Episode 64 — Listeners, Our Close Friends

[JulyDiaz 2797]

Sean and Hayes give a generous Christmas gift to all of their listeners by accepting calls from some of them. Topics include the cities where all of them live, the missed opportunity of 12/13/14, the punk legacy of Louis Reed, and Chanson.

[Asteck 1250]

I still like Chanson after this episode

[Introcourse 49]

C+. Great ep.

[showshowbro 1177]

Chicago pizza so deep u need floaties. OH SNAP. and now chanson is up.

[Zsinjeh 1677]

Wow, Chanson has really gone on some rough times since last I heard him. His voice is just wrecked. Please take care of yourself in the new year xoxo /me

[alargebucket 1589]

Hayes doesn't want us to reference the jokes of other Earwolf shows, but Hayes doesn't have to put "Likes" on the table for his family like us forum-goers do. Well, maybe it's just me, but for me sometimes we're tired and foggy from slaving at blue collar jobs cleaning out the slits on credit card machines all day because we got Cs in high school trying to raise our adopted siblings while brgrmom worked the streets. And, sure, we didn't go to Harvard, but maybe some of us really love our families and don't want to see them starve, you know, and so somehow daddy's gotta bring home the "Likes" every week. And maybe we live post-check to post-check, so we can't take risks and we can't be creative or smart or nice or even cool because what if Chanson or Tim or Bruce isn't that into it and doesn't click, you know? We're forced to just give the people what they want, to play it again and again, Sam, like in that movie. And maybe it's really mentally taxing and now we have a problem abusing the pink stuff, like Pepto, but isn't that life and isn't that sacrifice and don't we still pay for the pro version every month?

[Zsinjeh 1677]

This is a late submission for Best Moment Of 2014, but 7 20-something white nerds all talking over each other on the phone as the boys scream in agony while likely bleeding from their eyes and ears is obviously the winner of Best Moment.

[alargebucket 1589]

7 20-something white nerds all talking over each other on the phone as the boys scream in agony while likely bleeding from their eyes and ears.

Uh, as Betrayers of Their Benefactors, they are all obviously condemened to Judecca, the Fourth Round of Dante's Ninth Circle of Hell, where, along with Judas and Brutus, they are completely encapsulated in ice and compelled to listen to their own terrible screams dubbed over various episodes of The Wolf Den.

 

Click for Further Condemnations

 

SaladJesse: Glutton, Third Circle

For eating too thick and too waterless of a type of pizza and consuming too much of the episode's time, Salad is condemned to lie in a vile slush, bombarded with rain, hail and black snow.

 

Chanson: Satan Himself, Center of Hell

For obvious reasons, Satan Himself is condemned to be frozen waist deep in ice, weeping and ceaselessly beating his wings.

 

Anastasia: False Counselor, Eighth Circle, Sixth Bolgia

For using her position of power to advise Hayes and Sean to purport fraudulent advice, Anastasia is condemned to be eternally concealed in a column of flame.

 

brgrho: Panderer, Eighth Circle, First Bolgia

For pandering to Sean in his explanation of the misguided motivation of the Boston Police, brgrho is condemened to a endless thrashing and whipping by a variety of demons.

 

Charlie Murphy: Flatterer, Eighth Circle, Second Bolgia

For humorlessly imitating Sean, Charlie is condemned to be immersed in human excrement.

 

Engineer Sam: Impostor, Eighth Circle, Tenth Bolgia

For acting as an impostor of Velvet Revolver and Nico, Engineer Sam is condemned to a smattering of diseases and a perpetual itching of the skin.

 

Bozos: Hoarder, Fourth Circle

For hoarding the entertainment gold of Hayes Davenport to further his own podcast, Bozos is condemned to an eternity of pushing great weights up inclines as Cisyphus did before him.

 

Andy: Carnal Malefactor (Lust), Second Circle

For acting randy in all manners toward unsuspecting strangers, Andy is condemned to be blown about by a violent and endless wind.

 

[ajzthisisdumb 857]

can i request that one of the engineers goes back in post and adds some manliness to my voice

[skizelo 2536]

going by the pics this week... is Sean frozen? is he like, stuck there?

I'm about to get to the call in bit, I'll let you know. I'm feeling pretty anxious.

[mwn 5470]

This is a great episode because I like when Sean and Hayes get mad at people, also because of whoever shouted out baba booey

[skizelo 2536]

I'm learning a lot about Chanson because I somehow can't have my eyes glaze over and skim to the end of an audio recording.

[SaladJesseRapheal 32]

I didn't want to argue with them because I was the first caller but Obama is rock star.

[burdrulz 1760]

Fired bird sons

[JacobCrites 4977]

I haven't listened to this because I'm still so heartbroken that I missed the call-in. I'm just not strong enough to hear this yet.

[samschilling22 516]

I get called a 'dipwad' by Sean. Life can only go downhill from here.

[Leon The Leprechaun 55]

I just hope Dradel got away from Chansen. What an amazing Christmas Present From Hayes and Sean.

[xoValeriexo 4369]

I'll have to post today's song later because SoundCloud is giving me grief. But I may have uploaded the Lady Marmalade one again on accident, so that's good news.

 

I have to go work with children now.

 

PS - "Listeners, Our Close Friends." Awwwwwww.

[rod aug 5637]

Caller reviews

SaladJesseRaphael - Nice, you started the show off on a fun note with talk of watery pizza and willy wonka.

Chanson - Nice, I like how mad Sean and Hayes get when they talk about you.

Dreidel - Nice & Smart & Funny

Anastasia - You did fine! Their banter during your call was amazing.

Brian - Your disdain for Boston's history was not nice nor smart but it was funny.

Charlie Murphy Brown - the most amazingly awkward "what up what up" I've ever heard. Also, damn blast from freshman year of HS with all of this Catcher in the Rye talk. mmm yes

Sam - I liked the question you asked and also the answer you submitted

Bozos - Wish we had recordings of Andy being randy with you

The Group of 23-29 year old men - You guys were all loud and it was fun

 

oh my god did Andrew say "shark tale" when Hayes was trying to think of the name of life aquatic? amazing

[ajzthisisdumb 857]

Caller reviews

The Group of 23-29 year old men

 

thank you!

[chanson 9697]

I learned a lot about myself from this episode.

 

Also my dog has been missing for several days now.

 

Thanks, Sean and Hayes.

[Andrew 4646]

Oh my gosh, is that is what I sound like!?

[chanson 9697]

Wow, Chanson has really gone on some rough times since last I heard him. His voice is just wrecked. Please take care of yourself in the new year xoxo /me

 

I think it's just fat guy voice. Also when did you hear my voice before? That's confusing.

[Casaba 5942]

Gang, I have a confession to make...Hayes and Sean guessed correctly. I am really Viggo Mortensen's mom. He is such a hip young man, and a real comedy nerd, so he listens to this podcast and got me into it. He exposes me to so much fun pop culture stuff. When he was married to Exene, we used to listen to the punk rock music all the time and I just loved it. I was so sad when they split up. My grandson, Henry is such a little cool guy too. Feel free to call me Mrs. Mortensen from now on.

 

By the way, here's a little secret scoop for all of my forum pals:

My convo was edited a bit because we got real political at one point. H+S asked me about Arizona politics and I mentioned that Arizona should just open the borders and stop trying to keep Mexicans out. Anyway, I'm glad they edited that out. It was not at all funny.

[Casaba 5942]

PS - I woke up this morning already out of likes. What!? The system is against my likefullness.