Episode 143 - Gods of Egypt

[Cameron H. 23786]

Holy Fuck! I just saw Cam Bert liked one of my posts!

 

 

You've been missed, my friend! Looking forward to hearing some of your insights into all of this nonsense,

 

ETA: And we posted at the same time! I, for one, noticed your absence. I was actually about to reach out to you and make sure everything was okay. Glad to hear that whatever kept you away seems to have stabilized for now.

[Cam Bert 8145]

To single out a single thing this movie got wrong or did wrong is impossible. There are so many things that don't add up or make any sense. However, to me the biggest thing that drove me nuts was the sense of scale in this movie. It was all over the place from scene to scene. To Elektra's bracelet being bracelet sized in mortal hands when it should be more necklace or belt sized, to the giant stadium which seemingly held a million people at a time in which the entire population of the Egyptian empire would have been two million, there are sizing and scale issues with everything. However the most batshit insane one is Set's obelisk.

 

Now it's a big obelisk and that's fine. I didn't really have a problem with it until the bit with Bon Jovi, Jamie Lannister and Egyptian Frank Gehry were riding the elevator. Frank Gehry starts to monologue and he claims that the obelisk "stands exactly 2,220 kilometers tall." Now I know metric can be confusing for some Americans, so let me break it down. 2,220 kilometers is just shy of 1,380 miles. That's roughly the distance from the Earwolf studios to the Houston's Astrodome. The Earth's exosphere, the outer most layer of our atmosphere, starts at about 700 kilometers above sea level. Now granted, it takes about 10, 000 kilometers before you're in outer space but this tower went a fifth of the way there! There is no way that mortal slaves could build a tower that high because they'd start suffering from altitude sickness 2.5 kilometers up. So even a 2.22 kilometer obelisk would have been pushing it. Not to mention the fallout from its collapse would have killed everybody at that size.

 

Also given what we're shown the rope used to make the elevator go up and down would have to be roughly 9,000 kilometers long which is about LA to Paris. Not the mention the emergency ladder they put in as well.

[Cam Bert 8145]

You've been missed, my friend! Looking forward to hearing some of your insights into all of this nonsense,

 

Aw, thank you. Makes me feel good knowing that I was missed. The feeling is mutual.

[taylor anne photo 11311]

Damn, Cam Bert! Comin' back in strong with that knowledge! Welcome back, friend!!!

[Cam Bert 8145]

Now because I can't sleep I bring back the return of....

 

How Did This Get Named?

 

I missed a lot of movies and some have interesting Japanese names others not so much. So here are the movies I missed which have different names in Japan!

 

Teen Witch

魔女は１６才 Majo ha jyurokusai (16 Year Old Witch)

 

Can't Stop the Music

ミュージック・ミュージック　Mujikku Mujikku (Music Music)

 

Solarbabies

太陽の七人　Taiyo no Shichinin (The Sun 7)

 

Hell Comes to Frog Town

SFヘルスラッシャー　SF Herususassha (Sci-fi Hell Thrasher)

 

Boy Next Door

ジェニファー・ロペス　戦慄の誘惑 Jenifa Ropesu Senritsu no Yuwaku (Jennifer Lopez Fearful Temptation)

 

Simply Irresistible

バニラ・フォグ　Banira Fogu (Vanilla Fog)

 

and finally

 

Gods of Egypt

キング・オブ・エジプト　Kingu obu Ejiputo (King of Egypt)

[Cameron H. 23786]

To single out a single thing this movie got wrong or did wrong is impossible. There are so many things that don't add up or make any sense. However, to me the biggest thing that drove me nuts was the sense of scale in this movie. It was all over the place from scene to scene. To Elektra's bracelet being bracelet sized in mortal hands when it should be more necklace or belt sized, to the giant stadium which seemingly held a million people at a time in which the entire population of the Egyptian empire would have been two million, there are sizing and scale issues with everything. However the most batshit insane one is Set's obelisk.

 

Now it's a big obelisk and that's fine. I didn't really have a problem with it until the bit with Bon Jovi, Jamie Lannister and Egyptian Frank Gehry were riding the elevator. Frank Gehry starts to monologue and he claims that the obelisk "stands exactly 2,220 kilometers tall." Now I know metric can be confusing for some Americans, so let me break it down. 2,220 kilometers is just shy of 1,380 miles. That's roughly the distance from the Earwolf studios to the Houston's Astrodome. The Earth's exosphere, the outer most layer of our atmosphere, starts at about 700 kilometers above sea level. Now granted, it takes about 10, 000 kilometers before you're in outer space but this tower went a fifth of the way there! There is no way that mortal slaves could build a tower that high because they'd start suffering from altitude sickness 2.5 kilometers up. So even a 2.22 kilometer obelisk would have been pushing it. Not to mention the fallout from its collapse would have killed everybody at that size.

 

Also given what we're shown the rope used to make the elevator go up and down would have to be roughly 9,000 kilometers long which is about LA to Paris. Not the mention the emergency ladder they put in as well.

 

 

That's what I'm talking about!

[taylor anne photo 11311]

Boy Next Door

ジェニファー・ロペス　戦慄の誘惑 Jenifa Ropesu Senritsu no Yuwaku (Jennifer Lopez Fearful Temptation)

I almost just choked on my drink while reading this. I'm never going to refer to it as anything else ever again!

[tomspanks 9039]

Boy Next Door

ジェニファー・ロペス　戦慄の誘惑 Jenifa Ropesu Senritsu no Yuwaku (Jennifer Lopez Fearful Temptation)

 

Simply Irresistible

バニラ・フォグ　Banira Fogu (Vanilla Fog)

 

By the time I got down to these, I started reading them in Chairman Koji's voice.

 

[jarrycanada 2483]

F&*k you mall cops, there is a new sheriff in town!

 

 

Heads up to PlanBFromOuterSpace JCVD has a new show on amazon.

and it looks amazing. Jean-Claude Van Johnson (2016)

[Turk71 58]

In response to Ryan Sz: I think Nundercover just found its hot shot DA that doesn't play by the rules: Gerard F'n Butler!

[IMAHUGEHDTGMFAN 1837]

Hey everyone!

 

Some of you might not have noticed but I haven't been here since March. I'm not selfish enough to assume that my absence was noted, but thanks to all of your great corrections and omissions whenever I heard a minisode I felt like I was back here. I won't go into specific details but due to some work and unforeseen personal reasons I was not able to be active with the podcast or the forum. When I was able to catch up a little it'd be four or five episodes at a time, and then felt awkward coming on here because you'd be ten pages deep in comic talk on the minisodes (sadly another thing I was not able to stay active on) or I was too late to talk about the movies. Fortunately for me, and maybe unfortunately for you all, things in my life have stabilized and I am just now finally catching up on all my podcasts and comics. Just in time for the show to go on a break too. Anyway, missed hearing what everything that everybody had to say, but I hope you're all ready to hear some math, possible sequels, and Japanese nonsense again!

 

PS: Congrats to Paul and June on their second child! And congrats to Jason for still being in The Dictator!

 

Welcome Back Cam Bert! I feel that something like what you wrote also happened to me... I missed a bunch of episodes... Since ep132 I've only caught 2 "The Avengers: Live!" and now "Gods Of Egypt" I have to use this HDTGM break to catch up and watch the movies, listen to all episodes I've missed and read the forum

 

Again, so good to hear you are back! As for me I'm re-watching "Gods of Egypt" for a more detailed analysis I can't promise a long post but I wanted to dive into the madness once again lol

[Cameron H. 23786]

 

Welcome Back Cam Bert! I feel that something like what you wrote also happened to me... I missed a bunch of episodes... Since ep132 I've only caught 2 "The Avengers: Live!" and now "Gods Of Egypt" I have to use this HDTGM break to catch up and watch the movies, listen to all episodes I've missed and read the forum

 

Again, so good to hear you are back! As for me I'm re-watching "Gods of Egypt" for a more detailed analysis I can't promise a long post but I wanted to dive into the madness once again lol

 

Glad to hear you're hopefully back on a regular basis as well and that your situation has also improved! When you guys disappear for so long, it really fucks up my equilibrium. You can't do that to me guys...

[IMAHUGEHDTGMFAN 1837]

 

Glad to hear you're hopefully back on a regular basis as well and that your situation has also improved! When you guys disappear for so long, it really fucks up my equilibrium. You can't do that to me guys...

 

[Cam Bert 8145]

So many nice things said all around. This place is so full of love!

 

[Cameron H. 23786]

So many nice things said all around. This place is so full of love!

 

 

The HDTGM forums:

 

 

The rest of the Internet:

 

 

 

[jarrycanada 2483]

Ⓜⓐⓧⓘⓜⓘⓛⓘⓐⓝⓞ

 

why are you just strange characters that don't load correctly.

 

why is it loading like that? anyone?

[RyanSz 3140]

In response to Ryan Sz: I think Nundercover just found its hot shot DA that doesn't play by the rules: Gerard F'n Butler!

Yes, this needs to happen.

Ⓜⓐⓧⓘⓜⓘⓛⓘⓐⓝⓞ

 

why are you just strange characters that don't load correctly.

 

why is it loading like that? anyone?

Don't know why but a lot of weird things have been happening, like my profile pic just disappearing, that makes me think they are just doing some troubleshooting.

[NathanGordon 1096]

Don't know why but a lot of weird things have been happening, like my profile pic just disappearing, that makes me think they are just doing some troubleshooting.

There are several parts of the Earwolf forums and website that are broken and have been that way for a while. I'm fairly sure that officially Earwolf cares way more about Howl and Facebook than this site, which exists mostly out of the goodwill of interns and a dedicated Dan Engler.

 

Something that has annoyed me since Howl rolled out is the broken download links on the main page for every single podcast here. I understand it's a SoundCloud issue, but I don't use iTunes or Howl and used to just download everything from here.

[RyanSz 3140]

There are several parts of the Earwolf forums and website that are broken and have been that way for a while. I'm fairly sure that officially Earwolf cares way more about Howl and Facebook than this site, which exists mostly out of the goodwill of interns and a dedicated Dan Engler.

 

Something that has annoyed me since Howl rolled out is the broken download links on the main page for every single podcast here. I understand it's a SoundCloud issue, but I don't use iTunes or Howl and used to just download everything from here.

To be honest I think the forum only still exists for this podcast, because if you look through some of the others, none come even close to the fandom and usage as the ones for HDTGM, hell the Happening thread is longer than most threads put together.

[Auden 1809]

Now I'm curious what you'd think of

. It's based (loosely) on a series of French graphic novels, and feels like The Fifth Element if it were directed by Terry Gilliam instead of Luc Besson and its recognizable actors were replaced with CGI Egyptian gods. It's so goddamned French that I remember watching it with subtitles, but apparently it was an English language film and there were no subtitles.

The movie looks wild. Just going by the trailer and your synopsis, I'm not sure if I would like it or not. But for sure I would give it points for the great-looking special effects and for its daring creativity.

[DanEngler 5249]

There are several parts of the Earwolf forums and website that are broken and have been that way for a while.

I know there's a Earwolf.com makeover in the pipeline, but don't know when it will arrive or whether it will affect the forums.

 

I'm not sure what would cause userpics to randomly disappear. There's no expiration date for userpics in the forum settings, but I don't have access to the server infrastructure so I can't troubleshoot further.

 

The screenshot jarrycanada posted earlier is what happens when your computer doesn't know how to render special Unicode characters like the ones Maximiliano has in his username. My old Windows XP computer does the same thing.

 

I'm fairly sure that officially Earwolf cares way more about Howl and Facebook than this site, which exists mostly out of the goodwill of interns and a dedicated Dan Engler.

Shannon spends plenty of time here as well, but she has a lot of other responsibilities, including customer service and minding other social media platforms and writing the Earwolf newsletter and washing the dishes people leave sitting around the office. She also keeps me from banning everyone in a fit of pique. Without her, we would be lost.

 

Something that has annoyed me since Howl rolled out is the broken download links on the main page for every single podcast here. I understand it's a SoundCloud issue, but I don't use iTunes or Howl and used to just download everything from here.

In the Soundcloud player embedded on individual episode pages, there's a down arrow button (next to the Share button) that you can click to download the file directly.

[cubcubs 3]

Hey new to the forums but I wanted to bring up some things you did not talk about. The first is that Hathor (Elektra from Daredevil) gives up her bracelet that way Bekh's wife could make it into the afterlife. It was a heroic sacrifice that was completely in vain because the wife rejects the bracelet so that she could wait for Bekh to die as well. No one mentions this at all despite it being such a dramatic moment when she gives the bracelet up.

 

My next point which is probably because you purged The Shadow from your memory but both Hathor and Shiwan Khan have the same power to control people's minds. They both use it to command people to kill themselves when there would be easier options to command. For Shiwan Khan having the cab driver kill himself instead of just forgetting that he drove him and for Hathor to command the snake to kill its rider without killing itself that way they would have a giant snake under their control.

 

I can't remember my last point so I'll end with congratulating Paul and June on their new baby.

[JammerLea 2070]

Hey! I joined just to comment on this movie too!

 

I have to start off with saying that at the very start of Gods of Egypt, all I could manage in response to anything were a few unintelligible grunts. My roommate had to pause the movie a few times before my brain caught up. I had to do more separation of actual Ancient Egyptian mythology and whatever mythology this film was setting up.

 

The biggest failure for me with this movie was the inability to properly introduce a number (most) of the characters. So afterwards I spent time on Wikipedia trying to figure out who was who and what god was what and how they were related and just ended up even MORE confused. That family tree is INSANE and inconsistent. Also bless everyone who mentioned the lettuce story. If the lettuce scene in the movie wasn't a subtle nod to that, I will be incredibly disappointed.

 

I will definitely say that I WAS disappointed that they did not make use of Ammit, the Devourer of the Dead, with the scales of justice. Would've much more enjoyed the scene if she was there to eat the ones who didn't pass the feather test. Come on! Should've spent the effects budget on that rather than throwing in that impossible-to-understand Sphinx.

 

Basically an overall WHAT from me. But still more entertaining than The Shadow.

[Cam Bert 8145]

Okay I messed up. I was still fixated on this whole obelisk thing and wanted to check the amounts he claimed were used. When I put the movie on the Japanese subtitles came on and I noticed in them he doesn't say "kilometers" he says "cubits." Cubit being an ancient form of measure that was used in ancient Egypt this makes sense. So then I quickly did the math and it's still rather silly but not nearly as crazy as I thought. 1 cubit is about just shy of 0.5 meters. Thus Set's obelisk at 2220 cubits is almost exactly 1 kilometer tall. That's 3280 feet, which makes it still slightly crazy. The tallest building in the world now is Burj Khalifa in Dubai and that's 829.8 meters (2,722 feet) tall. Still crazy just not as crazy.

 

Now if you excuse me I have some calculations to figure about bird drawn carriages....

[firsttimecallerlongtimelistenr 3590]

In the Soundcloud player embedded on individual episode pages, there's a down arrow button (next to the Share button) that you can click to download the file directly.

 

maybe some genius here can help me ... this happened a while back and i still can't find what i did to cause it.

 

the soundcloud player is just coming up blank in my firefox browser. it works in chrome but not on any site in firefox. it looks like this:

 

 

ive cleared the cache, cookies etc. ive restarted firefox in safemode. ive disabled add-ons/extensions and re-enabled them ... but nothing seems to work.

 

i remember before it happened i was trying to speed up firefox by disabling add-ons and stuff but like i said ive tried everything i can think of but the player just wont load.

 

anyone know what i did to cause this and/or how to fix it?

 

it's not a major thing but i'd like to get it back. any help appreciated ... again