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Very happy with the sauna burrito discussion. I didn’t watch this film and I am going to say it is due to scientific accuracy. Because of “Jurassic Park”s raptors (which were actually based on another species; I think they just liked the name better) people tend to think that raptors were a lot bigger than they actually were. A velociraptor was actually about one foot tall. They are very closely related to birds. I mean, all dinosaurs are. But the “raptor” name is pretty telling that it’s related to birds of prey. And historical velociraptors DEFINITELY had feathers, as many dinosaur species did. When they make a sequel where the pastor turns into a feathered dinosaur about the size of a vulture that can’t fly, THEN I will watch. Otherwise I find it too unrealistic.

The same explosion is shown over and over. I saw this movie once and refuse to ever watch it again.

I’m glad you drew a line in the sand as to the realism of this movie! I will stand with you so I don’t have to watch it and I will plagiarize your reason so I don’t have to come up with my own (can you plagiarize a reason? Maybe that’s a topic for another time). i think this episode had some of my favorite tangents of the year. Can we get more hour + long episodes of barely related tangents? As I look out of my windows—in Seattle—at a wall of smoke that is trapping me inside, I need more amusing tangents to distract me from the flaming shitstorm that is 2020. (probably lame) Jokes aside, I hope people on the west coast (and everywhere,really) are staying safe and I am truly sorry if you are caught up in this environmental nightmare.

I am surprised this hasn't been mentioned yet. But the visit to China was both real and a reoccurring dream. Right after he wakes up from his nightmare Father Stewart mentions that the dream must be from his travels and picks up the dinosaur tooth, and says it must be related to cutting his hand on the "artifact" and asks about what the woman said to him. The real question is how did he get to China? He says the line China is East like he had traveled east in his car (in the opening montage) and then walked there in his backpack. If he took a plane he would have known that it was east with the inflight GPS screen. The situation is defiantly a combination of Hulk and Werewolf type of transformations, he seems to transform either with Anger like he partially did when he killed the Pimp, or at times when the Dinosaur wants to eat or when there seems to be a crime in progress that he wishes to stop but has no memory of when he transformed, as waking up in the prostitute house showed. Why is his brother know as Sam the white Ninja speaks English but perfect understands what the main villain is saying? Why can't he speak it? Also, how does Father Stewart also understand the villian yet doesn't speak it or seem to have any reason to understand it. Did Sam join the ninja clan because his parents didn't love him as much as Doug, seems like a weird reason to join an evil ninja clan? I also thought it was pretty hilarious Doug for some reason hides he is reading Crime 2 (which makes me wonder if there is a crime 1 book and what is wrong with reading a book about crime as a priest) he hides it by putting a book behind it, which makes it more suspicious. Lastly, if he is a priest why is called Velocipaster since both are clergies of Christianity but are not the same thing? They could have easily just made him a Pastor. or called it Velocipriest. Keep up the great show Paul, June, and Jason, you guys provide much-needed laughs during this difficult time.

I did not enjoy watching this movie. If you are going to wink then wink hard. There were long stretches of this movie where things were played fairly straight and boring. How can a 70 minute movie seem too long? The only parts I enjoyed were the bits with Frankie Mermaids. This might be due to seeing the raptor/ninja fight a couple years ago on youtube so its intentional shittiness wasn't novel anymore. If you want to do another satirical, low budget film then I would recommend Cannibal the Musical. The South Park guys made it while they were still in film school. It's much weirder and funnier movie. It might actually be too good for a HDTGM.

I want to make fun of The VelociPastor, but I’m frozen, like Papa Doc trying to battle B-Rabbit at the end of 8 Mile. This movie preemptively acknowledges all of its own stupid shit, so there is nothing left to find fault with. I can see why Paul, June and Jason spent so much time hilariously discussing sauna burritos, 10-Step programs, and Tik-Tok MD.

I think if you're working under the Frankie Mermaid on the rough streets of Rando-town, USA, I think you'd have learned some type of self defense. Also every time I hear more about what Tik Tok is, the less I know what it could possibly be.

I have to say, I went into this movie thinking it was really a horror film, and I hate scary movies but I was ready to take one for the team because I love this podcast. It was the 2:25 mark I realized I was going to be just fine. What I’m dying to know is - when did Carol learn the karate?!?! We saw the workout montage, which was mixed with Dino maulings and crotch shots (which I didn’t hate). Nowhere in there is she learning juditzu. So when the lazy karate guys attacked them in Carol’s dorm room, she just reveals herself to be an awesome fighter. If this is the case, why didn’t she just fight off rapist #1 in the park in the first place? Maybe if he hadn’t been so provoked, the nice pastor could have lived his whole life with the Dino inside. Poor Doug. I also want to point out that at the end Carol says there is a billion dollar bounty on his head? FROM WHERE AND HOW? I agree this movie is a mix of intentional and accidental bad, which made it so confusing. At the end he isn’t even a pastor anymore so the whole title is negated. Which bumbed me out because it was the best part. I am now considering researching ovarian cysts on tik tok though, so this was a few hours we’ll spent. Thanks guys!

I’m a special ed instructional assistant and I give support to everyone in this fucked-up situation. Trying to figure out online learning in front of a computer for 7 hours a day FUCKING SUCKS. Everyone I know is doing their best while simultaneously stressing the fuck out. It took me the better part of a week to figure out a problem that I could have figured out in 5 minutes if I wasn’t dealing with it online. Dealing with the minutiae of Microsoft Teams/Excel/Schoology/SeeSaw is NOT why I chose this career. sorry for venting. Happy school year! Good luck to everyone!

I might also add that I think there's a little bit of Jonas from 2:22 in how Velocipastor looks. Overall I think this movie was the right amount of winking, especially in comparison to things that tried to force it like Birdemic 2, The Neighbors, or any Sharknado after the second one. I'd put this more in the vein of Black Dynamite where it plays into the tropes of so-bad-they're-good movies as that had done with Blacksploitation. Hearing that the sequel will have a couple million dollar budget has me concerned it will follow the same path as Birdemic 2 where it tried catching lightning twice, but leaned so hard into the hokiness that made people enjoy the first that it toppled over. As for the discussion of sauna beds, all I can say is be careful in using them and having someone there to check on you in case you fall asleep in one, because you will not like what you look like once you get out after you've been wrapped in one for a couple hours:

Feathers make them more scary. Birds are mean. My sister got attacked by a swan and they don’t have teeth. Plus I know from comic characters like Archangel and Falcon that feathers can be used like projectile knives. That’s just science.

We have a new champion for cheapest movie! This, Sleepaway Camp ($350,000) and Chopping Mall ($800,000) are the only HDTGM movies so far under the $1 million mark. I really did not think that there would have been an episode on a movie under $100K, but there we are.

I've only watched about half of the movie but here's a few things I want to address... "Feed a fever, starve a cold." That's the wrong way around. It's "feed a cold, starve a fever." Now was this lazy writing or did Nam-Vet Priest deliberately get it the wrong way around because he somehow intuited that Fr. Doug was now part dinosaur? Because dinosaurs were cold blooded and their metabolism works in almost the opposite way to ours. So by switching around the adage was Nam-Vet Priest letting slip that he knew Fr. Doug is part reptile or was it caused by the PTSD he no doubt suffered after his special lady was liquidised all over his face in Nam? "Dinosaurs never existed and even if they did I don't transform into one!" Besides being an amazing line of dialogue this kinda implies that Catholics don't believe in dinosaurs which we all know isn't true. A mistranslation in the Bible leads many people to think that Jesus had a problem with Tax Collectors whereas the truth is he had issue with T-Rex Collectors - the big game hunters of their day. The Confessional When Fr. Doug kills the pimp in confession those are the roomiest confessionals ever. There's a standing lamp behind the pimp! I'm only used to the confessionals I know from Ireland and maybe everything is bigger in America but standing lamps seems a bit excessive even for you guys. Other quick things: in Nam did many US soldiers wear jeans and carry shotguns? The drinking from chalices was great. If Nam-Vet Priest tried his hand at the clergy AGAIN after coming home then it meant he was already in a seminary (or Priest College as it's properly called), left, met a girl, went to thoroughly convincing Vietnam and then after his sweetheart phase changed all over him decided to go back home and give being a priest another go. Finally the priest outfits are the shoddiest pieces of shit ever. Look at that collar - it's like someone stitched it while wearing the Dinosaur costume!

I have not had the chance to either watch the movie or listen to the episode. I just wanted to say to all the parents out there doing the Distance Learning thing...

I want to point out a simple thing: Budget was $35k and that Dino costume was definitely NOT more than a few grand of the budget. Here are a couple of mascot costumes for about a grand that look way less shitty than that half T-Rex/half Quasimodo (quartermodo?) costume. So, I don't know where Paul pulled that number from besides his ass. Maybe he's lost touch with us working stiffs bc he just buys sauna beds now.

Yea, but a velocipastor is much bigger. This isn't about velociraptors.

Meet the Raptors Btw, I love that there are still people who think that feathers make dinosaurs less scary. As if a species of 6 ft tall seagulls wouldn't make us extinct in a matter of weeks.

I think calling the movie Utahpastor would have been confusing.

Just sat down to watch this tripe, and my wife actually just as the credits were rolling, "So, this isn't some kind of Kirk Cameron movie, is it?" EDIT to add: 30 secs in, and I already hate it.

It's great. I was at the premiere of it at the Galway Film Fleadh last year and everyone attending got "a gravel" to take home with them.

I watched it because of Claudia O'Doherty, fun little indie movie.

GREEEEEENNNNNNLLLLAAAAANNNNDDDD!

This would be a fun movie to dissect, theres alot wrong.

I saw this in theaters, Everyone screamed when a new POV started