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Episode 142 - The Phantom: LIVE! (w/ Eliza Skinner, Ed Brubaker)

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The best thing to come out of this movie was Rey Mysterio's Phantom-inspired costume...

 

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Pictured: Rey Mysterio and Eddie Guerrero in an inverted 2/3 Devil's Vortex

 

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The first thing I remember seeing Catherine Zeta Jones in was "Mask of Zorro", and I remember being SO disappointed to find out that she wasn't actually Hispanic.

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Holy cow, I just looked up the director of this film and he has a stunningly terrible resume. D.A.R.Y.L, Quigley Down Under, and Operation Dumbo Drop are all poor to mediocre films, but Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man and Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles are legitimately terrible films. Who kept giving this guy projects? With the exception of Free Willy, I can't really think of anything he did that made a decent profit.

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I know, I know. I know what you're all thinking: "I've conscripted (kidnapped?) this small, indigenous child to help me navigate the dense jungle of this remote fictional island to locate a hoard of magical pirate treasure, what do I care about his safety? I should absolutely allow him to drive this truck full of our supplies across this ravine." And while I agree that's a smart move--why risk your life when his is basically worthless--don't let your enthusiasm for child endangerment cloud your good judgement. If you're fearing that the weight of your truck will be too much for the rickety rope bridge you're trying to cross, maybe it's not the best idea to allow that child driven truck to go last. Y'know, lest your fears come to pass and the weight of the truck is too much for the bridge. I mean, who cares about the kid, but if that truck takes out that bridge, then you're going to be stranded on the wrong side of the ravine with no equipment!

 

No. The correct way to navigate this situation is to send one of your men across first--preferably with a length of rope slightly longer than the width of the crevasse you're trying to cross. If the irrepressible jungle waif you've absconded with is one of the Rope People, all the better! While you sneak into their village in the middle of the night to steal him out of the arms of his crying mother, you can pick up some rope at that time. It's called, "killing two birds with one stone." Next, you send the kid across. If the truck goes plummets to the bottom of the gorge and explodes into a fiery conflagration of twisted shrapnel and child limbs, so what? Yes, you lose all your equipment, but you will be on the right side of the ravine to make your way safely back to your boat, re-equip yourselves, and try again. Sure, it may take some effort to rescue your compatriot stranded on the other side, but with that length of genuine Rope People Rope™ you remembered to bring, you can easily have him traverse over the smoldering wreckage and back to safety. And best of all, nobody gets hurt!

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I know, I know. I know what you're all thinking: "I've conscripted (kidnapped?) this small, indigenous child to help me navigate the dense jungle of this remote fictional island to locate a hoard of magical pirate treasure, what do I care about his safety? I should absolutely allow him to drive this truck full of our supplies across this ravine." And while I agree that's a smart move--why risk your life when his is basically worthless--don't let your enthusiasm for child endangerment cloud your good judgement. If you're fearing that the weight of your truck will be too much for the rickety rope bridge you're trying to cross, maybe it's not the best idea to allow that child driven truck to go last. Y'know, lest your fears come to pass and the weight of the truck is too much for the bridge. I mean, who cares about the kid, but if that truck takes out that bridge, then you're going to be stranded on the wrong side of the ravine with no equipment!

 

No. The correct way to navigate this situation is to send one of your men across first--preferably with a length of rope slightly longer than the width of the crevasse you're trying to cross. If the irascible jungle waif you've absconded with is one of the Rope People, all the better! While you sneak into their village in the middle of the night to steal him out of the arms of his crying mother, you can pick up some rope at that time. It's called, "killing two birds with one stone." Next, you send the kid across. If the truck goes plummets to the bottom of the gorge and explodes into a fiery conflagration of twisted shrapnel and child limbs, so what? Yes, you lose all your equipment, but you will be on the right side of the ravine to make your way safely back to your boat, re-equip yourselves, and try again. Sure, it may take some effort to rescue your compatriot stranded on the other side, but with that length of genuine Rope People Rope™ you remembered to bring, you can easily have him traverse over the smoldering wreckage and back to safety. And best of all, nobody gets hurt!

Cameron H. here to advise you in your child kidnapping schemes. Always.

 

I had a lot of questions about that kid. Like where did they get him? Where does he live? He doesn't look like one of the rope people. So did they... like bring him from afar? And let's not forget the part where James Remar straight up tries to elbow the kid in the face. This kid as been abducted and abused. The Phantom "rescues" him (after traumatizing him some more) and then is just like, "Bye!" YOU SHOULD TAKE THAT KID HOME.

 

Let's say he does know how to get home. The rope bridge is OUT. So he has to go around, right? I think that kid is wandering in the jungle for at least three days.

 

I also have a lot of questions about the one random butler servant the Phantom has. I was obsessed with the fact that he wore a turban when no one else in the movie wore a turban. (And I would think that would be hot? In the jungle?) Where'd he find this guy? Does the Phantom put out job listings when he needs a new butler? Does he have ads on cragislist?

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And let's not forget the part where James Remar straight up tries to elbow the kid in the face.

That scene stunned me. It's very rare, thank god, that you see violence against children, attempted or otherwise, played out onscreen.

 

I was obsessed with the fact that he wore a turban when no one else in the movie wore a turban.

Ram Dass in A Little Princess and Punjab in Annie were Indian servants who wore turbans. Maybe the producers of The Phantom thought that a turban-wearing servant was like a status-symbol.

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That scene stunned me. It's very rare, thank god, that you see violence against children, attempted or otherwise, played out onscreen.

I had to rewind to watch that because it legit looked like the kid barely dodged the elbow that Remar seemed to throw on an improvisational whim.

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Holy cow, I just looked up the director of this film and he has a stunningly terrible resume. D.A.R.Y.L, Quigley Down Under, and Operation Dumbo Drop are all poor to mediocre films, but Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man and Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles are legitimately terrible films. Who kept giving this guy projects? With the exception of Free Willy, I can't really think of anything he did that made a decent profit.

Hold the phone, Quigley Down Under is an underrated classic of a Meatpie Western. All three leads give great performances and it's unfortunate that it wasn't a bigger hit.

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Also I'm so glad Paul said that was the last proposal on the show. I'm happy for your dumb marriage (congratulations! it's as low stakes and commonplace as going to the bathroom) but please stop hijacking my podcast. The sense of entitlement some people get about their super important marriage is absurd.

 

I agree with your statement.. And I'm the guy who proposed. Thing is, based on our mutual fandom of the show, I had already bought the airline tickets, AirBnB lodgings, transportation, show tickets, and the ring of course, and had it all planned out. That's when the New York proposal aired. Pretty much swore a great deal at that point.

I thought of other proposal options, but after dropping a few grand on this thing, I could not think of anything better that would be as fun or memorable. My only hope was that Jason had challenged LA after the New York proposal.

 

I contacted Paul early on, and he said that he did note he did NOT want this to become a "thing", but noted that he understood the romantic aspect. I tried to make it as quick as possible as you heard, but they called me on it, and it slowed the show a bit. So 24 Hour Pizza Party, I would like to formally apologize to you and everyone else who felt it slowed the show down.

 

Again, it seemed like the best idea on the planet until that couple beat me to it, and they had a better right to the proposal based on the previous episode they were on. That being said, in terms of who gets divorced? it's GAME ON, New York couple!!

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Ah, The Phantom. The first time I went to a movie and considered walking out! The friend I saw this with, we still refer to this as one of the worst movies we have seen. I still have the skull ring the theater handed out to us for paying to see this turd!

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Did anyone else notice that the Great Kabai Singh was Shang Tsung? So my theory is that this movie is a prequel to Mortal Kombat, and Shang Tsung wanted the skulls in order to open up the portal to the Neatherrealm and start the invasion of Earthrealm by Shao Khan's forces. I think it's even the same boat. I just thank Raiden that Billy Zane was there to save us all for another generation until Liu Kang came along to defeat him once and for all.

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My theory about the truck in the vines is that the Phantom is under the same magic as Alan Quartermain from League of Extrodinary Gentlemen (I'm using the film reference). He couldn't die in Africa, he was blessed/cursed by a shaman (?)

 

As long as the Phantom is in Bengala, he cannot die. The land protects him.

 

The first thing I remember seeing Catherine Zeta Jones in was "Mask of Zorro", and I remember being SO disappointed to find out that she wasn't actually Hispanic.

Fun fact: She and Anthony Hopkins are both Welshpeople playing Spaniards

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I have an omission

 

During the scene where Billy Zane steals a horse and is then pursued by two motorcycle cops, he leaps a hedge with the horse. This is perfectly plausible. We all know that horses are adept and leaping over obstacles. However, the two cops on motorcycles ALSO leap over the hedge. So my question is, are we to assume that 1940's motorcycles had the ability to go go gadget jump over things or are we to assume that 1940's New York was littered with random ramps?

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Did anyone notice one of Quill's thugs was played by Casey Siemaszko? He was in Young Guns, and played one of Biff's goons, along with Billy Zane in the Back to the future movies.

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when i was watching this i was reminded of the quest and the discussion about the time it would have taken the characters to travel from location to location back in the 1930's.

 

the time spent travelling would have been weeks right?

 

looking at ads from the time it say it takes less than a week to go from america to africa or india in one of those "planes with boots on"

 

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so in real time this is how it would have played out ...

 

big action scene in africa ... now spend days travelling to the new york ... more action ... then a week to travel over to thailand ... big action scene .. then bring the phantom back to africa

 

i was just wondering ... what did they do as they were travelling? what did they talk about? what was the in flight entertainment in the 1930s? ..

 

 

Well we know from the movie that the in flight entertainment was to annoy bologna sandwich by farting and blowing smoke rings

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I agree with your statement.. And I'm the guy who proposed. Thing is, based on our mutual fandom of the show, I had already bought the airline tickets, AirBnB lodgings, transportation, show tickets, and the ring of course, and had it all planned out. That's when the New York proposal aired. Pretty much swore a great deal at that point.

I thought of other proposal options, but after dropping a few grand on this thing, I could not think of anything better that would be as fun or memorable. My only hope was that Jason had challenged LA after the New York proposal.

 

I contacted Paul early on, and he said that he did note he did NOT want this to become a "thing", but noted that he understood the romantic aspect. I tried to make it as quick as possible as you heard, but they called me on it, and it slowed the show a bit. So 24 Hour Pizza Party, I would like to formally apologize to you and everyone else who felt it slowed the show down.

 

Again, it seemed like the best idea on the planet until that couple beat me to it, and they had a better right to the proposal based on the previous episode they were on. That being said, in terms of who gets divorced? it's GAME ON, New York couple!!

Aw dude well if it makes you feel any better I thought it was romantic! I hope y'all had a good time that night *wink* and I wish y'all all the best!!! Plus if you need a wedding photographer I am down for some travels lol.

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I had a lot of questions about that kid. Like where did they get him? Where does he live? He doesn't look like one of the rope people. So did they... like bring him from afar? And let's not forget the part where James Remar straight up tries to elbow the kid in the face. This kid as been abducted and abused. The Phantom "rescues" him (after traumatizing him some more) and then is just like, "Bye!" YOU SHOULD TAKE THAT KID HOME.

God I had so many questions about this kid too. The main one though? Is this indigenous kid's name ZACK!? Because that's totally plausible... And how did James Remar know it?! Do all evil thugs working for an ancient gang of pirates learn the names of the kids they kidnap?

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I am apparently on an island with this opinion but I was legitimately charmed by Zane's "we're having fun out here" Phantom performance. And I enjoy an enthusiastic villain. Treat William's scene eating was an added bonus. Not that either of those things were enough to add up to an actual good movie.

 

When Remar and his gang are leaving the cave with the skull one of the henchmen drops the line "This place is giving me the creeps." That was said AFTER a skeleton came to life and choked his friend to death. In my experience you have moved past your initial "creep vibes" at that point.

 

The Phantom somehow gets the call to spring into action to stop the skull robbers. But he appeared to be doing absolutely nothing at all prior to that. So I imagined this is how the Phantom spent his free time in the jungle.

iBsCmDB.jpg

 

 

I loved that the two skulls showed the way to the 3rd skull by pointing to a map. If there was no map around would they have played charades to reveal the location?

 

CZJ had the weirdest line in the movie. When Treat Williams tells his goons to go kill Kit she said "I claim the body when your're done." What the hell for? Is she a necrophiliac or does she have a Frankenstein hobby?

 

If you ignore the voice over at the end of the movie I think it makes the most sense to imagine Ghost Dad as just a figment of Kit's imagination. No one else can see or hear him and he provides no new information until he tells Kit that Remar killed him. But he doesn't do that until after Kit has seen Remar wearing the belt. So Kit's subconscious could easily form that story on its own after he sees that. Because if you really can talk to your ghost ex-superhero dad it wouldn't come up in conversation once in six years how he was murdered? Also until all was revealed I figured Kit must be aging his vision of his Ghost Dad appropriately because there is no way he should have been Phantoming at that advanced age.

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And I'm the guy who proposed.

 

congrats to ye both ... it's a sign of how much people love this podcast that they want to incorporate it in such a massive moment in their lives.

 

but you know that by proposing on the show that's an automatic invitation (all expenses paid of course) for anyone who listens to it ... so that's flights from Ireland, hotel, food .. and if you want me to wear a suit ... i don't like wearing rentals ...

 

... and you have to name any kids after jason, june, paul and ringo

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Idea for a film: Along the lines of "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen," an Avengers/Justice League hero movie with classic radio serial and comic strip characters. Who would you include?

 

The Shadow

The Phantom

Prince Valiant

The Lone Ranger

Dick Tracy

Buck Rogers

Flash Gordon

 

and Mark fucking Trail!

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I have an omission

 

During the scene where Billy Zane steals a horse and is then pursued by two motorcycle cops, he leaps a hedge with the horse. This is perfectly plausible. We all know that horses are adept and leaping over obstacles. However, the two cops on motorcycles ALSO leap over the hedge. So my question is, are we to assume that 1940's motorcycles had the ability to go go gadget jump over things or are we to assume that 1940's New York was littered with random ramps?

This might be the case because even the smallest bump in the road caused those bikes to soar 10 to 15 feet into the air.

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I'm the guy who proposed.

I think of Breaking Bad every time I see that sentence structure.

 

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Congratulations on your engagement! And I wasn't bothered by your proposal at all.

 

Idea for a film: Along the lines of "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen," an Avengers/Justice League hero movie with classic radio serial and comic strip characters. Who would you include?

Mary Worth!

 

161hixe.jpg

 

Is this indigenous kid's name ZACK!?

The poor little guy's name is Zak. I guess people thought the omission of the letter c made the name looked more foreign. Although to me Zak looks like a old-timey sci-fi name. Zak has a trading card!

 

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