EPISODE 111.5 — Minisode 111.5

[Kickpuncher 5012]

I've never used Redbox, but I'm still on board the Netflix DVD train. Weirdly enough, I was going to cancel it literally right after I return the movie I have right now, but I guess it can wait another week.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

I've never used Redbox, but I'm still on board the Netflix DVD train. Weirdly enough, I was going to cancel it literally right after I return the movie I have right now, but I guess it can wait another week.

I think Netflix's DVD plan is good for the odd TV show here and there that I don't necessarily need to catch up on RIGHT this moment that isn't streaming. Right now, I'm knee-deep in "The Mindy Project" and "Banshee". I just worked on a couple of episodes for the upcoming fourth season of "Banshee", so I figured I should see what it's all about, and I really dig it.

[JeffBurtMacklinMarra 6724]

 

I thought the irony was Sean Bean's first line to Channing Tatum in Jupiter Ascending was, "Back from the goddamn dead."

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sGR1-Wgo1M

SPOILER ALERT!

[Kickpuncher 5012]

I think Netflix's DVD plan is good for the odd TV show here and there that I don't necessarily need to catch up on RIGHT this moment that isn't streaming. Right now, I'm knee-deep in "The Mindy Project" and "Banshee". I just worked on a couple of episodes for the upcoming fourth season of "Banshee", so I figured I should see what it's all about, and I really dig it.

 

I watch enough movies that it's really not a bad deal, but ultimately, anything that falls in the gaps between theaters, Netflix streaming, and HBO is something that I can do without. I think the last TV show I watched from it was the first season or two of Breaking Bad before they even had it streaming.

[Elektra Boogaloo 3371]

I'm really excited to hear everyone's thoughts on Jupiter Ascending. BEES.

 

http://superdogbiter.tumblr.com/post/111035338635/pizzarina-sbarro-every-description-for-jupiter

[jarrycanada 2483]

Oh, believe me, I was the first to say that Nic Cage would not be an improvement!

Pull your pants up please!

 

 

asking myself now after the fact. why did I not just use a normal bear photo, I could of found millions of photos that are better then that, but I just had to use the one from the movie. LOL

 

That bear is going to get the shit kicked out of it.

[Bugs Meany 69]

RedBox is used by people who complain that "there's NOTHING to watch on Netflix", meaning they can't watch whatever Happy Madison piece of shit that hit DVD that particular week.

You can't be serious. Streaming-only is fine for TV but it's simply not an option if you're into movies. Only about 15% of my DVD queue is available to stream, and I've got everything on there: indie, foreign, mainstream, documentaries, Oscar-winners and Razzie-winners, blockbusters and bombs, from the silent era through 2015.

[Lando 2019]

Also, to anyone who has not watched Jupiter Ascending yet, subtitles are going to be your best friend. Half the words are still nonsense, but at least you wont drive yourself crazy wondering if you misheard them or if it what they just said really was that ridiculous.

 

Yes! This movie is awful in terms off being loud/quiet. You'll have the soundtrack blaring at house shaking levels and then it will switch to Eddie Redmayne angrily whispering nonsense about harvesting.

 

Also, Redmaybe and Bean worked together in Black Death (which I understand a lot of people strongly disliked, but I enjoyed for what it was)

[Lando 2019]

http://www.podsurvey.com/hdtgm

 

can't figure out how to rig this survey so adult toy site, Adam and eve show up as a sponsor of the show.

anyone who listens to WTF, with Marc Maron knows how funny that can be having a odd ball sponsor.

 

Jason Mantzoukas should pre-record all the ads.

 

PlanBFromOuterSpace- this movie doesn't need nic cage. it's perfect all on it's own.

 

there you go,

 

 

He is being raptured up to heaven from Left Behind while Arnold is coming down

 

 

And can we please start shoehorning Weston Cage and his black metal band into these "Would it be better" scenarios? Maybe it would be better if Weston was the bear in black metal face paint!

[GGG 42]

Well shit. I tried to watch Jupiter Ascending a week or so ago and couldn't make it past 30 minutes. I watch a lot of shitty films, and have a boner for Channing Tatum, and this one beat me. I turned to my husband and said, "I don't think I can watch this." I was honestly on the verge of a panic attack.

[nateslice 13]

I think Nic Cage being Pretzie makes "Leaving Las Vegas" the unofficial sequel, because that ending was darrrrrrrrrk.

 

Not quite as depressing as real life, where Pretzie is now the Senate Majority Leader...

[liebot 55]

I am 39minutes in and, legitimately, nothing makes sense. Sean Bean just said "Bees don't lie"

[Lando 2019]

When people asked about what I did over the weekend and I told them I watched Jupiter Ascending and when I described it I said it was like a fake movie that someone would write to make fun of sci-fi, except that it was in earnest.

[Wien 401]

I don't think I've been this excited about a HDTGM episode in many years. I am totes excite.

[Kaminski 47]

My god, I thought when Wolfie said "I want to get my wings back," he meant pilot wings... Jokes on me.

 

I agree the audio is all over the place, they are either mumbling through dialog or action scenes are blowing out my speakers.

 

I watched it while I cleaned up the kitchen... so the movie wasn't an entire waste =D

[Entering the Bone Zone 81]

The only good thing I can say about the Wachowskis at this point is they swing for the fences and don't just adapt material with a built-in fan base.

 

But I get a very Lucas-y vibe now in that I suspect the Matrix, like Episodes IV-VI, benefited greatly from other, more talented people shepherding the amazing idea along the way. Left to their own devices, we get this incomprehensible pile of steaming horse shit.

[Turk71 58]

When Terry Gilliam showed up in the "hilarious bureaucracy montage" I felt like I was watching the end of "Lost in La Mancha" all over again. And I checked out around the time they got to Sean Bean's bee farm, too. This movie throws so much at you and keeps on going with no regard for characters. It was giving me high-concept fatigue. On one hand, there's no way the episode would be as good without the context of having seen it, but oof-this movie.

[heelociraptor 27]

I'm kind of upset about this. Jupiter Ascending was one of the worst films I've ever seen. Not "so bad it's good" but "oh fucking God this is so boring and terrible and nonsensical and awful, I'm really taking an account of my life to see how much I value my time vs how much I want to get my $10 worth of 'entertainment' from this."

 

There have been a few movies the crew has done that they just plain didn't like and this one falls into that category for me. No redeeming qualities at all.

[taylor anne photo 11311]

Not gonna lie I enjoyed this hot mess of a movie. Saw it in theaters and just went ahead and accepted every crazy fucking thing that was thrown at me.

 

Also if Sean Bean is correct then all y'all need to bow down to me because I have never been stung by a bee and therefore must be royalty.

[Cameron H. 23786]

The only good thing I can say about the Wachowskis at this point is they swing for the fences and don't just adapt material with a built-in fan base.

 

But I get a very Lucas-y vibe now in that I suspect the Matrix, like Episodes IV-VI, benefited greatly from other, more talented people shepherding the amazing idea along the way. Left to their own devices, we get this incomprehensible pile of steaming horse shit.

 

This was almost my exact same sentiment. I think there almost may be a good movie in here somewhere, it's just lost in a sea of mumbles* and pretension. Honestly, I thought the visuals were actually quite good, but other than that, it is pretty much garbage from top to bottom.

 

My question is, and I think it applies to your Lucasian theory, did The Matrix engender so much Hollywood goodwill that, despite their seeming inability to match it's success either creatively or financially, the Wachowski's are pretty much able to continue and write their own ticket? I mean, aside from the first Matrix movie, what have they done to to warrant a movie with a budget of $176,00,000 and carte blanche to do whatever they want? I mean, I may be mistaken, but I don't even think The Matrix was much of a hit at the time... From what I remember, and I could be completely wrong, it did okay box office, but gained most of its traction from DVD sales (which was a new-ish technology at the time).

 

Again, I may be speaking out of ignorance here. Aside from the Matrix Trilogy and the first 10 minutes of Speed Racer (which gave me such a migraine I had to turn it off), I haven't watched any of their other stuff. Maybe Cloud Atlas is good..? All I know is that, to me, their movies tend to feel like a glut of style that's vomited all over a first year undergrad's unopened Philosophy textbook, and in that regard, Jupiter Ascending did not disappoint.

 

*Even Kunis' narration at the beginning of the movie was all but incoherent! Fuck! There aren't even interesting visuals on the screen yet! Give us something! Then again, and I don't think Kunis is "dumb" by any stretch, but I don't think she knew what she was saying half the time. It all came out like word vomit. On the other hand, I found Tatum's performance pretty engaging. He felt like he at least was like, "Fuck it! I'm gonna act this motherfucker."

 

Sorry to make my footnote run long, but it just occurred to me that maybe that's the thing with the Wachowski's movies--their movies are all the cinematic equivalent of Emperor's New Clothes syndrome. They tend to be written in such a way that people who are concerned with how other's perceive them are afraid to say, "This movie was stupid. It made no sense." for fear that others will assume that they are stupid for not getting "it" (Because it's got to mean something, right?). And people capable of independent thought, of which I will include Kunis, watch it and get annoyed because we understand all the words, we know their definitions, but when put together as they are in the movie, they are utter gibberish. In my mind her acting style was, "I'm saying these words," but in her mind she's thinking, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Then again, who knows? I may be giving her too much credit. Just a thought...

[Lando 2019]

Personally I liked Cloud Atlas, but I have heard very polar opinions on it. People seem to either really like it or really dislike it. I think that the fact that they collaborated with Tom Tykwer helped the film out a lot. However I think the movie flopped hard.

 

I do wonder how The Wachowskis and M. Night Shyamalan keep getting funded for new movies. I get how Michael Bay keeps getting money to make films, he has yet to have a flop, but how much money have the Wachowskis and Shyamalan lost for the studios? At minimum if you have a huge flop you should be forced to regroup and work within a budget.

[DavidRosen 40]

I laughed so hard through this whole movie. One of the worst things I've seen in so long. So glad this is getting done. The thing that stuck out the most to me (other than Eddie Redmayne's entire performance, the general insanity of the plot, and basically everything else happening on screen) was when Redmayne calls the dinosaur guy "MISTER" Greeghan. I'm pretty sure some of the other silly looking aliens are referred to with a Mr. in front of their names too, which is just so ridiculous to me.

[Entering the Bone Zone 81]

 

My question is, and I think it applies to your Lucasian theory, did The Matrix engender so much Hollywood goodwill that, despite their seeming inability to match it's success either creatively or financially, the Wachowski's are pretty much able to continue and write their own ticket? I mean, aside from the first Matrix movie, what have they done to to warrant a movie with a budget of $176,00,000 and carte blanche to do whatever they want? I mean, I may be mistaken, but I don't even think The Matrix was much of a hit at the time... From what I remember, and I could be completely wrong, it did okay box office, but gained most of its traction from DVD sales (which was a new-ish technology at the time).

 

I think they may be running out of the goodwill that got Jupiter Ascending green lit, as you point out. For the record, I thought Cloud Atlas was an awesome idea that was not put on the screen in a successful way. From BoxOfficeMojo (all grosses domestic, as who actually makes money off international distribution rights is a murky, impossible to know quagmire), here are the numbers:

 

Matrix - 63 mil budget, grossed 171.5 mil - huge hit

Matrix Reloaded - 150 mil budget, grossed 281.5 mil - hit

Matrix Revolutions - 150 mil budget, grossed 139.3 mil - failure

Speed Racer - 120 mil budget, grossed 44 mil - massive failure

Cloud Atlas - budget unknown, grossed 27.1 mil - massive failure

Jupiter Ascending - 176 mil budget, grossed 47.4 mil - massive failure

 

The rule of thumb is the studio makes ~55% of the gross take, so you need to double your production budget to be a profitable movie in the US, and that is not accounting for marketing dollars spent. Granted this does not factor in DVD sales, TV rights, merchandise, tie-ins with corporate sponsors (get those Wolfie Bic Mac Meals while they're hot!), etc.

[pterodactylcackle 79]

I LOVE this movie and I'm going to be disappointed if June doesn't. It's just so off the walls and ridiculous, I was smiling the whole time. Space werewolves, incest, the space DMV, space rollerblades, dinosaur/dragon dudes, glam goth space capitalists, werebee Sean Bean, more bees... I don't know what else anyone could ask for in a film. Truly every thirteen year old girl's poorly but lovingly conceived sci-fi novel come to life. There are so many shitty, unbelievable action movies with terrible dialog/plot and way too much money thrown at it that cater to a male fantasy (the Transformers model of a generic dude becoming a badass, defeating evil and winning a hot girl). This is like the female version of that-- finding out you're secretly a wealthy space queen who gets to wear fabulous outfits and get continuously rescued by Channing Tatum in eyeliner (terrible as he looks in this movie). As terrible as it is, I'm really glad it exists, and Eddie Redmayne's performance is just... unbelievable. I can't believe he won an Oscar the same year, I'm gonna pretend it was for this movie.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

 

I think they may be running out of the goodwill that got Jupiter Ascending green lit, as you point out. For the record, I thought Cloud Atlas was an awesome idea that was not put on the screen in a successful way. From BoxOfficeMojo (all grosses domestic, as who actually makes money off international distribution rights is a murky, impossible to know quagmire), here are the numbers:

 

Matrix - 63 mil budget, grossed 171.5 mil - huge hit

Matrix Reloaded - 150 mil budget, grossed 281.5 mil - hit

Matrix Revolutions - 150 mil budget, grossed139.3 mil - massive failure

Speed Racer - 120 mil budget, grossed 44 mil - massive failure

Cloud Atlas - budget unknown, grossed 27.1 mil - massive failure

Jupiter Ascending - 176 mil budget, grossed 47.4 mil - massive failure

 

The rule of thumb is the studio makes ~55% of the gross take, so you need to double your production budget to be a profitable movie in the US, and that is not accounting for marketing dollars spent. Granted this does not factor in DVD sales, TV rights, merchandise, tie-ins with corporate sponsors (get those Wolfie Bic Mac Meals while they're hot!), etc.

As far as films that they can claim one hundred percent ownership of are concerned, they really have just been riding on the goodwill of that first "Matrix", because even though that second one made a lot of money, the performance of the THIRD one, which came out only a few months later and did HALF the business, was a really good indicator of how NOT liked "Reloaded" was. Had it ended with that second one, it would have looked like a huge hit on paper.