LOL

[sillstaw 414]

That "So Undercover" trailer's picture looks so filthy. And I'd say that even if I wasn't seeing it in the wake of the VMAs.

 

On "LOL": It did come out in theaters. The only problem is that it opened on May 4, 2012... the same day as "The Avengers." Even if it had a wide release (according to Wikipedia, it only opened in 105 theaters), there was no way anybody would have noticed it.

 

As for her twerking (sigh) and all the stuff about her appropriating black culture, I wouldn't say that's all automatically bad. After all, most of rock 'n' roll has its roots in white people imitating black people's music, and you'd be hard-pressed to find too many people complaining about that. If she does it and the music still sucks, then complain about the latter.

[jarrycanada 2483]

I don't think I could make it through "So Undercover" even with Jeremy Piven from Entourage. i had a hard time with LOL.

 

They showed a clip of Miley's father on the soup defending her daughters actions. Billy Ray sounded like he was reading a press release written by her agent, was kinda funny.

[archbaldrex 7]

This is incredible HDTGM material. Well known actors: Miley Cyrus, Demi Moore, Ashley Greene (Twilight movies), Nora Dunn, Marlo Thomas (I recognize her from her huge slew of random TV roles), Adam Sevani (Step Up movies)

This is the second time this movie was made. It was originally a 2008 french film called LOL (Laughing Out Loud) ®--yes the ® is in the title. The movie was released only because of a technicality in the contract.

Budget: $11 million

Opening weekend: $46,500 USA

Gross: $18,279,948

 

Two scenes seriously worth mentioning:

First, the weird bathing scene? Like 7 minutes in Miley gets broken up with and returns home to Demi Moore and I assume her younger sister both naked playing around in the giant kiddie pool sized bathtub. Miley then strips down in the middle of the bathroom, walks over to get a towel, and Demi says "IS THAT A BRAZILIAN?" Then says she won't let Miley become a porn star. I can't handle that scene.

Second, the raw chicken scene. Setting: Miley's friend is on fake chatroulette without dicks. She chats for a bit ("ANONYMOUS SO HOT LOL") then puts the camera up a chicken's butt pretending she shoved the camera up her vag? Pretty risque. Also a serious health hazard. Nora Dunn got pissed looking for chicken, looks for chicken in microwave, twice? I can't even.

 

On top of that, every goddamn cliche in the book. Besides the ones already mentioned... Here is my play by play of the movie:

-Unruly french class, everyone is on their cell phones and talking, exasperated teacher (CRAZY KIDS!)

-The journal: a teenage girl's best friend, until they grow up and look back and cringe uncontrollably at every word.

-Incredibly unhelpful and vague therapist

-Catty high school girl rivalries despite no real character development explaining why these girls hate each other (I guess boy rivalries? Stupid), call girls skanks for wearing lacy underwear? Great message.

-Best friend/love interest/HE'S BEEN THERE ALL ALONG guy has to hide music from his proper parents. duh.

-ZOMGERD LOL LOL DEMI COMPLAINS ABOUT COPS TO HOT MOTORCYCLIST WHO TURNS OUT TO BE A COP HOW WACKY

-Middle aged women drinking wine: "Is he hot?" "YOU'RE SO BAD!"

-Middle aged parents smoking weed a few rooms over from teenage kids also smoking weed talking about how the other group totally doesn't know they smoke/doesn't smoke

-Horrible gender stereotypes in conversations about male and female sexuality across the generations. Seriously these gender generalizations are.... PAINFUL.

-Gratuitous locker room scene with high school girls in underwear, ass shots, discussing giving Demi's hand me down underwear to Miley's friend...?

-Super helpful school mediation: Oh, possible sexual harassment? "Now you're harassing me!"

-Calling your ex girlfriend a "skank ass ho" and shoving her to the ground in gym class?

-So glad Facebook chat can replace what AIM used to be when I was in high school. Extensive use of screenshots of online chats.

-Montage of friends falling in love I guess? Or just being friends? Whatever, they're so wacky. This music is so hip.

-THIS. FUCKING. JOURNAL. THOUGH.

-Grandma asks random black dude on couch if he plays basketball. Oh, he does play basketball? Ok then.

-Despite not seeing anyone actually smoke cigarettes, cool kids apparently smoked a ton in the apartment and put them out on pizza...? TEENAGERS DO NOT DO THIS, PIZZA IS PRECIOUS.

-Where were the younger brother and sister during this party debauchery?

-Ex boyfriend who called Lola a skanky ass ho, cheated on her, and certainly not shown any respect is for some completely inexplicable reason seething with jealousy over Miley's bffl turned bf.

-Necessary parents go over all their kids' report cards scene. Moral of the scene: GRADES DON'T MATTER, MY RELATIONSHIPS WITH BOYS MATTER.

-"SHE DEFRIENDED ME?" Cut to Miley moping watching her incredibly good quality cell phone video of the battle of the bands.

-Miley's one kinky friend--sex with nerd in the bathroom, uses fake chatroulette all the time, Hots4Teach. So alternative.

-Thongs will make you a stripper. This movie is legit obsessed with lacy underwear = sluts. Also bonus use of Jason's favorite line--Nora Dunn repeatedly screaming "THIS IS GARBAGE!"

-Nice Pandora jewelry plug.

-Kyle (bffl turned bf) sits in Miley's friend's seat, which means Miley's friend is conveniently seated next to the nerd she's been bangin.

-Don't tell a black guy not to discriminate, DUH HE'S BLACK I MEAN GEEZ.

-Paris montage: double decker bus touring, all the selfies, Kyle stares at new guitars (dad broke his... but like 5 minutes later somehow he has a new one?), french teacher caught coming out of sex store, playing in a water fountain (keeping in mind spring break=still cold).

-"It's my first time...." obligatory coming of age story virginity losing scene. Kyle has a sweet tribal armband tattoo.

-Miley and Kyle Couldn't start dating until Kyle got permission from her ex boyfriend.

-SHE SAVED THE WRAPPER TO THE CONDOM FROM WHEN SHE LOST HER VIRGINITY. SHE TAPED IT IN HER JOURNAL. "Totally got to have sex with Kyle!! Totallyyyyyy!" THIS FUCKING JOURNAL THOUGH.

-Kyle's dad goes to battle of the bands. Sees him win. Has a change of heart, loves his music. Of course. Also everyone in the crowd knows all of the words to their hit song. All my wut.

-Why is the battle of the bands lovey dovey nonsense with Kyle and Miley split with Demi Moore and Mr. Hot Cop making out? That is weird. really, really weird.

 

Other random thoughts:

-This must be a pre-dental work Miley. I can't stop staring at her teeth.

-So glad Nora Dunn still gets work.

-How old are these people again?

-I am in love with 'dreamy friend in love with Miley's' flippy bangs. It's a perfect replica of Nick Kroll's bangs in the fake Canadian Degrassi on Kroll Show.

-The movie is called LOL because her name is Lola, but people call her Lol. NO ONE CALLS HER LOL DURING THE ENTIRE MOVIE.

-IS THIS BATHROOM UNISEX? If not, who is it intended for??? We have only seen this bathroom used by couples. WHERE ARE THE TEACHERS? WHY DOES NO ONE PUT A STOP TO THIS?

-The wikipedia page claims that the "slutty" friend/Miley's enemy wanted to get with Kyle... Did she? I never noticed this...

-And finally, SO. MUCH. NARRATION.

 

Fun fact: Filmed in Grosse Pointe, Michigan. The setting for one of my all time favorite movies, Grosse Pointe Blank.

 

I know this is a pretty in detail play by play. I got carried away imagining Jason calling this movie garbage. It's perfect.

[SlidePocket 707]

They're doing a live show on this movie this month!

[VinsanityV22 500]

 

Mark my words, "twerking" died the moment it was uttered by a reporter on TV.

 

Oh definitely. Once white middle-aged "parents" (a generic catch-all, but you all know what I mean), the term lost any and all power it had as something 'shocking' and 'exciting' or 'dangerous'... or whatever-the-fu*k teenagers thought was cool about it.

 

Looking forward to this episode! 3 Adults (Well, 2 man-children + June) looking at a teen-targeted drama always results in gold I mean, "Crossroads"? AMAZING!

[Smigg 1488]

I watched this movie, and I have PTSD because of a fucking CHICKEN!

[Smigg 1488]

Miley deserves this for making this movie!

 

[jarrycanada 2483]

ohh good I get to watch this movie again..

 

how come The Hottie & the Nottie has been over looked.

 

I found this on the net.

 

 

The rock group metro, metro-sexual. I like the dharma like logo. didn't know there was a metro station on the island. Personally i would of called this band "the tools"

 

Remember that line from robocop, I'll buy that for a dollar,. well looks like you can buy this movie for a dollar too.

 

Customer Review: 5stars By alexxis It's an amazing movie," This movie is my favorite movie ever I watch it pretty much every day on amazon instant video wouldn't mind owning a copy honestly. It's just amazing I love it"

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

If this movie was a realistic depiction of teenage behavior, I would time travel back in time to visit 16-year-old-me and tell me to kill myself.

 

Also, I relate to Smigg's chicken PTSD.

[IHugKittens 53]

I don't want to watch this movie. Movies like this depress me in the worst way possible. Like... there's depressing and depressing. Dancer In The Dark is depressing in a way that it makes me really sad. Movies like "LOL" are depressing in a way that make me feel terrible about human civilization the world that I live in. I do not want to watch this movie.

[Smigg 1488]

One thing I noticed about this movie, it seemed like there was an inordinate amout of scenes of people leaving somewhere.

 

I swear, in the first 3 minutes of the movie, they were walking out of the school about 4 times.

 

In fact, on Monday, that's gonna be my project, I am going to count how many times there is a leaving/walking out scene. I do that for you people, I'm like The Rock, a people's champion!

[Smigg 1488]

Oh god, I just realised that that means I have to subject myself to it again. Ah well, I've watched The Room four times for practical joke purposes, I can manage one more.

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

More crap about this piece of shit movie: Students of a FRENCH class get to FRANCE and the first thing they do is complain that they are in France. Namely, that they can't see the Eiffel Tower immediately upon getting off the bus straight from the airport and that, ew, French people eat snails. Oh, you are surprised by these things? Students in a French class.... grossed out by fucking snails... They're basically land shrimp. The snails I mean... but the students aren't that far removed from invertebrate organisms.

 

Then, these fucktard teens do nothing but complain about their host families, families that open up their homes to house strangers (ungrateful American strangers), and said teens explain the weird (and by "weird," I mean "jokes about the French that would be outdated and hack 40 years ago") behavior by saying, "Oh, they're French." THEN, there's a series of plot points and gags so offensive to the mentally disabled that the writers of fucking 'Tiptoes' would be shocked at its insensitivity.

[denimgremlin 1179]

 

Then, these fucktard teens do nothing but complain about their host families, families that open up their homes to house strangers (ungrateful American strangers), and said teens explain the weird (and by "weird," I mean "jokes about the French that would be outdated and hack 40 years ago") behavior by saying, "Oh, they're French." THEN, there's a series of plot points and gags so offensive to the mentally disabled that the writers of fucking 'Tiptoes' would be shocked at its insensitivity.

 

I don't think we're supposed to use the term "fucktard" anymore, I think the preferred term is "differently fuck-able"

[WEdidITagain 458]

There's a lot of grossness to this movie. Everyone acts like such a dildo, and also why is Miley so scared of her mom seeing her use the computer? The guy's teeth in this movie are SO YELLOW, everyone had shit teeth. And the fake feminism that movie tries to play off is genuinely super insensitive. Also where the fuck is this movie taking place? They're in NY, LA, Chicago, and even sometimes it looks like Michegan when they're getting groceries. The thong scene was HILARIOUS. I also love how LOL's downfall (no one calls her that btw) is a handwritten journal. The nerd fucking gets so laid in this fucking movie though.

[sillstaw 414]

More crap about this piece of shit movie: Students of a FRENCH class get to FRANCE and the first thing they do is complain that they are in France. Namely, that they can't see the Eiffel Tower immediately upon getting off the bus straight from the airport and that, ew, French people eat snails. Oh, you are surprised by these things? Students in a French class.... grossed out by fucking snails... They're basically land shrimp. The snails I mean... but the students aren't that far removed from invertebrate organisms.

 

Then, these fucktard teens do nothing but complain about their host families, families that open up their homes to house strangers (ungrateful American strangers), and said teens explain the weird (and by "weird," I mean "jokes about the French that would be outdated and hack 40 years ago") behavior by saying, "Oh, they're French."

 

What makes this really bizarre to me is that this movie is a remake of a French film, directed by the same French filmmaker. What the heck? Do the French really loathe themselves that much, or did they think French-bashing would make it more popular in America?

 

Also where the fuck is this movie taking place? They're in NY, LA, Chicago, and even sometimes it looks like Michegan when they're getting groceries.

 

The film was apparently shot in Michigan, which has some very beneficial tax programs for filmmaking. A lot of low-budget crap gets shot there, apparently.

[justinmh05 1968]

 

 

What makes this really bizarre to me is that this movie is a remake of a French film, directed by the same French filmmaker. What the heck? Do the French really loathe themselves that much, or did they think French-bashing would make it more popular in America?

 

 

In the French version, the kids go to London, where they stay with stereotypical British old women with bad teeth who serve stereotypically bland British food.

 

So I guess the US version is the the director trying to make fun of his own culture as a sort of payback?

[Magnus Robot Fighter 5]

I'm thrilled that LOL is finally getting reviewed! It's been over a year of patiently waiting and I finally get to hear Paul, June and Jason (with special guest) discuss this crapfest of a movie.

 

Thanks HDTGM!

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

In the French version, the kids go to London, where they stay with stereotypical British old women with bad teeth who serve stereotypically bland British food. So I guess the US version is the the director trying to make fun of his own culture as a sort of payback?

 

Every little detail about this movie just makes it worse and more despicable.

[Smigg 1488]

Okay, I know I said 'Monday', but I went to see Lee Evans on Sunday and it was my birthday Tuesday, so I didn't want to ruin my good mood with this turd of a movie, but here's the "Leaving Log" for LOL.

 

These are approximate times, because Netflix has shitty timecodes

 

1:05 - Kids leaving school

1:47 - The Nerdy Kid, who I will refer to from here on out as "Shit Dick", leaving the school

2:30 - Miley leaving somewhere on a train

2:45 - Kids leaving school... again... even though they had just left

4:25 - Miley leaves her boyfriend (fuck off, it's a kind of leaving), he will be "Shit Dick 2"

4:50 - Miley leaving on a train

(Now we're at the weird, incesty Bathroom scene, this made me feel slightly less uncomfortable than the chicken)

5:50 - Miley leaves bathroom

6:20 - Demi Moore (who I'll admit, looks fit as fuck in this movie), leaves her bedroom

6:50 - Demi and Miley leave the house

8:25 - Miley and the love interest, who I'll call "Shit Dick 3", leave the school... 10 seconds after the arrive at the school

11:15 - Kids leaving Math Class

11:25 - Miley and her stupid friends leave school

12:50 - Miley leaves after Shit Dick 2 makes a comment about her being a slut...

15:05 - Miley's Blonde Stupid Friend leaves her bedroom, to physically assault her little brother.

15:10 - Miley's Blonde Stupid Friend leaves her little brother's bedroom, to continue the beating

15:45 - Shit Dick 3 leaves the band's practice room

15:50 - Kids leaving school

17:15 - Miley, Stupid Friends and the Shit Dicks leave the concert venue

19:00 - Demi leaving a courthouse

22:30 - Miley and some other Shit Dick leave the kitchen

(Starting to think the name "The Shit Dicks" would be a good name for a punk band)

26:05 - Kids leaving school... again.

27:30 - Miley and the Stupid Friends presumabley leaving the gym

27:50 - Shit Dick 2 leaves after getting into a fight with Miley

 

32:50 - This is where I am left in shock at the chicken, why would someone do that? I don't understand, honestly, it fucked me right up. This film is rated 12 in the UK, so, using a chicken as a visual substitution for a pussy, whilst masturbating it with a webcam is suitable for a 12 year old in this country. Just watch this scene with my words in your mind, 12 YEAR OLDS CAN WATCH THIS! Just to put this into perspective for you, Superbad? 15, yeah, they swear alot, so 15 is alright. This is for 12 YEAR OLDS with a girl masturbating a raw chicken with a webcam to make it look like a pussy!!

 

Okay, I'm tapping out right now, I'll pick this up again later. But, in half an hour, people have left somewhere 24 times! That's too much leaving!

[Smigg 1488]

LOL - Lots of Leaving

[Jamie Power 224]

Smigg, that's a very strange thing to pick up on, especially in a film with so much awfulness in it. Your brain is a special place.

[Jamie Power 224]

I watched this. So offensive. So, so offensive.

 

The raw chicken squelching sound effects alone are puke-inducing. But to see an animal carcass substitute for a human vagina was... unforgettable. I suppose the family ate the chicken that evening. In a way, they ate her pussy. In a way, we all did *shudder*

 

And has Demi Moore always sounded so hoarse? It sounded like she prepared for each scene by shouting into a pillow in her trailer for an hour.

[Smigg 1488]

Smigg, that's a very strange thing to pick up on, especially in a film with so much awfulness in it. Your brain is a special place.

 

Well, it's because of those opening few minutes when I thought "Hang on, they've just left school, why are they leaving all over again?" So, that was in my head from the offset, so, everytime someone left, it just added to it.

 

Also, that scene in the changing rooms, when they were talking about that girl's ass being amazing, she literally had NO ASS. Her ass was almost a concave ass, it was like Hank Hill's diminished glutes from King of the Hill.