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JulyDiaz

Episode 129 - The Apple: LIVE!

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I can't find this movie anywhere in Canada..!

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So, I might have dozed off a few times during the movie. I was really tired while I was watching it, and I think I just missed stuff like them repeating, "Hey, hey, hey BIM's on the way" about two million times. (I would doze off about halfway through a song and wake up, and it would still be on). So I don't have a ton to add to everything, except to say that I really wish this had had a bigger budget so they could have gotten a better known cast. Specifically, how great would this movie have been if Dandi and Pandi had been cast as David Lee Roth and Grace Jones?

 

Actually, fuck it. Can we make that movie happen now? Who would be in y'all's dream cast?

I fell asleep during that song (I still hate calling these songs considering how awful they all sound) where Alphie started singing that love ballad after he got the shit kicked out of him. I can't even remember anything about it other than it was boring and I woke up when he went to the party again so I assume I didn't miss anything important.

 

If we are going for literally anyone in this movie then I want Bowie as Boogalow!

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Of course, there was that tragic year when Ireland got completely robbed!

 

 

i know right ... i mean what are the chances that a track whose artists, writers, producers, studio staff etc were all killed in a terrible accident would be playing in an elevator ... just teds luck. back to plan A i suppose

 

 

 

btw ... i like the sax solo

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Specifically, how great would this movie have been if Dandi and Pandi had been cast as David Lee Roth and Grace Jones?

 

Actually, fuck it. Can we make that movie happen now? Who would be in y'all's dream cast?

 

If we are going for literally anyone in this movie then I want Bowie as Boogalow!

 

I'd like to see:

 

Roger Daltry as Dandi (because that's obviously what they wanted anyway.)

Donna Summer as Pandi

Taylor Swift as Bibi

Jon Bon Jovi as Alphie

Don Henley (ponytail era) as Mr. Boogalow

 

 

Edit: Also, a couple people mentioned it, but Paul being this episode's June and June reminding him of it several times was literally the best thing that has ever happened on HDTGM.

 

Personally, my favorite part of the episode has to be:

 

Paul: If Bibi and Alphie were so good, why is he trying to create her as, like, a pop star? Wouldn't he just try to capture her folk music?

June: I think in some ways, he may have felt threatened by her...

Andy: (*beat*) Yeah, I think that's right.

 

 

 

just teds luck. back to plan A i suppose

 

 

I hear you. Ted's luck is total shit. For instance, when are they going to let that whole "Lourdes thing" go? It's obvious where the money was...

 

download1.jpg

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Mr. Tops, the God of this story, is played by the same guy as the villain from Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, who can be seen as a kind of Satan character. He is preventing the paradise that Bill and Ted's music is meant to usher in.

 

Ironic much?

 

I knew him best as the old man that helped The Mighty Ducks. I think that man just likes swooping in to help those in need like Hockey Teams and Hippies.

 

 

Oh man, I'm ALSO so mad at myself for not realizing it was Professor Sprout, I feel like the worst Hufflepuff ever (although like books > movies forever and always, so I will probably recover pretty soon).

 

She was also the Nurse in Baz Luhrmann's Romeo and Juliet. I was slightly floored that Jason, June, and Paul didn't notice that.

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I'd like to see:

 

Roger Daltry as Dandi (because that's obviously what they wanted anyway.)

Donna Summer as Pandi

Taylor Swift as Bibi

Jon Bon Jovi as Alphie

Don Henley (ponytail era) as Mr. Boogalow

Is that 80s era Bon Jovi or now because that's almost like a father daughter relationship which would be really creepy during the duets.

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Is that 80s era Bon Jovi or now because that's almost like a father daughter relationship which would be really creepy during the duets.

 

Sorry. Yes. I should have specified.

 

giphy.gif

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I was watching this right before bed and on a bunch of cold medicine. I had a super lucid dream where a bit of research tuned up that Dandy also actually preformed Pandi who was his drag alter ego. And I was confused and shock that this didn't come up in conversations. It's also disappointing it now realise that's not true because it would have been awesome.

 

That said, if an actor were to play Dandy/Pandi or Alfie/Bibi who would you cast?

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I'd like to see:

 

Roger Daltry as Dandi (because that's obviously what they wanted anyway.)

Donna Summer as Pandi

Taylor Swift as Bibi

Jon Bon Jovi as Alphie

Don Henley (ponytail era) as Mr. Boogalow

Get that tswift shit outta here lol.

 

If we're doing 80s era people we could literally throw Kylie Minogue or even Olivia Newton-John in there and it would be better lol.

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Get that tswift shit outta here lol.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting Swift is good. What am saying is, if your looking for someone to play the ingenue who skyrockets from crappy folk/country star to crappy pop star, she is uniquely suited for the role. I was not casting based on "talent" or based on any preference I might have in their music. If that were the case, it would probably look more like:

 

Roger Daltry as Dandi (you can't tell me he shouldn't be there)

John Linnell or Ray Davies as Pandi

Paul McCartney as Bibi

Brian Wilson as Alphie

John Lennon as Mr. Boogalow

 

Although, I think my version would be HOT!

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Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting Swift is good. What am saying is, if your looking for someone to play the ingenue who skyrockets from crappy folk/country star to crappy pop star, she is uniquely suited for the role. I was not casting based on "talent" or based on any preference I might have in their music. If that were the case, it would probably look more like:

 

Roger Daltry as Dandi (you can't tell me he shouldn't be there)

John Linnell or Ray Davies as Pandi

Paul McCartney as Bibi

Brian Wilson as Alphie

John Lennon as Mr. Boogalow

 

Although, I think my version would be HOT!

I was thinking on who could at least act in their respective part. Olivia and Kylie aren't the greatest but with this shit they could at least do a decent job. Where as with TSwift... I just can't with her at all.

 

Which is why I need Bowie as Boogalow and keeping Fister's recommendations of DLR and Grace Jones.

 

Also this depends on if Grace can sing because I'm not sure if I ever have heard her do so.

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I was thinking on who could at least act in their respective part. Olivia and Kylie aren't the greatest but with this shit they could at least do a decent job. Where as with TSwift... I just can't with her at all.

 

Which is why I need Bowie as Boogalow and keeping Fister's recommendations of DLR and Grace Jones.

 

Also this depends on if Grace can sing because I'm not sure if I ever have heard her do so.

 

Why go to the trouble of remaking it? If you want something sort of in the same vein but much, much better just watch Phantom of the Paradise. I'd love to see them do that for the podcast. Depalma, Jessica Harper, Paul Williams, Gerrit Graham. Covered a lot of the same ground but way better movie and music.

 

 

 

 

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I was thinking on who could at least act in their respective part. Olivia and Kylie aren't the greatest but with this shit they could at least do a decent job. Where as with TSwift... I just can't with her at all.

 

Which is why I need Bowie as Boogalow and keeping Fister's recommendations of DLR and Grace Jones.

 

Also this depends on if Grace can sing because I'm not sure if I ever have heard her do so.

 

I really don't think "acting ability" should really be a factor when talking about The Apple, but FINE, no Taylor Swift--bite my head off why don't you?

 

So, here's what we got:

 

Dandi:

 

3eeb4af6bcaba4eaadbea13757caddf8.jpg?itok=SpAN_Bqn

 

Pandi:

 

Grace-Jones.jpg

 

Alphie:

 

jon-bon-jovi-naked-sexy-shirtless.jpg

 

Mr. Boogalow:

 

fc8e11ca39ff435208b7f176046daa5b.jpg

 

BiBi:

 

paul-mccartney.jpg

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I was thinking on who could at least act in their respective part. Olivia and Kylie aren't the greatest but with this shit they could at least do a decent job. Where as with TSwift... I just can't with her at all.

 

Which is why I need Bowie as Boogalow and keeping Fister's recommendations of DLR and Grace Jones.

 

Also this depends on if Grace can sing because I'm not sure if I ever have heard her do so.

It's okay. We can dub her. Or, if y'all don't want to go that route, we can put her in Shake's role. Or the landlady. Or Mr Topps. I really just want her in this movie, y'all.

 

Pandi:

 

Grace-Jones.jpg

 

Aaaaahahahahahaha. This is the best fucking picture I've ever seen in my life.

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I really don't think "acting ability" should really be a factor when talking about The Apple, but FINE, no Taylor Swift--bite my head off why don't you?

 

I WILL BITE YOUR HEAD OFF IF I SO PLEASE CAMERON

 

No but really Jon Bon Jovi and Paul McCartney could not have made me happier in those roles lol.

 

Especially nice choice of photo there for Jon...

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most of the songs that won the eurovision were ballads around that time. ireland have won the contest more times than anyone else and pretty much all our songs were ballads. but the contest expanded about 10 years ago and since then its gone crazy. and i mean crazy. it would fit perfectly into this movie. this nutball song won in 2006.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAh9NRGNhUU

 

Of course, she later changed the "i" to an "e", dropped the horror make-up and had much greater success.

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in the course of half a song Alphie grows a beard and starts looking like Will Ferrell. Bananas.

 

Also, good to see the pointy shouldered suits stayed in style...

 

 

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Watching The Apple is like watching a sex tape of Paul and Jason.

 

It was confusing and uncomfortable, and nobody seemed to actully enjoy what they were doing- but they still put in the effort.

 

It doesn't contain anything that I actually want to see, but once I started, I had to stay until the "big finish"- which turned out to be just a dribble.

 

Plus June seems to be pretty blown away about the whole thing, for which nobody can blame her.

 

Seeing it once was enough, but I will encourage everyone else to see it just for the experience.

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I found it odd that when bibi was getting ready for her American tour her first new song is Speed a song that bad mouths America and suggests that we are all addicted to speed. Talk about shitting where you eat. I did like the song but why would the American public want to pay to see this woman trash them?

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Watching The Apple is like watching a sex tape of Paul and Jason.

 

It was confusing and uncomfortable, and nobody seemed to actully enjoy what they were doing- but they still put in the effort.

 

It doesn't contain anything that I actually want to see, but once I started, I had to stay until the "big finish"- which turned out to be just a dribble.

 

Plus June seems to be pretty blown away about the whole thing, for which nobody can blame her.

 

Seeing it once was enough, but I will encourage everyone else to see it just for the experience.

I don't know what's so confusing. I mean, we all know that Jason's the one with the beard.

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I keep singing "Speed" and then inadvertently going into "Nowhere Fast" from Streets of Fire.

 

"Pumping power, by the hour

SPEEEEEEEED!

Darling, darling,

you and me, we're going nowhere slowly..."

 

I find this very upsetting.

 

 

The only conclusion I can draw is that Rick Moranis should have played Mr. Boogalow.

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I found it odd that when bibi was getting ready for her American tour her first new song is Speed a song that bad mouths America and suggests that we are all addicted to speed. Talk about shitting where you eat. I did like the song but why would the American public want to pay to see this woman trash them?

It's 1994! Everyone is on speed in 1994! I mean come on... it's 1994!

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It's funny that Paul said the movie felt like Cobra Commander and Destro formed a Rock Band.

 

This actually happened in an episode of GI Joe called "Cold Slither."

 

The episode is bananas from start to finish but the basic plot is that after being bankrupt by GI Joe, Cobra decides to create and market a rock band named "Cold Slither" in order to recoup it's lost fortune and brainwash America's youth.

 

It also features a shady businessman named Stinky.

 

http://gijoe.wikia.com/wiki/Cold_Slither

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