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JulyDiaz

Episode 130 - Teen Witch

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Damn straight I made that claim!

 

Also if it's a myth and I'm considered a myth within the myth (even in the LGBTQ community the B and the Q are sometimes considered not real) does that make me the ultimate unicorn?

 

Taylor Anne:

 

unicorn.gif

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I think we over-discussed this movie in the minisode thread. Each thread is supposed to be about each episode. I don't blame people for not going to the minisode thread to see discussion about this episode.

 

On the subject of favorite lines, I still cannot get over "I have the new cheer." Jason points out in the episode that the musical numbers are like music videos (sort of like "Jem and the Holograms"?) and there's no world where that is a good cheerleading routine. Where are they going to get lockers to dance on when they are on the football field?

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Omg: What current trend will be looked back as silly?!? All the hipster nonsense, the duck dynasty beards and weird steam punk outfits, and so on.

 

One thing that's interesting, with this being a female teen wolf, is the arc of teen wolf is the main character pursuing the hot but vapid girl and realizing the fun friend is who he should be with. But in teen witch, she wants the hot guy and ends up with the hot guy. So it's more of his arc to be less superficial.

 

I don't understand why anyone thinks Molly Ringwald should end up with Duckie. She's just not into him. Why should she settle for the guy she doesn't want just because the one she wants might be a jerk. If he's a jerk, fine: Don't date him, but find a hot guy who isn't a jerk. It's just not true to life that being nice and deserving translates to love.

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I don't understand why anyone thinks Molly Ringwald should end up with Duckie. She's just not into him. Why should she settle for the guy she doesn't want just because the one she wants might be a jerk. If he's a jerk, fine: Don't date him, but find a hot guy who isn't a jerk. It's just not true to life that being nice and deserving translates to love.

I couldn't agree more. I think that for "plain janes" Pretty in Pink was a momentous movie. It told all of us that no matter where we came from or how unpopular we were that a super hot rich dude could still genuinely be into us. There have been soooo many movies where the lame "ugly" dude (I only put ugly because in the movie or TV show he is supposed to be considered that) ends up with the hot girl at the end but no one ever ever talks about how his best gal pal was really the one he was supposed to end up with.

 

It kinda just fuels the flames on the whole "nice guy" craze that's been happening and takes away the woman's right to choose and like whomever the fuck she wants lol.

 

I'm all about women's rights today y'all. The right to be gay! The right to not be raped by a silver lake hipster! The right to choose Andrew McCarthy! All of it!

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After Luis Guzman and Brad have sex in the haunted house, Serena is talking to Luis Guzman, but for the whole scene she's not looking at her. There's only three possible explanations for this:

  1. She's not a fan of premarital sex and is so disgusted with Luis Guzman she can't look her in the eye.
  2. She's temporarily blind and doesn't know exactly where Luis Guzman is.
  3. She can't remember her lines and is reading cue cards.

2GLjyx1l.png

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On the subject of favorite lines, I still cannot get over "I have the new cheer." Jason points out in the episode that the musical numbers are like music videos (sort of like "Jem and the Holograms"?) and there's no world where that is a good cheerleading routine. Where are they going to get lockers to dance on when they are on the football field?

 

But you left out the best part of that quote. She comes in and says, "HEY CHEERLEADERS--I have a new cheer!" What kind of non-robot talks like that? It's like, "Hey, footballers--I have a new play!" or "Hey, lawyers--we've got another case!" Even this movie could do better.

 

I don't understand why anyone thinks Molly Ringwald should end up with Duckie. She's just not into him. Why should she settle for the guy she doesn't want just because the one she wants might be a jerk. If he's a jerk, fine: Don't date him, but find a hot guy who isn't a jerk. It's just not true to life that being nice and deserving translates to love.

I couldn't agree more. I think that for "plain janes" Pretty in Pink was a momentous movie. It told all of us that no matter where we came from or how unpopular we were that a super hot rich dude could still genuinely be into us. There have been soooo many movies where the lame "ugly" dude (I only put ugly because in the movie or TV show he is supposed to be considered that) ends up with the hot girl at the end but no one ever ever talks about how his best gal pal was really the one he was supposed to end up with.

 

It kinda just fuels the flames on the whole "nice guy" craze that's been happening and takes away the woman's right to choose and like whomever the fuck she wants lol.

 

I'm all about women's rights today y'all. The right to be gay! The right to not be raped by a silver lake hipster! The right to choose Andrew McCarthy! All of it!

 

I used to be pro-Duckie, but I've recently come around on the whole debate. You both make excellent points, but I'd like to add, if she doesn't end up with Blane (BLANE?!?), what do we even take away from the movie? Poor folk and Rich folk should stay with their own kind? Furthermore, Ringwald shouldn't be Duckie's reward for being nice and liking her. I hate that whole, "Nice guys finish last" bullshit. You shouldn't expect to be "rewarded" a boyfriend/girlfriend for "just being nice." Being nice should be baseline. What else are you bringing to the table? Other than "nice," are you even remotely interesting? I mean, sure, Blane makes mistakes, but he's not a bad guy. Plus, he's stuck in the same social high school caste system as Ringwald. It is too his credit that he breaks free from that at the end of the movie. It's like if Romeo & Juliet ended happily.

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Did you guys know Richie (Joshua John Miller) is a cowriter on last year's horror/comedy hit, "The Final Girls," starring Malin Akerman, Taissa Farmiga, Angela Trimbur, Alia Shawkat and so many more talented people!

 

I'm only halfway into the episode, so if it's mentioned later, feel free to have a teen witch turn this message into a frog or a dog or somethin'.

 

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But you left out the best part of that quote. She comes in and says, "HEY CHEERLEADERS--I have a new cheer!" What kind of non-robot talks like that? It's like, "Hey, footballers--I have a new play!" or "Hey, lawyers--we've got another case!" Even this movie could do better.

 

She's just rubbing in Leslie's not being a cheerleader in Leslie's face.

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She's just rubbing in Leslie's not being a cheerleader in Leslie's face.

 

Oh! I guess so...

 

I thought it was just gym class, otherwise, why the Hell was Louise in there? Just to lurk?

 

Also, the gang brought up the taking off of shoes in the Murder House, but I'd also like to point out, a number of girls in that locker room during the "I Like Boys" sing along weren't wearing any kind of foot protection either. Enjoy your athlete's foot and planter warts, ladies!

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I thought it was just gym class, otherwise, why the Hell was Louise in there? Just to lurk?

I think that was just the gym class cause Louise was wearing the same purple leotard. But that begs another question... Why the hell did the cheerleaders not get their credit for doing cheerleading? In my high school marching band, cheer, and drill team all counted towards your gym credit even though many people didn't consider those to be part of athletics.

 

EDIT: AND! we suddenly see that Louise becomes a cheerleader after her popularity boom but how do we know she actually knows how to tumble and do any of the moves? Being popular doesn't suddenly mean you can do a back handspring down the sideline at a football game. Did she even have to try out? Did they just ask her because they suddenly love her and she went "YES!"???

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Oh! I guess so...

 

I thought it was just gym class, otherwise, why the Hell was Louise in there? Just to lurk?

 

Also, the gang brought up the taking off of shoes in the Murder House, but I'd also like to point out, a number of girls in that locker room during the "I Like Boys" sing along weren't wearing any kind of foot protection either. Enjoy your athlete's foot and planter warts, ladies!

I also thought the "Hey cheerleaders" was a way of saying, "Hey, everyone but you creeper over there, Luis." She does like to lurk so I sort of wouldn't be surprised if she were just hanging out in the locker room, like she does on the football field. There are also shots of her watching them dance longingly that made me think she was interested in one of the girls. I think the director intended for it to be her longing to be one of them, since we know lesbians weren't invented back then.

 

But later when she is popular, she is shown to be a cheerleader. And they don't wear those leotards at all. I mean the color is the same, but it's a whole different material. So maybe she was trying out for cheerleading? Or something?

 

You're right about the whole thing being unsanitary. I think they were sharing towels at one point.

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I think that was just the gym class cause Louise was wearing the same purple leotard. But that begs another question... Why the hell did the cheerleaders not get their credit for doing cheerleading? In my high school marching band, cheer, and drill team all counted towards your gym credit even though many people didn't consider those to be part of athletics.

 

EDIT: AND! we suddenly see that Louise becomes a cheerleader after her popularity boom but how do we know she actually knows how to tumble and do any of the moves? Being popular doesn't suddenly mean you can do a back handspring down the sideline at a football game. Did she even have to try out? Did they just ask her because they suddenly love her and she went "YES!"???

I also thought the "Hey cheerleaders" was a way of saying, "Hey, everyone but you creeper over there, Luis." She does like to lurk so I sort of wouldn't be surprised if she were just hanging out in the locker room, like she does on the football field. There are also shots of her watching them dance longingly that made me think she was interested in one of the girls. I think the director intended for it to be her longing to be one of them, since we know lesbians weren't invented back then.

 

But later when she is popular, she is shown to be a cheerleader. And they don't wear those leotards at all. I mean the color is the same, but it's a whole different material. So maybe she was trying out for cheerleading? Or something?

 

You're right about the whole thing being unsanitary. I think they were sharing towels at one point.

 

Alright, alright--I may just have to withdraw the point. You're all probably right, but it's certainly not how the scene is acted. She says "Hey, cheerleaders" before she even sees Louise. I'm just saying, if I were writing the scene (and God willing, I'll get the chance to do so one day), I would have had her enter the room, put down the boombox, and then pointedly look at Louise while delivering the line to underscore their exclusion of her.

 

Regardless, I will say that those girls look they are having a hoot and a holler. It's just what I imagined the girl's locker room to be like. Pulling the sleeves of that girl's sweatshirt? Comedy. Gold.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNc7EPGpaRQ

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Hi everyone, long time first time!

 

Is it just me, or is this a homage/ripoff of Sixteen Candles? I had to look up which movie was made first (Sixteen Candles) because the plot, aside from the witch stuff, is exactly the same. Red haired unpopular girl with weird clothes and an irritating younger brother is coming up on her sixteenth birthday and pines for a boy who has a hot cheerleader girlfriend. He finds out her feelings for him through a personal note he was never meant to see. She is forced to go to the big dance with an embarrassing date (which is worse, painful Asian racist stereotype or date-rapey hipster nerd?) who ends up driving someone else's car and crashing it. Substitute some witch stuff and a rape house for a party and a wedding, and it's basically the same story. I even thought that Louise's mom was the same actress as the cheerleader girlfriend from Sixteen Candles as they look so much alike; she's not, but that would have been something.

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Also, during the rape house scene we totally thought dude's armpit was a vagina.

fspJWXC.png

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I could probably write a whole essay just on the horrifying implications of that voodoo doll. Exactly how much is Mr. Weaver's free will now tied to that thing? Was he able to re-dress himself on his own, or did he have to wait for Luis to put the clothes back on the doll? Is he now trapped in that exact outfit forever? How far would he have been compelled to go to find a staircase or car wash? What happens if, say, one of the legs gets ripped off? I'm pretty sure the most unforgivable thing Luis does in this movie is just leave the doll lying on the stairs for her brother to find, given how easily it could have led to a man disemboweling himself in the middle of the street.

 

Also, no one has brought up the scene where Madame Serena shows Luis the 1600's yearbook with both of their pictures. Does this mean that witches are reincarnated every thirty generations or so? Is Madame Serena immortal? Is Luis immortal? Are her parents actually her parents, or has she somehow been total recalled into believing that she's their sixteen year-old daughter in order to protect her from the truth?

 

Speaking of which, if you want to see another great performance by Richie, check out Kathryn Bigelow's solo directing debut Near Dark, in which he plays the classic role of the old, immortal vampire trapped in a little kid's body.

 

And my vote for the worst line that hasn't been mentioned yet is Hats describing her crush on Top That guy: "He's really nice and really funny. I heard him in class once (???), and he has the cutest walk."

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It kinda just fuels the flames on the whole "nice guy" craze that's been happening and takes away the woman's right to choose and like whomever the fuck she wants lol.

 

I'm all about women's rights today y'all. The right to be gay! The right to not be raped by a silver lake hipster! The right to choose Andrew McCarthy! All of it!

 

I am really glad this movie gives me an opportunity to express my hatred of Duckie. I just saw Pretty in Pink for the first time and I could not get over how much of whiny asshole he was. Definite Nice Guy prototype. Maybe instead of weirdly obsessing over Molly Ringwald he should have found someone who could actually view him as a romantic partner.

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Is it just me, or is this a homage/ripoff of Sixteen Candles?

 

Ironic that the one John Hughes teen romance movie with actual supernaturalism in it is the one that doesn't self-ripoff Sixteen Candles.

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I could probably write a whole essay just on the horrifying implications of that voodoo doll. Exactly how much is Mr. Weaver's free will now tied to that thing? Was he able to re-dress himself on his own, or did he have to wait for Luis to put the clothes back on the doll? Is he now trapped in that exact outfit forever? How far would he have been compelled to go to find a staircase or car wash? What happens if, say, one of the legs gets ripped off? I'm pretty sure the most unforgivable thing Luis does in this movie is just leave the doll lying on the stairs for her brother to find, given how easily it could have led to a man disemboweling himself in the middle of the street.

 

The two questions about the voodoo I couldn't get out of my mind were "How close does the outfit have to be to the real one to work?" and "If he's not near a staircase, does he go through the floor?"

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That reminds me -- have we not touched on the fact that that doll is dressed PRECISELY like the teacher, down to the underwear?

How did she KNOW?!?

 

Unless....

 

Did she invoke the doll then dress it, causing the teacher to pick the matching outfit?

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For all the inconsistencies of this movie's magic, it resolves those of another HDTGM favorite: Kazaam. What if the genie powers in Kazaam were actually the witch powers from this boombox-filled movie? All the issues with the seemingly arbitrary line between "ethereal" and "material" powers, the wish for a car getting ignored after it is unfulfilled, the way Kazaam is able to wander off in between granting wishes, etc. would be resolved if Kazaam was never actually a genie in the first place. Instead, suppose he actually had "ethereal" powers but after learning (via boombox) how their use corrupts during the events of Teen Witch, he pretends that he only has relatively safe "material" powers to produce "stuff" rather than messing with human nature, so that others will not go down the same path?

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Is it fair to call Teen Witch a "ripoff" of Teen Wolf if it was originally conceived as a sequel that would openly acknowledge being a successor, before all material connecting it to the original was removed? Like, say, calling Big Trouble in Little China a ripoff of Buckaroo Banzai, Cobra a ripoff of Beverly Hills Cop, or Fifty Shades of Grey a ripoff of Twilight? (OK, that last one counts...)

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The thought I kept having while watching this movie was that it was shocking that this was a theatrically released movie. I was wondering how I had never heard of the Teen Witch riots of '89 from people who paid to see it. Then I found out it is because there weren't enough people to form a riot. From Wikipedia:

 

"The production budget for Teen Witch was $2,500,000. The film was released in the US on April 23, 1989 and grossed $3,875 in its opening weekend at the box office, and only $27,843 in its entire run.[3] April 1989 box office competition included Field of Dreams, starring Kevin Costner and Pet Sematary, written by Stephen King. Both films were released on April 21, 1989, two days before the Teen Witch release."

 

My favorite part of that article is the subtle implication that this movie would have done much better if Field of Dreams wasn't around.

 

It also only played in 17 theaters.

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