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JulyDiaz

EPISODE 112 — Jupiter Ascending

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This is another aspect of the film that's difficult to rationalise. Personally, I like to think that the bees were genetically engineered to specifically identify individuals with DNA identifying them as members of the Abrasax family, rather than 'royals' full stop. Earth was 'seeded' by Abrasax Industries so the Abrasax family are basically the originators of all life on the planet. Why they would genetically engineer bees to recognise them, I have no idea - it's one of those things I just go with (I'm quite easygoing when I'm enjoying myself).

 

I can maybe buy a scenario where one of the earlier Abrasax's were touring Earth when they were figuring out what to do with whatever species are there already, maybe saw a bee and thought it looked neat or whatever, went to touch it, then it stung them and they lost their shit. They're rich, powerful and probably crazy and entitled enough to decide that this stupid thing should know who they are and they are not someone to fuck with. So they had their genetics guy take a break from splicing peasants with penguins to make sure bees know their place with regards to the Abrasax family.

 

Or they were super into honey, liked it straight from the source so its really fresh but didnt like the beekeepers getup?

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Also, I found this. It's so cute that someone thought it would be a good idea to market their no-budget Thor rip-off Jupiter Ascending style:

 

TIPOFF_zpswytmmmqd.jpg

And yet I oddly find this poster better than The Dark World poster...

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I can maybe buy a scenario where one of the earlier Abrasax's were touring Earth when they were figuring out what to do with whatever species are there already, maybe saw a bee and thought it looked neat or whatever, went to touch it, then it stung them and they lost their shit. They're rich, powerful and probably crazy and entitled enough to decide that this stupid thing should know who they are and they are not someone to fuck with. So they had their genetics guy take a break from splicing peasants with penguins to make sure bees know their place with regards to the Abrasax family.

 

Or they were super into honey, liked it straight from the source so its really fresh but didnt like the beekeepers getup?

 

Hehe, I LOVE that. I'm totally adopting that as my personal headcanon. I actually love that the impetus for creating human/animal splices in JA appears to be "because we could" - Stinger, the resident bee splice, flat out says that he was created because his splicer "loved bees". It actually makes sense in light of the world created, since there is lots of potential for boredom when you live for thousands of years. Creating and/or purchasing exotic and weird hybrids is just another way of passing the time.

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The illegal alien thing is very contrived and heavy handed, and it's one of the elements of the film I probably would have cut/toned down if I'd been involved in making the thing. The intent is easy to understand - they wanted to establish that Jupiter is adrift (very literally when she was born), isolated and on the fringes of society, with no real place in the universe - it's just that it makes for a very convoluted back story that raises more questions than the film could possibly answer in a five-minute prelude.

 

Jupiter's parents didn't look especially rich (I don't know what kind of wages university professors from Russia would be on at that time, so would welcome a more informed perspective) to me - they shared a small flat in St Petersburg - and my personal theory is that Max was perhaps estranged from his family and that Aleksa didn't get on with them/had no real relationship with them. Aleksa therefore left Russia to live with her brother in Chicago because there was a support system in place there (her brother has his own business and his own house) and the move to America represented a fresh start away from the danger/sadness presumably associated with St Petersburg. But that is just conjecture - you do need to 'fill in the blanks' a lot with JA, and some of it is rather difficult to rationalise (the prologue especially so).

 

 

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Dammit, Nonesuch! Thwarted again! I'm not going to rest until I get you to say you don't like this movie! ;)

 

Although, I did notice you didn't have an answer for the "death for telescope" scene. Interesting....although it does bring to my mind another Star Wars parallel...

 

Who is the shittier parent? The father that allows himself to be killed for a telescope he could easily replace or the mother who dies after giving birth to twins because she's given up the will to live? Discuss...

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Really glad to hear Paul and Jason discuss that version of the Second Opinions theme, because to be honest I would not mind if that one were banished straight to hell.

 

Someone made an amazing little short one with June and sparkly 80s music a while back... does that still exist?

 

The funny thing about this is I was just re-listening to the Junior episode and Jason makes almost the exact same comment on the S.O. theme as he did in this episode.

 

Apropos of nothing...I really wish they would do more episodes with just the three of them. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the guests, but there is something about just the three of them discussing a movie that is really charming.

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Apropos of nothing...I really wish they would do more episodes with just the three of them. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the guests, but there is something about just the three of them discussing a movie that is really charming.

I'd be okay with that, if it meant we could have all three in an episode. They have the best dynamic when they're all there. Paul usually has to play the somewhat straight man while Jason and June's individual types of crazy bounce off each other (and I love that).

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Dammit, Nonesuch! Thwarted again! I'm not going to rest until I get you to say you don't like this movie! ;)

 

Hehe, rest assured that my goal is now to see your newfound respect for JA transition into mild enjoyment ;).

 

Although, I did notice you didn't have an answer for the "death for telescope" scene. Interesting....although it does bring to my mind another Star Wars parallel...

 

Who is the shittier parent? The father that allows himself to be killed for a telescope he could easily replace or the mother who dies after giving birth to twins because she's given up the will to live? Discuss...

 

I didn't consciously ignore your point about the telescope (I was just focusing on the broader argument), but I don't feel the father's actions reflect badly on him. The situation was completely unexpected and alarming, and everyone - including the robbers and the father - was panicking. We can presume that the father, who loved the stars intensely and watched them at every opportunity, was deeply attached to his telescope and was horrified by the thought of losing it - he reaches out for it and begs that it be left in panic, presumably without thinking straight or truly registering the danger. It's not as if he was consciously choosing to die - he was grasping for an object that had deep meaning and significance for him, and his final expression is of dazed shock.

 

It's very different from Padme losing the will to live, because that line implies a lack of desire to carry on living on Padme's part despite her just having had two children - that's far more bizarre and head-scratching than a panicked man reaching for a beloved object in a moment of crisis and paying the ultimate price for it.

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Hehe, rest assured that my goal is now to see your newfound respect for JA transition into mild enjoyment ;)/>/>.

 

 

 

 

Ah, so a war of attrition it is then. Have at thee!

 

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Yeah, I was more or less teasing about the telescope, but that was a pretty good answer. My only problem with it is there is nothing I love more than my own son. Saving a "thing" would never even enter my mind as I would be more focused on protecting him. Fuck it. They can take everything I have as far as I'm concerned.

 

But I do have to agree with you...Padme is the worst.

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Ah, so a war of attrition it is then. Have at thee!

 

200.gif

 

Yeah, I was more or less teasing about the telescope, but that was a pretty good answer. My only problem with it is there is nothing I love more than my own son. Saving a "thing" would never even enter my mind as I would be more focused on protecting him. Fuck it. They can take everything I have as far as I'm concerned.

 

But I do have to agree with you...Padme is the worst.

quit bonding over how shitty Padme is and FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!

 

sorry.

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Apropos of nothing...I really wish they would do more episodes with just the three of them. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the guests, but there is something about just the three of them discussing a movie that is really charming.

seconded with enthusiasm!

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quit bonding over how shitty Padme is and FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!

 

sorry.

 

There's so much chillness and mutual respect on this forum that I almost feel suspicious...

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There's so much chillness and mutual respect on this forum that I almost feel suspicious...

we've all been hurt elsewhere friend. welcome to Earwolf.

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Omission?

 

As soon as this movie started with the Russian love story, and having some inkling that the movie was about a "space princess," I immediately thought of the story of Anastasia. I was completely convinced that this was going to be an intergalactic rip-off of the story, but the movie deviates from that. I feel it's still a worthy mention, even though "Jupiter Ascending" would be ripping off the Disney version rather than the true story.

 

What pointed it out to me:

- Russian

- Rags to Riches

- Lost Royalty

 

 

Any thoughts?

Ok I'm way late on this, but I spent half the movie thinking jupiters father was the older brother and waiting for that reveal. When they met and it didn't happen, I realized that I just thought that because I recognized the actor from agent carter and expected him to be important. I guess he wasn't. But I didn't recognize him enough to realize he wasnt edwyne Redmayne or whatever that guys name is.

 

I still think that would have been a deeper movie. There would be an explanation for her connection to the family besides randomness and a motive for the brothers beyond greed. Ah well.

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I waited for it, but dammit, it never happened. I was dying to see the Space Minister in the wedding scene turn to the crowd and say "Wuv... Twue wuv..."

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we've all been hurt elsewhere friend. welcome to Earwolf.

I suggest checking out the "LOL" thread to see how we all helped each other to become better people after collectively experiencing cinematic PTSD.

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2 things: - Now, and it's not stated in the movie so this is pure conjecture, we have to assume that in the will there is also a stipulation that says if her returned self dies, Balem will then gain full control. This is why Balem wants her dead and why Titus wants to marry her, because if she dies after they get married, his claim would supersede Balem's. Hopefully this helps clarify the, um..."plot" of the movie. God, I feel really icky right now...

 

Balem needs her to sign Earth over to him or he can't harvest it, she says so right before Tates shows up to save her on Jupiter.

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Despite the terrible story I kind of enjoyed this movie. The action scenes were straight out of a video game and I could watch C-Tattes fly around ragdolling Mila behind him all day (which was 1/2 of the actual movie so cool by me). A few points about Jupiter:

1. She becomes a space-princess and finds out about the universe in one day and going off the word of Tidus (who she doesn't know for more than an hour) decides to marry him!! Do some research, get a second opinion, wait a day, why agree to marry him on the spot?

2. When she meets Stinger she says something like why would they keep the good space tech from humans, then at the end she goes back to cleaning toilets, herself now hiding the good space tech from humans.

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Despite the terrible story I kind of enjoyed this movie. The action scenes were straight out of a video game and I could watch C-Tattes fly around ragdolling Mila behind him all day (which was 1/2 of the actual movie so cool by me). A few points about Jupiter:

1. She becomes a space-princess and finds out about the universe in one day and going off the word of Tidus (who she doesn't know for more than an hour) decides to marry him!! Do some research, get a second opinion, wait a day, why agree to marry him on the spot?

2. When she meets Stinger she says something like why would they keep the good space tech from humans, then at the end she goes back to cleaning toilets, herself now hiding the good space tech from humans.

She should have at least exploited that space tech, using it to make her the BEST toilet cleaner in the world!

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Despite the terrible story I kind of enjoyed this movie. The action scenes were straight out of a video game and I could watch C-Tattes fly around ragdolling Mila behind him all day (which was 1/2 of the actual movie so cool by me).

 

During the episode I thought this could have been amazing video game. Then I remembered The Matrix for XBOX.

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Of what leather are the lizard-men leather jackets made?

 

That is all.

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Corrections & Omissions

 

Guys, has anyone seen that episode of Party Down at Steve Guttenburg's birthday, when all the actors are forced to read Roman's terrible sic-fi script? I think that was the script to this movie….. :)

 

This seemed to be a lengthy idea edited down to a 2 hour movie like you all said. Unfortunately, that doesn't give it a pass if we fill in the missed plot points with out imaginations… in it's entirety shown, it's a pile of dung.

 

Also, what was with all the cultural stereo-types around the bureaucratic universe?? And why did Mila Kunis start speaking like a medieval british royal as soon as she was crowned queen? Did anyone else notice her accent changed? Although I am pretty certain this was meant to be a space-cincerdella story. Too bad all plot lines failed.

 

I think (as you mentioned), most of the budget was spent on making the movie beautiful, including Mila! How come she has a different outfit and hairdo in practically every scene? It's worse then a Madonna tour. I hope her space servants were treated well for all the time spent changing her look every time she entered a new room.

 

Love HDTGM and Blacklist. This movie was REDONK. xo

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I suggest checking out the "LOL" thread to see how we all helped each other to become better people after collectively experiencing cinematic PTSD.

looked for it but couldn't find. can you hit me with a url?

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When is the new episode coming up!

 

I'm sure Paul will post one as soon as he can, but it is Father's Day weekend and his wife has been out of the country. I don't know if June is back from Bangkok yet, but I think we can all give him a pass for being a little late on the mini-ep. By the way, Happy Father's Day to Paul and all the father's out there in forum land!

 

Suggestions for things to watch in the meantime:

  • Watch TMNT2, since we all know it's coming up

  • Watch the Rifftrax for Dreamscape (w/ Janet Varney and Cole Stratton) or Rock and Roll Nightmare.

  • Watch Innerspace and Gremlins 2, for no good reason other than that's my reality for today, and I couldn't be happier ;)

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