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JulyDiaz

Episode 133 - The Quest

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Dunno about ugly. But definitely odd. Much of the human body is. What is with earlobes?

 

Oh, I know. I was just being hyperbolic. There are many handsome dicks out there. Besides, there's nothing on the human body that's quite as disgusting as that most hideous of all human features...

 

 

elbow skin *barf*

 

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Also, not sure if anyone here has ever watched G Gundam, but its basically like this movie in giant robots, except way dumber and way more comically racist, so its great...but Maxie Divine has a spiritual successor in Neo America's boxing champion Chibodee Crocket. Both really scrawny heavyweight boxing champs with all-American down home names.

 

Oh, I believe you when you say something Japanese is comically racist. I don't think they do it with any malice or hateful intent, they're just sort of unaware how bad it really is.

 

Like the Black guy with a white New York sounding voice.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtzlKJ1dObU

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Another thing. I hope you've all seen the epic splits commercial. I had not.

 

 

I don't think June is going to be buying that truck.

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HDTGMers definitely have different tastes in nudity than Beavis and Butthead (from their book Huh Huh for Hollywood, with some help from Larry Doyle):

 

gIrWT3S.png

 

each week on the American crime story on FX, I get this warning. and each week it pisses me right off.

 

308bqtz.jpg

 

Still waiting on that nudity guys... better have a big pay off.

 

this is for

His Japanese ads are the

 

But I feel like i've seen it all with his

. you'll need total recall to remove this from your mind.

Versace we make jeans as well as bad porn.

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Another thing. I hope you've all seen the epic splits commercial. I had not.

 

 

I don't think June is going to be buying that truck.

 

Cringe inducing/hilarious copycat political ad.

 

 

Also watchmojo did a top 10 VanDamme splits video apparently. (I saw it while searching for this.)

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1143535-4-20-96-los-angeles-ca-jean-claude-van-damme-gettyimages.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=ieLPwkLd4JrzHPL2t6TZU0tauOoi2td7iDzO%2BALDB4bHtdsDxVXLZ93FrvJSeOfX

 

I think this elephant looks deeply ashamed to be involved with THE QUEST and want June to investigate what he or she got paid and whether he was properly billed.

 

Is it me or does the stuntman at the far left look like a very tan Tim Tebow?

 

each week on the American crime story on FX, I get this warning. and each week it pisses me right off.

 

308bqtz.jpg

 

Still waiting on that nudity guys... better have a big pay off.

 

this is for

Yeah haven't seen nudity yet, but holy shit are they get mileage out of saying "fuck" uncensored. The first time when Marcia Clark said it at the end of an episode it was quiet enough that I actually rewound to make sure I heard it right, but now they are dropping it left and right, especially with last week's episode concerning the Furhman tapes. With the finale next week I'm really on edge, I wonder what the verdict is going to be?

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Cringe inducing/hilarious copycat political ad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AKNb71pxAU

 

 

Also watchmojo did a top 10 VanDamme splits video apparently. (I saw it while searching for this.)

With Van Damme getting his start with Cannon Films, I would have loved a little in-joke for that commercial to be that the trucks were from Hawk & Son trucking from Over the Top.

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Cringe inducing/hilarious copycat political ad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AKNb71pxAU

 

 

Also watchmojo did a top 10 VanDamme splits video apparently. (I saw it while searching for this.)

I did watch the watchmojo video too. I thought the volvo one was weirder. With the Enya music and all. I don't know what I would do if a local political candidate ran this ad. Like I said, I hadn't seen the original until just now so I'd just be like, "Why is this asshole standing on two trucks?" But you know the campaign staffers thought they were HILARIOUS.

 

Am I the only one who looked up French Oyster sex position and got nothing? And was vaguely disappointed? But then maybe I don't want to know. Maybe I'm like Jason and if it's not about fingering, who cares. I know the Viennese oyster but that is more about the lady flexibility. Unless Jon meant like with the positions reversed??

 

Why are all my posts today about dicks and sex positions?

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Dunno about ugly. But definitely odd. Much of the human body is. What is with earlobes? I don't think it's making the best impression to send a dick pic if I am not already into it. Because then the best you get is comedy. Like the scene in FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL. I did see Nicole Byer was on Twitter drawing dresses on dick pics and sending them back when I looked her up last week when she was a guest.

 

This got very off topic. Let's go back to JCVD.

 

1143535-4-20-96-los-angeles-ca-jean-claude-van-damme-gettyimages.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=ieLPwkLd4JrzHPL2t6TZU0tauOoi2td7iDzO%2BALDB4bHtdsDxVXLZ93FrvJSeOfX

 

I think this elephant looks deeply ashamed to be involved with THE QUEST and want June to investigate what he or she got paid and whether he was properly billed.

 

Also, did you know that JCVD is female?

 

Omission:

 

When Dobbs introduces himself he says "My name is Dobbs...Edgar Dobbs." Obviously a nod to James Bond. Did no one notice this?!

 

Aspects similar to James Bond movies? In this movie? I would never have guessed!

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I think the line "A stowaway. You work for us. - Put him in chains." when JCVD wakes up on the boat finally explains why the sailors refuse to let Arnold leave in Hercules in New York. Paul's theory that there is some kind of rule that if you find someone in the sea then you get to enslave them appears to be correct. Maritime law is cruel.

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I saw this with some friends when it first came out. We did not intend to see it, in fact we went to the theater to see Mulholland Falls. However, one of my friends, probably the only JVCD fan in our group wanted to see The Quest. The rest of our group wanted to stick to the original plan but he protested and presented his case as to why he didn't want to see Mulholland Falls. He said he didn't want to see a movie with so many hats...yeah 'hats'. Now, there are indeed a lot of hats in Mulholland Falls, but in The Quest, EVERYBODY'S WEARING FUCKING HATS! Hats hats hats all over the fucking place. I don't think we see a scene where Roger Moore isn't wearing a hat. I wish I could say that was the only time my friend had ever duped me into seeing a shitty movie, but he'd pulled the same kind of thing and got me to go see The Power Ranger Movie. Maybe my friend was some sort of Svengali who had the power to get anyone to see the worst movies with any dumb reason.

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One quick note. John Gabrus said that Ox, one if the reviewers from second opinions, sounds like a bully's name. Jesse Plemons actually played a bully named Ox in the Lil' Bow Wow movie Like Mike. Plemons and Bow Wow played orphans, much like the children in Van Damme's gang in The Quest.

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I think the line "A stowaway. You work for us. - Put him in chains." when JCVD wakes up on the boat finally explains why the sailors refuse to let Arnold leave in Hercules in New York. Paul's theory that there is some kind of rule that if you find someone in the sea then you get to enslave them appears to be correct. Maritime law is cruel.

 

The New York Times had a big series of articles last year where they tracked an ocean freighter. It was pretty terrifying.

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Oh, I believe you when you say something Japanese is comically racist. I don't think they do it with any malice or hateful intent, they're just sort of unaware how bad it really is.

 

Like the Black guy with a white New York sounding voice.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtzlKJ1dObU

 

So I was hoping in order to tie G Gundam into this movie a bit more that Neo-Mongolia would have been something good, like a Genghis Khan theme or something, but it was just kinda bland. Specially compared to Neo-Egypt, which is a giant robotic mummy, which is piloted by an actual mummy, or Tequila Gundam of Neo-Mexico (which itself is a giant space sombrero/cactus).

 

The crowning jewel I guess, even more so than the windmill gundam, or the one with a literal viking ship attached is Zebra Gundam:

gf13-020nk.jpg

So, in a step above The Quest, instead of being from Africa as a whole, they at least made it from Kenya.

 

Also in a bit of a correction, they said the Spanish fighter was just in slacks, but it looked like he was going for a bull fighter kind of motif. Although I don't know how round kicks to the face would play against a bull. And he kind of had a Xena style thing he did when attacking that was kinda weird. Maybe bull fighters do that, too? At any rate all I know about Spain and fighting is about bulls, they fight bulls and they run from bulls, so of course if they were to build a giant robot to represent their country's martial prowess...

X0XGRiY.jpg

Also, in the Spain vs Russia fight, again playing to the stereotypes of Spanish guys being suave womanizers, they had him give a sensual look to the reporter lady that just really emphasized the fact that she is literally the only woman there. (at least in Bloodsport there were a couple other random background ladies all dressed up pretending like the Kumite was some special event and not just basically a warehouse half the size of a middle school basketball court crammed full of unwashed peasants with a single platform in the middle and hard wooden benches.)

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Oh no, you don't! I will not rest until everyone on this forum has revealed their deepest, most carnal, and dabacherous of desires.

 

Maybe we could set up a poll?

 

Dude Buns vs. No dude buns

 

Male splits: Yes or No

 

Dick pics: Yes, No, Sometimes

Okay here's my answers to this cause why the fuck not. Yes to the Dude Buns 100%. Flexibility is attractive but I have never looked at a man doing the splits and thought of it as a turn on. Dicks pics as a concept to me come off as gross and comical like Elektra said, but maybe that's just because I never have felt like I trusted anyone who sent me them enough to enjoy them or reciprocate the act.

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Also in a bit of a correction, they said the Spanish fighter was just in slacks, but it looked like he was going for a bull fighter kind of motif. Although I don't know how round kicks to the face would play against a bull. And he kind of had a Xena style thing he did when attacking that was kinda weird. Maybe bull fighters do that, too? At any rate all I know about Spain and fighting is about bulls, they fight bulls and they run from bulls

 

Perhaps the Spanish fighter's matador schtick was an homage to Don Flamenco from Mike Tyson's Punch-Out? A game which is also a series of bouts featuring contestants based on blatant national stereotypes.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyakEu37whs

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Dicks pics as a concept to me come off as gross and comical like Elektra said, but maybe that's just because I never have felt like I trusted anyone who sent me them enough to enjoy them or reciprocate the act.

 

I don't know why this suddenly reminded me of this, but in 1999 I was a Freshman in High school, and I got a "You wanna see my dick?" message from a dude on the internet, and I was like "Sure, why not?" and he literally emailed me a scanned picture of his cock and balls. I don't mean he took a picture and scanned it, I mean he literally flopped his (Comically gigantic) junk onto a scanner and scanned it, like an ass on a copy machine. It was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. It still makes me laugh when I think about it. Oh early internet technology.

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Just a quick note, since you were all debating whether he was trying to portray himself as a Robin Hook type character. I think he definitely was since his character's last name Dubois, is just like Robin Des Bois, which is the French name for Robin Hood.

 

Loved the episode!

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Serious question for June: What exactly is a 'street child'?

 

It seems, since the fighters are introduced by country rather than name, that this is a "best fighter from every country" kind of deal. However, if that's the case, how come Japan fights Okinawa? Wouldn't that be like having a fighter from America and New York?

I think Japan and Okinawa have a more 'U.S. and Puerto Rico' relationship. On the other hand this explanation is almost certainly giving the writers far too much credit.

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As for dick pics, that has never made any sense to me. I think EVERYONE can agree, no matter what you're sexual orientation, that dicks are downright ugly.

 

I don't know about you mate but mine's absolutely gorgeous

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Told you guys you should've done Double Impact. The Quest is trying to capture that Bloodsport magic again, but Kickboxer would've been a better choice if you were going for that.

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I don't know about you mate but mine's absolutely gorgeous

 

I don't believe you. Pics or it's not true.

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