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JulyDiaz

Episode 143 - Gods of Egypt

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This is really rude and hostile. I guess Reddit doesn't teach people how to read a room. Cameron H. and Quasar Sniifer are both veteran posters who are well-liked and respected. We tend to write long posts and go off on tangents and go off-topic on this forum. So if these things bother you, you probably won't be happy here.

 

See my reply to cameron please.

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Regarding how Gerard Butler doesn't do better prestige movies, see Coriolanus with Ralph Fiennes and himself, as both men give holy shit amazing performances. This role is very reminiscent of how acted in RocknRolla and 300 where is very smarmy/cocky without giving a fuck about if it fits with whatever else is going on. As for him seemingly choosing movies he would have the most fun in, this isn't the first time where it has been an issue of him as apparently he was about a week from being qualified as a lawyer but his constant partying and going out of his way to have fun over taking work seriously cost him that opportunity, which he then turned into becoming an actor.

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Can we talk about how hot Elodie Yung (the original Elektra 2: Elektra Boogaloo) is?
I didn't watch GoE but I will gladly talk about the beauty of Elodie for daaays

No one cares how your dick feels about an actress's physical appearance.

I…I don't know how to handle this situation…

Kidding.

Mostly.

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Damm you Paul. After talking about it for ages, he never actually told us what the Riddle of the Sphinx was, so now I might have to actually look it up myself. My life is so hard. :).

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Quasar did blow it by quoting that entire page-long post for a 1 line response though

I quoted it precisely because I felt the entire thing was worth reading. It made me laugh and I know it was self-indulgent of ME for quoting the entire thing... but that was kind of the point? I'm a nerdy doofus and I just wanna give weirdo compliments to people who make me giggle. Pretty please.

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Quasar is a fucking awesome dude. I was beyond flattered that he seemed to enjoy my dumb, self-indulgent, joke post.

 

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Damm you Paul. After talking about it for ages, he never actually told us what the Riddle of the Sphinx was, so now I might have to actually look it up myself. My life is so hard. :).

I *did* have to look it up because I thought it was just going to be the traditional riddle of the Sphinx but it clearly wasn't so it bugged me. I found a clip on YouTube. And, for what it's worth, it's not the Jon Bon Jovi guy who answers. It is Chadwick Boseman, but all the dialogue is so casual and thrown away it was hard to tell.

 

(So you don't have to look it up, the Sphinx asks, "I always was, and never am to be. No one ever saw me, nor ever will, yet I am the confidence of all who live and breathe." T'Challa--who is gorgeous in this scene--first guesses Order, then Charity and finally "Tomorrow.")

 

Eh, this is quite surely on me. I guess I'm pretty down right now, nothing to do with you really. However, Auden hit the nail on the head when she wrote "Cameron H. and Quasar Sniifer are both veteran posters who are well-liked and respected. We tend to write long posts and go off on tangents and go off-topic on this forum. So if these things bother you, you probably won't be happy here" - she's right, I feel occasionally that this forum, considering it is not a chat, is too much like a "home environment" for a select few (2nd language here, I hope this works) and get annoyed with the "white noise" I sometimes need to read past. Other times I have no problem with that at all, so like I said, this is most likely on me.

 

I'm sorry you're having trouble with us. Or stupid jokes must not make much sense in a second language. Thanks for clarifying. We will try to be more understanding.

 

No one cares how your dick feels about an actress's physical appearance.

I…I don't know how to handle this situation…

Kidding.

Mostly.

Heh.

 

Edited to Add: I just had a Thought. The Thought mostly consisted of me trying to make a joke about how I didn't like NCW's dumb eyepatch. And then I realized Odin's eyepatch in the "Thor" movies is way cooler. Is that why the second opinions person refers to him as Odin? Because he has one eye?

 

Confession: I know zero about Norse Mythology except what disinformation Marvel has taught me and didn't realize until just now that Odin is usually depicted as having one eye. He sometimes has both in the comics...

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More Me Talking Myths: Yes, Odin is usually depicted with one eye in traditional Norse mythology. He sacrificed it to Mimir "The Rememberer," god of wisdom, in order to take a drink from the Well of Knowledge, thus sacrificing earthly means of perception for more divine, sacred, and profound methods of perception and knowledge. Odin has a history of painful, physical self-sacrifice for wisdom and knowledge, as he once also hung himself from Yggdrasil, impaled himself with a spear, and remained in that state for nine days in order to properly peer into the Well of Urd. This well contained, among its infinite depths and unimaginable powers, the Norns. The Norns were female deities with basically the same function as the Fates in Greek myth and determined destiny by carving runes into the trunk of Yggdrasil. Odin, from his perch impaled and hung on the Great World Tree, was able to discern and absorb the wisdom of the runes.

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The line "I have a bad reputation to keep" is almost the same as "I have a reputation to uphold", Hollywood's line about why he can't be publicly seen in a suit rather than his trademark flamboyant attire in the first Mannequin. Except that line assumed the audience could figure out the joke on their own. And yes, the delivery in Gods of Egypt actually particularly emphasizes the word "bad" in case merely spelling it out was not enough.

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How come when you watch movies like this or Clash of the Titans, even though the characters are supposed to be the "Gods of Earth" or whatever, they all seem to stick to their own specific regions? If you're a God, why would you limit yourself to just one area? For instance, why doesn't Horus just show up in Japan? He wouldn't need a reason. He's a God. He could just do that, couldn't he?

 

Then again, I do plan on addressing all of this in my upcoming film, Pantheon Wars! In my movie, the gods of the different pantheons, tricked by the mischievous Coyote, will be pitted against one another for global dominance. It will feature a diverse cast from all around the world and answer the age old question: whose gods are the best?

 

Hollywood--you may begin the bidding war for the script. I'll be waiting...

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No one cares how your dick feels about an actress's physical appearance.

I…I don't know how to handle this situation…

Kidding.

Mostly.

I would be lying if I didn't say I was waiting for this response, Dan.

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Can we talk about how hot Elodie Yung (the original Elektra 2: Elektra Boogaloo) is?

 

14.jpg

 

She's gone right on the "Massive Crush" list along with Stephanie Beatriz of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and NXT's Asuka.

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How come when you watch movies like this or Clash of the Titans, even though the characters are supposed to be the "Gods of Earth" or whatever, they all seem to stick to their own specific regions? If you're a God, why would you limit yourself to just one area? For instance, why doesn't Horus just show up in Japan? He wouldn't need a reason. He's a God. He could just do that, couldn't he?

 

In the prologue of GoE, the narrator says that "before history began" (whatever that means), Egypt was the birthplace of all life, a paradise, so the Gods decided to squat there.

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How come when you watch movies like this or Clash of the Titans, even though the characters are supposed to be the "Gods of Earth" or whatever, they all seem to stick to their own specific regions? If you're a God, why would you limit yourself to just one area? For instance, why doesn't Horus just show up in Japan? He wouldn't need a reason. He's a God. He could just do that, couldn't he?

 

Then again, I do plan on addressing all of this in my upcoming film, Pantheon Wars! In my movie, the gods of the different pantheons, tricked by the mischievous Coyote, will be pitted against one another for global dominance. It will feature a diverse cast from all around the world and answer the age old question: whose gods are the best?

 

Hollywood--you may begin the bidding war for the script. I'll be waiting...

 

The God of War games are sort of addressing this, Kratos wrecked shit in Ancient Greece and fucked Mount Olympus up, so now he's made his way into Norse Mythology.

 

My extrapolation is that because exposure to other areas of the world is virtually non-existant, that place is the entire world. So, you'd have the Vikings venturing out of Scandanavia, they end up somewhere they haven't been before, and they say "This place must belong to Odin too", and then whoever was already there says "Who's Odin?!" the Vikings say "The fuck you mean by 'Who's Odin?!'", they then say "You fucking heard me!", Vikings say "Fuck you, this shit's Odin's now!" the other guy's say "Fuck off, mate. Odin's having fuck all, fuck Odin", then the Vikings say "Fuck Odin?! Nah, fuck you, mate!" and then both sides say "Nah, fuck you, mate!" to each other a bunch of times, then they all say "RAAAAAAARGH, mate!!" and then they have a fight.

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My extrapolation is that because exposure to other areas of the world is virtually non-existant, that place is the entire world. So, you'd have the Vikings venturing out of Scandanavia, they end up somewhere they haven't been before, and they say "This place must belong to Odin too", and then whoever was already there says "Who's Odin?!" the Vikings say "The fuck you mean by 'Who's Odin?!'", they then say "You fucking heard me!", Vikings say "Fuck you, this shit's Odin's now!" the other guy's say "Fuck off, mate. Odin's having fuck all, fuck Odin", then the Vikings say "Fuck Odin?! Nah, fuck you, mate!" and then both sides say "Nah, fuck you, mate!" to each other a bunch of times, then they all say "RAAAAAAARGH, mate!!" and then they have a fight.

 

I mean, historically--yeah. But I think if you are doing a modern movie about Gods ruling the World and you don't include anything but this tiny fraction of the Earth, you kind of make the Gods look sort of lame. This also opens the possibility of a much more diverse cast. Who says Ra can't be Latino? Or Hercules can't be Asian? If the Gods rule the entire Earth, then their pantheon should reflect the diversity of the planet. If their not going to do that. If they're just going to say, "The Gods don't rule the Earth, they just rule these couple of countries," then my solution is to Battleworld the shit out of it. At least that would be interesting...

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I mean, historically--yeah. But I think if you are doing a modern movie about Gods ruling the World and you don't include anything but this tiny fraction of the Earth, you kind of make the Gods look sort of lame. This also opens the possibility of a much more diverse cast. Who says Ra can't be Latino? Or Hercules can't be Asian? If the Gods rule the entire Earth, then their pantheon should reflect the diversity of the planet. If their not going to do that. If they're just going to say, "The Gods don't rule the Earth, they just rule these couple of countries," then my solution is to Battleworld the shit out of it. At least that would be interesting...

 

The latter part of it opens up a pretty interesting idea for a movie. Wars rage on for millennia, the respective gods get together and decide that the world is better if there was one true god, so each god gathers a group of Champions, and these armies engage in full on gladatorial combat.

 

However, when the Gods start having too much fun wagering on the lives of mortal men, shit really hits the fan, and people start to dissent against them, and then you have this massive ruck to end the movie, with the moral of the story being that you don't need to force your beliefs onto your fellow man, live a happy life enriched by following your own beliefs.

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They mentioned this in the episode, but the goddess of love says at one point that she can control someone's mind unless their heart belongs to another. So, anyone in a relationship then? That seems like a pretty big limitation on your god power. Good thing those sand worms weren't a couple.

 

I also liked that shot of the underworld happily returning to normal after Gerard Butler and the giant

were defeated. Don't worry poor people, now that that's all resolved we'll get the line moving and have you off to nonexistence in no time!

 

Was I the only one hoping, when Jaime Lannister's jewel-eye was rolling down the side of the tower, that he would need to dive and catch it right in the socket? Definitely the most disappointing part of this movie.

 

 

Since we have three weeks to kill in this thread, I'll add this: At the end of Old Dogs, it says the epilogue is one year later. John Travolta and Aunt Becky also say that their baby is three months old. That means that, just days after meeting and immediately following that group therapy/pie-eating/jokerface scene, he took her home and rawdogged her.

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They mentioned this in the episode, but the goddess of love says at one point that she can control someone's mind unless their heart belongs to another. So, anyone in a relationship then? That seems like a pretty big limitation on your god power. Good thing those sand worms weren't a couple.

 

In those times, marriages were primarily political unions, as opposed to loving relationships, so chances are, they weren't necessarily together through love or affection, thus leaving them open to manipulation.

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I was going to watch this movie yesterday, but I got distracted by the Amazon pilots. Anyone watch The Tick, Jean Claude van Johnson, or I Love Dick?

 

Anyhoo, I finally re-watched GoE (because I couldn't remember anything from the first watch) and had a few observations.

 

1. Gods have liquid gold as their blood. Since the melting point of gold is ~2000 degrees F, wouldn't that mean the Gods are extremely hot? Yet "mortals" had no problems touching the Gods.

2. Speaking of mortals, they are so called mortals because they die, right? Well, apparently Gods can die too?

3. So, in the beginning of the movie, Set (Gerard Butler) kills his brother, Osiris, the father of Horus (Jaime Lannister). It was established that Set is the uncle of Horus. Right? But at around the 55th minute mark, Set, referring to his nephew, Horus, says "I'll have to kill that boy, like his uncle." Huh? Set didn't kill Horus' uncle, because Horus' uncle is...Set. Set killed Horus' father. He should've said, "I'll have to kill that boy, like his father." I think the screenwriters and the actors were also confused about this family tree.

4. Lastly, I thought the bird-powered air ship definitely needed a roof or at least a tarp over the passengers. There's no way I'm sitting under thousands of birds without a cover.

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In those times, marriages were primarily political unions, as opposed to loving relationships, so chances are, they weren't necessarily together through love or affection, thus leaving them open to manipulation.

 

That's a fair point, but they would just need to be in love with someone else, not necessarily their spouse. I mean, little Bon Jovi and whatsherface weren't married, and she was dead at the time, and that still counted.

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Since we have three weeks to kill in this thread, I'll add this: At the end of Old Dogs, it says the epilogue is one year later. John Travolta and Aunt Becky also say that their baby is three months old. That means that, just days after meeting and immediately following that group therapy/pie-eating/jokerface scene, he took her home and rawdogged her.

 

No contraception has a 100% success rate. Even vasectomies can fail to prevent pregnancy.

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This movie should have been a video game. As a movie it's terrible.

 

But in a video game because everything is already CGI it would have been far less jarring to see the visuals. Some of my favorite parts of the movie are the scenes that looked like they were pulled from like prince of persia or zelda. Like where BBJ is dodging the statues in fighting poses. Same goes for the Sand Snake scene which would have made far more sense as a boss battle in a video game rather than the way it was shoehorned into the movie.

 

Also the end scene where Jaime Lannister is flying around looks like someone doing a let's play and trying to get a hang of the flying controls.

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How come when you watch movies like this or Clash of the Titans, even though the characters are supposed to be the "Gods of Earth" or whatever, they all seem to stick to their own specific regions? If you're a God, why would you limit yourself to just one area? For instance, why doesn't Horus just show up in Japan? He wouldn't need a reason. He's a God. He could just do that, couldn't he?

Gods are powered by mortal faith, a point addressed in Clash of Titans and other films/books/etc I forget. It makes no sense for Freya to have anything to do with Maori tribes, or Buddha giving blessings to Vikings. Horus can't do shit in Japan because nobody believes in him there, and he can't interact with gods from other cultures because neither he nor his followers acknowledge them. Gods can't will their own existence into being through their faith in themselves; their power is directly related to how many followers they have.

 

*Also, this would explain the flat Earth in the movie; that is simply the scope of the world as the mortals and therefore their gods see it. (I actually thought that was a neat detail.)

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