave It" today, in case you need more podcasts for your quarantine. 

[RyanSz 3140]

What I still don't get is how Scott Speedman thought he was too big to return to this series.

[DrGuts1003 462]

So Michael’s blood contains the Corvinus strain.  According to an Underworld wiki “The Corvinus Strain, the parent strain of the Vampire and Lycan Strains, is a recessive genetic anomaly that, when inherited in its active form, gives its carrier immortality and superhuman strength, while additionally possessing the capability for another stage of mutation when subjected to gene-fusion. Thus, the Corvinus Strain uniquely has the ability to sustain and harbor both viruses carried by Vampires and Lycans. This anomaly is the only known gene that is capable of combining properties from both the Vampire and Lycan strains that would otherwise destroy themselves on contact due to the incompatible components contained at their cellular level.”

I don’t really have much to add other than Corvinus coincidentally looks too similar to Coronavirus.  And as such, I now plan to quarantine myself from any more of these terrible movies.