Episode 130 - Teen Witch

[FisterRoboto 7499]

Question:

 

Don't know if this has been asked but what the hell was their reference point for how the voodoo doll was used? It seemed like they were going with the Child's Play style where you don't need a pin to affect the subject of the doll, you can just use your hands to prod the doll to hurt the subject. Yet from everything I have seen and read about those dolls is that you need some sort of item from the target in order for the doll to work, like a piece of the person's hair or a piece of their clothes, yet Louise doesn't have any of that from her teacher.

I think June got close to bringing that up, but then the conversation got sidetracked. I think she asked something along the lines of "How do voodoo dolls work?" and I really wanted Jason to jump on that, but alas, it was not to be.

[RyanSz 3140]

I think June got close to bringing that up, but then the conversation got sidetracked. I think she asked something along the lines of "How do voodoo dolls work?" and I really wanted Jason to jump on that, but alas, it was not to be.

Yeah I know there have been dolls where you poke them in a certain spot and the person feels pain there and then in like this or Child's Play the doll holder can make the target do other stuff depending on how they handle the doll. I've also seen it where the person making the doll will do similar rituals with an object that looks inconspicuous and then be able to control their intended target. Dammit Teen Witch, with all of the exposition given to Louise's other abilities, why wasn't there more for the damn doll?

[Mathey 419]

I like your theory except "Miller" would probably have to be from her Father's side of the family unless the immortal mother married her descendant to keep their line "pure".

 

I totally got my wires crossed about how Moms and Dads work!

 

It does raise a bunch of other questions, though, like if Dick Sargent is the source of Luis' magic genes, how the heck did he end up marrying a woman who looks almost exactly like 1600's Melody Miller? Was it destiny? Was it a coincidence? Will every daughter of the Miller clan end up being a witchy woman?

[AnnaPolack 0]

Most of this movie gave me a post-traumatic 80's tummyache. But something I was surprised to like, as a gender-studies major, was all the super-sexy shots of Brad. Would John Hughes have shot Andrew McCarthy shirtless in the sprinklers? Luis gets to show a lot of sexual agency, she's INTO it. This is a sharp contrast to other 80's movies, where nice girls were constantly fighting off date rapists, or sex was something they surrendered reluctantly, knowing it would lower their value.

[GiveMeYourBaby 102]

Did I miss the part where the popular girls were mean to Louis or did it never happen?

....

Louis was just unnoticed, big deal! Louis stole someone's boyfriend! There was no push back on that.

 

And made out with him in front of her at prom. Louis is a a black magic monster.

[JenniferGrünwald 66]

Also, I did not like that little brother AT ALL. He was so creepy, it made me REALLY uncomfortable.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

Completely unrelated to this episode, but totally related to one of the more controversial topics in HDTGM history:

 

There's this new Blu-Ray format that just launched, 4K Ultra HD or something, so the studios of course have a line-up of library titles ready to go for it. The best of the best to showcase their illustrious histories that can show off the power of what this thing can do.

 

"Sales have been kind of soft? Huh, people just must not be ready for this new format. I mean, our line-up of launch titles was absolutely perfect..." --- Marketing guy from Sony that should be unemployed

 

Ladies and gentleman, when you're creating a super duper mega sharp ultra HD format for REAL movie buffs, there's only one movie you need to worry about...

 

 

 

[RyanSz 3140]

Completely unrelated to this episode, but totally related to one of the more controversial topics in HDTGM history:

 

There's this new Blu-Ray format that just launched, 4K Ultra HD or something, so the studios of course have a line-up of library titles ready to go for it. The best of the best to showcase their illustrious histories that can show off the power of what this thing to do.

 

"Sales have been kind of soft? Huh, people just must not be ready for this new format. I mean, our line-up of launch titles was absolutely perfect..." --- Marketing guy from Sony that should be unemployed

 

Ladies and gentleman, when you're creating a super duper mega sharp ultra HD format for REAL movie buffs, there's only one movie you need to worry about...

 

 

 

I haven't seen much promotion of 4k yet for mainstream movies, at least not like when DVD or Blu-Ray/HDDVD came out. The only area that I have seen them actively promoting 4k is porn, but that seems to always be the case when a new video format comes out because whatever ends up being big in the porn world format-wise translates to the mainstream market.

[Mathey 419]

 

What is going on with Guzman's mom's old photo? Is she draped in a black smock with Elaine Stritch glasses and a mop on her head?

[taylor anne photo 11311]

I'm taking the fact that tangents seem okay now to complain about Jacob Sirof on Doug Loves Movies.

 

I knew the moment I found out he was a prequel lover that I would find him annoyingly awful and I was right. So 6 episodes in 3 months with him on the show has filled me with lots of rage.

[DavidBarclift 15]

The whole situation with Louise's birthday party is suspect. No one comes to her party, then Hatz calls Louise from a payphone to tell her that Randa is having a party at the same time. Doesn't Randa live directly across the street from her?! Wouldn't someone have noticed dozens of kids going to another party at her house? And where has Hatz been all this time? It's clearly nighttime when she calls; I'm convinced she ditched Louise to go to Randa's party, and only called her afterward.

[FisterRoboto 7499]

I'm taking the fact that tangents seem okay now to complain about Jacob Sirof on Doug Loves Movies.

 

I knew the moment I found out he was a prequel lover that I would find him annoyingly awful and I was right. So 6 episodes in 3 months with him on the show has filled me with lots of rage.

I am so fucking tired of that contrarian hipster asshole. I was excited when I saw there was a new ep today, and then I was immediately bummed when I found out Sirof was one of the guests. At least the last three before today had people I really love in them (Geoff Tate, Samm Levine, and Paul). Today's might be a struggle.

[taylor anne photo 11311]

I am so fucking tired of that contrarian hipster asshole. I was excited when I saw there was a new ep today, and then I was immediately bummed when I found out Sirof was one of the guests. At least the last three before today had people I really love in them (Geoff Tate, Samm Levine, and Paul). Today's might be a struggle.

I had the same exact reaction when I saw his name and it was kinda a struggle for me, honestly.

 

And I know that Doug likes to give people hard times but honestly if I have to hear about how he loves Phantom Menace and everyone who doesn't isn't a true Star Wars fan one more time I might burn UCB to the ground.

[FisterRoboto 7499]

I had the same exact reaction when I saw his name and it was kinda a struggle for me, honestly.

 

And I know that Doug likes to give people hard times but honestly if I have to hear about how he loves Phantom Menace and everyone who doesn't isn't a true Star Wars fan one more time I might burn UCB to the ground.

Or how Ep 7 is "just fan fiction."

[taylor anne photo 11311]

Or how Ep 7 is "just fan fiction."

[jarrycanada 2483]

Lets ask an expert...

 

 

if you have the time type into google "lets ask an expert" and see what it says. I love you google.

and what a dream team of experts that is.

[FisterRoboto 7499]

I had the same exact reaction when I saw his name and it was kinda a struggle for me, honestly.

 

And I know that Doug likes to give people hard times but honestly if I have to hear about how he loves Phantom Menace and everyone who doesn't isn't a true Star Wars fan one more time I might burn UCB to the ground.

I listened to it on the way home today, and either he's growing on me, or he wasn't as insufferable as he usually is. I even laughed when he got mad at the dude who was like, "Don't say anything!" about Star Wars (although they quickly ran that joke into the ground).

 

if you have the time type into google "lets ask an expert" and see what it says. I love you google.

and what a dream team of experts that is.

 

 

I'd take Sasha Grey's expert opinion before I'd take Ben Stein's.

 

 

[starri 116]

Most of this movie gave me a post-traumatic 80's tummyache. But something I was surprised to like, as a gender-studies major, was all the super-sexy shots of Brad.

 

Well, I'm not a gender-studies major, and I am a decade older now than Dan Gauthier was then, but he was frigging hot back then.

[KeithChalk 0]

I appreciate your podcast ... a book club for movies.

 

During your review of "Teen Witch" you compared it to other contemporary movies, specifically "Pretty in Pink" and discussed the ending of PIP and how it was re-shot. In Jon Cryer's book, "So That Happened: A Memoir", he gives a sad sack telling of making that movie an how Molly Ringwald & Andrew McCarthy were cold to him during filming, and his disappointment in it being re-shot. In the DVD commentary, McCarthy describes Cryer as "needy". So no love loss there. Cryer goes on to put down any suggestion that he played Duckie as gay.

 

Speaking of Jon Cryer. If you have not seen his movie, "Went to Coney Island on a Mission from God ... Be Back by Five", I recommend it. Jon Cryer wrote it. Low budget, small cast, lots of good conversations. Check it out.

[FisterRoboto 7499]

I listened to it on the way home today, and either he's growing on me, or he wasn't as insufferable as he usually is. I even laughed when he got mad at the dude who was like, "Don't say anything!" about Star Wars (although they quickly ran that joke into the ground).

Okay. I hadn't listened to the plugs and shitheads when I wrote that, so hadn't heard his stupid "It's better than the other bible" line that he was so proud of that he needed to say it twice. The other thing that really needs to die is his bullshit about how Morena Baccarin is "too old" to play a prostitute. She's 36. If she's too old to be a prostitute, 39-year-old Ryan Reynolds is too old to hook up with prostitutes.

[paultab 225]

THEY TRIED TO MAKE A MUSICAL.

 

[Cameron H. 23786]

Okay. I hadn't listened to the plugs and shitheads when I wrote that, so hadn't heard his stupid "It's better than the other bible" line that he was so proud of that he needed to say it twice. The other thing that really needs to die is his bullshit about how Morena Baccarin is "too old" to play a prostitute. She's 36. If she's too old to be a prostitute, 39-year-old Ryan Reynolds is too old to hook up with prostitutes.

 

I'm not a regular listener to DLM, so I've been more or less keeping out of this conversation, but I have to say--in general--I'm just tired of people talking about The Phantom Menace (and the other prequels), pro or con. I just feel like it's been nearly 20 years, it's just a movie, please just let it go. To make fun of it is like kicking the crutches out from beneath Tiny Tim, there's just no challenge in it, and at this point, kind of just mean and shitty. And if someone does like it, you're probably not going to change their opinion so there's no point wasting your breath. It seems to have become this hot button issue, like religion and politics, just agree to disagree and move on.

 

To the "too old to be a prostitute" thing...wow. Just, wow. As mentioned, I've not listened to the episode so I can't speak to the context of the line, but there is just so much wrong with that statement it boggles my mind. If he's talking about an actress playing a prostitute, then that's a whole disgusting level of sexism I don't think I'm prepared to deal with; and if he's talking about prostitution in general, what is he even thinking? Does he believe prostitutes just age out of the profession? Like, "Oops, I'm 27 now. I guess it's time to quit this wonderful career of mine and be a dental hygienist or something."

 

All I can say is that I'm very glad I didn't listen.

[taylor anne photo 11311]

I'm not a regular listener to DLM, so I've been more or less keeping out of this conversation, but I have to say--in general--I'm just tired of people talking about The Phantom Menace (and the other prequels), pro or con. I just feel like it's been nearly 20 years, it's just a movie, please just let it go. To make fun of it is like kicking the crutches out from beneath Tiny Tim, there's just no challenge in it, and at this point, kind of just mean and shitty. And if someone does like it, you're probably not going to change their opinion so there's no point wasting your breath. It seems to have become this hot button issue, like religion and politics, just agree to disagree and move on.

 

To the "too old to be a prostitute" thing...wow. Just, wow. As mentioned, I've not listened to the episode so I can't speak to the context of the line, but there is just so much wrong with that statement it boggles my mind. If he's talking about an actress playing a prostitute, then that's a whole disgusting level of sexism I don't think I'm prepared to deal with; and if he's talking about prostitution in general, what is he even thinking? Does he believe prostitutes just age out of the profession? Like, "Oops, I'm 27 now. I guess it's time to quite this wonderful career of mine and be a dental hygienist or something."

 

All I can say is that I'm very glad I didn't listen.

You are extremely right, Cameron. Which is kinda why I'm so sick of Doug bringing him on and then pushing him to talk about it again and again. I think Fister and I both are pretty regular listeners of his show and I wasn't kidding when I said it was getting me to the point where I wanted to start burning the theaters he regulars to the ground. We get it. He loves them and a lot of people don't. It's beating a dead horse.

 

As for context about the prostitute line. There isn't anything else you need. He legitimately said his only problem with Deadpool was that Morena Baccarin was too old to play a prostitute that cost as much as she did. Like he brought that up that last time he was on and then brought it up a-fucking-gain cause he "wanted to clear the air" which dug himself in a deeper hole.

 

Okay. I hadn't listened to the plugs and shitheads when I wrote that, so hadn't heard his stupid "It's better than the other bible" line that he was so proud of that he needed to say it twice. The other thing that really needs to die is his bullshit about how Morena Baccarin is "too old" to play a prostitute. She's 36. If she's too old to be a prostitute, 39-year-old Ryan Reynolds is too old to hook up with prostitutes.

I also laughed when he shut the dude down for complaining about Star Wars spoilers now that he had over two months to go see the movie but shit yeah they beat that joke into the ground pretty quickly too. And then he completely lost me when he stated he was going to have sex with an audience member without even asking for her consent. He just proudly stated it was going to happen. That made my skin crawl and I'm pretty much 100% done with him.

 

I have to say for as long as I've been listening to DLM this is the only time I've ever had a legitimate problem with a guest. Even when he had to kick guests off the panel for practically taking over the show I never legit was as angry or offended as I am by Jacob Sirof. The man just isn't that funny and things he thinks are funny just make me feel awful.

[FisterRoboto 7499]

I also laughed when he shut the dude down for complaining about Star Wars spoilers now that he had over two months to go see the movie but shit yeah they beat that joke into the ground pretty quickly too. And then he completely lost me when he stated he was going to have sex with an audience member without even asking for her consent. He just proudly stated it was going to happen. That made my skin crawl and I'm pretty much 100% done with him.

Oh yeah...I got so wrapped up in the other stuff that I forgot about his creepy comments towards that guy's sister. I felt bad for her. He kept going back to how he was going to fuck her, and it wasn't okay.

[Cameron H. 23786]

You are extremely right, Cameron. Which is kinda why I'm so sick of Doug bringing him on and then pushing him to talk about it again and again. I think Fister and I both are pretty regular listeners of his show and I wasn't kidding when I said it was getting me to the point where I wanted to start burning the theaters he regulars to the ground. We get it. He loves them and a lot of people don't. It's beating a dead horse.

 

As for context about the prostitute line. There isn't anything else you need. He legitimately said his only problem with Deadpool was that Morena Baccarin was too old to play a prostitute that cost as much as she did. Like he brought that up that last time he was on and then brought it up a-fucking-gain cause he "wanted to clear the air" which dug himself in a deeper hole.

 

 

I also laughed when he shut the dude down for complaining about Star Wars spoilers now that he had over two months to go see the movie but shit yeah they beat that joke into the ground pretty quickly too. And then he completely lost me when he stated he was going to have sex with an audience member without even asking for her consent. He just proudly stated it was going to happen. That made my skin crawl and I'm pretty much 100% done with him.

 

I have to say for as long as I've been listening to DLM this is the only time I've ever had a legitimate problem with a guest. Even when he had to kick guests off the panel for practically taking over the show I never legit was as angry or offended as I am by Jacob Sirof. The man just isn't that funny and things he thinks are funny just make me feel awful.

 

Holy cow! This sounds terrible! It amazes me how many comedians get by on shock value alone. I think it says something about how some personalities just crave attention regardless of whether or not that attention is good or bad. Rape and pedophilia are a couple of subjects that I feel like are real danger zones. Personally, I think those are subjects that are better left untouched in comedy, but if you (for some insane reason) feel the need to make "that" joke, a certain amount of nuance is required for it to work. For instance, I think the HDTGM episode of Over the Top does it pretty well and I think the reason for this is the gang (particularly Jason and Bobby) weren't using "I" statements. There's a huge difference between, "Stallone is going to rape his son!" and "I'm going to rape that kid." For an example of a HDTGM episode where I felt like the joke wasn't done well, I'd point to Con Air where the guest implied that Steve Buscemi and a 6 year old girl had consensual sex. At the time I was just thinking, "What in the holy fuck, dude?!? That's totally uncalled for and not even remotely funny!"

 

(Sorry, to get all heavy. I'm just really sensitive to all this kind of bullshit anyway, and it doesn't help that, just a couple of days ago, a co-worker of mine, a man that I've known for years, and has offered on more than one occasion to babysit my son, was just put in jail for molesting a little girl. I swear to God, sometimes I hope there's a Hell. I can deal with murderers--not that murder is ever good, but I get temporary insanity or whatever you want to call it--but rapists and pedophiles can fucking burn!)

 

But...bringing this back to the world of comedy, dead horses (and the beating of them), and lazy jokes, can we all agree that if ever there was a time when a "Two in the _____, one in the _____" was funny, that time has long since passed? Not that I was ever a die hard fan of it, but I had to totally give up watching @Midnight because of this. There was a period where one cut-rate comedian or another would make some variation of this joke in like every other episode. Finally I was like, "Okay, I'm done with this."