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Smigg.

Episode 224: Starcrash: LIVE!

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I'd like to discuss the temperature on the ice planet.

As Stella and Elle are about to go to the surface of the planet; Akton tells them to hurry because once the Sun sets the temperature will drop thousands of degrees.  THIS IS PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE.

Let's assume the planet is similar to the climate of Antarctica.  Average Temperature on Antarctica ranges from -76 Farenheit (or -60 Celsius/or 213 Kelvin) to 14 Farenheit(or -10 Celsius/or 263 Kelvin).  The coldest possible temperature acheivable, anywhere in the universe, also referred to as Absolute Zero, is -459 Farenheit (or -273 Celsius/or 0 Kelvin).  Meaning, at -76 Farenheit, it is not physically possible for the temperature to drop more than about 400 degrees on the Farenheit scale.

Now, it is possible for temperatures to change by thousands of degrees.   Let's say the surface temperature of a given planet is 2,000 Farenheit(or 1093 Celsius/or 1366 Kelvin), it would be possible for the temperature to drop another 2459 degrees (on the Farenheit scale in this instance).  I think we can all agree, though, if the surface temperature was 2,000 Farenheit(or 1093 Celsius/or 1366 Kelvin), our heroes would not only be incinerated, but a planet of that temperature would not be covered in ice but would instead resemble Venus (a planet experiencing a runaway greenhouse effect).

So, unless they're using an entirely differenct temperature scale (which is not introduced), this movie just doesn't make sense.  Just because of that one fact, though.  Rest of the movie is on-point! 😁

 

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17 minutes ago, Cameron H. said:

MY POSTS MUST BE LIKED!!
 

(I can’t “like” anything either. Nor can I add a hilarious gif :( )

 

 

I instinctively tried to like this post like an idiot.

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24 minutes ago, grudlian. said:

I instinctively tried to like this post like an idiot.

Likes are back is business!!!

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4 hours ago, Smigg. said:

 

Okay, I need to see this movie.

I've seen the first 20-30 minutes of this and can tell you, no, no you probably do not. It gets old pretty fast.*

Find the NSFW trailer, and you'll get the best version of the movie. 

 

*: Saw this at a film fest, but had to step out about that much time into to go to a prior engagement for a few hours. It had already kinda gotten bad by that point. When I came back everyone pretty much told me the rest of the movie did not improve in my absence.

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1 hour ago, Cameron H. said:

MY POSTS MUST BE LIKED!!
 

(I can’t “like” anything either. Nor can I add a hilarious gif :( )

Oooh links are breaking too! Just tried to go to page two and it told me nah brah again!

EDIT: Literally fixed seconds after I posted this

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6 hours ago, RyanSz said:

So June only barely touched the surface of what we offer at libraries, as not only do we offer homework help and tutoring, we also have computer classes for all ages, coding classes, literacy tutoring for ESL students, and various programs like laser tag and what I just went through putting together over the last year, a comic convention. Plus, since I’m in charge of ordering movies for my library I make sure we have all the HDTGM best.

The library district I belong to has local art displayed all year long, there's always something new when I'm there. Stop sleeping on your libraries!

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Was anyone else upset that in the process of escaping the slave pits, Stella Star basically got a ton of innocent people killed? Don't get me wrong, I'm super happy she escaped a life of slavery, but it might have been nice if our hero had helped at least one other person get away. At the very least, it would have been cool if her casualty count hadn't been quite so excessive. 

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15089_10152167024107236_509755182_n.jpg
 

Starcrash-Silver-Giant-6.jpg

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...

This movie could have been pretty good if the director would have made the fight scene between Stella Star and the Space Amazons about two hours longer. 

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3 minutes ago, Cameron H. said:

Was anyone else upset that in the process of escaping the slave pits, Stella Star basically got a ton of innocent people killed? Don't get me wrong, I'm super happy she escaped from a life of slavery, but it might have been nice if our hero had helped at least one other person get away. At the very least, it would have been cool if her casualty count hadn't been quite so excessive. 

Yep.  Totally sacrificed all those people & guards to make her escape...  which was doubly ineffective given that Elle & Thor pretty much immediately catch her, so all those people died for nothing.

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5 minutes ago, muttnik said:

The library district I belong to has local art displayed all year long, there's always something new when I'm there. Stop sleeping on your libraries!

We used to do a First Friday Art Hop with the other city departments where people could go around the city checking out local artists’ work. The attendance died down on in our location though so we stopped taking part in it. We ended up replacing it with my laser tag event and every other month now the signups fill out in 10 minutes, leaving me to wish for parents to start fighting on out entry ramp for the chance at a laser tag spot, similar to how the makers of Funzo wanted a trampling during a store riot on the Simpsons.

 

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Budgetary issues aside, I wish they'd at least tried to throw a few more non-humanoid aliens in. Head in a Jar and Green Guy were pretty much the only sci-fi guys.

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I have a very silly, embarrassing, and ( in my mind) hilarious confession to make. When I heard the name of the movie I misheard Paul and my brain autofilled in what it thought he said. So instead of Starcrasher *I* heard Starchaser. This is funny because for some reason I can't explain I was convinced that was the name of what might be Disneyland's worst ride ever Superstar Limo.  No matter how many times I am told it's not I can't seem to grasp that. I basically thought that this was a Pirates Of The Caribbean scenario based on terrifying C list celebrity puppets stuck in a neon hellscape.

I went full June you guys. 

I went FULL June.

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I’m not saying that my brother and I built more realistic-looking spaceships with LEGOs when we were kids, but I’m not NOT saying it, either.  

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25 minutes ago, gigi-tastic said:

I have a very silly, embarrassing, and ( in my mind) hilarious confession to make. When I heard the name of the movie I misheard Paul and my brain autofilled in what it thought he said. So instead of Starcrasher *I* heard Starchaser. This is funny because for some reason I can't explain I was convinced that was the name of what might be Disneyland's worst ride ever Superstar Limo.  No matter how many times I am told it's not I can't seem to grasp that. I basically thought that this was a Pirates Of The Caribbean scenario based on terrifying C list celebrity puppets stuck in a neon hellscape.

I went full June you guys. 

I went FULL June.

I’ve mentioned this before, but back when they announced Rhinestone, my brain heard “Rhinestone Cowboy,” which turned it to Urban Cowboy. Anyway, I watched most of that depressing turd before I realized what I had done - lol

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3 hours ago, Cameron H. said:

Was anyone else upset that in the process of escaping the slave pits, Stella Star basically got a ton of innocent people killed? Don't get me wrong, I'm super happy she escaped from a life of slavery, but it might have been nice if our hero had helped at least one other person get away. At the very least, it would have been cool if her casualty count hadn't been quite so excessive. 

I don't feel bad at all for those people and you know why? They were not innocent. She's working at a penal labour camp which means presumably all the other people their working were other criminals as well. Least we forget at the start of the movie Stella is a straight up criminal running away from the space police. That couple she talks to looks nice but who is to say they didn't space murder their children? I mean I doubt space is beyond white collar prisons so if they had done something as harmless as space embezzling they wouldn't be doing hard labour. To be sentenced to work like a slave I image your crime would have to be as big as evading arrest and smuggling and robbery like Stella. So while those prisoner's died in her escape and the death of any alien or human life is sad, these people's backstory is unknown and maybe they shouldn't have been saved.

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10 minutes ago, Cam Bert said:

I don't feel bad at all for those people and you know why? They were not innocent. She's working at a penal labour camp which means presumably all the other people their working were other criminals as well. Least we forget at the start of the movie Stella is a straight up criminal running away from the space police. That couple she talks to looks nice but who is to say they didn't space murder their children? I mean I doubt space is beyond white collar prisons so if they had done something as harmless as space embezzling they wouldn't be doing hard labour. To be sentenced to work like a slave I image your crime would have to be as big as evading arrest and smuggling and robbery like Stella. So while those prisoner's died in her escape and the death of any alien or human life is sad, these people's backstory is unknown and maybe they shouldn't have been saved.

Yes, but space Jean Valjean might also be in there because he stole space bread for his family. How do you feel about that?

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5 hours ago, Cameron H. said:

Likes are back is business!!!

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I don't know if this is purely a phone issue but I still can't like things! If everyone who wrote something useful or funny could pretend I liked it, I'd appreciate it.

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18 minutes ago, Cameron H. said:

Yes, but space Jean Valjean might also be in there because he stole space bread for his family. How do you feel about that?

Then look down and call me space Javert!

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3 minutes ago, Cam Bert said:

Then look down and call me space Javert!

But who shall space dream a dream for us?

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1 minute ago, Cameron H. said:

But who shall space dream a dream for us?

The space master of the house?

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Yes, Akton’s Dollar General brand lightsaber was offensive, but I had far more issues with the weapon Stella Star wielded for the majority of the movie. It was essentially an entire rifle made out of a bayonet. The logistics of firing such a weapon are beyond me. It seems to me as soon as you pulled the trigger, the recoil would slice your space fingers right the fuck off.

(I could post a screen shot, but this image is far better.)

41085980035_d8cc06108d_b.jpg

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The Count came so close to nailing his protection plan for his ultimate weapon of doom with the two levels of defense.  Level 1 is some sort of psychic space monster that can destroy the minds of every person aboard any approaching ship and are so effective that even robots succumb to their attack.  Only someone like Akton who has whatever power or ability is convenient to the plot at that moment can make it through their defense.  Level 2 is some cave men.  So an A for the concept but a C- on the execution of the idea.

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It kind of bums me out that a name as awesome as "Stella Star" was wasted on this crap-ass movie.

I have to admit, I kind of found the redneck robot amusing.

And perhaps the most insane piece of trivia, despite their protests that they'd put the script together prior to Star Wars, the producers asked the director to make it in the style of Star Wars.  The director had never seen Star Wars, so he decided just to read the novelization.

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I laughed very hard at the suggestion that the director just read the book! Haha. What an amazing coincidence that he used the same slow-mo spaceship models, and a light saber!?! Actually the light saber is such a rip off that maybe it was a coincidence. wtf

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